Guilty as Grace

By Grace Ecklu

Esther has an unknown admirer looking for something real.

But what starts off as a secret admirer's email gets too close for comfort. And Esther does what she does best; she runs. Plagued with a keen sense of right and wrong, her love life remains unresolved until she can face the demons of her past. Only then does Esther make her way back to the man who didnt promise he would wait for her... if she isn't too late.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Grace Ecklu
• Release date: Dec 15, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393589815

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Run.

To where?

To where I can breathe again.

WHEN DO YOU THINK YOU will be ready to show yourself, Ethan? Esther asked. She knew this was going to be their last conversation.

I’m giving it a year, I think.

Ethan was always so unsure of himself. Esther could hear the wavering in his voice. She sighed. You don’t have a year.

Why do you say that? Now he sounded panicked.

I’m leaving, Ethan. I’m on the plane now. I just thought I should let you know.

There was a long and heavy silence, the one you could cut through with a knife. And then he did something Esther had not anticipated. He ended the phone call. All Esther could hear was the silence. For a moment she sat still in the plane, oblivious to the bustle around her. Her seat mate was still trying to stow away her bag into the overhead compartment. The air hostesses were helping some parents get their children to settle into their seats. The screen in front of her showed a big welcome sign. And then her cell phone buzzed again. It was Ethan. She took a deep breath and tapped on the green answer icon.

Ethan?

Esther, I am sorry I hung up. For how long will you be gone? He sounded very business-like.

Two years at least. Esther hoped it was more.

There was a pause. And where are you going?

What difference would it make, Ethan? Ethan who had never had the guts to meet her while she was within reach. Was he going to buy a plane ticket so he could keep stalking her? Stalking. That’s what he had been doing. How come she had never seen it that way?

I’m sorry, Esther. I’m sorry that you feel that way.

So am I, Ethan. So am I.

❖

The programme had promised a worthwhile experience. Now walking along the paved walkways, Esther was amazed that it could all be true. It wasn’t like what they promised you in Ghana. In fact, back home, they promised you nothing. You were just sent in to study a course that might have been chosen for you and then you struggled along to get your degree and once you got that, you run like hell. It was hard enough being a student back home. Esther surmised that what she had gotten was an education on how to create and manage unnecessary stress. Ghanaians were good at that, especially creating problems where there shouldn’t have been any. The courses themselves weren’t that difficult. But try dealing with a lecturer who found perverse satisfaction in making you miserable, and the myriad challenges like getting a place to do an internship that you were not being paid for.

It had started as a maybe. Maybe there was something out there. Maybe something would come up. Maybe she would get lucky, but Esther didn’t believe in luck. Esther had been lazily browsing through career counselling courses offered by foreign universities when she had stumbled on this one. She had taken a cursory look at it because it was in Asia. Who wanted to go to Asia when there was Europe and the United states? But the more she read about it, the more she realised that the people were serious and were offering a seriously good deal. And you didn’t need to know anyone which was the underlying requirement for many things in Ghana. All they wanted from you were good grades, stellar recommendations, and hard work.

She had almost given up. It was difficult enough getting all the paperwork and requirements in order without thinking of how much it was going to cost. And then she had been afraid she would miss the deadline. But incredibly, things had worked out in her favour. There was no other way Esther could explain it. Whenever there was a roadblock, it got resolved. She had even made a friend in the process, an administrator who used to be a former student at the university. Esther smiled and sat down on the concrete steps which were raised high enough that they acted as seats. Other students with backpacks and headphones sat alone or congregated in small groups, catching up and laughing. Two young ladies clutching their laptops passed close to her and Esther nodded at them. They smiled back. Esther noticed that she got a few stares but that was to be expected because she was a long way from home.  A very long way. And it felt good. Very good.

❖

Papa, we are going to be late! Sarah was getting increasingly impatient. Usually it was the other way round. The men were supposed to be early, prodding the women along as the latter took their time dabbing on their powders and lipstick to get the perfect look, and splashing on last minute scents that made the men sometimes forget how upset they were. But this morning, Sarah was the one waiting for her brother. And she had to wait for him because he was driving them both to church. Sarah sighed loudly and sat back on the sofa. Her life was definitely not a cliché this Sunday morning.

Papa finally emerged from his room. Sarah had resisted the temptation to knock again at his door, willing him to move faster. But she knew that that would be counterproductive. Her older brother moved slowly when under pressure, sometimes he froze entirely when he was hassled. So Sarah had been pacing in the small living room of the two bedroom apartment they shared as tenants.

