God only wants.: Adrian Salama.

By Adrian Salama

What does God want from us?

This unknown question I have heard the most in my therapeutic sessions, For more than twenty years, I have been in the search for an answer, that not just helps my patients, but to help myself, understand the spiritual crisis that the world is living.

Spirituality?

From my formation as a Gestalt psychotherapist, I have studied the human development, teology and philosophy. The oriental vision of man and woman, was what helped me the most to open my eyes and that way, give sense to many unknown things that I have lived for years. Today, I can talk to you about a Gestalt Spirituality, like an amalgam, that gives more sense to my life, more conscient, and with a unit vision, more in unity than in ego.

What can you expect about this book?

Reconnect with your spirituality. 

To understand that: we are all important.

Forgive yourself and forgive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BadPress
• Release date: Apr 12, 2020
• ISBN: 9781071538555

Book preview

Dedicated to

To Mayra. Your love was the key that opened my heart and where the light of God could shine.  

To my family, my friends, patients and each wonderful person that has crossed my path.

We are lighthouses so we give light to others.  

Prologue

In the year 2017, while I was living in Mexico City, my life was rumbling. And I am not talking about the movement of my emotions, thoughts and relations; literary my life was shook off by a great earthquake on September 19th.The same fuss that I felt in my interior, finally lined up with the exterior: confusion, fear, nerves, a constant state of alert, of survival and an exhaustion for living.

I was not till I saw reflected the exterior world, what I felt inside, that I started my desperate search, to change my conditions, what I could call, living just sometimes.

Then, Adrian came into my life. He came to share his bright light with me and to teach me, to bright up my inner light.

We are all born with a sparkle, is something that we learn, because it’s our nature as human beings. What we do learn to do is to stop sparkling. As illogical as it sounds, as we grow, we forget who we are really, we start leaving our essence, inside of us, and we start putting on these layers and layers of rules, patterns, conditioning and more, till our essence is buried very deeply in us, but never forgotten, and much less eliminated. This Being, is the one that talks to us, with love in some times, that moment before going to bed, between an idea and another one, that passes through our mind, when we are distracted for a second and we lose notion of where we are and how much time has passed...our being is there, the sparkle of God, that lives in every one of us, it talks to us subtle but clearly. It sends us messages of love, saying that it’s always there, that we always can go towards that light and that it only depends, on eliminating, all that, we have placed under it, so it can shine freely.

The process to return to the light of each person is unique, in my case it was a slow process, but stable. It’s incredible, what the human being is capable to achieve when he/she decides to do something with vehemence.

Since I made the decision to deepen into my divinity, I couldn’t stop till I felt it, till I could consciously I could make it present, in each moment of my life, and today, happily I can say, that I am, more awake than ever. God’s light is always there, it’s our ego and our false Being that covers it, but it’s in us, to return to it, to demarcate from all that generates tumult in our inside, and that tries to shut that light.

The natural state of the Being, is peace and harmony, you will know you are in the right path, if periodically you stop to contemplate your life: if you feel in love, you are going on a right path, and if not, there are thousands of ways, that you can take to arrive there, and what’s more important: you are never alone. You just not only have the constant guide of your wise Being, but there a lot of souls that are looking for this search of their own light, that is at the same time, the light of God, by which we all walk, always towards the same direction.

Adrian came into my life to help me start this path and I know it will also help you to start that path, what you only need, is just to be able to do it. We all have that light inside of us, so decide to shine, decide to become that light that brights your life and the lives of all that surround you.

Like Adrian and me always tell each other: we are lighthouses. Let’s shine.

Introduction

Some time ago, there was a sensation in me, that still with words I can´t describe. It was a sensation of emptiness, but not that emptiness you feel when you are hungry, it was something related to thirst. It was a sensation of dryness, like if there were cracks that descended from my mouth to my heart.  

I was thirsty, and do to that hassle, I started to look for. To stop the thirst that cracked my heart it was my mission and I won´t stop till achieving it. I knew that my mind and spirit wouldn´t rest.

Years passed and I discovered that my emptiness was not filled by buying stuff, the hole was not completed and as much as I bought and I would fill myself up with stuff, the hole just would extend till I was flooding in pain.

I knew I had to do something big, something extraordinary maybe, something that would be the start and end of the search. With time and talking to more people I noticed that this need was not exclusively mine. I know that you have felt this also, in some moment of time, and that is why today we are connecting you and me.

To avoid that I become a stranger in your life, before starting, I want to talk to you about my past, I want you to get to know me better.

My story starts with my small family and how I see it beautiful. The truth is that I can´t complain about anything, my father and mother always loved me, and they encouraged me to follow my dreams, no matter how unreal and crazy they were and seemed like.  

