Earth Journals: Earth Journals, #1

By SC Marshall

She's saving the Earth from invasion…
…on a part-time basis.

Duff is sent to Earth as part of the bargain she made to get out of prison.

The former interrogator turned inmate has come to assess Earth's defensive capabilities.

Given only two days of preparation, she is dumped in Central Florida in the middle of the night.

She is weaponless.

Her only pieces of equipment are her interactive glasses and an Optool that lets her change her appearance. But the Optool is malfunctioning. When that happens, she never knows who she will look like.

Duff studies human interactions via Moments, a long-running daytime soap opera. Carefully analyzing it, she learns about aspects of human interaction that do not occur in her species. Simple things like sarcasm, metaphors, and idioms are new to her.

It doesn't take long before she becomes one of the show's biggest fans.

Can Duff avoid discovery?

Can she keep Earth out of the clutches of the Yirgo Trading Group?

Can Duff save Moments after its cancellation is announced?

She's big, she's green, and she is the only reason we haven't been invaded ... yet.

Get Earth Journals now and follow the misadventures of your favorite soap-opera obsessed alien.

My name is Makeda Keita Defo un Re Duff and I approve this message.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Foxtail Media
• Release date: Dec 19, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393730866

Book preview

Earth Journals

By Steve M

I wrote this. Blame no one else.

Earth - 2019

Contents

Pre-Journal

Journal 1

Journal 2

Journal 3

Journal 4

Journal 5

Journal 6

Journal 7

Journal 9

Journal 10

Journal 11

Journal 12

Journal 13

Journal 14

Journal 15

Journal 17

Journal 18

Journal 19

Journal 20

Journal 21

Journal 22

Journal 23

Journal 24

Journal 25

Journal 26

Journal 27

READER’S GROUP

Join the reader’s group and get:

-  A free copy of Improbables in the History Department series. Find out how it all went wrong with this prequel.

-  Weekly novel-in-progress first draft

-  Discounts on new releases

-  News of multi-author book giveaways

––––––––

Join today before your planet self-destructs. Won’t it be comforting to know how life is out among the stars as you wait for the end of the world?

https://dl.bookfunnel.com/a1h26ol7tg

Pre-Journal

YOU THINK THIS IS GOING to be your usual celebrity interview, don't you? Do you want to know what I think? I think you should turn on your camera now. You won't want to miss this part. But remember our agreement, you won't share any of this until after the awards ceremony. I am planning a little surprise and I don't want you to ruin it.

According to the Ministry of Justice on the planet Yirgo I am inmate 8752946.2847651. My name is Makeda Keita Defo un Re Duff. People call me Duff, I suggest you do the same.

I am going to tell you about how I came to be on your planet. Then rather than tell the entire story, I'm going to give you the video journals I sent to my husband. They are much more personal than you would ever get from a standard puff piece. I think you will enjoy them. Then we'll see what else you need to know. This way you get something much better than you expected and I get back to work. A good deal for both of us.

But before we get to the journals let me tell you about the arrival.

It was a lousy arrival, middle of the night.

They pushed me out in a place called Florida in a lightly populated place further designated as Interlachan. 29°37'37.5N 81°53'02.7W. Thin trees, sandy soil, and lots of small lakes. I looked at a map before leaving the ship.

By the time we reached Earth I was sick of the crew. There is a cruelty to being a jailer and the crew of the ship were strictly Ministry of Justice jailers. They've got attitude from the time they leave home till the time they get home. A special case of meanness lives in them. I was thrown on board the ship into a transfer cell head first by the Transfer Commander and two of her goons.

99.9% of all of their runs are from prison to prison, they move the prison pop around to disorient them, make family visits impossible, and to spend the budget. Me? They were turning me loose. But I'm not really free to go. They're just putting me back in the field. This confused the transfer crew at first. But after some thought they decided I was still prison scum until my feet were firmly planted on Earth.

Rotten bastards. They use the juice sticks just for fun. I wasn't doing anything wrong and they fried me anyway and laughed about it. They were smart though, they never got off the ship when we arrived. Too scared I'd want revenge.

I would.

I am what they call a poli prisoner.

Political? No. Unless you consider being married to a Palagordian, a political act. When did love become political? Recently.

We met at a party and knew each other for a year before we made it official. That seems so long ago. Times were good back then. Peaceful, economic stability. El's business was doing good. We were happy and considering starting a family.

Then it all changed.

