Emotional Energy

By Danny Carlton

Learn how to harness that secret superpower we all possess: Emotions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Danny Carlton
• Release date: Dec 31, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463295144

Danny Carlton

Danny Carlton graduated from John Brown University with a degree in Broadcasting, but has a varied career eventually settling into freelance web programming. During down times he likes to write and has now completed two novels a self-help non-fiction and a political non-fiction book. A third novel is in development. He lives in Catoosa, Oklahoma with his children, in a 20-year-old Victorian house he is remodeling.

Book preview

DANNY CARLTON

Emotional Energy

Harnessing the secret superpower of your Emotions.

Copyright © 2019 Danny Carlton

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permissions contact:

Danny Carlton

1053 Ridge Lane

Catoosa, Oklahoma 74015

Cover by Danny Carlton.

Ebook ISBN: 978-0-463-29514-4

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Preface

Most people grow up floating easily along the stream of social expectations. At an early age, the positive and negative feedback from various behaviors and responses train us in the nuances of social etiquette for the micro-culture of our immediate world. Saying or doing this is acceptable, but saying or doing that isn't—and those ideas become embedded deep in our subconscious in such a way that we really never think about it, we simply know. But occasionally, maybe more often than we like to admit, a child raises their head from the waters of the stream of social expectations and asks, Why? If they quietly lay back down in the current, then it's forgotten, and they flow on. But if they persist, and struggle against that flow, they find themselves ashore watching as the stream flows by them, seeing what others miss. Unfortunately, while these rare individuals have a vantage point missed by most of society, they are outside the influence of the flow of social interaction, and will forever find it awkward and mysterious when others do and say things in what seems to be some sort of mysterious language.

Thus are born the Nerds.

I can't think of a word that better describes this group.

While knowledgeable about a vast array of topics, basic social interactions seem to elude them. Some eventually learn to adapt, to a degree, and can pass as a normal person, but others remain outside the flow of normal social interaction. They also find themselves outside of the influence of group dynamics, which allows most people to buffer their emotional responses and control.

I believe this is intentional. I'm convinced that because these rare individuals can see life from the outside, they can offer insight into the things most people miss, and have, in return, contributed to society as a whole throughout history. From Freud to Theroux, from Hegel to C.S Lewis, our culture has been shaped by them, big and small (and unfortunately good and bad). I've also had the privilege of knowing many of this type.

And yes, I consider myself part of this group.

Emotions had always baffled me. I could see them described in literature and other media from the common culture, and most seem self-explanatory, but the nuances of emotional interaction as well as how it applied to life were something most people seemed to take for granted, yet eluded me. For a time, when I was young, I decided to try to have not emotions. It lasted about a year, and the oddest consequence was that I found myself actually, physically cold most of the time. When I ended that period and embraced emotions again, I found them to be much more pleasurable as well as controllable, yet there remained an elusive element that I could not tie-down.

Then I discovered computers.

No, I'm not saying emotions are like computer code, although I can see how and why someone might want to make that argument. What I found was a method for approaching emotions in the same way I attacked bad code. My specialty (in coding) became the ability to tackle difficult installations, reverse engineer them, track down the problem and solve it. I've even tackled code in languages I didn't know, learning it on the fly, and rewrote to basic elements to solve the client's problem. So it made sense to use the same principles on the most elusive code I'd ever experienced: The Human Emotions.

This book contains my analysis of what Emotions are, how they work and how we, as humans, can control them and use them to our advantage. However, this book is just the beginning. It's neither exhaustive nor conclusive. It describes the contents of the backpack you'll need to start the journey. The journey itself is yours to make; the destination is yours to determine and the other tools you'll want to take for the journey yours to discover.

Also, scattered throughout the book, you’ll find mysterious codes. They are intentional. They contain added information which, if you can decode it, you may find useful. I’ve encoded it so that those who will find it of no interest won’t be bothered by it, but those who have ears to hear can enjoy the added insight.

—Danny Carlton, December 2019

Chapter One

Introducing the Ideas

— Understanding Emotional Energy —

You may have never thought of your Emotions as having or being energy. But based on what kinds of Emotions they are and their relative strengths, intensity or power, they are very much like energy—energy that can empower or destroy.

This Emotional Energy can be used to drive you toward goals, accomplishments and dreams, or it can bog you down, bind you and keep you from having a happier and more fulfilled life. Learning to control this energy is a secret successful people have used for millennia.

First off, let’s look closely at what Emotional Energy actually is. We travel through our lives in a Vehicle comprised of our Circumstances. Those Circumstances will change on occasion, just as you may upgrade (or downgrade) parts of your car. Some Circumstances we’ve created by our Choices, other Circumstances have been given to us outside of our control. Most people are unaware of how much of the Circumstances of our lives at any given time are the results of our Choices. But for now, let’s look at this Vehicle of Circumstances.

If you’re poor, wealthy or middle class; tall, short or in between; educated, skilled or still in school, all these things are the Vehicle of your Circumstances. Yes, some will change, but for the present time, they are what you live with and in.

As we travel along in this Vehicle, we encounter Events. The intersection of Events with the Vehicle of our Circumstances also impacts our Emotional Body, which then produces Emotions. The qualities of the three elements determine whether those Emotions will be Positive Emotional Energy or Negative Emotional Energy. We don’t typically control the Events. We also have somewhat limited control over our Vehicle of Circumstance. Our Emotional Body, however, we can control and can equip it to shift these intersections in the right way.

