What Matters Most

By Bailey Bradford

Sometimes it takes losing everything to find out what matters most.

Josh has a fondness for hot pink, penguins...and one wicked man he knows he shouldn't trust. Nick is a confused, angry man, one who has been denied the opportunity to know his half-siblings, who was ignored and treated less than second best—until the fair-haired children fell out of favor with a resounding thud. Now Nick has something he isn't sure he wants—a ranch left to him by a father who never cared for him, and a fascination with a certain hot-pink, penguin printed, scrub wearing nurse who makes his blood boil in a way no woman ever had.

But Josh left him hurting on the floor the last time he dared touch the man. Nick had never thought the attractive dark-haired man with the jewel-bright eyes would be anything other than a tool to spy on his half-siblings, but somehow, Josh has gotten under Nick's skin, and Nick isn't sure he ever wants it any other way.

But the choice isn't just his, and it's more than just their futures that are at risk... And Nick doesn't know if he can get past Josh turning away from him once again, or if he can be strong enough to reach for what matters most...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pride Publishing
• Release date: Aug 22, 2011
• ISBN: 9780857156280

Bailey Bradford

A native Texan, Bailey spends her days spinning stories around in her head, which has contributed to more than one incident of tripping over her own feet. Evenings are reserved for pounding away at the keyboard, as are early morning hours. Sleep? Doesn't happen much. Writing is too much fun, and there are too many characters bouncing about, tapping on Bailey's brain demanding to be let out. Caffeine and chocolate are permanent fixtures in Bailey's office and are never far from hand at any given time. Removing either of those necessities from Bailey's presence can result in what is known as A Very, Very Scary Bailey and is not advised under any circumstances.

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A Total-E-Bound Publication

www.total-e-bound.com

What Matters Most

ISBN #978-0-85715-628-0

©Copyright Bailey Bradford 2011

Cover Art by Posh Gosh ©Copyright August 2011

Edited by Claire Siemaszkiewicz

Total-E-Bound Publishing

This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher, Total-E-Bound Publishing.

Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Total-E-Bound Publishing. Unauthorised or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.

The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator of the artwork.

Published in 2011 by Total-E-Bound Publishing, Think Tank, Ruston Way, Lincoln, LN6 7FL, United Kingdom.

Warning: This book contains sexually explicit content which is only suitable for mature readers. This story has a heat rating of Total-e-melting and a sexometer of 2.

Love in Xxchange

WHAT MATTERS MOST

Bailey Bradford

Dedication

To the magical, amazing T-Shirt trio—B, C.H., and K.D. Y’all have inspired me and cheered me on every step of the way. Thank you.

Trademarks Acknowledgement

The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

Mack Truck: Mack Trucks, Inc.

The Zax: Dr. Seuss Properties

Ford: Ford Motor Company

Google: Google, Inc.

Dodge: Chrysler Group, LLC

iPod: Apple Inc.

Chapter One

Some days just sucked, that was all there was to it. Josh had woken up and felt like today was going to be one of those perfect days. He was well rested, the morning sun lit up his crappy bedroom and made even the dingy walls look pretty, dappled as they were with streaky paint someone had slapped on. Burnt orange was not his favourite colour, and the walls clashed horribly with his hot pink sheets and blanket, but somehow, with the sunlight glinting on the godawful orange, the whole room had seemed…not as bad as usual.

Josh had got out of bed and slipped off his pink star dotted pyjama bottoms and started his morning yoga. It helped to centre him, and keep him flexible, his muscles defined yet not so bulky he couldn’t hook his heel behind his head. Flexibility was a bonus in bed, and Josh prided himself on amazing his lovers. Well, he would have if he’d had any. It’d been a long dry spell, but really, what had he expected living in the armpit of south Texas?

He should have moved to San Fran, that was the thought he often had when he was lonely. Truth was, he didn’t want to be that far away from his brother. The man annoyed the living shit out of him, but he’d raised Josh, and he was the only family Josh had left. And yeah, okay, so Evan had helped, too.

Josh had stopped that train of thought before it could derail into a spectacular fashion and destroy the peace he was trying to find. He’d sunk into his meditation and came out feeling refreshed.

Then he’d pulled his favourite scrubs out of his closet only to discover there was a nice, ball sized hole in the crotch of his penguin scrubs. He’d muttered and cursed the evil washers at his apartment complex. It wasn’t the first time they’d mangled something of his. Josh had laid the scrubs on his bed and made a mental note to pick up some matching-ish material so he could patch them.

