Believing in Myself: While the Odds Were Stacked Against Me

By Montenez

This is a personal journey of my life and the struggles I have went through from the past until now. Hopefully after reading this book, you will be inspired to become a better person and understand you are not alone. Everybody has struggles, trials, and tribulations, but we must keep moving forward. Now, you will understand me more without even meeting me in person.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 3, 2018
• ISBN: 9781984520951

Montenez

Montenez is a laid back type of person that have a very deep thought process,and is a very creative thinker. At times can be so caught up in thinking that he would block other people out,and always see the world for what it is,and except people for who they are.

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Believing in Myself

While the Odds Were Stacked Against Me

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Montenez

Copyright © 2018 by Montenez.

ISBN:      Softcover                  978-1-9845-2096-8

eBook                       978-1-9845-2095-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 04/06/2018

Xlibris

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Contents

Acknowledgement

Chapter 1:   Where it all began

Chapter 2:   Growing Up Fast Under Intense Pressure

Chapter 3:   The Hustler in Me

Chapter 4:   Intimate relationships of all kind

Chapter 5:   Jealous ones never stop

Chapter 6:   Just Over Broke

Chapter 7:   Network Marketing

Chapter 8:   A Financial Disaster

Chapter 9:   Never Giving Up

Chapter 10:   Self Motivation

Chapter 11:   I am here for a reason

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

T his is my story that happened to me from the past and the present from growing up as a child into an adult. I would like to thank the people in my life through the good and the bad. Who made me the person that I am. If not for all of the experiences in my life. This book would not be possible. Want to thank some of my network marketers that inspired me to write this book. Giving you the insights of my story. Hope this book inspires and motivates you to make changes in your life that needs to change. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and make a change. While this journey was not easy but taught me a valuable lesson about how to self sacrifice, and do what you believe in. Even if others do not agree with you.

I want to thank Xlibris for publishing my first book, and hopefully other books in the future.

CHAPTER 1

Where it all began

I was born on July 16, 1974 in Louisville Ky. I was one of those typical kids that just love to play and have fun no matter where I was at. Growing up I moved around a lot and stayed with my aunt because my mother worked two jobs. She worked very hard and sometimes she would be so busy that I wouldn’t see her until the next day. Had a brother and sister which was older than me which we became close growing up. My sister was sort of bossy and would like to give orders and control everything while my mother was at work. My brother he was brilliant could fix anything but one thing about him was he love taking things apart and put things together. I didn’t care what it was. Me would be that kid that smiled a lot and throw jokes and laugh. Making friends for me was easy because I would welcome anybody to play with or chat with. Some say my personality was very friendly and outgoing but didn’t know that this personality would later cause me disappointment. I member watching Wrestling that was great. For some reason I like how they beat each other up. I was a fighter but my mother did not like me to fight and soon later found out. The parents from other kids taught their kids to fight and pick on other kids. I was a frail skinny kid, but had a lot of heart and was tough. Although, fighting was not allowed in my household. I would find ways to get out of fights.

I had the incident where this kid was just angry for no reason but later found out why. For some reason he did not like me. One was because kids love to be around me and can get along with other kids. He would rather take their stuff or hit them. I would always confront him in why he likes to mess with people. He just didn’t care and love to mess with people. Me and him had some things in common but fighting was not one of them at all. He would come knock on the door, and I would come out and play with him and talk about wrestling and some of the cartoons. He had two older brothers which one would fight in a minute and the other would fight if he had to but they would always pick on him. So maybe that was the reason why he was so mean. All of the kids in the neighborhood was scared of him but I wasn’t afraid of him just didn’t understand as a kid why he like to fight so much. I mean when your a kid you play and have fun. In mind thinking that is what kids do. Could not understand this kid because he was like a light switch. He will be your best buddy and then all of a sudden he turned on you and tried to fight you.