At the age of 5 joy decreased. I started to have horrible abdominal pains that stopped after 3 or 4 days. The coming and going to the hospitals were four-monthly or biannual, if I had it good. The Doctors just didn´t agree between them in what my condition was, so that, to understand what was happening, they started to apply painful tests. To place you in context, in 1986 there wasn´t any internet as we know it now.

A memory, which catches my attention a lot, was an approach to the vision of life that I have today, maybe I was 6 years old and in the hospital.  

I was laying down looking at the ceiling, it was night and faraway I could hear the crying of many kids. I remember as it was today, that the pain intensified (at night is when the pains increase in a terrible way) and while I was listening to the crying of the rest, I felt the need to do something. I remember perfectly that I started praying to God Please, send the pain to me, it´s too much and for sure I can bare a little more and that way you will heal them. For some reason I thought that by magic if they could stop having pain, then I could also get out of that bed. Today I think that it was a way to fill up my anxiety of doing something for the rest and not just being there in bed feeling useless. It was difficult for me to be there, listening to the pain of other people, I felt a lot of empathy, a lot of need to do something. Like I couldn’t do anything, to pray was what I could offer in that moment, to all those people, who I was with, that night.

I can tell you now, that since I was a little boy, my mission was to cure others (or at least to help them heal, as I understand it now).

Time passed and my parents took me to all the Doctors they heard about and were talked about. Till they met Dr. Laski. A pediatrician Doctor, with a very interesting characteristic. He had the most beautiful eyes of the world. The pain went away when I could see his watercolor eyes. He was an Angel for me. An Angel that smoked a lot. He was the first one to banish all the iatrogenic researches that they made me in the hospital, and he prescribed a medicine that made that my pains, wouldn’t be so frequent, something like once every semester.

With time the pains persisted, like any other condition, I started to endure (bear) even more pain, also I developed an emotional armor, that maybe each time less sensible.

Do to this sickness, during all my childhood I lost a lot of opportunities ( where I could had succeeded if it hadn’t been for my sickness).I couldn’t get into any sports  (I love sports) because when there was always a type of event, my body would fail me. I was excellent in judo, karate and Tae Kwan Do, in each of these sports, my teachers told me that I had a future, and every time I had an opportunity, to become a professional, or to be elected for an Olympic team, my sickness was hunting me and would handicap me. I was also good on soccer, when it was my opportunity to shine and play with my team, my sickness would come and take my strength out. It was a terrible enemy that would live inside of me, and when I started to shine, it just came and brought me darkness.

Also, I lost a lot of social events, because I was laying down in bed in a fetal position. Sometimes it has ruined family events, family and trips, because of my horrible pain. Even, I went to a trip to Spain and I would spend all day in the bed of the hotel.

I open a parenthesis here: Today I understand the pain of my parents, when they saw me suffering, and not being able to do anything to diminish this storm. No parent wants to see his son suffer. The most terrible, it’s just that I couldn’t do anything, well it was my battle and they become the spectators. Now, I have kids, I can experiment, the impotence, that they could had felt, and believe me, that I respect their capacity of tolerating and supporting me, in each process that passes by your side.

Puberty came and my anger was thrown into my Parents and in God. The feeling was a sensation of my chest burning that nothing could calm. I was losing my head and just to think about my instincts, like if everyone was against me, and I had to kill or be killed.

With these emotions, the pains got worse and the anger got even stronger in my heart, to become rage. My soul started to get hard and I started to hate. An emotion that I had never felt, a darkness that dominated my interior.

I was pissed off. All day long something hurt, and when the physical crisis would come (when the pain got worse), then I would take it out with screams and kicks. Mentally, and sometimes with howls, I would tell God, that I hated him for having me in that situation, and I would complain to my Parents, why they had brought me to this life. 

Between the delusions of adrenaline, I would ask myself with grief. Why me? If I hadn’t done anything wrong. I started to fill full of pride, and the sickness seemed to take more roots on me. More hate, anger, rage and pride would build on me, more pain I felt.

The preparation for my Bar Mitzva (ceremony that is held for Jewish kids, that is held when Jewish kids are 13 years old) brought a new light to my life. I understood, that I was already a man, before the eyes of God.

It was a year of preparation, of reading, to understand why men had been sent to earth (at least with the Christian/Jewish vision). To read about the history of slave people, that fought to be saved, was what I can call now, the beginning of my healing.I didn’t understand it, at that moment, but I can assure, that those were the beginnings of a path to health and God.

This healing ritual from being a boy to an adult, awoke in me, responsibility. I didn’t ask myself, why of my sickness? But, for what? This made me stronger and I started to win the battle, and to take the path to freedom. 

