Earth Journals 2: Earth Journals, #2

By SC Marshall

Aliens are coming to destroy the Earth for it's mineral wealth.

 

But first they have to get past Duff.

 

Everyone's favorite big green soap opera obsessed alien is back and she's saving the planet on a part time basis, again.

 

When Duff launches American nuclear missiles the entire world goes on high alert.

 

Join Duff, American President Sterling Connard, Vladimir Putin, Kim, Jung Un, and Chinese President Xi as they face the prospect of complete planetary annihilation.

 

Can a president obsessed with his reelection campaign, his investment portfolio, and getting laid by the first lady keep it together long enough to save our planet?

 

Are Los Angeles and San Francisco doomed as part of his election strategy? 
  
Join Duff as she navigates the dangerous pathways of human incompetence.

 

Don't be fooled by imitators and conspiracy theories...there is only one Duff and she's the only reason you're alive to read this.

 

My name is Makeda Keita Defo un Re Duff and I approve this message.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Foxtail Media
• Release date: Oct 20, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393125570

Book preview

Earth Journals 2

A New Home

By SC Marshall

Yeah, I wrote this. Blame no one else.

2020 - Florida

Contents

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

CHAPTER THIRTY

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

READER’S GROUP

Steve Who?

All of my books:

CHAPTER ONE

Thank you for coming in so early. I hope the traffic wasn't too bad.

Looks like you enjoyed the awards' ceremony last night. I loved your outfit. You look good in red. Just between you and me, I thought we would win for Best Drama Series but you know how things go in Hollywood. What matters is not what you do but who you do it to. Still, best costumes was nice. Connie deserved her award so much. So my big surprise didn't happen. Sorry. Still, when your interview is published I'm sure there will be considerable buzz. Let's consume breakfast out by the pool, shall we? I love having a swimming pool so much. I could float for hours. I come up with some of my best plot ideas floating in the pool looking at the clouds. Should you ever watch the episode with the satellites crashing down on Best Hope, I came up with the entire plot floating in the pool.

OK, where did we leave off? Right, they arrived. So we left Las Vegas for Hollywood.

The ride took us much longer than we expected to travel to Hollywood. The slowness of our travel was because of Droof. The wife of the First Minister could not, or let me be more precise, would not try any of the food offered. Should you ever be around someone you instantly dislike, this is what being around Droof is like.

Hosch was different. He took to frozen cauliflower like a duck to duck feathers. He ate two bags in under half an hour. Droof, no, cauliflower wasn't enough for her. She wouldn't try a single piece. One of the best tastes of all time, and she preferred to live in ignorance.

She demanded Defor fruit. Defor fruit, something not available within 100 light years of Earth. Imagine the mindset required to make such a demand. So childish. She lived so long in her bubble of privilege she doesn't function well outside of her well-catered lifestyle. So we stopped at supermarkets again and again as we made our way south-west. I discovered many new foods because of her obstinacy. I'd go in a buy something and bring the food back to her, and she would refuse to eat. After the third supermarket and her refusal of the third batch of succulent delicacies, I'd had enough and refused to try any longer. She eventually ate a banana. I love bananas.

I had something called a vegan hamburger, crunchy when frozen. The temperature did not enhance the taste because there was none. Completely tasteless. I had a vegetarian spicy bean burger and enjoyed the succulent morsel much more. I liked them so much I bought seventeen boxes of them at our last stop.

Personally I didn't care if Droof starved to death. She represented everything I despise. Her privilege, her attitude towards others, as if we are all expected to be her servants, her needy nature, all of her ways made me dislike her more in person. Her lover Hosch was a different matter. I found him to be agreeable and not without a sense of humor. He accidentally ate the plastic wrapping covering his vegan burger and remarked how the plastic improved the flavor. He had studied Earth humor and told me about people who make jokes for a living. We had an enjoyable conversation until Droof started being needy again and demanded his attention.

Honestly, he could do so much better.

We drove through a town named Primm. I attended school with someone named Primm. She was mean to me. For almost two of your Earth years she would torment me, take things away from me, demand to sit where I was sitting, take part of my food, the lunch my mother prepared for me. Always the threat of hurting me. One day under threat from her again I punched her hard. She cried. I was expecting battle and I got tears. From that moment she avoided me. I was sent home from school for hitting her. My parents were upset with me and threatened to make me go back to the therapist again. They didn't. Hitting Primm was one of those major events that made school life much better.