He’d put on his second favourite pair of scrubs, bright red ones covered in cheery smiley faces. Kind of hard on the eyes, but people seemed to like them regardless. Josh had slipped on his shoes then screeched to high Heaven when something crunched. He’d kicked the shoe off and gagged as a flat and icky roach fell out onto the carpet. And of course, the stupid handivac hadn’t been charged, which left Josh holding a paper towel in one hand and pressing the other over his mouth as he gagged and heaved.

The coffee machine overflowed, the filter having been folded all funky. There’d been coffee grounds and water all over the countertop and even on the floor. His milk was bad and his bread mouldy. He’d sneezed while brushing his teeth and created a mess he’d never have thought possible. By the time he made it outside to his beat up Honda, he wasn’t the least bit surprised to discover one tire was low. His good mood had been thoroughly trounced along with the cockroach, so Josh had let loose with the curses as he dragged out the little compressor Justin insisted he keep in the trunk.

But the battery was dead, the compressor couldn’t draw a charge, and Josh ended up tossing the damn thing back in the trunk and calling for a cab. Which was when he realised he’d forgotten to charge his cell phone overnight. At least he’d got his address to the cab company before the phone had died. He’d run back to his apartment, thinking the cab would take forever to get there. Inside he’d grabbed his charger then sprinted back out the door just in time to see the cab pulling away from the kerb. Josh had had to chase the stupid thing down, and the morning sun he’d thought was so pretty had turned hotter than hell and Josh smelt like the arm pit he claimed he lived in by the time he got to work.

He hadn’t been fool enough at that point to think his day would get any better, and it hadn’t. Mr Walton, his boss, had pitched a hissy over Josh charging his cell phone at work. The arrogant asshole didn’t give a flying shit how Josh’s morning had gone and told Josh so when he’d tried to explain why he was charging his phone. Josh had given up and unplugged his charger when his boss started talking about writing him up. Josh couldn’t think of a bad enough word to call his boss, so he’d settled on fantasies involving his boss being naked in front of everyone and having a willy the size of Josh’s thumb.

Josh had decided then and there he needed more evil ideas. He’d figured he’d have to talk to Annabelle. She knew how to be mean and how to get away with it. She’d probably come over here and nut his boss.

From there on out, the day had been one disaster after another. Cranky patients, angry patients, furious patients—Josh had concluded he’d been a puppy and kitten kicker in a previous life since Karma was clearly trying to teach him a lesson with this one.

Added to all the bad shit, Josh had felt that itchy sensation skittering down his spine, the kind that made the hair on the nape of his neck stand up and wave for attention. Someone was watching him, that’s what the sensation was telling him, but Josh couldn’t figure out who—until he caught his boss glaring at him at the end of his shift, waving a stack of papers at him. Josh had tried to be optimistic about Walton glaring at him, considering all too often the ass was leering in a way that was well past creepy. A glare was better than that perv ogling him any day.

Josh had received a very thorough reaming from the man, and not the enjoyable kind he really wished he’d get—from someone else, of course. He’d shoved aside the thought of one jackass he’d left lying on the floor of the Xxchange a couple of weeks back. Nick. He wasn’t that desperate, no matter what his body and mind tried to tell him. What the hell did those two things know?

Now he was finally off work and standing outside of the hospital, waiting for his cab to show. Unlike the one this morning, this one wasn’t anywhere near quick. Josh had been waiting over half an hour, and the itchy feeling teasing at his spine and scraping over the back of his neck was back and stronger than before. Josh peered over his shoulder. Yep, his boss was leering at him. Rebuffing the jerkoff’s clumsy and, frankly, crude, advance had been a bigger mistake than he’d thought. The guy claimed he wasn’t gay, just thought he’d offer his dick for sucking to a gay man because, hey, all gays were horny and would take whatever they could get.

Josh snorted as he turned away. He was horny all right, but he’d never be that horny. The cab finally pulled into the parking lot and Josh sprinted for the door, not willing to risk losing his method of escape. He hopped in the cab and gave the driver his address. Josh leaned his head back and closed his eyes and wondered why he always ended up getting harassed by someone at his job. It’d happened every damn time. Annabelle told him it was because he was pretty, which hadn’t done a thing for his ego or confidence. Josh would rather be brawny and handsome like Justin, not petite and thin and pretty. Christ, if he was pretty, and this is what happened to pretty people, he was tempted to slam his face through a window.

Get out of the pity party, Josh chastised himself. Then he thought about how he was going to have to call Justin for help, because after two cab rides, Josh’s spending money was gone, and his car was…it was screwed up. Justin would know what was wrong with it. The only bright spot in the whole shithole of the day was that Josh knew he’d probably get to see Annabelle when Justin showed up.

He should have known better than to even entertain the thought, he fumed, as he opened his door later and found Evan standing on the other side.

