Maximizing Her: Navigating Life After Girlhood

By Lanisha D. Porter

This book is one that is intergenerational, being far ahead of its time. It confronts traditions, and summons personal excellence from generations beyond. “Maximizing Her” has a unique relevance which will solidify its place in history. Lanisha interrogates the cone of normalcy around infidelity, confesses her resentment and personal frustrations around her family’s lack of generational wealth, speaks about the ambivalence of sisterhood as it pertains to female friendship, and reflects on the coping mechanisms that helped her recover after a confidence-crippling heartbreak. The beautifully written words arranged between these pages offer a cathartic release and leave the reader with an irresistible urge to manifest their destiny.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Porter Print & Publishing, Co.
• Release date: Dec 19, 2018
• ISBN: 9781732655218

Book preview

Maximizing Her

Navigating Life After Girlhood

Lanisha D. Porter

Porter Print & Publishing Co.

Louisville, KY

Copyright © 2018 by Lanisha D. Porter

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Published in Louisville, Kentucky by Porter Print & Publishing Corporation. To order wholesale or bulk orders of this book, or book Lanisha for keynote addresses, workshops, panel discussions, consultations, or—magazine, radio & television— interviews please contact David Banks, booking agent of Lanisha Porter by emailing [e-mail].

Autographed copies of this work may be ordered directly from www.LanishaPorter.com

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN-13: 978-1-7326552-0-1

ISBN-10: 1-7326552-0-0

Porter Print & Publishing Co.

www.LanishaPorter.com

EDITING BY: LANISHA PORTER

ADDITIONAL EDITING AND PROOFING:

BRIANA LATHON

MIKE FORD

COVER DESIGN: TYLER ANDERSON, HAAYLO MEDIA

PHOTOGRAPHY: TERRENCE HUMPHREY

A Note From Lanisha

Introduction

Chapter 1: You vs. Them

Chapter 2: Men are Flawed

Chapter 4: Overcoming Your First Heartbreak

Chapter 5: The Dutiful Shift of Now

Chapter 6: Use Your Youth Wisely

Chapter 7: Aunt Ruby’s Funeral

Special Gratitude

Discussion Questions

Preview of Things I Never Talk About

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A Note From Lanisha

I am grateful that this book has made its way into your hands, where I pray you will find many wisdoms from its insights.  This book is quite special for me because it is the first published under the publishing company I founded at the age of 23. This editorial autonomy frees me from the creative guidelines and rules I would otherwise be bound to if published elsewhere. Thus, with this labor of love, I was completely at liberty to express creative control and be myself, uninhibited, which felt very redemptive during the creative process. That said, I hope you have your passport because this book is going to take you places. It will take you touring through the sacred places of my heart, the closeted thoughts in my mind, and the cantilevered balcony that oversaw the many hopes, dreams, fears, and lessons I learned after being evicted from girlhood by the landlord of time. You will explore these portraitures through words that beam with raw reflection yet are warmed with my insights and experiences that search for truth.

As you tour, you may also notice my addiction to perfection. I unabashedly assert my values and deeply rooted beliefs which are grounded in perfection ensuring I am striving to be my personal best. During this journey, I hope to introduce you to the new me, reflect on the past habits that made her, and impart some wisdom along the way. I understand that this comes with a level of public vulnerability that would make most young women stop before they began, but that is a price I’m willing to pay as I get closer to the version of myself that I aim to be. As I peel back my skin by sharing my experiences, I hope that by interrogating the values, beliefs, and customs that others have imposed on you, you too can indulge in a rebirth. Now that you’ve been primed for the impending accounts of this book, I pray, at last, that this book will grant you the courage to challenge toxic social traditions that often infringe on progress.

As always, extended is my best from me to you. Enjoy!

Gratefully Yours,

Lanisha

Introduction

I love history. I particularly love hearing that of women. Any chance I can nestle at the knee of an older woman and browse through her experiences, which I am ever so hopeful may give me navigational tools on how to live properly, I take advantage. Some would simply reduce this passion to meddling, but it’s much deeper than that. Embedded in their stories is a rich history that informs the future. Without mining through them, I’d be at risk of repeating some foolish behavior and not displaying some of the best kind. In understanding this, I’ve mined through the life experiences of women I admire seeking guidance on how to confidently navigate the world. But there was one important story that wasn’t accessible. My mother’s. As I collected stories from the myriad of women around me, in hopes of finding representation of myself in their narratives, it became clear that the reason I was so consumed with this process was because my own mother’s story was missing. One of the most powerful things a mother can give her daughter is her story. A mother’s story unveils strength, explores limitations of the past, summons generational excellence, and most of all, it imparts wisdom that serves as a timeless suit of armor that encases her in seasoned knowledge. A daughter clad in the garments of her legacy, recycled from the closet of her mother and her mother’s mother, is one appropriately dressed for any occasion. She can go nose to nose with any opposition and fearlessly proclaim, I’ve been prepared for a time such as this. That’s what I intend for this book to be for my daughter—my story to her and all the other hers around the world who gather the stories of others while enduring the most incredible lifetime task of creating their own.

Wisdom for you that falls on a womb that has yet to be blessed by your presence.

You vs. Them

My virginity. That’s what I pledged to maintain until meeting my husband. My insistence was less based on my religious convictions, and more so about my interest in maintaining my power as a woman. In a society where most girls are convinced to believe that their only real power can be drawn from their sexual prowess, I chose to reject that. I believed that there too was power centered around a brand built on intelligence, kindness, and empowerment. And I felt most empowered by having certain freedoms such as comfortably navigating through any room in my city without feeling embarrassed or ashamed about the narratives that may have existed about me. Or the freedom to occupy the head of the boardroom and not consistently be undermined due to a past sexual encounter that left a taxing assault on my professional reputation. Growing up I witnessed the social prejudices against women that often spoiled opportunities though they may have been qualified. Whether spoken or unspoken I knew women had to be twice as better—and twice as guarded—if they wanted to be respected. And if not careful, I knew—as my father consistently repeated to me—sexual scandals had a more adverse association with women, making it harder to recover despite her merits. For me, I didn’t find power in challenging that; instead I found my power warped in my discipline to guard against such happenings. Most of the confidence I embodied was knowing my identity could never be relegated to mere horny ambitions a guy had boastfully conquered. From a young age I knew that not every man that inquired about you was worthy of inserting himself in your story. And as a woman I knew this was powerful because it meant I was always in control of my own narrative in a society that disproportionately encouraged women to believe their only power came from being hypersexual.

I privately reveled at the quiet but clear defeat I watched men swallow when they realized much to their disappointment, I would not be added to the list of women who fulfilled their sexual desires. My satisfaction in their failure ultimately came from rebranding these men’s ideas of women and our worth. I forced them to see that painting all women with one stereotypical broad stroke, because they had been successful with a small subset of the female population, was...eh, presumptuous, unhealthily ambitious, and well, straight up wrong. First it ignored the reality that every woman is unique, existing with her own particular set of thoughts, and virtues that are kindred to her life experiences. Second it dismissed the humanity of women by insinuating that we were disposable—to