The town named Primm was as unimpressive as the person. 1,138 people live there and the town is most notable for busy fuel stations which receive considerable business from people who want to avoid the higher fuel taxes in California. Primm is also known for something called off-road racing. People, mostly males, take two wheel vehicles and spend hours breathing dust as they race around a dusty desert course which would defy logic on any other planet. There is nothing to see except dust once the race begins. Clouds of particulate are created by the vehicles resulting in a dry, airborne version of soup. There is sound, a most unpleasant roar as the two wheel pollution machine race past. Someone should consider punching Primm the town hard.

In all a journey that should take only 4 hours and 48 minutes lasted 7 hours and 19 minutes. I almost hated the journey as much as when the jailers brought me to Earth. Droof complained nonstop for almost an hour. When Lena threatened to leave her by the side of the road Droof fell silent.

We arrived at our hotel just after sunset. I let Lena and Bob deal with the reservation. Sometimes I find the specific words used by industry professionals are confusing. Took a long time for me to realize a non-smoking room wasn't about starting fires. Well technically it was about starting fires but only tiny ones used to ignite addictive and toxic plant material and chemicals. At first, I thought they were talking about starting a bonfire in the accommodation, an illogical outcome. I now know it is illogical but so is inhaling addictive and toxic plant materials and chemicals. I have acquired much knowledge since my arrival, there are still stunning gaps in my knowledge, and they could cause significant problems if left unknown. Fortunately I found something call Wikipedia and Lena gave me a book called an Almanac.

The check in did not go smoothly. We left Droof and Hosch in the vehicle. Droof would just make things more difficult with her attitude and behavior. Hosch stayed with her to keep her company. After a long ride I was beginning to like Hosch, although his choice in partners was poor in my opinion.

Why can't I stay in the same room with Virginia? Harland protested.

You can't. You're rooming with El Junior, Lena said in a firm tone.

Gran, you are being unfair. You share a room with Bob.

We're grown-ups. You're still underage, said Lena. End of discussion.

End of discussion. Always what you say when you don't have a good reason, Harland complained.

Everything will be alright, said Virginia. We can still hang out together. She put her arm around Harland's waist.

I know. It's the principle, a matter of fairness, Harland said.

End of discussion, Lena answered emphatically.

End of discussion, Harland mimicked sarcastically.

I feel for you, Bob said to Harland with a smile.

Don't you start, Lena warned.

I'm not getting into anything. Just offering my condolences.

Condolences, indeed, said Lena with a disapproving tone.

There are times when disappointment surprises you and today was another one of them. Of course El would be my source of disappointment. Our once strong marriage was beginning to be shown as a sham. I was just the last one to find out.

I think it would be best if I shared a room with Delofurundo, El said.

Fine. Do what you want, I said.

I can split my time between the two of you, if you like.

I now understood the cartoon where the angry character with steam coming out of their ears.

Won't be necessary, I said.

The mating season is about to start and you won't have anyone.

I will be fine. I'd rather be alone than with you.

Don't be mad, he said.

Not possible. You used me and I'm upset.

Duffy, my sweet Duffy...

I am no longer your anything. Not your sweet Duffy, not your wife, not your partner, not your confidante, nothing. Despite my best attempts the anger came through loud and clear. I was suddenly aware I was shouting.

Delofurundo stood silent throughout the entire scene. Others in the hotel lobby were listening to the exchange and the man behind the hotel desk was trying not to smile and as a result had what I believe you call a smirk on his face. I wanted to slap him.

Then in the middle of a public scene in a busy hotel lobby, El Junior did something unexpected. He came over next to me and took my hand.

It is alright Duff. You can stay with me. Harland won't mind, will you?

No, said a still disappointed Harland with a shrug.

Thank you, I said and smiled.

Droof and Hosch discovered Champagne less than an hour after they got to their room according to the charge records.

Virginia and Maggie went off in search of a marijuana dispensary.

Lena and Bob didn't come out of their room until the next day.

