You Can't Make This Stuff Up

By Linda Parks

This book is a humorous telling of customer and employee stories that Linda has encountered in her years running her company.

A quick and fun read for small business owners.

Unbelievable but oh so true Customer experiences that will leave you laughing.

Behind the scene stories of those hard to believe bad google reviews.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Linda Parks
• Release date: Oct 29, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386140146

Linda Parks

Linda Parks is the Owner of LWi Custom Cabinets in the Central Texas Area. She has been running her business for over 15 years

Book preview

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Lessons I have learned from business

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Lessons I have Learned from Business

by

Linda Parks

Copyright ©2018 by Linda Parks

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned,

or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.

First Edition: June 2017

Printed in the United States of America

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To My Badger and All My Kids,

You Mean The World To Me

Table of Contents

Preface

WE ARE ALL CRAZY

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT- EVEN WHEN THEY ARE WRONG

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO THROW UP YOUR HANDS

DON’T BE A VICTIM

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED

HARD WORK IS JUST THAT – HARD

READY, FIRE, AIM

POWER OF 3s, AND MY OTHER AMAZING POWERS

EVERYBODY HAS SHIT TO DO, SUCK IT UP AND DO IT!

WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES

THE ART OF DOING BUSINESS

IT ISNT ROCKET SURGERY

A Look at Projects I have Done

PROLOG of Anecdotes

Preface

There are many self-help books and business books about how to run a company, how to manage time, mistakes to avoid and lessons to be learned. This book is not intended to be one of them.

This book is not a chronological story of my 17 years in business, nor a road map. But, a series of stories that tell lessons I have learned that I hope will entertain you. I’m sure some will make you shake your head in disbelief.

In running my business, it took me a while to truly realize the most important business axiom, that the only person responsible for how well I do, my quality and profitability- is me. We tend to blame the parts of our life we don’t like on someone or something else. We blame the boss, the economy, the weather but as a business owner, I have learned that I create and allow everything that happens to me. No matter what, I am ultimately 100% responsible for everything.

WE ARE ALL CRAZY

I want to preface all of my stories in this book with this: While I have built and completed 100’s of refinishing and cabinet jobs without any bumps in the road, there were some jobs that involved surprising (and not so surprising) issues and outcomes. These are the stories I wish to share with you.

In reality, there is no perfect job or customer. Nearly perfect, yes. But it’s those few strange and crazy jobs that have a seemingly endless list of issues that only a story can begin to explain.

Through these stories I hope to impart a little wisdom on how I have learned to run my company and perhaps help another learn to run theirs. Though my stories focus on my refinishing and custom cabinet company, I’m sure my stories will resonate with you regardless of what kind of company you work at or run.

My company began as Lockhart Woodworks, Inc. in 2002 as a furniture restoration company. It was truly a sole proprietorship as it was just me doing all the work and an occasional helper I would hire to help when work got busy. I often recruited my children as lifters to accompany me to customers houses to pick up and deliver furniture, and by recruited, I mean insist and sometimes bribe.

For the most part, my refinishing customers were helpful and appreciative of my one-woman shop. I did magnificent work and I was timely. Now, that’s not to say there weren’t a few, I’ll be kind, unusual customers which you will read about in the pages that follow.

In 2010, Lockhart Woodworks became LWi Custom Cabinets and I replaced refinishing furniture with building custom cabinetry. The style of work may have changed but the stream of crazy customer stories did not.

Customers, however, are only half of the picture. Employees come in a close second on the crazy and unusual scale.

Over the first five years, after wearing out my children, I had hired more than a handful of people to help me, some were good, some okay, and some, well, lasted only a day.

The many stories of employees I have had with both the refinishing and cabinetry business could fill these pages as well and I have chosen some interesting one’s for you. In fact, I will start with one now.

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First days

One new hire, I recall, started work on Monday and carried a lawn chair into the shop with him when he arrived. He sat down, pulled out an ice pack, and announced to me that he had a vasectomy over the weekend and he would have to rest with ice over his privates for several days.

As I escorted him out, to show his true and complete lack of work ethic, he looked up into the rafters of the shop and notices some veneer sheets I had stored there.

If you’re not using those- can I have them? he asked.

Believe me, I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

Another early worker was with me for over a year. His first day of work was unique as well. My ex-husband had passed away the day before. I remember telling him, welcome to the company- I will be out for the week. He was extremely helpful and spent his first few weeks with me helping me move furniture at my ex’s house.

He proved over the year to be an excellent woodworker. Until that is, I discovered he’d been in my shop at night building pot pipes and heroin spoons out of my wood scraps. I later learned he’d even had a drug party there one evening. His story, among others could be echoed in my lesson entitles NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED. I escorted him out.

I once employed a girl and after two months she happily announced that she was four months pregnant. Needless to say, the chemicals and dust are not inductive to pregnancy and I escorted her out as well. I had a worker who refused to tie up his ponytail, a girl who, though she did very good work, would often call in late because her car would not start. It turned out that her car had a breathalyzer unit on it only allowing it to start when she was sober. I had an employee who thought that beer was an acceptable work beverage, and one who actually showed up drunk and told me,

don’t worry, if I cut off my hand I won’t sue you.

There was Philip, Jim, Byron, Chance, Angela, and a few others in the first five years. You may think now that finding a good long-term employee in the small town of Lockhart, Texas was impossible. Well nearly so, but low and behold there were a few good people. In 2010, I found Aaron. Now you will read about Aaron later in this chapter, but for now we will label him a good employee.

I found Aaron on craigslist. If you are familiar with hiring someone from Craigslist, you know all too well the strange writeups people post. If you are not, then it is best to stay unfamiliar.

"Hello, my name is Fred. I'm looking for a job that doesn't require a social or an ID.