Live On: Mature Content Collection [MCC], #5

By E Darkwood

What is the greatest measure of someone's worth?

To the average person the answer would likely be, a virtue, such as reliability. But for those for whom drugs, murder and violence are their everyday, their answer might be very different.

Is it the money they earn? The lives they take? Or maybe... could it be a value after all? Could it be something as intangible and unreliable as loyalty or trust?

For Hailey, an ordinary math teacher and an upstanding citizen, that second question has never mattered. She lives a life far removed from the seedy underbelly of the city. For her the world can be classified as either good or bad; the line dividing them never blurry.

Pavement is pavement.

Houses are houses.

And people are people.

All of the above are either good or bad. The world only has those two antithetical sides; good things happen to good people, and bad people get what's coming to them.

Thus Hailey lives, thus she must be living testimony that making the right life choices leads to being a contributing member of society. She must prove that it's not right to succumb to the instant gratification that the wrong parts of the city promise. Every student under her care who takes 'the dark path' is a blow she takes personally and she goes out of her way to help them back because as a math teacher she knows that every problem has a solution; there's no such thing as a lost cause or a rigged game.

But what if that solution turns out to be that the problem is flawed?

And nothing is more flawed than seeing the world in black and white.

Some things you always are, some things you never want to be. And then there are the times you are forced to bathe in the city's blood.

• Language: English
• Publisher: E Darkwood
• Release date: Dec 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393971696

Book preview

Lesson One

Concept development

"Forget the fat lady singing, you KNOW it's over when you start farting blood."

MOM!!! I scold into the phone as I shake my head. The things that come out of her mouth.

What? You know it's-zzzz

Mom?! Mom!! I yell into the phone, panic ringing in my words as loudly as the unexpected dropped-connection sound.

She was cut off by something loud... An impact kind of something...

I run out the door.

May I help you? Asks the woman behind the counter.

"Yes, I'm looking for Mrs. Linda Spencer?"

Are you family? She replies in a tone of practiced procedure.

She's my mother.

I walk into the hospital room with a stiff back, but I release the breath I had been holding when my eyes land on my mother —a smile warm on her face.

Mom!

Hailey! She immediately replies with her usual abandon.

I was so worried! I continue as I go to her and wrap my arms around her.

"Oh pish." She answers dismissively.

I release my hold, only to take her by the shoulders and hold her gaze.

"Mom, you crashed into a storefront."

She only looks mildly embarrassed at my rebuke.

"It was either that or joining in on the car stack." She replies after a pregnant pause.

I throw my hands up into the air.

"Yes! We're absolutely arguing over the rock or hard place choice you had to make!" I exclaim with exasperation.

"Well, I'd love to argue over whatever we are talking about then." She replies sarcastically as she reaches over to her tray and takes a long condescending drink from her mug.

I shake my head with frustration and more than a little disappointment at her blithe attitude towards the situation.

I need to take a walk. I inform her through clenched teeth as I stomp back towards the door.

Hailey.

I'll be back. I reply as I close it behind me.

"I need to go before I say something I'll regret." I hiss into the hallway as I forcefully march out onto it.

Dat all?

Nancy? I ask in disbelief as I find that the cashier is none other than one of my brightest former students.

She replies to my inquiry with a recognition-colored grin.

Greatah see ya Ms. Spencer.

It's Mrs. Harper now. I reply automatically.

Ooh, hm, I- I mightah heard bout dat.

I give myself a small correctional shake of the head. Why am I making this spontaneous reunion an uncomfortable one? She's not still a child for me to help form... Habit.

And while on the subject. That ever-present teacher in me is disappointed that with all the promise and degree; all these years later she's only a cashier in a gift shop... But her demeanor declares there's an ease, the kind I would wish on every one of my students and what's more-

Why the tone? Did you think I wouldn't remember you? I ask with a laugh she sheepishly accepts by taking my various peace offerings from the counter and starting to mark them up.

You didn't think I'd recognize you. I rephrase with a small tut.

How could I not? You were in my first class on my first day, you'll always hold a special place in my heart.

The pink hair and piercings were a dictum I knew you'd have made your peace with by now. I promptly inform her, though her embarrassment is all the more persistent afterwards.

