FLR, FemDom & Women in Charge

By NookieNotes

FLR, FemDom & Women in Charge: Finding, nurturing, and enjoying a woman-led lifestyle is a fundraiser for my local FemDom group, which has been running for nearly two decades now. *smiles* They will receive all the profits from direct sales of the book, as part of my giving back to the community.

We're answering you deepest questions about Women-led relationships:

BASICS
• So, How Can Becoming “The Woman In Charge” Change Your Relationship With Your Partner
• So, How Can Becoming a Submissive to “A Woman In Charge” Change Your Relationship With Your Partner
• Are FLR Relationships Becoming More Acceptable In Mainstream Society?
• What Do Women Look for in a Submissive?
• What is the Most Respectful Way to Approach a Domme Online?

POWER EXCHANGE
• Should We Use a Written Contract?
• How Do You Get Into the Right Headspace?
• How Do I Learn To Take Orders from My Dominant Partner?

SELF-UNDERSTANDING (This is a self-exploration part of the book)
• What is More Important In My Relationship: D/s or Kink?
• What Are My Boundaries in a Healthy WIC Relationship?
• How Do You Choose To Explore New Kinks and Situations?
• How Do I Vet New Partners?

COUPLING (This is a Coupled exploration part of the book)
• Where Should We Begin With A New Relationship?
• We’re New To WIC, But Our Relationship is Not New—How Do We Start?
• How Compatible Are Our Fantasies About This Lifestyle?
• How Do We Make a WIC Relationship Work Long-Term?
• How Do We Implement Rituals & Protocols?
• What if We Can’t Tell Anyone About Our Dynamic?

MASCULINITY
• Is It OK to Have ED?
• How Do I Reconcile My Traditional Masculine Upbringing With My Desire To Serve A Woman?
• What Could I Do To Counter Feelings of Emasculation?

And more!

• Language: English
• Publisher: NookieNotes & Company
• Release date: Mar 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463403587

NookieNotes

NookieNotes is a lifestyle dominant who enjoys discussing, researching, practicing and writing about love, sex, romance, and kink. She has been featured in Kink Weekly, Darkside Magazine, OffTheCuffs Podcast, Bustle, and more.She travels around the country, teaching internationally, and also keeps herself busy building and growing her site DatingKinky.com

Book preview

The Ground Rules

This book is for entertainment purposes only. It’s written for adults who understand the concept of consent and recognize they are responsible for their own actions, behaviors and the consequences thereof.

Any activity involving physical restraint poses some risk of injury. This is also true of any physical punishment. The author and publisher of this book accept no liability for the consequences of your actions.

If you are unsure about any of the practices described in this book (or about anything else, for that matter) seek professional advice from a qualified individual.

And if in doubt... just don’t do it.

This book also contains straight-talking and discusses explicit non-mainstream adult themes to do with sex without shame. If these things offend you, don’t read them and get a refund.

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to FLR, FemDom & Women In Charge! Finding, nurturing, and enjoying a woman-led lifestyle.

I’ve written more than a few essays, answered hundreds of questions, and even published three other books about Women In Charge relationships, so I have a few opinions about this topic.

*smiles*

However, this book is a bit different.

This book is here to answer the questions I get all the time about how women-led relationships are created, managed, run, and made successful in a myriad of ways.

More, I’m excited to share with you viewpoints from dozens of other kinksters who enjoy these relationships in their lives.

AND…all profits from this book are going to FAD—Female Artists of Domination, a local group I’ve been honored to be a part of for over 10 years now (they are actually now 17 years strong!).

So, a bit different than what I’ve created before.

And I’m glad to have you.

Whether you want to be a woman in charge, or submit yourself to one, you’ll find something for you in here, along with a feeling of belonging. Because we’re all in this with you!

Welcome.

But, wait, who am I to be writing this book?

I’m Nookie. NookieNotes on most sites. I’m a dominant switch. I define that as meaning that I am dominant in my relationships while I enjoy almost all manner of play—topping or bottoming.

I grew up around kinksters and alternative lifestylers, and I’ve never thought anything else made much sense. I’ve been kinky for as long as I can remember, and have always loved bossing people around. My main fascinations are the mental aspects of D/s, communication, submission, and trust. I have an owned Pet and I am a polyamorous bisexual.

