Setting Yourself Free: A practical guide to self-change

By Diana Hutchison

Do you feel the need for real change?
Are you afraid you’re stuck in a rut?
Do you ever wish you could make better decisions?

Welcome to the human experience—and your guide to a better life.

Change is possible, and it can be hard to know where to start. Every life can benefit from a new outlook and a new approach to problem-solving. But without focus, the process of change can be hard, messy, and confusing, and that’s enough to keep people from ever trying to make their lives easier, more organized, and satisfying.

Setting Yourself Free is your practical guide to self-change. With some encouragement and the right tools, you can take the first steps to a new life.

Diana Hutchison offers advice on how to start the change process painlessly and effectively. Her practical, step-by-step approach will help you attain your personal goals. Only you can say when you’ve had enough. There’s no time like the present to set yourself free from the habits that have kept you from the happiness you crave. You deserve to live a life that inspires!

“A highly practical and to-the-point book that will help kick-start and maintain an effective personal change program.” ~ Anthony M. Grant, PhD, Director, Coaching Psychology Unit, University of Sydney

• Language: English
• Publisher: DoctorZed Publishing
• Release date: May 8, 2019
• ISBN: 9780648342106

Diana Hutchison

Diana Hutchison is an author, counsellor and purpose coach whose life-long passion for self-development has led her to create a series of books in the self-help genre. Being drawn towards understanding multiple ways and modalities, she sought to create meaning for herself and her life which has meant that her unique holistic approach explores all levels of being: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual, leading to a perspective of self-healing which enables the best results for her clients.

Book preview

References

Preface

This book has grown out of my own journey of self-discovery, as well as my experiences while I was a psychologist counselling many people through a range of issues over fifteen years. It draws on a number of texts that were part of my reading and have stood the test of time. It also has a basis in my study and experience of life coaching, especially in teaching goal setting.

I have written Setting Yourself Free for people who are just starting out on their journey of self-discovery, or have started and now want to change themselves or their lives in some way. It combines explanations of the process of change with practical approaches to making changes.

Chapter 1 introduces the process of self change, while chapters 2-6 cover responsibility, self-monitoring, values, beliefs and discovering issues, and serve as a preparation for developing your goals to achieve change. Chapter 7 shows you how to set achievable goals and chapters 8 and 9 offer ways of dealing with problems you may come up against in working on your goals. Full details of the texts I have referenced are at the end of the book.

To get the most out of Setting Yourself Free, read the chapters consecutively and once you have finished the whole book, go back and do the suggested exercises.

If you are a survivor of child sexual assault or other traumatic events, it is recommended that you seek specialist help from a psychologist to assist you through your recovery and change process.

Setting Yourself Free is intended as a simple introduction to self change and I hope I have made it easy to understand.

I would like to thank the people who took the time to read my rough drafts and make comments, which I have incorporated into the book. In particular, I would like to thank my sister Mary Hutchison for her time and effort in editing.

Chapter 1

Starting Points for Change

Change—why do it? You have a choice: you can remain where you are in your life with the problems you have, or you can choose to think about what would happen if you did change something in your life, even if it is only a very small change. Is there anything you would like to change?

This chapter provides you with the starting points for addressing change and helps you get ready for the process you are about to undertake.

DECIDING TO CHANGE

You should change for you. Change because you want something to be different, not because others think you should. Any change that is desired has to be desired by you most of all.

Deciding to change your behaviour is a very important decision. Only you can do it. Only you can say, That’s it! I’ve had enough.

When we first say this to ourselves, we may think—and even believe—that what has to change is the way others are behaving. This would then change how we behave, wouldn’t it? This might seem to be the case, but it depends on where the problem really lies. Is the problem in others, or in ourselves? Perhaps the problem isn’t so much another person’s behaviour but rather our interpretation and response to that behaviour.

We can’t control other people and how they think and behave—we can only control our own behaviour, our own emotions and thoughts. But isn’t it a positive step forward when you realise you have that control?

Once you start behaving differently, others around you may also start to change, especially your loved ones, friends, and workmates.

As you interact with them, when you speak or act differently, they may respond to you differently. But this is not the reason to make changes. Any changes that others make are a by-product of your decision, and if those you wish would change don’t, it is not your fault.

WHAT TO CHANGE

What would you like to change? This is an important question and a logical starting point. Be realistic in your appraisal. There are some things that you can’t change, like whether you are naturally introverted or extroverted, but you can change your feelings of ease in social situations.

As an exercise in thinking about what to change, make a list of the characteristics that you like about yourself, including any physical aspects, on one side of a sheet of paper. On the other side, make a list of the negative characteristics that you feel you would like to address. Again, be realistic. Focus on what you can change. For instance, you could work on becoming more assertive or not reacting angrily in difficult situations.

Another way to think about what to change is to look at how you operate in relation to your past, present, and future. Your body may be in the present, but it’s possible for you to be emotionally and mentally in the past, the present, or the future. Are you ‘in the present’ most of the time?

If you seem to spend a lot more time in the past or the future than you do in the present, you can work on this in your change process. For instance, if you find that you think a lot about the past—a long time ago or only an hour ago—ask yourself what is keeping you there. Is there some trauma, problem, or worry that is blocking you from being in the present? If so, you may need to work on ways of letting the problem go.

On the other hand, if you find that you spend a lot of time worrying about the future—or just thinking about it without doing anything constructive to change it—then perhaps you could think about taking some action now in order to construct a better future for yourself. Dreaming about what could be does not help you achieve your goals, as this is just imagining the future. Setting goals and working towards them in the present is going to be far more effective in creating a better future. (See chapter 7 for setting goals.)

Thinking about changing can be frightening. For instance, you might want to cut down on the amount of money that you spend. To achieve this, you might not be able to go out with your friends after work every night of the week, and it may be scary to think about what you will do instead. Relax. You are still going to be you, even if you end up