The Smiling Stillborn

By Matshidiso Phaladi

A thought-provoking book that seeks to challenge the status quo in relation to the sexual behaviour of women. As a woman, have you ever enjoyed sexual intercourse but were afraid or embarrassed to express it? As a woman have you ever felt like your sexual ideas or concerns are not considered in your bedroom? Instead the subject of your wants and issues are avoided in the hope that they will resolve themselves.

As a man have you ever felt like your woman/wife is acting like a dead person in your bedroom? As a couple, have you ever felt like you need to break certain boundaries associated with sexual activity stigmas? Are you one of those men who don’t know what turns her on? Do you feel like the spark in your relationship is dying a slow death? Are you a man who takes pleasure in cultural practices that do not advance women’s liberation with regards to sexual interactions?

If you have answered yes to any of the above questions, then this book is definitely for you. It aims to improve relations between men and women and foster open communication around the topic of sex in order that sex is seen as an act that is part of a couple’s relationship.

About the Author

Matshidiso Thelma (Napogadi) Phaladi is also the author of a Sepedi short stories, “Dimaka tša bo Lehono”. She is a mother of three: Nape, Mogoshadi and Nareadi and a wife to Mogale Phaladi. Matshidiso is a Customer Relations Manager in an energy related organisation. She is a mentor, coach, educator, facilitator, MC and Speaker of note.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Matshidiso Phaladi
• Release date: Mar 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463052037

Book preview

The Smiling Stillborn

The Smiling Stillborn

MATSHIDISO PHALADI

Copyright © 2018 Matshidiso Phaladi

Published by Matshidiso Phaladi Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2018

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by Matshidiso Phaladi using Reach Publishers’ services,

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Edited by Colleen Figg for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

My Sexuality, Pride and Joy –

Fulfilment without limits

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my husband—a true gentleman, a liberal and a great lover. The world needs men such as you so that the doom and gloom can be washed away with love and care. Continue to be an encouragement to other up-and-coming young men. It is said that people should be role models, not by the words they speak but by their actions. Indeed, your actions speak louder than words. The time you allocate to our relationship is astonishing. You have demonstrated amazing listening skills since the early years of our lovely relationship, and you remain a great listener. The hand holding, the walks down shady streets, the soul communication that happens between us and the spontaneous kisses are all acknowledged and appreciated by me. We have become better through our engagement with each other as people and we continue to improve daily. This is an investment worth celebrating because no price tag can be attached to it.

I am confident that we will grow old together. I love how you tease me whenever you say that you will be poking me with your walking stick if I throw any tantrums at you when we age together. May God continue to bless our union and see us through all the days of our lives.

This book is also dedicated to all the women who are unable to express their desires and feelings because of stigma and victimisation; the women who are longing for sexual freedom but have somehow turned into prisoners in their own relationships. I hope this book brings hope to your situation and improves your lives for the better. It is also dedicated to those women who have already experienced true emancipation in their relationships. May this book reinforce that which you are already experiencing, and encourage you to hold others with your hands so that they get a chance to experience the same.

This book is also dedicated to all men who are liberal and mindful of their behaviour within their respective relationships. This one is for all the men who do not take women for granted. May you continue to preach your love to your partners through your actions. It is also dedicated to men who still need some encouragement in terms of how they view women. May you continue to practice the golden rule and treat your women the way you wish your mother, daughter and sister to be treated.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Introduction

1. Male Dominance

2. Male Ignorance

3. Self-Ignorance

4. Cultural Practices

5. Polygamy

6. A Letter to Husbands

Poems

• Walking beside you

• My body

• So what?

• Let me be

• Woman

• Men

Introduction

It’s known that a stillborn is a baby born already dead. I’ve used the word ‘stillborn’ figuratively in this book: to speak of a phenomenon in our communities wherein a woman acts ‘dead’ during sexual intercourse, simply because she would be seen as promiscuous if she becomes active and involved during sex. Her husband might start asking her funny questions like, ‘Who has been teaching you all these things?’

Many men also believe that a woman who is actively involved behind the bedroom door is, in a way, disrespectful or ‘too forward’. This is because, for a long time, men were expected and known to initiate anything and everything that has to do with sex. It is also a taboo to talk about sexuality and acts associated with it within the black society, particularly in the villages. Sex is seen as a shameful or undesirable thing that only happens in the dark, and happiness may not be associated with it. But the truth is that people do engage in sex and most of them do find pleasure in it. Obviously, sex was made for married people, and it is in this context that this book was written.

This book is not written to promote irresponsible sex acts by people who shouldn’t even contemplate engaging in sex – hence the restriction.

The issues surrounding sex within the black society – especially where women