Chapter Two

Josh hated that look in Evan’s eyes! The freaking mix of pity and…and knowledge and something that always flickered away before Josh could fully decipher it.

Evan sighed and craned his neck to look back towards the parking lot. Josh gripped the door knob tighter and struggled to get his emotions under control. Logically, he knew he should be over being pissed at Evan, and he even knew, to some degree, that Evan had been right in doing what he’d done years ago. Kind of.

Yet Josh had carried the anger and resentment with him for so long, he didn’t know how to let it go. What had begun as a small seed of hurt as a teen had tumbled about inside him, gathering the detritus of other perceived slights until that seed had sprouted roots and limbs and now seemed a permanent part of Josh.

Evan looked at him and held out his hand. If you’ll give me the keys to your car, I’ll take care of it and get out of here.

Telling himself that was not hurt he saw in Evan’s eyes, Josh pulled the door open wider and stepped back. I threw them somewhere in the bedroom. It could take me a few minutes to find them. You might as well come inside. It wasn’t his most gracious offer of hospitality, and it made him feel like cold shit to see the hopeful smile stretching Evan’s lips. Josh turned and nearly sprinted to the bedroom, needing to get away from Evan before he said something mean to Justin’s partner…Well, one of Justin’s partners.

Or maybe Josh wouldn’t say something mean. Maybe he’d say something nice, or at least apologetic, and then he wouldn’t have a clue how to behave around Evan ever again. He found the keys under his bedspread—he wasn’t even going to try to figure that one out—then turned and let loose a startled squeak. Slapping a hand over his racing heart—and of course it was the hand he held the keys in, which didn’t feel good at all—Josh glared at Evan. "Did you have to sneak up on me?!"

It’s not like I tiptoed in here, Evan said, and I’m a good six feet away from you.

Well, yeah, he was, but after having experienced that creepy sensation of being watched for most of the day, Josh was just a little jumpy. He held the keys out to Evan and tried not to glare at the man. Evan reached out and grabbed Josh’s hand before he realised what Evan was doing. Josh reflexively tried to jerk his hand free only to find it held firmly in Evan’s grip. Josh stopped trying not to give Evan an evil glare and blasted him with a furious look. Let. Go.

After a few tense seconds, Evan let Josh’s hand go, plucking the keys from his grasp as he did so. When Evan didn’t do anything other than stand there holding the keys and staring at him, Josh propped his hands on his hips and did his best to look down his nose at a man almost a foot taller than him.

Evan cocked a hip and twirled the keyring around his index finger, looking for all the world like he intended to stand there blocking the doorway for eternity. Josh, don’t you think it’s time you let it go?

Josh had thought that very thing, but hearing it from Evan’s mouth made Josh want to stomp his feet and shout a denial. He opened his mouth to speak only to be cut off when Evan started babbling again. I mean, you’re an adult now, would you want to fuck a minor, especially one around—

Stop it, Josh bit out as his stomach clenched and rolled. He could see Evan’s point, but still.

Josh, come on, Evan pleaded, taking a step closer. You know you wouldn’t because it’s wrong. So why do you hate me—

Josh didn’t want to discuss this, not now, not later, and definitely not with Evan.

Evan took another small step closer as he frowned. And if you hate me so much, why would you encourage Annabelle to have a relationship that I was involved in?

Because it was what she wanted! Josh almost added, and what my brother wanted, but that sounded hateful even in his imagination. Now, can you fix the car? Because Josh could not deal with this shit on top of the day he’d had.

Evan narrowed his eyes at Josh and nodded, then pointed at him. Fine. But you aren’t getting out of having this conversation with me in the very near future. I’ve had it with you blaming me for doing the right god damned thing. Evan punctuated his words with a sharp nod, then turned and left the bedroom.

Josh breathed a sigh of relief at the temporary reprieve. Evan seemed determined to have a chat with him very soon, but Josh would do whatever he could to avoid that, at least until he was ready to discuss it. If he was ever ready to discuss it. Maybe he should man up and apologise just to avoid the whole upcoming talk.

No one said he had to be sincere with the apology.

* * * *

You’re such a bitch, Josh muttered to himself as he peered out the tiny window to watch Evan working on his car. He was stuck in the same juvenile cycle of guilt breeding anger, not at the offending party, either, but rather at the one person who’d stepped in and done what was right, though Josh still hated to admit it—Geez, he hoped that was from habit.

But, God, an apology would have to cover years of being a shit, and how big of an apology would that have to be?

Stowing the question for now, Josh turned away from the window. A sharp pain shot up his right side, spearing from his ribs up to his shoulder blade. Josh hissed and rubbed at his tense muscles. Another round of yoga would do him a world of good, but it would have to wait. He wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to meditate or work the stress from his body, not when he knew he was going to have to eat a big serving of crow very soon.

