The Hijackal Trap: The Hidden Anger of Passive Aggression

By Rhoberta Shaler PhD

Second-guessing yourself? Questioning your sanity? Feeling caught, stuck or trapped in a consistently frustrating relationship? You might be with a Hijackal®, a relentlessly difficult, toxic person with narcissistic, borderline, or anti-social tendencies.

"The Hijackal Trap" will help you see the patterns, traits, and frustrating, infuriating behaviors of passive-aggressive people. It’s everything you need to know about managing the relationship to save your sanity.

After reading this guide you will know:
- Where the Hijackals are lurking
- How to identify them
- Why you are attracted to them
- Why they are attracted to you
- How to respond to their blame, shame and control tactics
- Steps you can take to manage and minimize unnecessary conflict
- How to leave a Hijackal and why it takes special powers
- Why getting help is a great choice

This is information that can help you now!
Grab this book. When you’re nearing or at the end of your rope and don’t know what to do next...
This book will definitely get you to a place of more clarity, skill and confidence in all your dealings with your favorite HIJACKAL... and could save your relationship.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rhoberta Shaler PhD
• Release date: Dec 7, 2015

Rhoberta Shaler PhD

Rhoberta Shaler, PhDThe Relationship Help DoctorRhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor, provides urgent and ongoing care for relationships in crisis. Her mission is to provide the insights, information, and inspiration for clients and audiences to know why and how to transform relationship with themselves and with other humans to be honest, respectful, and safe in all ways. Even the United States Marines have sought her help!Dr. Shaler empowers the partners, exes, adult children, and co-workers of the relentlessly difficult, toxic people she calls Hijackals® to recognize emotional abuse, realize the effects, heal, and transform. She helps them see clearly, stop the crazy-making, and save their sanity.Widely published and author of sixteen books including Escaping the Hijackal Trap and Stop! That’s Crazy-Making, she hosts two popular podcasts: Transforming Relationship with Emotional Savvy and Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships. Her YouTube channel, ForRelationshipHelp, has reached over 270,000 views.Dr. Shaler works with clients worldwide via video conferencing. Start today at beaclient.com

Book preview

The

HIJACKAL

TRAP

Passive-Aggression Edition

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

The Relationship Help Doctor

People Skills Press

San Diego, CA

An excerpt from

THE HIJACKAL TRAP: Loving Someone Who SHOVES You Away Yet DEMANDS That You Stay

Copyright © 2016 Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

First Edition: First printing, 2016

People Skills Press, San Diego, CA

Limits of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the authors and publisher have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents and specifically disclaim any implied warranties. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. Consult with a professional where appropriate. The author and publisher shall not be liable for any losses or damages including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

Editing & cover design by Kera McHugh

something else support studio, www.time4somethingelse.com

Layout & interior design by Maureen Cutajar

Go Published, www.gopublished.com

For further information visit: http://forrelationshiphelp.com or call 760.747.8686

TABLE OF CONTENTS

WHAT IS THE HIJACKAL TRAP™?

HIJACKALS? WHO ARE THEY AND WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?

DIFFICULT PEOPLE CREATE DIFFICULTIES: THAT’S WHAT THEY DO!

HIJACKALS™: HOW TO MANAGE THEIR PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS & IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP…AND SANITY

ARE YOU BEHAVING IN PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE WAYS?

IS THAT PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE OR WHAT?

7 WAYS TO KEEP THEIR PASSIVE-AGGRESSION FROM DRIVING YOU NUTS

SICK OF PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR? STOP ENABLING IT!

WHAT PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR LOOKS LIKE AT WORK

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

In this eBook, excerpted from THE HIJACKAL TRAP: Loving Someone Who SHOVES You Away Yet DEMANDS That You Stay, you will learn more about the passive-aggressive behaviors of your favorite HIJACKALS and what you can do to live in greater peace. You will also learn how to avoid and how to step out of The HIJACKAL TRAP!

You’ll get insights into:

• Where Hijackals can be lurking

• What brings them out

• How to identify their stripes

• What is effective in equalizing relationships

• How to communicate kindly and honestly, with boundaries

• Steps you can take to manage and minimize unnecessary conflict

• What you can do to create a tamer, saner relationships with Hijackals.

CAVEAT: Throughout this book, I sometimes use the term passive-aggressive people in order to simplify the writing. Please note that it is shorthand for people behaving in ways that can be construed as passive-aggressive.

People with passive-aggressive behaviors are NOT only passive-aggressive. The word cannot be used to sum up a person. Clearly, these people can also be loving, kind, aware, amazing, caring, wonderful folks in all other ways. Passive-aggressive is only one behavior in their repertoire.

I have used the acronym, PATs, for Passive-Aggressive Tendencies, again to simplify the writing.

WHAT IS THE HIJACKAL TRAP™?

Good question! The Hijackal Trap is very broad, far-reaching, and mostly subterranean. You get glimpses of it in confusing early moments in your relationship. You ignore those glimpses because they don’t seem to fit the pattern you are creating in your mind: that your partner is wonderful, engaging, amazing, mysterious, delicious, and just right for you. That’s the pattern you are looking for, so that is the pattern you see. When these little trap tentacles reach out and show themselves, you opt for your pattern of choice: s/he is perfect for me.

The presence of The Hijackal Trap is illusive. Now you see it. Now you don’t. And, because you don’t want to see it, when it does show up, you make excuses for it:

• "S/he is going through a bad patch."

• "S/he didn’t really mean it."

• "S/he is having trouble at work right now."

• "S/he is usually so giving, so something else must be upsetting him/her."

• "Everybody has a bad day sometimes."

Those all make sense, right? You tell yourself that it is best to give people the benefit of the doubt. And, because you like being with this person—and maybe, just maybe, you really want them to like you—you make excuses for their behavior. And, that other person gets a little more of what they want, you get a little less, and you are somehow uneasy about it. But, often, not uneasy enough to start seeing the patterns.

The Hijackal Trap is set. It lies in wait and sneaks up, usually very slowly, from all sides, but not all sides at the same time. That’s the sneaky bit. Most often the illusion is that you