And it's a welcomed change to see you more settled with yourself and the world.

How's Grace? I then ask, hoping the topic change might make her more comfortable.

She winces.

We broke awp. She replies softly as she bags the bear and card while she hands me the flowers.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I know you two were, very close... But I can't really say I'm surprised." I admit.

Her look turns puzzled.

Whatjamean?

I take her concern to heart and so consider my response carefully—it is a fine line between experience and patronizing after all.

I think you two bonded, over how very angry you were at the world. I confide.

"The neon hair going was simply the outward sign of your inward state, and if Grace couldn't or simply didn't choose to follow, then yes, you'd naturally drift apart."

But, how'djaknow? She asks but then she pauses and shakes her head while pressing her lips, as if saying that's not what I meant.

"Da angry I cay-in guess, dawmpster fires are hard tah miss. Not dat I'm admidding anyding... But why wouldja ever dink I'd, ja know, stahp?" She questions with increasing self-doubt.

"Because, you have a gentle soul Nancy." I reply confidently, a statement which her expression rebuffs.

I chuckle. See? You're still the quickest to downplay yourself instead of others.

"I know that, because I know you. I saw you work tirelessly for a place in your dream school. I saw you study in the dead of winter to earn that place because you wouldn't use up the limited school resources we had; you gave up your spot to someone else, with a smile. I saw you shed blood, sweat and tears for what you believed in even when you thought you were the only one who believed in you." She still doesn't hear me. She doesn't want to believe me.

I give a soft sigh. Nancy does after all mean 'grace' and you have always been my greatest example of all its definitions, even to the extreme of excelling in humility... You hardly ever meet anybody named Nancy anymore...

"But if that's not enough, then it's also in the little things. Like seeing you rescue a stray kitten and finding it a home or watching you take a different hall when the one you were about to step onto was recently finished by the janitor." I explain.

"But it's mostly in your eyes." I point out.

"You don't have the eyes of someone who really truly hates. No matter how much you raged and waved the banner of rebellion. Nope, your eyes always had hurt. But that didn't stop your truest nature from shining through to those of us who paid attention, but now." I say as I gaze into said orbs.

They simply ooze kindness. I inform her with more than a small amount of pride.

"If Grace couldn't recognize that or move on with you, then." I spread my hands out with my palms up in a gesture of what else is there?

"But you know what they say. When one door closes," I prompt.

Another opens? She ventures.

I chuckle once more.

"In some cases, but I'd say that the adage is more intended as: when one door closes you're left with the chance to reflect on whether you needed the door to begin with." I finish as I take the bag with my purchases off the counter.

I inwardly laugh as Nancy merely stands there very obviously struggling to digest this very wise ancient saying. I see her professors didn't challenge her enough... Perhaps I can rectify that..

Well, it's been great to see you again Nancy, let's make a point to talk again soon. But right now I really need to get going. I tell her with a sigh as the weight in my hand reminds me that I have an apology to stop putting off.

Her expression softens and she gives me an understanding look.

"I hope whoever dose are for gets bedder soon." She wishes with sympathy.

I hesitate for an instant over wanting to discuss the fundamental principle that the argument was born from, because if anybody is going to understand why my mother should also be contrite it's Nancy... But then I see her growing concern and so I instead voice a sincere, but more importantly shorter reply.

Thank you.

"Ooh honey, I told you I'm fine!" Mom protests as I fuss with her pillows.

I know, I know. I reply with a tired air as I release them and face her.

It's only a fracture. I quote back, my tone emphasizing my displeasure at her not taking her hospitalization seriously enough.

"Really Hailey." She scolds with a huff as she crosses her arms over each other.

"You should be worrying about all those poor people who were in the pileup."

I saw the list of the dozens of victims. I inform her tartly.

"You were this close to being included on that list." I say as tears in my eyes unexpectedly start to well up.

"Oooh honey, come here." She coos as she extends her arms towards me.

I'm fine baby, I promise. She whispers over my shoulder.

"I know Mom, I know."

Visiting hours over and Mom's nap yet ongoing, I quietly leave her room.

And when I'm back at my