Things stopped going so well on Yirgo. It was all part of the economic cycle according to those who designed the economy. But that excuse wasn’t good enough.

Everyone was looking to blame someone. The government fell to the opposition.

The Palagordians were custom built for blame. They preferred to own their own businesses and were considered superior traders and negotiators. Everyone on Yirgo has a Palagordian trading story centered around frustration and overpaying. We all know derogatory jokes about them. Best of all, they are pacifists.

When the new government stripped all Palas of their citizenship, Eldoron and I protested. We went down to the central plaza in front of the Empty Plinth and gathered with a hundred thousand like-minded Palas and Brunes. I'm a Brune. There were many speeches. We left feeling good, like we were unstoppable and recent laws would soon be overturned. Our exuberance didn't last long.

A few months later they started rounding up the Palas, so we ran. My husband is not political. But his people are being used as a weapon. Control through hate. And that's sad because Eldoron is usually one of the nicest person you'll ever meet. Always kind and thoughtful. He escaped, I had to keep reminding myself. He avoided the camps. I'll tell you about those later. They are horrible.

Poli prisoners get the worst of everything. Worst food, worst cellmates, worst treatment. Reminds me of field training, just more sadistic, if you can imagine that. Still I had taken the deal. An Earth sentence. Maybe even a chance of seeing El again. It was the best deal I was ever going to get. I thought I was ready. I wasn't. I studied Earth like a student after I accepted the deal. But I only got two days to prepare, two days!

My problems began not long after they dumped me.

A domesticated carnivorous mammal. I'd never seen a canine before. My introduction was very loud and unfriendly. It was on a chain near a metal housing unit next to one of those small lakes. We landed nearby in a clearing with an old stained housing foundation but nothing else, the vegetation intent on reclaiming the square plot of land. The animal yelled at me and would have attacked if not for the chain. There was no signs of life at the housing unit. I walked around the structure. Beside it on the other side was another new thing for me.

My lenses called it a bicycle and displayed a simple animation of how it works. I examined it for a few moments then understood it was for transportation. Simple in principle, yet surprisingly difficult in practice. I fell down six times before I understood how to keep it going without falling. Earth only has sixty two percent of the gravity of Yirgo and this made falling down much easier.

It took me too long to succeed. But once I did, I found it enjoyable. Good exercise. Transportation was one of my primary concerns, along with food, shelter, currency, and weapons.

The lock on the door of the metal housing unit did not survive. One hard pull and it came out of the thick foam filled door. I entered the metal housing structure to a smell I knew. I instinctively reached for my blaster but didn't have one. I wasn't issued one and the transfer crew wasn't going to give me one, that was certain. It was the smell of death. It's unmistakable. Rotting flesh. It carves itself deep in the memory, just waiting for that moment to leap out again bringing terror with it.

I picked up a long knife in the food room before moving further inside of the structure. There were no lights on. I tried the electron interruption device, up then down but nothing changed. My lenses were showing outlines of furniture in the dark and I switched to night mode.

Pullman, Jarvis was dead in the bedroom at the back of the structure. He was slumped over in his bed. There was an unfamiliar blaster beside him. My lenses showed me a quick animation on the weapon. A projectile came out of the blaster, removed part of Pullman, Jarvis' skull and brain, killing him.

Beside his bed was a table crowded with small bottles. My lenses indicated that they contained chemical medicines for several major illnesses. Pullman, Jarvis had been a very sick man for a long time. There was a steel cylinder containing oxygen connected to a facial mask beside the bed. My lenses indicated that Pullman, Jarvis died 3 planetary cycles previously.

Now I understood. The animal outside was starving.

I fed the animal and gave it water from a flexible polymer pipe. It took me a long time to find food suitable for the canine. I found it in a metal container with the image of another of the species printed on paper and wrapped around the container. I did not like the smell so I did not eat it.

Then I broke the chain and set the canine free. It ran away for a while then came back. A few minutes later I heard it yelling at the door and let it in. It came inside and laid down on a rug in the largest room. It was no longer hostile to me. 

I looked at the OpTool. Time to get out of this uncomfortable form. I turned it off. My human appearance was instantly replaced.

Yes, I'm green. That's because of where I'm from. It's very green on Yirgo. Or it used to be before the industrial revolution. It became part of our camouflage against predators millions of years ago. The predators are now extinct but we kept the color. Why not? But it's not the human color that is uncomfortable. It's the human shape.