I remember the first time he got jealous of me. I got a bike and he saw me on the bike and just out of nowhere pushed me off the bike. I fell to the ground and got up and as a kid. Had a temper but looked at him as if I could kill him but got on my bike after dusting my clothes off from the dirt and went another direction. Well I would ignore him for awhile but then sort of kept my distance from him. At that time more kids came around and we all played. We would play kickball and chase. Everything seem fine and I had no problems from him but later in middle school. I was around a group of kids and we would laugh and then go to class. I was the class clown and always had some kind of joke to say. People love my funny ways of making people laugh. Now girls started noticing me being popular at such a young age and more and more would come around me. Some would smile and say I was very hyper but that was just me.

I always acted older than what I was which attracted older kids around me. I grew a mustache at an early age and teenagers use to be so jealous of me having a mustache. Maybe that was the reason older kids came around me. Some would say that I am funny and fun to be around. Well as more and more people started hanging around me. The jealousy got really bad from this kid. Guess I call him David. He told everybody in the school that he was going to beat me up. I thought he was playing but he kept telling everybody at my middle school. I was like why is he telling people at school. He was going to beat me up. So time went on and he didn’t do anything. All of a sudden he came to me and said. I am going to beat you up this afternoon. I laughed at him and believe it made him more angrier. Well word got around and the kids that was around me all of a sudden vanished and started hanging with him. So we got off the bus and he was like. Walking toward me and then walked away. I was walking toward this car and a small crowd followed him and out of nowhere he swung at me but missed. Then I cracked him in his face and pushed him against the car and hit him again. Then kept hitting him but by then it got broke up. I bragged about it going home. Saying, I thought you was going to beat me up. He felt bad really bad because he didn’t think I would fight him and I wasn’t suppose to but something in me made me fight him. Well my mother did not get mad and my brother cheered me on because he saw it and knew what was going on. He was embarrassed and did not come outside or anything which more kids started hanging around me. Now they knew I could fight and defend myself. So I had no problems with other kids. Time went on and in the seventh grade we became friends again. I guess he was like if you can’t beat him join him. We became real close for awhile to the point that we was always hanging around each other. I had other friends but we played and laughed. Went over each others house. At the time I was hanging around older kids and got into girls. I remember when my cousin first introduced me to Playboy. He was and older cousin rip Mike and was watching it and was amazed. I actually thought he was going to kick me out of the room but he let me watch it and the scene was great. It was a scene of this guy breaks in this womans house to rob her. To only notice she was in her bed with a gun naked. He saw her and she pointed a gun at him. While in her bed looking at him. I was really tripping out about this because in my mind I thought she was going to shoot him with a lil pistol because I know what a gun looks like but she told him to take off his clothes and get in the bed with her. I couldn’t believe who would think of a seen like that. Well soon after that I experimented on my own. Now I think about it as I am writing this. I always had a high sex drive. Guess it was just something in me. Later on had more experiences. Some good and some bad. I learned a lot at a young age. Especially, about things I should not know about but had an old soul so it was not that bad.