In it for what I found sense to my life.[1]

I started to heal and to take responsibility over me, trying to avoid placing responsibility on others. I learnt acupuncture, I started to study Chinese philosophy, I learnt to heal with magnets, herbalism, even naturist healing (shamanism by other people). I learnt to line up the column and to make massage. Fromm y 13 to 22 years I learnt all types of sciences to heal my body, my soul, and even my mind.

My spirit was awoken and what I was searching for ways to heal.

The need to heal more and better, made me a spiritual explorer. Each religion, philosophy, and spiritual community has a way to see the human being, its path, and to stay healthy, and that way accomplish life’s goals. At the beginning what interested me more, was about keeping very healthy.

As an explorer, I got involved in religion, philosophy, and to the ritual where I was invited. All of that for the need of finding, something that would stop my pain, and would give a deeper sense to my life.

I don’t know, what happened in my life? I always looked for illumination ( maybe by wanting to escape from reality), I never understood, what happened, what caught my attention, I felt intrigued by books, from this style on libraries, however, there were books with different topics and those I decided to ignore.

We are all born with a deep wish, but we all need it, at the beginning. Some people, it can come to the end of their lives, without having found the purpose or why I was born, and this is, something that I wouldn’t allow. It was my decision to start my path to find my purpose.

I can’t qualify it, as sad or morally bad, that someone has found the purpose of his/her life. The reality is that each and every one of us, have the freedom to make of our lives, what we think it’s important.

I found this phrase, that I found in one of my high school notebooks:

I am not proud of all my decisions, but I am not regretful. I think that each of us must think of a process of purification, even making sins and transgressions. It’s the only way to meet again, with the halite of life, that God gave us. Life is here and now, so keep suffering for the past, and to distress by the future, has no sense

Today I can tell you that: Life DOES have a sense. This is the affirmation that helps me to anesthetize, the pain with which I live daily (I must admit that pain never went away, even with all my efforts). Today I accepted my pain, now it’s just a reminder, that I never have to give up. That my pain is just an alarm, of the pain that is lived daily in this world, and when one of us, finds the solution or a remedy, we must share it, you find kindness in love and sharing.

I have met many people, that haven’t found a sense in their lives, the affirm that life doesn’t have one, and with that they close a chapter in their lives.

In reality is that they are just affirming, that they don’t have an idea, where to look for or they don’t want to find a solution, because of the comfort zone where they are. This is the best way, of not feeling ignorant or incompetent. I tell you this, because it happened to me many times and with these affirmations my ego was growing and would take over me.

Lack of spiritual leaders

As a society we live empty moments, that it is because of the failing od religious leaders, that have done wrong stuff and fallen into the ways of ego, more than God’s path.

I won’t blame money, well I don’t think, that a piece of paper or a number on a screen can make someone make an injustice. Money just accelerates, what is really under the intentions of each human being. Our leaders haven’t followed the light of God, they followed darkness and ego. They are lost, because they walked away from their teachings, and they couldn’t teach generations and generations, thanks to their ego.

Today we don’t need, religious leaders[2], but more education and more humanistic values. Thanks to technology, it’s over, that someone with no privileges, couldn’t educate himself/herself and have guides.  We have today the capacity, to Access any part of the world and I can dear to say, to any book, that can help us to keep developing our mind and spirit. We just need motivation and a purpose to make it.

Corrupt and material society

To all (of us) we like to live good. That is a fact and it’s valid. But how much is a human life worth? How much does a broken dream cost?

These questions I make them very frequently, because I read about the quantity of murders, misfortunes caused by greed and I ask myself what value it could have[3]. We are the humanity with Access to all, I can say, that there are countries that have too much. But, even with this excess and abundance, they live with shortage, on thinking of first me and then my family and at last, if there are leftovers, for the rest.

I want to keep it very clear that I am not in favor of an economy governed by a few, that decide how others should live, but I open myself to the possibility of being a society that really cares about their people. In Judaism and above all, talking about Moses commandments, he says that we should donate 10% of all that we have. So, society prospers[4].  If you see, it’s not an imposition like taxes. But it is a voluntary act, when everyone cares about the welfare or others, it generates a level of prosperity that it’s infinite.

To have things is useful and many times necessary, but there must be a limit, to what it’s enough, since our ego, has no form of being filled, and just knows how to consume, just by the fact of consuming. When you dare to make this question, do I really need it? Ego won’t have a voice or a vote, because you will choose voluntarily. There are just a few things that we really need, and if many people donate (for beneficial causes as you decide) and our time, it will be a better society.

Just some steps from the beginning

This was something I wrote a long time ago and I share it with you: 

The pain I have felt, at the beginning of a nightmare. After, with time I understood the message that God was sending me, to understand that in the world there would be always pain.

