Bizarre Fables About Stupid Choices

By Duane L. Ostler

A man professing to have stronger willpower than anyone on earth searches the world over for an addiction he cannot overcome. A billionaire without heirs uses an amnesia drug to see who is worthy to inherit his fortune, by seeing how people behave when they have forgotten who they are. An inventor creates a can of instant 'love spray,' but is shocked at the unexpected results when he starts to use it.

In eight bizarre fables like these the reader is taken on a journey through the valley of stupidity, to see what love really is (and isn't), why addictions and pride are so deadly, the need for moral values, and how judging ourselves positively may be the best judgment we ever make.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Duane L. Ostler
• Release date: Jul 13, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463357019

Duane L. Ostler

Duane L. Ostler was raised in Southern Idaho, and has lived in Australia, Mexico, Brazil, China, Utah, the big Island of Hawaii, and—most foreign of all—New Jersey. He practiced law for over 10 years and has a PhD in legal history. He and his wife have five children and two cats.

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BIZARRE FABLES ABOUT STUPID CHOICES

By Duane L. Ostler

Copyright 2013 Duane L. Ostler

This book may not be reproduced, copied or distributed without the express permission of the author.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1 - The Robot and the Moral Compass

CHAPTER 2 - An Orphan's Effort to Prove that God does not Exist

CHAPTER 3 - The Billionaire Without Heirs and his Search for a Worthy Successor

CHAPTER 4 - The Can of Love Spray

CHAPTER 5 - The Master of all Addictions

CHAPTER 6 - The Pridemeter and What it Told

CHAPTER 7 - The Judge Who Got Judged

CHAPTER 8 - The Perfect Portal

Other books by the author

CHAPTER ONE

THE ROBOT AND THE MORAL COMPASS

There once was a repair robot who could fix almost anything. Although he looked, walked and talked just like a normal person (and you couldn’t tell by looking at him that he wasn’t), he had screwdrivers and other tools hidden in his fingers, and a power drill hidden behind a secret door in his chest. He could sit down and fix a toaster or an auto engine or a brain scan machine with equal ease.

The robot’s creator had installed a ‘moral compass’ in his chest so that he would be truthful and forthright. This was so that he could pass for a normal citizen and not cause trouble. This ‘moral compass’ let the robot’s computerized brain know what behavior was right and wrong. The robot was even programmed so that if he went to church, he could sing all the hymns in perfect pitch.

One day in between repair jobs, the robot was walking out of a department store where he had just fixed an elevator. As he went through the women’s dress area, an older lady called to him, and said, Young man, could you please tell me if this dress I’m trying on makes me look fat? The lady had a hopeful look in her eye, and it would have been obvious to any normal human male what answer he needed to give if he wanted to avoid a lot of trouble.

However, the robot had been programmed for absolute truthfulness, so he said without any hesitation, Yes, it makes you look very fat.

The lady hit him so hard with her purse that she loosened several of his gaskets. Then she burst into tears and went to complain to the store manager, while the poor robot staggered out of the store as fast as he could.

This experience made the robot very worried. What if it happened again? Unhappily, he knew he couldn’t do anything about his programming, so he concluded he would just have to live with it. He therefore tried to avoid people’s questions where he could—especially questions from overweight women in department stores trying on dresses.

About a week later the robot attended his company’s picnic. Since he only ate oil he obviously didn’t come for the food. In fact, he was only there because he was programmed to attend all company functions (however, he was not programmed to like them).

After he arrived, one of the office secretaries asked if he would sample her casserole and tell her if it was any good. The robot had been programmed as a food taster (he would spit out the food after tasting it, of course, so it wouldn’t clog up his inner workings), so he reluctantly agreed.

The robot noticed the same hopeful look in the eye of the secretary that he had seen in the eyes of the fat dress lady at the department store. This set his panic programming into full swing and he started to shiver. When he tasted the casserole he started to shiver even more, since it was awful. And the secretary was holding a big salad knife! The poor robot was now shivering so much it was starting to mess up his internal gyros. He could feel the truthfulness programming rising up within him, and tried his best to resist it, even though he knew it was probably futile to do so.

Then, to his amazement, he found himself saying, It tastes just fine. The secretary smiled appreciatively, and went to serve the casserole to other unfortunate guests, leaving the robot to wonder at what had just happened.

All that night, long after the company party had ended, the robot pondered what had taken place (since he didn’t sleep, he had to stay up all night anyway). He had overridden his programming! He had actually defied his internal moral compass! He could hardly believe it. Yet the more he thought about it, the more he became determined to experiment and do it again, on purpose this time. He wanted to confirm that he could override the moral compass at will. He was mainly just curious, and merely wanted to see if it were possible to do it if he were not panicking.

And so, the next day he tried it. He decided he would try something a little different than lying this time, but which would still involve his moral compass. He had to go out and fix an ATM machine. He decided that while he had it open, he would steal a few thousand dollars. That would be a real test of his honesty programming! Later on he would just go open the ATM and return the money.

And so, that is what he did. He just took the money out and stuffed it in his pockets in the middle of the job. He felt the same strange sensation of having to resist his honesty programming, and he could feel his moral compass gyrating wildly in his chest. But he was able to do it. With great satisfaction and pleasure, the robot took the money home and stuffed it in his mattress.

He had planned to take the money back that night and return it to the ATM. However, the police showed up at his door before he had a chance. The theft had been discovered! They questioned him of course, and discovering that he was a mere robot and had been programmed for absolute honesty, they did not even search his quarters or question him any further after he told them he knew nothing about it. While the lie made his moral compass gyrate wildly and he felt uncomfortable once again, he knew he had to lie or he would be dismantled and that would be the end of him.

Now he faced a difficult dilemma. He couldn’t return the money since no normal thief could break into the ATM as easily as he could, so he obviously would be detected. What was he to do? He thought and worried about it for days. And slowly a devious plan began to hatch within his computerized brain.

It so happened that the thing the robot liked best in all the world was a lubricant bath, in a tub full of a special type of lubricating oil. He was only able to have one once a month for half an hour, and he looked forward to it like a child looks forward to Christmas. He would sink up to his head in the special oil that lubricated all his joints. It felt wonderful! But the special lubricant oil was very expensive, which is why the Fixit company he worked for could only afford one bath per month.

Now the robot resolved on a plan to have a lubricant bath every day. He would rob banks! (After work, of course, since he didn’t want to lose his day job) He knew he couldn’t rob ATMs that he fixed anymore, since he would be found out. But with his ability to fix or unfix things, he could wear a ski mask and easily get into and out of any bank with all the loot he wanted. It was no trouble at all for him to dismantle the bank’s alarm system.

And so, that’s what he did. That night after his last job (fixing some washing machines at a Laundromat) he pulled on his ski mask, picked the bank he would rob out of the yellow pages, and waited for dark. At midnight he went to the bank, dismantled the alarm, opened the many locks to get inside, opened the vault with no trouble at all, took $300,000, and left. The next day the theft was all over