I love to write. I write erotica, kinky how-to books, opinion pieces on my blog and on FetLife (under my name, NookieNotes), and on Medium (as Dating Kinky Team). I’ve traveled the US and internationally to teach kinky topics to people from all over.

I’m the passion behind DatingKinky.com, a dating site made by a kinkster (me!) for kinksters of all genders, relationship statuses, orientations and more, to search for and find each other for amazing connections!

https://datingkinky.com

I’ve always been curious and adventurous when it comes to sex, and luckily, I’ve had a few partners who have been the same, so I’ve explored a lot of sexuality, and I write about it and teach about it whenever I can.

And, well, I'm a big fan of amazing people enjoying amazing sex in a variety of ways, which is why I’m writing this book and sharing my experience and knowledge of Women In Charge relationships with you…

A Bit About Gender, Pronouns & Language

I’ll state right up front that this book is not for everyone.

However, if you’re interested in Women In Charge relationships and how to have them, you’ll find most of what I have say relatively tame compared to what you’ll see out there if and when you do jump in.

I like to drop an F-bomb or two, and I speak frankly. I don’t intentionally go for shock value, because when people are shocked, they don’t learn as well, and my main goal is to educate.

That said, there are a few things you need to know as you read on.

On Gender & Pronouns

A person can be any gender and interested in women-led relationships.

In this book, I’m talking to you. I don’t know your gender, and I don’t assume it. You are just you to me.

I always do my best to be cognizant of gender-sensitive topics. I will speak from my experience and from my research.

For example, when I say, woman, I mean cis- or trans-women, or any people who identify as a woman primarily or for at least 50% of their daily life.

So, Women In Charge are those who identify as women, or as the feminine taking charge in a relationship.

When I don’t need to specify gender, I use they/them pronouns, because most things I’ll be writing about can apply to kinksters of any gender, and in this book, I take the position that Women In Charge relationships can include submissives of all genders.

I believe in the range of gender, and I attempt to address my books to speak to all, as inclusively as possible. Take from them what works for you, and leave the rest behind.

On Capitalization And Grammar

Oh, And Capitalization.

On BDSM chat boards and websites, many people make a big deal about capitalizing (or not capitalizing) titles.

For example, Master would be capped, while slave is not.

Dominant or Domme is capped while submissive is not.

Some slaves and submissives go so far as to always use lower-case i when referring to themselves, or not using the I pronoun at all, but avoiding it by referring to themselves in the third person.

Instead of I would like to point out, this might be stated as, he would like to point out, or this boy would like to point out, neither of which will be in use in this book, or any other I write, except as examples.

I (mostly) write English correctly, and that means capitalizing I in sentences, capitalizing the first letter, and NOT capitalizing other words in that sentence, just because they are referring to a dominant. Master, dominant and domme are not proper names.

I will capitalize BDSM, D/s and M/s, because they are (in my view) established concepts that have formed with the capitalization as part of the written expression.

Like LOL! For me, it’s just not the same written as lol or Lol. If I’m laughing out loud. It’s in caps.

I’m quirky. I know this about myself. *smiles*

Do What Works

When it comes to any kind of relationship kinky or otherwise, what works for one couple (or polycule) may not be what works for another, so I’m a big fan of do what works.

Let me say that again:

Do what works.

That is one of my main mantras in life as well as in my relationships.

Take what works for you from this book, and leave the rest. Or use it to expand your understanding of what works for others.

But don’t think that I’m telling you what to do. I’m just giving you information to figure all that out for you and your partner(s).

A Note On Crediting

Many kinksters from around the world have offered up thoughts and ideas and viewpoints for this book.

Not only do I sincerely offer every single one of them thanks, but I’ve gotten permission from each for their contribution, and asked them how they would like to be credited, with a form letter similar to this:

I was wondering if I could use your response:

> Quote Goes Here

In my upcoming book on femdom and women in charge relationships.

I think it would be awesome to share your perspective on this topic. *smiles*

If so, how would you like to be credited? Credits often look like:

Username/Name, AgeGender, Kink Role (URL link)

Or any variation thereof (it can be anonymous, and leave out any information you choose).

Nookie

Therefore, they have chosen how to be credited—whether they want a link or not, their role or not, their gender or not, or to be 100% anonymous.