I started to accept pain, to accept that I had to be stronger and with each moment, that would pass, my soul was stronger, thanks to that I knew about hope. Hope to accept and allow pain in me. It was the best way, of keep developing, as a child of God".

Today you and me we start a path, to a sense and understanding of life (patience and tolerance). I hope from my heart, to touch yours and fill you up with peace, the one that I enjoy today

Before we start

When I started with my trip, I would had loved to know three simple questions. Today, I can tell you, how to answer them, you can shorten your trip, a great deal.

Complete these phrases and your existential state

1.- I am_________

2.- The world is ____________

3.- The rest are __________

The answers that you give will help you know, what kind of existence are you living now.

Chapter 1

God just wants to see you smiling

"...Just good and compassion with come with me,

all the days of my life,

and in the house of the Eternal I will leave for long days."

Psalm 23:6[5]

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God just wants to see you smile

How do you feel with this affirmation? Does it go with you? Do you feel, that it’s for you?

When I heard for the first time this phrase, my body I felt so much. To be both in the same tune, let me tell you, how this beautiful and powerful phrase that was a gift means.

All the mammals have emotions, however, human beings we have these ones more developed: love, fear, joy, rage and sadness.

How do abstractions work and the most common between us, as human beings we can perfectly recognize and understand them. However, in a percentage, human beings and in my case, these emotions are more intense, or we are more hypersensitive, to the energy that, they generate. I place an example:

I didn’t feel love, I felt passion. Both with no measure, it really didn’t matter, who was it for, if it was this or another girl, what I adored was to feel loved. 

When I felt fear, I felt terror. In fear we have two natural instincts, to run and to fight. In my case I would fight a lot. Every time, I could anesthetize, pain with rage, I would take advantage of it, and in that way, I could free myself from some minutes of unconformity. 

I didn’t feel any joy, I would feel euphoria. Another friend would tell me in a very funny way, what she didn’t like about me, that when I was happy, I wanted all the world to be happy too (it’s true I love to see people happy).

When I was mad, what I would feel was hate. Many times, my Mother had to sit with me and talk to me, because I was already planning my revenge against a certain person or a group of people, that had made me feel bad. Really, it was terrible to lose the capability of being objective, just by feeling that emotion, I was so overwhelmed.

When I was sad, I would feel depression. It seemed as if the world would end, and there wasn’t anything to do. Tears flooded me, but as I felt that to cry was a weakness, then I would prefer to transform it, and make sadness turn into anger, that for me, it was easier to manifest.

As a mentioned, I was a hyper sensible child. All the time I would cry for something, I was a crying baby, and also, I made tantrums in excess. Today, after a few years, of understanding and working, with people with addictions, I notice I was not alone, that many of my patients, suffered exactly of the same thing. This hyper sensibility that makes use of even more perceptive, and the world is not always the best place, to perceive too much.

A patient said: When we are sick because of an addiction, what we have really, is a lack of God. It was a lack of God that made my life, make no sense. When I noticed this, it was like if someone had given to my life, what I have today. A map that was direct to my heart.

I have known many people, that don’t like to listen about God, because immediately, EGO moves them, or false constructed ideas, by hurt people. They make them think of the horrible things made on the name of God. What I ask you, is that you pay attention and to have patience. It changed my life; it can maybe change yours too. 

Let me share with you my experience and you will be saving some years of spiritual exploration. 

I just want to see you smile... from mt heart

YHVH

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When you feel that life doesn’t have any sense, let’s do something urgent to generate it. Not having a purpose in life is like wanting to go to a destiny with no map, with no intension and not wanting to arrive. It’s an emptiness that drains any emotion to nothing. Living with no direction, is living with no purpose.

Returning to my story and the phrase that changed my life. I was just 33 years old ( at that age, where everyone says that Christ died on the cross), I was divorced, I had a daughter, I had concluded and finished my Ph.D., the family enterprise was ran alone, my patients just seemed to change faces, but no problems to solve, and then my existence just reduced itself to just being, in a certain way, to just live the same day, every day.

The glasses with which I could look at the world were monochromatic. I had suffocated my hypersensitivity and I had hyposensitized (not to say desensitized). Nothing had sense and I knew it (I was in pain). I knew that something inside of me, wanted to shine, but I had built thousands of barriers and walls, in my eagerness, of not feeling a lot (including pain), I had suffocated the light in my interior.

one day I took the Bible...

I woke up every morning, because I couldn’t bear to be laying down in bed. To me it was as if I had a sickness, and I needed to get out as soon as possible from that sensation, that made me remember the hospital bed. That same image, that