Growing up was never hard for me at all because people would always say I was very mature for my age. Although, I would laugh and joke all the time. Always had a good heart and would help anyone that needed help. I had a close family we would be around each other and take family pics. Even go to to church. As we got older we started growing apart and going in different directions. I always had a good relationship with my family growing up and they loved being around me. One thing that sort of got to me was when my grandmother died. I loved her because she didn’t give a shit. She would ask do you want to come over to my house. I would say no and she be like, Ok! but her favorite word was I don’t care. Anything was I don’t care. She was funny but I never told her how boring it was over her house. I mean she would have a black and white Tv. Maybe one or two games but she kept her house clean and it was comfy some what. One thing she taught me was how to make tea. Now everybody loves my tea. Especially, if you like sweet tea. Come to think of it. Since it is winter and I am laid off from my job. I may fix me some tea just to remember her. I wish I asked her how she managed her money and what things she do to make money besides her job. One I knew about was she would clean homes for doctors. Anything she would make would be from scratch but she was a chain smoker and I believe that is what killed her. I didn’t know it until I got older but she was part Indian and maybe that fierce attitude and cooking came from that. She was a warrior and loved her grandchildren. At the time she died I was just blank. Can’t remember the exact day but new I was young in middle school. As time went on me and my buddy was starting to be at odds with each other and with my grandmother passing, I needed someone to talk to besides family. I made other friends but when he completely turned on me. It happened out of nowhere and was not prepared for it. It started as a joke we was on the bus and somebody said something and he laughed. While minding my business sitting in my seat. He pulls out a ruler and taps me on the hand. I asked why did you do that. He said I am sorry you can hit me back. Didn’t know that was a setup and the end of being around him. I barely tapped him on the hand and he got mad and hit me in the chest. I felt it and pushed him. They broke it up and soon as he got free. He slapped me in the face. At the time it was disrespectful as a man but as a kid is just hit him back. So we got off the bus, and I didn’t want to fight him because I thought we was friends and I am not suppose to fight. Well he swung at me and missed then I thought he was done. Keep in mind I did not want to fight him because we was friends and thought it was over. Well he came back bam in the eye we wrestled and I over powered him. Still did not want to fight him but had him pinned down and will never forget when he said Get off of me in a calm voice. I let go and bam, bam, bam, in my eye. It didn’t hurt but my eye was real watery. Then I got up and he hit me in the eye again. I got up and walked home leaving bookbag, and everything. The punches did not hurt but I felt my first form of betrayal and I was embarrassed how I got roughed up. When I walked in the door. My mother looked at me and said What Happened. I got in a fight but did you fight him. No I didn’t want to fight him. At that time I had a tear in my eye. Looked in the mirror and both eyes was almost swollen shut.

A kid knocked on the door and gave my mother the bookbag. She said thank you and slammed the door looking very angry. From that day forward I was not going to let friendship get in the way of defending myself at all cost and be ready for anyone that turns their back on me. As time went on he bragged about it to his friends and it made me look bad and feel soft. As he got older we went different directions and when I see him I would always try to avoid him because I knew he would say something. I remember when he was with one of his buddies and he bragged about what he did to me but I was coo with his friend and he tried to mess with me again showing off but tried to make a wrestling game out of it. He put me in a headlock and I lifted him up over my shoulder and kept him there for a second. He was surprised how strong I was but I just sent him a message and he left me alone for good. Time went on and I was now getting into high school. Older high school kids starting chatting and hanging out with me. At that time I had trust issues really bad and would speak and chat but still kept my distance. I still had a friend that I hung out with all the time but started to vibe with his younger brother. He was a lil younger than me but we started meeting up and going places. Now his older brother was a lil bit of a loner but he had a few friends. So we kind of split up but we both still hung out. Later on the younger brother ended up being one of my best friends.

I will never forget when the word came out about trying out for basketball. It was my tenth grade year and at the time I was hanging with different crowds. Some in the dope game and some in gangs. They asked me if I was going to try out. I said No but since I thought I had a few skills that could dribble and shoot. I was like why not try out. So I did and to this day wish I could have taken it more seriously. I pretty much wasted time and was not ready or tried hard enough to make the time. Now it was a lot of kids bigger than me but didn’t know they was juniors and seniors. So I was like whatever do some drills and that will be it. Later started playing pick up games and got real good at basketball which of course would have been a point guard but I started dunking at the parks playing pick up games at that time I was really hanging with the wrong crowd and selling drugs but playing a lil pickup basketball. One thing men had in common was hooking up with a girl after a few games of basketball. They knew their career was over because I was still in high school and some graduated some dropped out but that is when I discovered about me having scoliosis when I tried out for the basketball team in the tenth grade. Which now understand why my back hurts and sometimes have problems standing for a long period of time.