I don't know what El and Delofurundo did and I don't care.

El-2, Harland and I went to the cinema.

I dislike horror movies.

The night was winding down and I sat on the bed watching El-2 and Harland fall asleep, I sent a text message to Portia McMillan.

Me: Arrived and staying at the Roosevelt

Portia: We're in crisis mode.

Me: Why?

Portia: Burt was arrested.

Me: For what?

Portia: Murder.

CHAPTER TWO

––––––––

You can imagine how shocked I was when Portia told me Bert Junker, producer, Hollywood mogul, was in jail for murder.

"What happened? I asked looking at the image of Portia projected directly in front of me by my lenses.

A murder occurred in season three of Moments but I didn't expect Bert's dilemma to resemble the murder of Billy Bob Montgomery, a tattooed, low life scoundrel with multiple charges for assault.

The maid found Cheri Marie dead in the pool. Bert was passed out in one of the lounge chairs with a gun next to him, Portia's voice was excited but with an angry undertone.

Why would he kill his mating partner? I asked.

He was out of his head on cocaine, champagne, etcetera, etcetera, Portia said. Stupid son of a bitch.

What is required to get him out of jail? I asked.

A bail hearing, and it happens in a few hours. His lawyer is going to argue for house arrest and electronic monitoring along with a $10 million deposit. Bert has the funds even though he doesn't look like he can on paper. He's been funneling profits offshore to Panama for years. He could bring some of it back. What good is a tax haven if you can't walk down Rodeo Drive, right? I'm so sick of his shit. Another damn loser.

What you mean? I asked.

I'm sick and tired of grown men destroying their lives because of too much success and fucking up my life when they crash.

This is happened before?

Yeah, said Portia. Don't worry, not your cross to bear. She added in an attempt to confuse me with an obscure reference about intersections. Later I looked up Portia's history. Cross? Cross what, I wondered. An intersection of some sort? Planar conjunction ran through my head. I was still learning the subtleties of your metaphors.

His name was Howard Higgins. He and Portia were together for two years. But he died. Drug overdose two days after winning a Grammy for songwriting. Best gospel recording. They found him unresponsive in the bathroom of a suite at the Four Seasons Hotel. Fentanyl and cocaine.

Game over, said Portia. We're done if Bert stays in jail.

Are you sure? I asked as I looked down at my cauliflower pancakes covered in sticky syrup. Mating season without a partner means only one thing, lots of food.

Absolutely. I've been getting calls all morning from actors and crew. I'm telling them I don't know right now and they are interpreting my reply as the most desperate possible outcome. Show over, no paychecks.

This gave me an idea.

What if we start paying them today? We pay them as if we were working on the show. What do you think? I asked.

Portia paused for a moment.

I guess, Portia said with an unconvincing tone. I mean technically we have them under contract so if we pay them they have to remain available for the work. Let me try the idea out on Bradley Newsome, he's always the biggest pain in the ass with commercial issues.

We have the money, I said then took another bite of my pancakes.

One big problem, Melanie Junker, Burt's sister. She handles payroll and has signature authority on all the bank accounts.

How do we get her on our side? I asked.

Easy. She always wanted to be in front of the camera. Write her into the plot. Bert never would, said she was a lousy actor. I didn't think so and filed it under sibling rivalry. But if you give her a part I bet she will sign any check you put in front of her.

Then tell her she will start small but grow, I said.

She will love you forever.

I doubt it.

I realize a few days earlier Moments was missing something important for drama, a truly vile, evil, and depraved villain. Someone without scruples. Someone who would sell their own mother for scientific testing. The term I learned was femme fatale. A win at all costs type of person who enjoys destroying the lives of her enemies. Did Melanie have the talent to make all our viewers hate her? If she wanted her big chance, there was a price. She had to be despicable.

I'll talk to her right after I talk to Bradley, Portia said.

You want to know what I was doing while I was having comms with Portia? I was looking at the hotel bill. The first ministers wife and her paramour had spent $2000 their first day at the hotel. Seems the best of everything was the only thing of interest to them. I come from a more humble background, one that discourages waste due to the memory of shortages.

Oh, I forgot to mention they've added drug charges as well, major drug charges, said Portia.

How major? I asked.

