Elise Is a Cusser and Other Things You Need to Know About

By Heather Young

When your children are fighting over the very air they breathe, what are exhausted parents supposed to do? We had our kids write grievance essays, where they ratted each other out and told their truths. 20 years later these family essays are hysterically funny records of the insults and struggles of sharing chairs, the tv remote, and chores. Read the kids essays and be reminded of how hard growing up with siblings really is, while you begrudgingly admit you like them.

“I don’t like to be called names because they hurt my feelings. I feel mad when the other person acts if it never happened. And if they don’t say they are sorry then I get really mad. Ty called me a bimbo. I turned off the tv and went upstairs. I came down and he called me a weirdo. I want him to say it like he meant it, not a cheap “sorry.” Because he didn’t mean it. And you know it.”
“...And if Elise wants to fight with me then I can lock her outside for as long as I want.”
“P.S. Jen is a liar! Same as Elise. And Elise is a cusser.”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Heather Young
• Release date: Mar 13, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463534779

Heather Young

Heather Young earned her law degree from the University of Virginia and practiced law in San Francisco before beginning her writing career. She received an MFA from the Bennington College Writing Seminars, and has studied at the Tin House Writers’ Workshop and the Squaw Valley Writers Workshop. She lives in Mill Valley, California, with her husband and two children. The Lost Girls is her first novel.

Book preview

Elise is a Cusser and Other

Things You Don’t Know About

Heather Young

Copyright 2020 Heather Young

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved

When our children were old enough to write more than simple sentences, they also upped their abilities to argue with each other. I was refereeing fights over who was breathing whose air! It was nuts.

In desperation, I took a good friend’s advice on how to handle their fights. She suggested whenever the kids fought, they had to write an essay.

1.The first paragraph was what happened.

2.The second was what they did.

3. The third was what they would do differently in the future.

The result was the most hilarious, rage-filled essays I ever had the privilege to read. As a mom I appreciated seeing the same event from 3 perspectives and I used their honesty to address their individual pains.

At some point, I realized I needed to save these precious essays so someday I could give them back to them. I am so proud of my kids for writing them, and for growing up to be decent human beings who no longer fight over a chair. I hope.

The Mom,

Heather Young

The Parents Speak

We love each of you to the bottom of our hearts. You truly are the best hobby we’ve ever had.

Love,

Dad and Mom

Robert and Heather Young

Jennifer’s Side of the Story

Even in all the hardships we grow through

Even when I deny it.

I Will Always LOVE YOU Mom and Dad

Love,

Jennifer