I vividly remember the Summerfest. Me and my buddies went down there and it was live and upbeat. The crowd was big and everybody was down there. Almost every gang in the city was down there and I pretty much new some of them. Some of the gangstas would give me five and say what’s up to me because most of them either played pickup basketball games or from school. I was everywhere and I ran into different sets of gang members. One thin I had to do is kind of watch because they didn’t all get along with each other because a lot fought over money or turf. So that was kind of an eye opener for me. Had an incident when two gangs was about to fight each other but the police broke it up real quick. Later I did hear that they did run into each other again and fought but it didn’t last long. Some got arrested while others ran off. It was an incident where one gang member ran from other gang members and they caught up with him and beat him up. Didn’t know they was rivals but they definitely got him. I didn’t know the dude personally but that is what happens when you around dangerous people. Of course it was a retaliation later and they got even. I learned a lot by the people I associated with. Especially, watching my back. When walking down the street or through an alley. I would read the graffiti on the wall to see what gangs was near and what areas to look out for. So much happened growing up which made me such a strong person today. Police brutality and harassment went on a lot in the neighborhoods. You can be with a group of friends hanging out and all of a sudden two or three police cars will pull up on you. Seen two cops grab three guys that was just hanging on the corner. Grab them check their pockets hold them against the car and frisk them and at the time they was not doing anything. It happened to me more than I can count growing up but I was such a young teen they would let me go. After all really wasn’t doing anything just hanging out with friends drinking a lil bit and talking.

The music scene was going on growing up and at the time New York music was popular until the rap group NWA. Memba listening to NWA because I could relate to their music and listening to Eazy-E, Ice Cube, Mc Ren, and Dre that was the type of music that became a classic. Eazy use to trip me out about his rapping. He would talk about sex, sex, and more sex and his rap songs. I thought to myself is he really getting these girls like that. Evidently, because years later he died. When I heard about him passing, I was like damn can’t believe it. At the time NWA broke up and they started different labels. Out of all of them Ice Cube was my favorite. He had that raw uncut rap style that tells it like it is. More like reality rap. I love gangsta rap and still to this day still listen to it. Now it’s revolving to younger crowds but is still hip hop. They say hip hop is dying but I don’t believe so and what they rap about still goes on today. So unless there’s no hoods and everybody is rich. Hip Hop will continue to evolve. Yes, listened to the Snoop, McEiht, E-40, Mc Breed, WC, and many other rappers. Growing up definitely made me grow up and very fast. Still stayed in close contact with my family but as time went on we somewhat grew apart. My aunt she was mean but she could bake anything. She did not like any animals. Especially, did not like dogs. She thought they was all mutts and would kick them. She died when I was fairly young. Just thinking about her and some of the things she use to do was funny. Now if you piss her off she will fight in a minute and was told she knew how to throw them hands. It was unfortunate how she died because she died in her sleep. Just like going to bed and never waking up. I remember still when the black bag covered her up and we all was hurt. Her boyfriend at the time didn’t know what happened to her. It was really a sad day. I don’t believe he did anything to her but it was just by natural causes. She had thyroid issues which contributed to her untimely death. May you rest in peace aunt Janet. I had so many memories of love ones that I lost along with friends that I meet one day and killed or locked up the next. The more people I would come across, the faster they would vanish. At that time guns started coming into play and it was no more fighting or hitting with sticks but stray bullets. Lost a lot of friends in my teenage years. Saw a lot but for some reason I was always somewhere else when someone I knew got killed. Was it a coincidence, or an angel looking over me, or was it just not my time. Had an incident when I would hangout with a group of friends that listen to music like public enemy and any type of militant music. Well we would hangout and play basketball in the back of a friends house. His parents had money and he was spoiled. Father was a cop and not sure what his mother did. He had a fullcourt basketball court and we would go over there and play basketball. Running full court playing like we in the NBA. I mean seriously hooping in the backyard. Once the word got out, more and more dudes would come over. Some would get into fights and would get kicked out for good. They knew once their kicked out for fighting. Can not comeback or they would be arrested. So one day I came over and played some basketball with my group of friends. Seem like something was on their minds but didn’t know what but we played the best games that day. After we left because he had to finished playing at a certain time because his parents will be home. They told me later sort of a goodbye forever type later. I paid it no mine and went home. Did not know it would have been the last time for a long while I would see them again. It was on the news about a group of kids that went on a robbing spree and beating up people. Then I knew who it was when they gave the names. I could not believe it. Never would of thought something like that would happen. They was cool and love to play basketball but guess they got bored and decided to go on a spree. After that the hooping in the backyard was about over with. A few would come but it would not be the same once word got out about them. On top of that the police strolled through that neighborhood and ran people away from the area it took place. Now from his dad being a cop and him having so many people over playing basketball. He felt it was best not to have anybody over. So it was shut down for good. I quit coming over there and lost contact. Later seen one of my friends that was out in that neighborhood. He got out years later. When I saw him we didn’t speak on what happened but we did speak and was the last time I seen him.

