Insiders Tips and Strategies for Parenting (What Every Behavior Therapist Already Knows about Raising Happy, Cooperative Kids)

By Stacie Pozdol

This book is the parenting resource families have been waiting for! Written by a family and behavior therapist with 20 years' experience, Insiders Tips and Strategies for Parenting can help any family struggling with child aggression, refusals, non-compliance, or any behavioral concern learn strategies to improve their child's behavior in just 1 evening! If you're out of ideas and unsure how to manage your child, don't give up! The book starts with an in-depth introductory chapter that provides parents with a basic understanding of behavior and strategies. Each of the following chapters goes into more depth on the various topics covered. Parents can read the first chapter and have a good grasp of some helpful and easy to implement behavioral strategies. Parents looking for more intensive support, and who want to learn more about a specific concept or strategy, can select the appropriate follow-up chapter (or chapters) that are most relevant to their needs. The book is based on 20 years of experience working with both typically developing children and those with special needs, so the strategies listed are sure to help any family!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stacie Pozdol
• Release date: Jan 5, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393357889

Stacie Pozdol

Stacie Pozdol, M.S., LMHC is a licensed, masters-level therapist with 20 years experience working with individuals with developmental and behavioral needs. Stacie has extensive experience working with families, teaching social-communication skills to children, consulting with schools, and collaborating with a wide range of individuals to help support children. Follow Stacie on her blog (and access downloadable copies of book worksheets) on her site below.

Book preview

Chapter 1 - Introduction

Why This Book is Different

IF YOU ARE READING this book, you are likely the parent of a child (or children) who sometimes stretches you to your limits. You likely have times when you’re not sure what to do or how to be an effective parent. You may feel that your child is constantly engaging you in a battle of wills...and she is often winning! You may feel that you’ve tried every strategy in every book and not one has worked for your child. You may even doubt that the information in this book will actually be helpful.

Don’t give up yet! This book is designed for parents just like you. It is created with the knowledge that you are a busy person who likely doesn’t have the time to sit down and read a 300 page parenting book cover to cover. This book has been arranged with a brief overview of behavior and parenting strategies at the front, followed by short chapters you can read later for more in-depth information. In just one evening, you can read this introductory chapter and have a good grasp of some helpful and easy to implement behavioral strategies. Then, when you have more time, if you feel you want to learn more about a specific concept or strategy, you can select the chapter (or chapters) that are most relevant to your child and your family.

Families who meet with a behavior therapist usually find that they start by getting an overview of behavior at their first session. The therapist explains the main concepts of behavior to the family in order to provide them with a framework for later information. Then, each week, the therapist helps the family focus on a key issue or specific problem by teaching strategies relevant to that issue. Over the course of many months, the family can learn a variety of behavioral skills to use in their daily life. This book is arranged in much the same way. This introductory chapter will provide you with a behavioral overview and introduce many behavioral terms (which are underlined and defined in the glossary at the back of this book). Then, as you are ready, you can explore more in-depth information on each strategy one chapter at a time.

ALL BEHAVIORS HAVE A CAUSE

Every child has behavior that is good and behavior that is not so good; actually, every person has good and not so good behavior. The goal in changing behavior is to increase the behaviors you like while decreasing the ones that you don’t (called problem behaviors). It is probably a safe bet that this book is not the first time you’ve tried to change your child’s problem behavior. Perhaps you’ve taken advice from relatives, neighbors, or friends. Perhaps you’ve watched a parenting expert on TV or read other books on parenting. Perhaps you’ve even spoken with people who are child development experts (like teachers or pediatricians). Despite your best efforts, you may still feel that you cannot improve your child’s behavior. You may feel as though you’ve tried every strategy out there but none of it works. This feeling is common in parents, and it is usually a result of not having figured out why the problem behavior occurs.

This book will teach you why problem behaviors occur and how to use that knowledge to stop them from happening again. After reading this book, you will know new strategies that allow you to improve your child’s behavior, but don’t assume that your old strategies caused the behavioral problems. Simply because something can fix a problem, does not mean its absence caused it. A cast can help a broken bone to heal, but the broken bone was not caused by not wearing a cast.

Behavior therapists believe one primary fact: every behavior, good or bad, has a cause. In the world of behavior therapists, the causes of behavior are called functions. The basic idea is that nobody engages in a behavior without getting something out of it; that something is considered the payout. As long as your child continues to get the payout from his behavior, he will continue to do the behavior.

Once you know the cause of a problem behavior, you can stop it in two ways. First, you can figure out how to replace the problem behavior with a more appropriate behavior (i.e., teach a better way to get the payout). Second, you can reduce or stop the behavior by stopping the payout for the problem behavior. If your child never earns the payout by doing the problem behavior, then there is no reason for your child to keep doing it. For example, if a child tantrums to get an extra cookie and sometimes gets the cookie, he will keep having tantrums whenever he wants a cookie. However, if a child tantrums to get an extra cookie and he absolutely never gets the cookie when he tantrums, he is likely to stop having tantrums. That doesn’t mean the child will immediately ask for cookies appropriately, but he’s likely to try doing something else to get that cookie. If the parent also teaches the child how to politely ask for the cookie, he will realize using words gets him the cookie, and eventually he will begin using words in place of tantrums. In this example, the mom knew her child wanted a cookie, so she knew what to teach. Before you know what to teach, however, you will need to know what your child is trying to get from his or her behavior. The most important part of changing behavior is learning the cause of that behavior. Once you know the cause of the behavior, you have the key to changing the behavior.

DISCOVERING THE CAUSES OF MISBEHAVIOR

Research has shown that there are four major causes for behaviors (Iwata, et al., 1994). The four causes are: items, attention, avoidance, and sensory.

Items. When most parents think of tantrums, they imagine item-focused tantrums. Item-focused tantrums include tantrums to get an extra cookie for dessert, tantrums to get a toy in a toy store, and tantrums to wear a favorite shirt for the 4th straight day. These tantrums also include trying to get access to preferred activities (e.g., going to the park, going out for dinner, or having a friend come over). The tantrums in this category occur because the child wants something specific, and she believes that she can wear her parents down until they finally give in. Children who have this type of tantrum have often learned that, with enough persistence, they can get exactly what they want. To stop item-focused problem behaviors it is important to teach your child the right way to request what she wants, and also to ensure you are consistent. Your child must learn that no matter how long she kicks, screams, or begs she will not wear you down.

Attention. Children will engage in attention-seeking behaviors to get some reaction or attention from other people. Saying that your child is motivated by attention does not mean that you fail to give your child enough attention. Many parents will instantly say that they give their child lots of attention, so there is no way their child would need to seek more. Although you likely do give your child lots and lots of attention, children always want more! In fact, attention from adults is such a strong payout for behavior, children will often engage in behaviors that earn them negative attention (being scolded) to get attention. Given the choice between no attention and negative attention, most children choose negative attention. Consider what happens in most homes when the phone rings (which is a time parents are generally not giving any attention to their children). Despite the fact that they might get reprimanded for interrupting their parents, children immediately have an unending list of things they need to ask their parents or things they want to say to them. To stop attention-seeking behaviors it is important to ensure that children get zero attention for their problem behaviors (not even negative attention) while also