May I Cultivate You?

By Phillip E Perdue

Whether you are a professional fundraiser, thinking of becoming one, or are in recovery, May I Cultivate You? has something for you. This book is NOT about fundraising. It is about being a fundraiser. It is a light-hearted look at the humor, irony and folly we all find in this noble profession. These are the things you can never say out loud, but can read and enjoy while making a tsk noise. Most importantly, this book tells you: You are not alone!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mira Digital Publishing
• Release date: Mar 4, 2020
• ISBN: 9780991287710

Book preview

May I

Cultivate You?

CAREERS IN FUNDRAISING

by Phillip E. Perdue, CFRE

Copyright © 2014 by Phillip E. Perdue, CFRE

May I Cultivate You?

Petar Publishing

Norfolk, Virginia, USA

ISBN: 978-0-9912877-1-0

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013923566

1. Reference Book 2. Wit and Humor

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any written, electronic, recording, or photocopying without written permission of the publisher or author. The exception would be in the case of brief quotations embodied in the critical articles and reviews and pages where permission is specifically granted by the publisher or author.

No liability is assumed by the author for damages that may result from the use of information contained within.

Cover and Book design by Ailsa Long | Long Creations International LLC

Edited by Chris Hart

Second Edition

Printed in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Available at all major on-line booksellers.

For information on purchasing additional copies:

www.petarpublishing.com

[e-mail]

1-804-683-9833

Special Thanks to

My wife, Melissa Perdue

&

Aileen Adams, Mary Kate Andris, Pat Belisle, Lisa Bertini, Lisa Black, Allison Bough, Scott Broadbent, John Bryan, Karyn Buxman, Tony Choppa, The Cub Scouts of America, Peggy Culp, Chris Dagley, Debra Darling, Sherran Denkler, Jenny Dutile, Joy Eyrolles, Toni Ewell, Phyllis Fedele, Julie Fink, Pat Gainer, Katie Gardner, Betsy Gerdeman, Anna Goldenberg, Katherine Gregori, Laurie Harrison, Chris Hart, Mary Helen Hilton, Stephanie Herman, Melissa Hlinovsky, Fran Householder, Tricia Hudson, Renee Jensrud, Carla Johnson, Jim Jontz, Rachel Jordan, Ed Kardos, Patrick Kellogg, Peter Kellogg, Jean Kohler, Karen Lee, Trish Linhares, Barbara Lipskis, Ailsa Long, Jessica Markley, Samantha Wheeler Marrs, Lori McCarel, Connie McKenzie, Neil McNulty, Debbie Merlino, Vanessa Merrithew, the Miami County (IN) YMCA, Terry Mohr, Wolfe Molitor,Tom Morehouse, Deene Morris, Dory Morrison, Stacy Nixon, Katherine Oliver, James Parrish, Nicole Pellegrino, Linda Perdue, Becky Ralston, Meg Riner, Mark Roberts, Kaitlin Robb, Rich Rumsey, Judi Sands, Suzanne Savage, Kitty Schaum, Anita Scott, Jack Sims, Marianne Vargas Smith, Stacy Smith, Brad Snowden, Herb Soles, Martha Price Stewart, Jamie Stillman, Kay Stine, April Strickland, Madelyn Taylor, Ike Tucker, Russell Turner, Mita Vail, Suzannah Walker, John Warren, Gary Watkins, Carol Weisman, Kristin Williams, Alexandra Yates and everyone I have ever cultivated.

What Do Others Say About May I Cultivate You?

You can smell the desperation!

- The Publisher

I know just what Perdue means!

- Major Gift Officer

How did you get in here?

- HR Representative

I read almost every word.

- Author’s Mother

A doctor, a lawyer and a fundraiser die and go to Heaven together.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says to the doctor, Welcome. Before you go in we can grant you one wish.

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, I’d like a $1,000,000 in cash!

St. Peter gives him the money and sends him in.

The lawyer walks up and St. Peter says the same thing. Before you go in we can grant you one wish.

The lawyer says, I’d like $2,000,000 in cash!

St. Peter gives him the $2,000,000 and sends him in.

The fundraiser walks up and St. Peter says, Before you go in we can grant you one wish.

The fundraiser leans in close and whispers, I’d like the names of the doctor and the lawyer.

Contents

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTERS

1Career Daze

2Development vs. Advancement vs. Fundraising vs.

Friendraising vs. Funraising

3Art vs. Science

4You Are Not in Control

5Leadership Means Money

6The Vast Ocean of Indifference

7Special Event Is An Oxymoron

8I Know Just What You Mean! or Major Gift Attitude

9Planned Giving is an Accident

10Leavership

11Loving Your New Job

12Your Fundraising Software Is The Worst

13Consultants Are Smarter Than You

14The Y Chromosome

15Office Snacks

16You Are the Real Philanthropists

SPECIAL BONUS:

PREACHY AND DULL MICRO-BOOK FOR MANAGERS

1Hiring Great Former Staff Members

2Creating a Great Place to Work, Part I: Building Loyalty

3Creating a Great Place to Work, Part II: Motivate with Meaning

4Building a Great Operation

5Strategic Planning

6ENDING ON A HIGH NOTE (TOO LATE FOR THAT…)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

PLANNING YOUR NEXT AFFAIR?

ORDER INFORMATION

Introduction

ANOTHER BOOK ON FUNDRAISING! ABOUT TIME!

I doubt that is what you thought when you saw this book because there are plenty of good books on development out there already. They are well-written and helpful. When you read them you can hear a paternalistic voice in your head, telling you everything will work out fine. The voice is wise. Seasoned. Rational. Calm. Level-headed. Sensible. That voice has an answer for everything. If you never did development work but only read about it, you might think it must be easy, almost boring. But it is not.

This book is not about fundraising, but about being a fundraiser.

The real world of development and the idealized world presented in the fundraising literature are as alike as your current job and what you thought it would be like when you signed up. Fundraising is never neat, never predictable and a lot more fun.

Yes, more fun. I decided to write this book when looking through a magazine put out by one of the fine national organizations serving our profession. It was well done and chock full of facts, tips and trends. But it lacked the spirit of the actual work we do.

For instance, the literature skirts around a basic fact we all learned in our first month on the job. People are not rational decision-making machines motivated by the higher angels of their natures. People are a little crazy. And we are a little crazy for trying to get money from them. It’s crazy on crazy. That keeps it entertaining.

That kind of joy and energy gets lost in the translation to books, articles and conferences. Perhaps this