With people getting killed and arrested. I knew I had to really start watching my back and not trust anybody that was in the street. Had a good friend from my neighborhood. Which we grew up together and hung out. He would come over my house and I would come over his. We constantly hung around each other growing up. We played as kids and walked to the store and bought candy. Doing what kids do. He later moved away from the neighborhood. Not sure exactly where he moved but it was away from the neighborhood. From time to time he would visit and we would talk and hangout. I remember going out one day and it was years back at the time I was in my late teens and we met up at a gas station on Broadway. The whole strip was covered with people and we was walking around. I was saying what’s up to dudes I knew and ran into. As we kept walking more and more dudes would keep looking at us and pointing. Of course I was a lil concerned because something is going to happen to me, him or both of us. What transpired later on made sense of what was going to happen. So I chatted with him and we parted ways and went other places but did not see him again. It happened in the fall of 97 when we was suppose to hangout. He was gunned down and from what I heard on Broadway It was him and a friend in his car when some dudes pulled up and sprayed his car. At the time I was in college and my girlfriend at the time told me not to go home and stay up there with her. She lived off campus at the time but did not know she may have saved my life, because I told him we was going to hangout that weekend he got killed. Had I been with him the same thing could have happened to me. Could this girl have saved my life. She very well could have. I attended the funeral and when I looked at him I said damn Laff. That is what I called him and he looked like he was at peace. Later found out that it was over some money. At that time everybody was either getting killed, shot or arrested. Became like a warzone at that time. Nobody was safe that was in the street.

On weekends me and my best friend would just ride around bumping rap music. We would go from NWA to EPMD or would be E-40. Just riding around listening to music. I would use my mothers car it was a Dodge Intrepid which would be known as the space car. My mother had to be at work by eleven. So I would pretty much hangout all day. Had a pocket full of money, with a beeper clipped on my waist. As more vibrations kicked in, the more money I made. So it was no problem for me to fill the car up. I had money and plenty of it. We would holla at some girls and get their numbers. Me myself would call them one time and if they was not talking about anything. Just throw their numbers in the trash by the end of the night my trash can will be full of paper. It was like a game in some form or fashion because in my mind if I am attracted to her and I get her number. She has to be attractive to me because I was always picky with girls and still am to this day. Me and my buddy would just ride around getting numbers. It was not stressful and it took my mind off being robbed or someone short me. So it would be just fun. Now at the time he was not in the streets but I was, and we also grew up together and knew about Frank and his ways. Did not know it but told me almost got into it with him. We talked for hours about him and how he always tried to fight somebody. He was the one that knew the story of the fight and what led up to it. Still to this day that particular fight came back to haunt me because old classmates would jump on the bandwagon and tell people how I got beat up.

My aunt came over the next day and seen my eye still