Deciding a shower would have to do for now, Josh went into his bedroom and dug out the oldest, softest pair of sweats he had. He pulled out his favourite T-shirt too, the image so faded from washings that he could barely make out Layne Staley’s fine-boned features and long, curly blond hair. Josh had the biggest crush on the grunge singer when he was a kid, then the man had OD’d and Josh experienced his first lesson in idolizing someone—they weren’t what you made them out to be in your mind. The second lesson followed immediately after—it hurt like a bitch to find out the first lesson, especially in such an irreversible manner. Josh had been more circumspect about his crushes and fantasies ever since.

Mostly. He turned the shower on and stripped quickly, his mind rolling back to the last night he’d been at the Xxchange, when he’d assaulted—albeit with good reason—the man he suspected was Annabelle and Rory’s half-brother. Nick. The jerk had played Josh, making him think Nick was interested in him, hooked him like a stupid hungry trout, then started trying to get Josh to talk about Annabelle and Rory. Josh had become suspicious, little alarms going off in his head that something wasn’t quite right, and the questions, along with the way Nick had been manhandling Josh had pushed Josh to react with more violence than he’d thought himself capable of.

Later, after Annabelle and Rory had been informed that Ian Calhoun, their father, had died. The siblings had been more upset about it than Josh thought the mean old bastard deserved, considering he’d cut them out of his will. Rory’s partner Chance had filled Annabelle and Josh in on the rest of it, which was basically that Ian Calhoun had another son, one older than either of them, and he’d left the Mossy Glenn ranch to this mysterious man.

Those same alarm bells that had sounded in Josh’s head at The Xxchange when he’d been realising that something was off with Nick had started ringing again. It’d taken Josh a while, but he gradually came to believe the man he’d kneed in the balls and left in a gasping, shuddering heap on the club floor was almost certainly the son who’d inherited the Mossy Glenn. It was the only thing that made any sense, at least to him.

As for why Nick hadn’t just approached his half-siblings, Josh wondered about that, just like he wondered why, while he’d told Annabelle about the encounter, he’d left off the bit about Nick wanting information on her and Rory. And his suspicion that Nick was Rory and Annabelle’s half-brother. Whether it was guilt for the way he’d nutted the man, or something else that he didn’t really want to examine, Josh had kept his mouth shut about Nick. That probably wasn’t the smartest way to handle the whole situation, but that’s what he’d done and now he had to stick with it.

Josh stepped in the shower and rolled the idea around in his head, or tried to. Of course, any thought of Nick tended to have his dick springing to attention, and this time was no different. As much as Josh longed to bring himself off, he couldn’t, not when Evan might be waiting when he came out. That would just be too weird. It was different when Josh was a horny kid who couldn’t keep his hand off his dick any time he got the chance. Now he was a horny adult and somehow he just knew Evan would know what he’d done in the shower. Josh looked down at his swollen cock and gave it a couple of loving strokes. Soon, I promise, if you’re up to it.

He finished his shower, giving his dick time to behave, then cut the water off before grabbing a towel and swiping at the moisture on his skin. The sound of the apartment door opening and closing was easy to hear through the thin walls, and Josh steeled himself for the coming confrontation. He had no doubt Evan had meant what he’d said, and Josh agreed. This crap between them had gone on long enough. Now if he could just convince his inner insane teenager of that fact…

Once dressed in his comfort clothes, Josh stepped out of the bathroom and wasn’t the least bit surprised to find Evan standing only a few feet away, his arms crossed over his chest and one eyebrow cocked expectantly.

Josh knew that look. It was the one Evan had given him every time he’d screwed up as a kid. The ‘you’re in for a lecture and you’ll damn well shut up and listen’ look. Josh hated that look, and hated even more the effect it had on him. It made him want to hang his head and shuffle over to the couch as he muttered an apology. Josh raised his chin up and forced his shoulders back. He wasn’t a kid anymore, and it was well past the time he started acted like the man he wanted to be.

Instead of walking to the couch to await his punishment, Josh headed towards the tiny table in the kitchen. You coming? He didn’t wait for Evan’s answer, instead pulling out a wobbly chair and sitting, careful not to sprawl or convey any belligerence in his posture. Evan was soon seated across from him. Josh locked gazes with the other man. Thank you for fixing my car. There, that sounded mature and non-confrontational.

Evan leant back in his chair and narrowed his eyes, as if trying to figure out what game Josh was playing at. "It’s not completely fixed. You need to buy a new tire and have it put on as soon as possible. That crappy