I ate something called a marshmallow that first night on Earth. Now imagine having to shove one into a much smaller container. You just sort of smash it down into a mold. That's what it's like. Normally I'm green and about 1.956 meters (6'5) and weight about 208.6 kilograms (460 lbs). Imagine having all of that stuffed into a 5'6 female human body that should weigh about 56.6 kilograms (125 lbs) but doesn't. It's like wearing boots that are much too small, it feels so good to take them off.

I sat down into a chair that creaked under my weight and savored the moment of release.

Pullman, Jarvis would provide the housing I needed for the initial phase.

I'll admit it, I was overwhelmed at first. I had two days to study. Usually I get a lot more time, especially on a primitive planet. But that's pretty much how it's done these days, some brain child thinks it's a good idea to put someone on a primitive planet with insufficient research, training, or material. They'll do fine and it's not like it's a Level 1 candidate planet are the sort of phrases spoken between planners to justify their poor choices. They are correct, Earth is not a Level 1 planet. But I was available and expendable so why not send me to a Level 2 planet? What's the worst that could happen? I answer that question as me getting killed. The planners would answer differently.

My species doesn't require as much sleep as humans. Four to five hours a night does me well. We can also go for a couple of days without sleep and then catch up all at once, although I'll admit I feel like feces when I finally wake up.

I watched the sunrise over the lake.

Damn it's uncomfortable getting stuffed into shape again so I didn't. I slept big and green and it felt so nice. Cannot do that too often, I needed to get used to staying in shape. It's the only way to stay safe and I know it. Had to stay in shape for 143 planetary cycles once and it was a smaller shape than now. I hated it. When I finally turned it off it was almost 2 days before I could move normally again. Muscle atrophy prevented me from walking correctly. It was a day and a half before I could even stand up straight. The massages helped but it was still a horrible time.

The lake was 5 m or 16.4 feet deep at its deepest point according to the upper right corner of my lenses.

One of the effects of sleeping less is the need for more body fuel. I woke up hungry but this is a normal state for me. I should have eaten before I went to sleep but two days do not provide very much time for researching food sources. My primary concerns were weapons capabilities and government security procedures. I left the shore of the lake and returned to the metal housing unit. I entered the food preparation and storage area and began foraging for food.

I was in such a hurry I went right past the research section that said that your species is still carnivorous. So dreadful. I can't believe I put that in my mouth! When you're big and green vomiting is much worse. It last longer and is more violent. And the smell association becomes intense with similar items causing sympathy vomiting later.

I accidentally ate bacon.

It stayed inside of me less than a minute and I can't say I enjoyed the taste. I was careful not to eat the packaging.

What a mess.

When I finally regained control of my stomach, I adjusted my lenses to prevent more mistakes.

I found the bacon in a box that was very cold on one side and cool on the other. On the cold side I found a bag with the word 'cauliflower' in big letters. Oh yes, much better. From the first bite I savored their frozen crunchiness and gentle flavor and that ever so slight smell of farts. They were just the right size too, perfect single snacking or stuffing a handful into my mouth and crunching away at them. I took the bag of cauliflower and entered the room next to it. I opened one of the searches and loaded it to my lenses.

Useless, absolutely useless.

One of these days they're going to figure out how to present the right information instead of overwhelming us with everything. All I wanted to know was how to engage and operate something my lenses said was a television. What did I get? Diagrams of how broadcast systems work on your planet.

Consolation came from another excellent piece of frozen cauliflower.

I walked over to the big screen. There was no big button on the front of it...that would've been too easy and helpful. We must have similar product designers, always outsmarting themselves. However I did find some very small buttons on the right side bottom edge of the screen.

The first button brought a picture to the screen. There was a human male and female sitting next to each other talking about terrestrial weather conditions during the previous dark cycle. Then a third person from somewhere else joined the conversation. She was standing in front of a metal building that was missing part of the top protective covering, which was laying twisted in the background on top of an engine driven transport device.

Then I remembered that I hadn't seen any weather drones. Usually I get weeks to study the planet and attend some operational rehearsals. I like the operational rehearsals. They are full of good information, like going through the transport system on a planet without attracting attention.

Two days, ARGH!

I popped another cauliflower in my mouth and looked at the screen. The report of weather damages ended and another began. The President of the United States visited Orlando the previous night. He gave a speech at the first of its kind million-dollar a plate fund-raising dinner. An enthusiastic crowd of over 500 gathered to support the man who has given them an average 37.1 million dollars in tax cuts.