Finally! she breathed in relief. Sarah was teaching at the Teen Service that morning and she didn’t want to set a bad example by being late. They always hammered it into the young ears that being on time was a lifestyle choice that showed that you thought that whatever you showed up for was important. It had been a struggle but now the young minds were beginning to warm up to the idea. She wondered whether Papa understood just how hard it was to make energetic and wilful adolescents warm up to anything that meant they had to wake up early in the morning, voluntarily.

Let’s go.

Papa barely looked at her. In fact, he barely looked at anything. His mind seemed to be far away. Something about the way he looked made Sarah pause for a moment before she walked behind him. Something was up with her brother. Sarah wondered whether it was a good idea to find out what it was while they drove to church or to ignore it until they were back home. She did not want whatever weighed him down to taint her mood. She wanted to be lively and all smiles for the teenagers. They could always feel when someone was down and it rubbed off them, too. But when Papa let out another great sigh, Sarah knew she would be unable to let it out of her mind if she did not ask.

Okay, what’s bothering you?

He shrugged, looking straight on the road.

Come on, tell me. You look terrible.

I feel terrible, he admitted.

So what is it? Work? Has your boss been a bitch again?

Papa gave her a sharp sideways glance. Mind your words, young woman.

Sarah shrunk back into the seat. She did not like her brother’s reprimanding tone but sometimes you had to be forthright to get the truth. That is why she used the words she used, for maximum impact. At least, that is what Sarah thought. She saw Papa shake his head.

What is it? She wanted to know what he was thinking.

I wonder that your friend’s finesse has not rubbed off you.

Sarah knew what friend he meant and shrugged. She tries. Actually it had rubbed off her. Sarah could never say certain words in her best friend’s hearing even though she thought them.

It was after five minutes of staring out her window that Sarah realized that she had got nothing out of Papa. He had managed to focus the conversation on her instead.

So? Why do you look like a sour puss? she tried again.

Don’t worry. It’ll pass.

Sarah wanted to scream. Getting something out of Papa was like pulling teeth. Will you stay for the youth meeting afterwards? There is going to be a vote. If he was not forthcoming, she was not going to force it.

A vote for what?

Don’t you ever read what’s put up on the WhatsApp Page?

Apparently I don’t.

Well, we’ll first be taking nominations for a new financial secretary. I personally do not think the vote will come on. Oh, speaking of which, you should know that Esther upped and left. Just like that. So her position is vacant and that is why we are having this meeting in the first place. Sarah sighed. I still can’t believe she’s gone. But I’m glad she did. She was having a hard time with those guys. Plus, she needs a change. Even when my happy self tries to cheer her up, she goes back to being solemn like she’s carrying the weight of the world. Sarah sighed again. She already missed Esther. The past one week had been lonely without her. But if there was anyone who could look change in the eye and tell it to throw itself in the sea, it was Sarah. And there were so many ways to keep in touch. It would be as if Esther had not gone away.

So now you need to find a new best friend. Where did she go?

Singapore. She got a scholarship. Can you believe it? Singapore. I couldn’t even find it on the map.

Did you know she was leaving?

Duh, I’m her best friend. She told me about a month ago. That was the day she stopped coming to the executive meetings. Tony and the others were becoming a pain in her... Sarah let the words trail off. She did not need another telling off from Papa. But she needn’t had bothered. If she had been looking at her brother instead of outside the window, she would have seen her brother’s grip on the steering wheel was unusually tight.

I really miss her, Sarah continued. She turned suddenly to look at him, a naughty smile tugging at her lips. You know, she told me once she thought you were cute. Sarah giggled. You would have liked her. But then again, you were always too busy to meet anyone. She sighed, looking out at the passing scenery as they drove through the quiet Sunday streets.

Throughout the last few remaining minutes of the ride, none of them said a word. When they got to church, Sarah jumped out and was ready to dash away. But Papa remained in the car, engine running.

Aren’t you coming? Sarah wondered.

No. Go ahead, Sarah. I don’t think I’m up to church today.

Sarah looked at him. He certainly did not look up to it. Are you all right?

No, but I will be. Think you can come home by yourself after church?

Of course, I can. I’m a big girl. But are you sure you don’t need anything? Sarah was worried. This was not like her brother. None of this was.

I’ll be fine. He flashed her a thin smile and drove away.

Sarah hoped he was not coming down with malaria.

❖

One minute he told himself the entire thing had been silly, a stupid charade that was going to blow up in his face. But the next minute he was convinced that that had been the only way, the only way to save face and not go crashing down like it had happened in the past. The truth is, Ethan did not quite know how to analyse what was happening, no, what had happened. Esther had left him. No, he shook his head. She had left. She had not left him. She had never been his to leave. But they had shared something, hadn’t they? He had been looking forward to seeing her again when she had called to tell him she was on the plane to goodness knows