The Unskippable Handbook For Dealing with JERKS, IDIOTS & TERRIBLE People

By Jim F. Kukral and Lisa Picarille

This book is for everyone who desperately needs to find a way to cope with the jerks, the idiots and the terrible people in our lives. 

The truth is, we’ve all got a little bit of jerk, idiocy and terribleness inside of us. The question is, just how much? Want to find out? Read this book. And maybe the even more important question; when we meet people who have a Chernobyl level of it all pumping through their veins, how are we supposed to deal with them?

This is NOT a book for people who get offended easily. If you want to have some fun by exploring the inner, most dark thoughts we all have in our minds about how to deal with people who drive us crazy… then this book is for you. If you are bothered by those things, it’s probably best if you look for a book about unicorns and rainbows. Yes, you are better than us. 

Have you ever felt yourself secretly wishing that the guy who cut you off in rush hour would spill boiling coffee in his lap and drive into a ditch? At any point in your life do you wonder how your co-worker managed to get the raise you deserved even though they are so obviously unqualified because they can’t even spell their own name correctly? Have you ever been perplexed why there are so many truly terrible people in the world who seem to exist just to mess with you?

Told in a fun, conversational tone, you will gather an understanding of how the world, and humans, have raced to the bottom and how to free yourself from letting these jerks, idiots and terrible people control your life. 

It’s gonna be a fun ride. You in?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jim F. Kukral
• Release date: Feb 14, 2020

Book preview

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Chapter 1

The History Of Jerks, Idiots & Terrible People

Jerks, idiots and terrible people have been around forever. You know there was a few Cro-Magnon cavemen that we’re doing some stupid shit to each other back then, even before they were using words.

Heck, after they figured out how to make fire I’m 100 percent sure one of them thought it would be hilarious to throw a hot ember into his cave mate’s loin cloth just to watch him burn a bit, just for the laugh.

And you know that same guy who got burned returned the favor to his buddy the next day by peeing in his water bowl. Terrible, idiotic, jerky stuff, by the earliest of man, done by pure instinct, just to fuck with each other.

And the crazy part is it hasn’t stopped; it’s only gotten worse.

There are more jerks, idiots and terrible people than ever before. Let’s look at some early examples just to prove this has been going on since humans existed.

Caligula was Roman emperor from 37 to 41 AD. Aside from his well documented escapades with wild sex orgies and incest, he was also an all around jerk, idiot and terrible person. Trifecta! 

He once lined up his soldiers and artillery on the beach and declared war on Neptune, God of the sea, even ordering his soldiers to stab the water with their swords and spears. After that he claimed victory over the ocean and commanded his men to collect shells as war bounty.

At some games at which he was presiding, he was said to have ordered his guards to throw an entire section of the audience into the arena during the intermission to be eaten by the wild beasts because there were no prisoners to be used. 

Why? Wait for it; he was bored.

In early 41, Caligula was assassinated as a result of a conspiracy by officers of the Praetorian Guard. Gee, I wonder why?

Chrysippus was a stoic Greek philosopher who died at the age of 73. According to Wikipedia, Chrysippus excelled in logic, the theory of knowledge, ethics, and physics. He created an original system of propositional logic in order to better understand the workings of the universe and role of humanity within it. He initiated the success of Stoicism as one of the most influential philosophical movements for centuries in the Greek and Roman world. 

Legendary guy.

Want to know how he died? Chrysippus saw a donkey eating his figs and reportedly yelled: Now give the donkey a pure wine to wash down the figs!, and then started laughing so hard that he fell on the ground before starting to shake uncontrollably with foam coming out of his mouth. 

Correct. He died of laughing at his own joke. What an idiot! 

Benito Amilcare Andrea Mussolini was Prime Minister of the Kingdom of Italy from 1922 to 1943, and was executed in 1945 during the Italian civil war. As dictator of Italy and founder of fascism, Mussolini inspired several totalitarian rulers such as Adolf Hitler.

So while he was a world-renowned brutal fascist who killed and tortured his own people, he was also writing a really bad historical romance novel. The Cardinal's Mistress was published six years after he took power and is widely regarded as some of the worst torture he had ever inflicted upon the world. 

Because who knows romance better than a murdering dictator? What a jerk!

It’s amazing, isn’t it? From the dawn of man, to today, the world has been littered with jerks, idiots and terrible people who have left their skid mark on the undies of human history. If only we had a giant wet wipe we could use to erase them from our derriere and then flush it down the toilet.

Former North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il certainly fits the bill. Among his claims to fame which are treated like scripture in his country, Kim Jong II claimed he had invented the hamburger, composed six operas, could change the weather with his moods, and shot 11 holes in one on an 18-hole golf course. 

Proclaiming otherwise by any of his citizens meant being murdered viciously in immediate fashion. Imagine his chef who slipped up one day. 

Chef: Good afternoon Supreme Leader, here is your hamburger for lunch.

Kim Jong: You know, you worthless maggot, I invented the hamburger.

Chef: Actually Supreme Leader, I read it was invented by Germans.

Kim Jong: Shoot this man in the head. Then someone get me some ketchup. 

Nero was the last Roman emperor of the Julio-Claudian dynasty. At some point he decided his mother had to die. Nice, huh? He first rigged a chair with a weight to flatten her, which didn't work. Then he rigged her ship to sink, and it did, but she just swam ashore. Doh! Finally, he got fed up and just hired a guy to murder her. 

A lesson for us all. When at first you don’t succeed. Try, try again!

President Gerald Ford once said, I like to watch a lot of baseball on the radio. Idiocracy.

Adolf Frederick was King of Sweden from 1751 until his death. According to a story on Ancient-origins.net he died on the 12 th of February 1771, at the age of 60. The day of his death was Fettisdagen (literally meaning ‘Fat Tuesday’). 

As the following day would have been the beginning of Lent, the king had a huge meal the night before. It is reported that the king feasted on lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, kippers, and champagne. Additionally, the king devoured 14 servings of semla, a sweet roll filled with cream traditionally eaten in Sweden on Fettisdagen. 

Adolf Frederick died shortly after this sumptuous last meal and it is often thought that it was the dessert that caused his death. Thus giving him the legacy of the title of The King Who Ate Himself to Death. Idiot.

Shall we continue?

One word: Snooky. What else has to be said?

I can’t resist. Did you know that Snooky, the annoying reality tv show star has several books and has sold hundreds of thousands of copies? She also gets paid, or used to at least, to appear at night clubs as a special celebrity. I guess I should give it up to her, the real idiot is the person who bought one of those books or went to one of those clubs to be in her presence. 

If that’s you, I demand you stop reading this instant! Then repeatedly smack yourself in the head until you pass out.