Most of the Events are predictable and mesh perfectly with our Circumstances and our Emotional Body. In those intersections, we experience contentment. For example, say you’re a skilled accountant, and you receive a challenging account which you complete on time, you then feel the satisfaction, contentment and comforting resolve of having done what was expected.

Some Events are very positive and may change our Circumstances for the better. Maybe you got a raise or a bigger office. Those bring much more powerful Positive Emotional Energy.

Others, however, can be negative and clash with our Circumstances, and unless our Emotional Body is well prepared, produce Negative Emotional Energy. Did your boss complain about your work? That will definitely create Negative Emotional Energy. The Event of your boss complaining conflicts with your Circumstances (needing your job, pride in your work, etc.) Did you have a flat tire? Did the project you spent weeks working on get canceled? For the most part, we learn to accept these Events and move on, but in some cases, they can build up and overwhelm us.

Fortunately, we also experience Positive Emotional Energy. Compliments, successes, rewards, all help to build us up and help counter the Negative Emotional Energy. This is why, as we’ll later discuss, radiating Positive Emotion Energy to others is so important.

These energies, if we allow them and know how, can be useful in building up our Emotional Bodies.

—Your Emotional Body—

Just as you have a physical body, you also have an Emotional Body. You can see your physical body, so you’re very aware of it. You can only feel your Emotional Body, and what you feel is only the surface.

Your Emotional Body feels pain. It feels grief, sorrow, sadness, loneliness, anger, anxiety, depression and a lot of other negative things. But like your Physical Body, your Emotional Body can grow stronger when it endures Emotional Pain. Your muscles grow by being worked. Few people realize that exercise actually rips muscle fiber, but as they grow back, they grow back stronger, thus larger muscles. But too much stress and strain on your body and it will have a harder time recuperating. The same goes for pain as a Negative Emotion. You need some Negative Emotional Energy to grow, but too much can be incapacitating.

Your Emotional Body gets tired. It can feel depression or what some call malaise, which means a general feeling of unwellness. You can get to the point where you feel you just can’t handle any more stress, anxiety or other Negative Emotions.

Your Emotional Body needs rest. Maybe that would come from a distraction, or maybe something relaxing and entertaining. For the most part, an Emotional Rest is simply something to keep Negative Emotions away until your Emotional Body can recuperate and heal.

Your Emotional Body needs exercise. Without experiencing Negative Emotional Energy, you’ll not be able to handle them very well. What we call maturity, Emotional Growth and inner strength comes from the Emotional Exercise we get from facing, confronting and enduring Negative Emotional Energy.

Your Emotional Body has muscles. The ability to handle life’s difficulties comes from the Emotional Muscles you’ve developed over your lifetime. Some people have a lot, some very few. Some people fake it, so it looks like they’ve got a lot when they’re really very weak.

Your Emotional Body can carry things. Being able to smile and encourage others when things are going bad for you means you’re emotionally strong enough to help carry other people’s Emotional Weight. It’s a valuable gift.

Your Emotional Body needs food. Emotional Food can come in all forms, from encouragement to family, from good friends to a realistic self-image. We need Emotional Food daily.

And your Emotional Body occasionally needs to dispose of waste. Having someone to talk to, to Dump our troubles on, is a crucial thing. Being there for someone else who needs to unload is also important. Thankfully it’s not as nasty as physical waste, but it’s just as important.

Just as your physical body has structure, so does your Emotional Body. At the surface are the Emotions. They are generally passive and arise from the structure beneath, which you may not even realize was part of your Emotional Body. Beneath the Emotions, existing as a more static entity are Attitudes.

While Emotions may come and go, Attitudes linger. Your Attitude may change, but it’s nowhere near as flighty as your Emotions.

If Emotions are the skin of your Emotional Body, Attitudes are the internal organs. They are what radiate and emit the Emotions. We will discuss Attitudes in greater depth further on.

Beneath the Attitudes are Values. Values are embedded much deeper and last much longer. Values could be considered the bones of your Emotional Body. Without Values, your Emotions would be all over the place, and I’m sure you can think of people you know who act as if they have no foundation whatsoever for their Emotions. When you attempt to change your Attitude, you’ll find that at first, it will only be temporary, but as you continue the effort, it becomes permanent. This is the process of turning an Attitude into a Value.

Values vary from region to region, from family to family and from other varying criteria. American Values differ from European Values. Upper-Class Values vary from Middle-Class Values. A lot of your Values you learn from your parents. Other Values you learned at school. Many you picked up for yourself based on your life events.

Take conversation, for example. Who do you tell private feelings to? Only your close friends, or maybe to acquaintances, too? Those limits come from your Values. Which is more important, honesty or discretion? Would you more likely boast of paying a lot for something or for paying very little or maybe neither? Those are your Values, and a lot of them we aren’t even aware of.

Finally, at the very core, is our Value System. This would be more like the entire skeleton of our Emotional Body. Other names for your Value System would be Personal Philosophy or even Religion. They are ultimately the same thing: that system of beliefs and ideas that form your reason for being and establish for you your place in the universe.

Is there a God? If so, what does He expect from you? If not, then what significance or Value do you have in the universe, and where does that significance come from? What do you owe the universe? The world? Your neighbor? What does the universe owe you? These are all questions answered by your Value System. If you haven’t ever taken the time to answer these questions fully, then that may mean your Value System is weak, which can mean your Values are weak,