One pound of pure Peruvian flake cocaine. I told him he was stupid to buy so much, but he wouldn't listen. Seventy thousand. He paid seventy thousand dollars and didn't bat an eye. Half my yearly salary. But Burt wouldn't listen. No, Burt is smarter than everyone else, the idiot.

So this will also keep him from getting out of custody? I asked.

Probably. But you never know. He has a good lawyer. Jules Dewes isn't the best lawyer in LA for no reason. He got Baby Bad Ass off and everybody knows she shot and killed the worthless piece of shit husband of hers. What kind of sick bastard threatens his own children with a handgun?

I don't know, I said though it may have been a rhetorical question. I'm still figuring out how to recognize them.

I need a drink, said Portia.

Not lunchtime yet.

Some days suck more than others.

I agree, I said having finally understood the redefinition for a vacuum force.

We experienced a long pause as we both thought about how things had gone wrong.

So if we're are paying them, right? I asked.

Yes?

So why not start the show?

Without Burt? Portia asked with an incredulous tone.

Without Burt, I responded.

But he is the creative genius. Moments doesn't work without him. He keeps everything running, thousands of details.

And you are the one who keeps Burt's life sorted out. You know what he does, when he does, and why he does, right?

I guess so, said an apprehensive Portia.

So between us we should be able to keep going. I've got the scripts you wanted. Ready to go.

I don't know. We're talking about doing the work of someone with thirty years of Hollywood under their belt, Portia said.

And if we don't, game over, I reminded her.

OK, OK. I know. Shit if we do, shit if we don't.

So let's do shit. What is the failure that can happen? We make bad entertainment. So much already exists our shortcomings may go unnoticed.

But a catastrophic failure is the sort of record following people around in Hollywood. Ever hear of Impossible Games? she asked me.

No.

And you never will. And you'll never view another show made by those producers again. Impossible Games was so bad they got the ultimate sanction.

What's that? I asked.

They got blacklisted. The show was so terrible nobody will ever put money towards anything by those producers again.

Must have been bad, I said.

Worse than you can ever imagine. I watched one episode to find out what all he fuss was about. Complete crap.

Nothing good?

Well the prize money was good. 100K prize money each game. The contests were rigged so no one could win.

How?

The games were too difficult for the contestants. Take for instance the darts tournament. 100K prize for a bullseye.

What is wrong with that?

The contestants were blind. Fourteen people needed medical treatment including the host and two of the judges.

Unfortunate.

Advertisers pulled out after the first six shows. Everyone but Band-Aids and Mayo Clinic.

So let's make different mistakes from those. Come on, our best worst alternative. What about the other projects Burt was working on.

All shut down this morning. His partners are scrambling. They're investors not producers. Burt is the brains and the doer in the bunch.

Can we hire anyone to fill in for Burt? I asked.

There is Findley. But most people don't want to work with him.

Why? I asked.

He's difficult.

I think I can handle difficult, I said.

Not sure you can handle someone as difficult as Findley.

Why not? Is he big and strong?

No. He's short and annoying. But he does need money, told everyone his last divorce cleaned him out. He's not what you'd call frugal.

Then let's talk to him. Maybe he doesn't work out but we should find out. Do you agree?

Yes. But my last conversation with him did not go well. I called him an arrogant asshole.

You were simply being factual, I said.

I'll set up a meeting with him for this afternoon if I can. Anytime work best for you? she asked me.

You tell me the time and where and I will be arrive at those coordinates.

The meeting must be face to face, she said.

Good. I like face to face.

An hour later Portia called back to say we had a dinner meeting at Brejoles, the latest restaurant considered fashionable by those at the upper end of the food chain in Hollywood.

I spent the afternoon with El Junior, Maggie, Harland, and Virginia. We saw Terminator at a cinema near Long Beach. Enjoyable. I day dreamed of how I could incorporate more stories like Terminator into Moments. A science fiction soap opera, something new. That's where I got the idea. Thanks Arnie.

As I was getting dressed for dinner Portia called.

Judge Hoffman rejected the ransom for freedom offer. Burt would remain in custody.

Our meeting with Findley had to succeed.

CHAPTER THREE

I was surprised and worried. An inspection team coming to Earth.