The image changed to that of protesters outside of the event, yelling and holding signs like 'impeach the president' and 'lock him up'.

Amazing image for someone from Yirgo. Protest is now strictly forbidden and will result in a quick trip to prison. I've been to one protest in my lifetime, when they stripped Palagordians of citizenship. It seemed like such a crazy thing to do. We would only need to go to one protest and everyone would come to their senses, like giving someone the obvious answer they had forgotten. I was wrong. This is coming from me and I used to work for the Ministry of Justice. The ministry of everything about you. Always listening and always hoping you'll do better...because if you don't there will be consequences...that's them.

The woman on the screen was considered attractive by the standards of your planet. I pointed my Optool at her image and adjusted it until I was an identical copy of her. I looked at myself in the mirror. This would work very well out in public.

My lenses helped me set up the comms. Still it took me a lot of errors before success. But after a long time I got it working.

Finally I could send private comms to my husband, El.

Journal 1

OH EL, MY DARLING. I've finally been able to configure this comms channel. I miss you so much and I love you even more. My arrival was terrible. I found a dead human and I ate food that made me sick.

Then an unexpected visitor arrived.

I heard the sound of an engine driven transport outside. It was coming down the silica sand track to the metal housing unit.

Panic started in an instant. What should I do? I moved to the window and looked out desperately. The transport came down the path and parked in the open area next to a tall brown fibrous pole which held up electrical wires. Inside the transport I could see a woman. She was singing along with the music playing. I needed a plan. There was only one door and she would see me leave. I moved away from the window. What? Come on? What? I kept screaming in my head. Do something!

Desperate decisions are often wrong ones. I ran back to a bedroom. I pointed the Optool at Pullman, Jarvis. Within seconds I was dialing back his image a little to make it look more lifelike, mostly removing the bullet hole in the head. I ran to the exit, opened it and stepped outside. The woman getting out of the car stopped when she saw me for a moment before pulling herself to her feet with a handle in the transport.

Well I'll be damned, said the large woman almost as dark as Pullman, Jarvis. I thought I'd find you dead. Look at you. How are you out of bed? You must be one of god's sweet miracles.

I didn't respond. 

And walking too. It's a full on miracle. It's been years since you walked. If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it. Praise Jesus.

What is Jesus? I wondered.

Look at you, I bet you could run if you wanted to. Sure as hell outrun me.

I could outrun her and any other human. Big and green doesn't not mean slow. 

Mandy Bristol wore loose fitting clothing and had a device for listening to the human body in her pocket. She walked over to me. I was unsure of her intention. I prepared for battle. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me gently.

Jarvis Pullman, you are indeed a survivor. Oh my god, you're burning up baby.

Oh dear. You can shove me into a human shape but you can't reduce my body temperature. In fact it goes up when I'm in shape. Of course she would think something was wrong if I were human. My body temperature is approximately ten degrees Celsius higher than humans. It wasn't a life threatening fever but she didn't know that.

Come with me, come with me, we've got to cool you off, honey. She grabbed me by the arm and pulled me towards the metal housing unit. We'll get you in a cold tub of water. That will bring your temperature right down. If that don't do it, I'm going to call an ambulance.

She kept pulling me. I did not want to go but was unsure of what to do so I went along. She pulled me up the stairs and into the housing unit.

What is that smell? she said and waved her hand under her nose. My god that is awful.

I did not answer.

Bristol, Mandy stopped pulling my arm. She began to walk towards the back of the unit, towards the back bedroom. I was still not sure what to do.

The woman on the television was talking about the effects of heat on something designated as pets.

Don't go in there, I said softly.

But it was like she was caught in a guidance beam, it was pulling her despite everything from common sense to fear telling her not to go.

A few second later she was standing in the doorway to the bedroom looking at the body of Pullman, Jarvis. She turned to look at me again, then quickly turned back to look at Pullman, Jarvis. Then me again. She put her hand out to grab the door frame for support. She was a big woman for a human and looked to be strong and capable. Still at that moment she needed support to remain upright.

I stood motionless and unsure of what to do.

She didn't give me much time to think. She turned around from the sleep room door and ran towards the exit. I got in her way, she ran into me, and we both fell down. For a large woman she was very quick to get back onto her feet. She grabbed a lamp from a table and threw it at me. I avoided her projectile. Bristol, Mandy made it to the door and was on the small front landing when I caught up with her. My tackle sent