That’s why you might find inconsistencies in how people are credited through this book. It’s by their choice and at their consent.

*smiles*

A Quiz

Offered to you by d20domme.

Are you new to or considering an FLR? Think you have what it takes to follow the lead of a woman in charge? Not all who want to walk this path have the internal sense of direction to learn to let a woman take the wheel and drive.

Do you?

Answer honestly 'Yes' or 'No' to each of the questions or phrases below:

Does doing the chores for your partner make you feel helpful?

Would you feel uncomfortable asking permission before purchasing a new computer, a few beers, a car, or anything really?

Can you pick up your own socks?

Do you mind being corrected - subtle or not?

Will you find the phrase, Yes, dear irritating to repeat multiple times a day?

Is relinquishing the television remote control a hard limit for you?

When she 'shushes' you there is no hesitation in your silence.

Are you willing to apologize first 95% of the time?

Do you understand and support the meaning behind, Happy wife, happy life ?

You do know that her birthday is a month not a day, right?

Will you understand that considering even the notion of receiving a blowjob is an honor?

Is there a special place inside you that likes to see a woman in charge?

Do you accept ESPN will now stand for 'Every Silverware Placed Nicely'?

Does being made to wear panties or a cock cage excite you?

Are you planning on picking up at least 3 domestic skills normally designated to women in the household?

The bank card belongs to her, right?

She asked to trade another 'Girl's Night' on one of your 'Guy's Night' and that's okay.

Is the idea of receiving some form of punishment if you mess up acceptable and wanted from you?

There shall be no toilet seat wars - it is always down.

Do you know the difference between dominant, bossy, and bitchy?

If you answered ‘Yes’ to 11 or more you just might be Female Led Relationship material.

You seem to know your role and respect yourself enough to know you are happier when a woman is in charge of your life. You want to shower a partner with time, attention, and devotion with little regard for your own wants. Only when you are in this dynamic do you feel inspired and empowered by the happiness of your partner. As long as she is clear in her communication, you have the will to fulfill it sexual or otherwise. You were made to bend to the whims of a woman. Who’s the lucky one going to be?

Basics

Let’s get started talking about this wide, wonderful world of women in the lead!

In this section, we’ll be diving down into defining what all this is for ourselves, and learning about the basic building blocks of relationships putting women at the forefront, whether it’s an Around Her Finger type of relationship, or something far more formal.

It’s all about what works for you, of course. I and kinksters from all over are just going to offer you our knowledge and experience, for you to do with as you will.

*smiles*

What is FLR?

Female-Led Relationship (FLR), Woman In Charge (WIC), Bitch Goddess, Mistress…

WTF?

How do you know what you want or which words express it with all of these choices? And what is this book about, anyway?

Well, regardless of what you call it, FemDom, femdomme, domme, female-dom, female-dominant, dom, female supremacy, bitch-goddess, discipliness, domina, dominatrix, femdom-goddess, mastix, goddess, devotional sex, mistress/mistresse, women in charge, mommy, around her finger, Cybelian, she’s in control, or slave to her whim, they all mean the same thing at the root:

A relationship turning the tables on the traditional patriarchy, or man-in-charge, male head of household, and put the woman at the forefront and in the lead.

That is NOT to say that these are all the same.

In fact, most people will have strong opinions on how they define themselves and their relationships, and will also likely have opinions on how these words differ one from another.

For example, I prefer woman-led or woman in charge (WIC) to describe my relationship and those I write about for many reasons, and I will be using WIC throughout the book as shorthand much of the time.

Let’s take a look at a few of those mentioned above:

Around Her Finger

This generally represents a light woman-led relationship. Like we see in cartoons or movies. A puppy love where her charisma and sexuality (or just plain cuteness) rules the relationship and she generally gets her way.

It’s not usually acknowledged. It’s more an unofficial way of life.

That does not reduce it’s validity or joy, though. And when acknowledged, it can be quite powerful and fun, without going to deep into power and kink.

If you have an interest in this, you may enjoy the book, Around Her Finger, by Ken… and the website https://devotionalsex.com/, which not only discusses living a sexually-led lifestyle with her in charge, but also sexual practices related to tantra and the like.

Dominatrix

For most, this term