Lead Like You Care: Coaching conversations & leadership principles that make you a leader people want to follow

By TBone McGowian

A deficiency in self-awareness, unhealthy view of ego coupled with arrogance, bottom-line fixation, lack of integrity, and treating people as cogs in the proverbial 'well-oiled machine' has created a leadership crisis in corporations, religion, politics, and government in America. Many unsuspecting leaders' default toward leadership styles that reduce morale, decrease productivity, encourage attrition and poor work performance from team members.

After years coaching and training leaders in Fortune 500 companies, businesses, non-profit, and government, T Bone brings the spirit of ubuntu, neuroscience, principles and common sense to help new inexperienced leaders quickly ramp-up and build a conscious leadership legacy.

The pragmatic tips and suggestions like - developing others, emotional hijacking, girl power leadership, neuroscience and trust, and being vulnerable are a few practical conscious concepts throughout the book that will help you lead Like You Care!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tablo Publishing
• Release date: Jul 20, 2019
• ISBN: 9781925993738

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.

 - Lao Tzu - 

Unconscious or Conscious

David lived and breathed the corporate leadership expectations carved out for him without much questioning. This was his MBA at work in the technology world.  Text messages, voicemails, emails, and laptop were his daily friends.  He was always in organizational meetings.  His smartphone pinged and vibrated constantly.  His were a typical executive’s days—skipping breakfast, not making it to the gym, solving last night’s corporate issues while on his morning commute.

Arriving at the office one morning, David slammed the door to minimize distractions while he spent a couple of hours replying to emails, listening to voicemails, and reading threads of texts.  Everyone knew the unspoken rule about interrupting him.  They tip-toed in even for urgent matters to request time on his calendar via Shawna, his executive assistant.

When he finally emerged from his office, he barked at Shawna to order lunch and cancel his afternoon appointment with Lance, his direct report.  This was the third time he had canceled, prompting Lance to question his role and importance on the team.

David dashed to a strategy meeting and glanced distractedly at email and texts throughout the presentation.  His questions clearly demonstrated his lack of presence and engagement on the topic.  When the facilitator directed a question toward him, he replied with circuitous babble.

Next he rushed to a get-you-butt-moving-we’re-behind-on-the-project meeting.  He lashed out about the group’s failure to understand and align with the customer’s request for developing the backend of their SharePoint site.

Walking across campus to the next meeting served as his exercise for the day.  Between conference calls and meetings, he ate a few bites of the lunch Shawna had picked up and left on his desk.  Instead of celebrating when the development team reported their good findings, David shared his frustrations of how much better it could be. He blew up a few times in the meeting, then apologized.

Returning to his office, he was again inundated with emails, voice messages, policies to sign off on—but he was already late for dinner with his wife and kids.

When he made it home, the family was almost done eating. He tried to be present, but his mind drifted toward work as the kids conversed about their day. Jana gave him the infamous look. He knew the bedroom conversation that night would be about him not being emotionally present at home.

David later promised Jana more quality time after the quarterly business review and organizational initiative were complete. He was honest and sincere about spending time with Jana and the kids. However, he also felt pressure as senior VP to be on top of everything that was happening at work. His success was measured on increasing market share, yearly revenue increase, and development of innovative software. It was vitally important to make sure he was highly visible to the C-level executive management.

As he closed his eyes for a few hours of restless sleep, the phone chimed with texts and voicemails. Jana sighed and rolled over to her side of the bed as he read the messages. Inwardly, he was ridden with performance anxiety, frustration, sadness, and some fear. He would never admit that he was overwhelmed and needed help. That type of thinking represented weakness in the traditional leadership manuals and courses he had taken.

His head sank into the pillow. This was just another typical day in David’s World of successful leadership.

Terrance’s life used to mirror David’s with even more extremes, causing both his business and personal life to spiral downward. Fortunately, he took the time and effort to make the changes that were needed. Things in Terrance’s life look very different than they used to.

Now, after a restful night of sleep, Terrance will jump out of bed and slip on his running shoes for a thirty-minute trail run. He returns to give his partner a loving kiss and then hops in the shower. They share ten to fifteen minutes of connection discussing life, plans, vacation, and expressing some appreciation for being together and being alive. Terrance looks over the kids’ homework while eating breakfast and sipping a cup of coffee. He jokes with Jamal about liking the girl in his fifth period class while praising Ana’s science project. He gives each kid a peck on the forehead and out the door he goes.

Driving gives Terrance fifteen minutes to be grateful. He names the many friendships, relationships, things, and insights that he is thankful for. He reflects on how much life has changed since coaching began eleven months ago. He plays his favorite upbeat, energizing, and inspirational songs while quietly saying to himself, I get to choose who I will be and how I will react to today’s circumstances. I choose to be genuine, authentic, and kind. I choose to let my strengths shine and delegate my weaknesses.

He greets his executive assistant, Krasha, with a smile and good morning. She smiles back—something that did not happen much eleven months ago.  He inquires about her son’s recuperation from chickenpox, then retreats to his office and closes the door for thirty minutes.

The first ten minutes is set aside for mindful conscious presence, something he learned as part of the emotional intelligence section of his coaching. He marks his mood meter chart. Then, grounded and centered, he opens his laptop and begins perusing the emails that Krasha marked as priorities and urgent. He used to be a micromanaging control freak. Now he utilizes Krasha’s awesome organizational skills and knowledge of the organization’s pulse from her interactions with the other executive administrative staff. He trusts her. During their morning sync meeting, they run through the day’s schedule together. Krasha feels not only valued but confident in her insights.

Terrance greets everyone as he enters his first meeting, sitting down for a few moments to check email and smartphone texts. He then announces, I’m closing my laptop and silencing my phone. I’m all yours. Let’s see what we can accomplish. During the meeting he allows himself to be challenged on some of his ideas while respectfully challenging others. It is a total 180 degree turn from his former meeting engagements where raised voices, cynicism, and insensitive comments were the norm. Toward the end of the meeting he thanks everyone for their input and innovation and shows a bit of vulnerability by stating, "I don’t have all the answers; that’s why I rely on you. You’re in the trenches each day and experience this from the front line. I really value your input moving forward as we find the best route to achieve our