Riding the Wave of the Sting of Infidelity in a Marriage: We All Have Those Moments That Are Called “Suddenly’S”

By Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo

Marriage is under tremendous assault as
never before. Will marriage survive? Can
it survive? Infi delity is exploding, but why?
In most cultures, infi delity has become
a major part of entertainment. We all
see it in popular television programs and
movies. Infi delity to some is enjoyment
and pleasure. Some men think if they are
not slipping and cheating they are not
being real men. Some individuals grew up
in environments where cheating is a way
of life. Some women think life is boring
without the excitement of an outside affair. In spite of the reasons, God to
His creation says No to infi delity. Become the good husband or wife you
would like your spouse to be.

Life has taught me that men and women get involved in an extramarital
affair for many different reasons. Sometimes when you are unsatisfi ed
with your relationship you start to think What is available out there? In a
way it is an escape, people feel like they want to be out from the burden
in their marriages. Grass is greener on the other side and so it seems.
I have seen many starting to fl irter with others, innocently at fi rst. They
start to THINK of what ifs situations such as what if Im married to this
friend of mine? Many people forget that slowly they bring themselves
into an extramarital affair and become trapped to another crisis. Let me
remind you that trust is like a balloon. One pricks it, is gone! The fear
of broken promises, cheating or betrayal can reduce the quality of your
marriage. Marriage is a challenging an enterprise that requires hard work,
determination and discipline. Creating a strong and satisfying marriage is
possible, and it is defi nitely worth the effort! Recovery after infi delity is not
an easy path, but if others could pull through, so can you!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Jan 23, 2012
• ISBN: 9781465309860

Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo

Author Bio Coming Soon

Book preview

Copyright © 2012 by Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo.

ISBN:                      Softcover                      978-1-4653-0985-3

                                 Ebook                            978-1-4653-0986-0

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This book was printed in the United States of America.

The Bible text in this publication, unless otherwise noted is from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV® New King, James Version of the Bible. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984. International Bible Society. Scripture taken from the New Century Version. Copyright © 1987, 1988, 1991 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

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Contents

Welcome

In Memory Of Vho Takalani

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Preface

PART I

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

PART II

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

PART III

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

PART IV

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

PART V

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

PART VI

Chapter Fifteen

PART VII

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

References

About the Author

To contact The Author

Publications by The Author

DVD’s and CD’s by The Author

Services Offered By the Author

Welcome

. . . one of the few things in life over which we have total control is our own attitude . . . our attitude determines whether we love or hate, tell the truth or lie, act or procrastinate, advance or recede, and by our own attitude we, and we alone, actually decide whether we succeed or fail—Jim Rohn, business philosopher

I am bringing the healing words of the great physician to the hurting marriage in need!

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendour. Isaiah (61:1-3) NIV

In Memory Of Vho Takalani

My father in Faith Vho Masia Lawrence Takalani, known as VhoTakalani since1936-2011. He has really been an inspiration to many people, ever laughing faithful servant of the Most High God. His warm and loving character birthed him friends and spiritual children all over the world. Distance was not a barrier for him whoever and wherever, he would walk, use a public transport. This book is dedicated to you and the good works you have done for the Kingdom of God. We the Ravhudzulo Family (my husband Dr Aaron, myself, our four sons Hangwani, Hulisani, Thendo and Ndamulelo, my daughter-in-love Sarah and my two granddaughters Muanza-Zwivhuya and Mulondi) appreciate the long hours, the sacrifices and the dedication for our family and my ministry Nothing Lasts Forever Ministries of Hope. You were always affirming and encouraging. I appreciate the spiritual and other types of growth my family experienced since you became our father in Faith. May God richly bless your hardworking spirit! Vho Takalani, you are, and you will remain, in our family.

Thank you Lord, you have given me biological parents, The Late Mr. Phineas and Mrs. Esther Mavhunga who brought me to life. Thank you Lord, you gave me a servant of the Most High God the Late Vho Takalani to bring me into His presence, nature my soul and mould me for a sanctifying spiritual life. Words cannot express my deep gratitude.Vho Takalani, you have saved my soul and my life by your unfailing love. You have been so patient and understanding in praying over me since the time I was childless without thinking of any monetary reward. You have suffered so much because you wanted me to know the Lord and grow spiritually, and I did. Vho Takalani, how can I give my thanks to you because mere words are not enough…? This servant of God used to remind me that God doesn’t expect the impossible from me, but He only wants me to expect the impossible from Him.

One thank you note doesn’t seem enough to thank VhoTakalani for all he has done to help me to be what I am today, to bring me closer to God’s presence. I am so grateful that God sent him into my life to lead me, to guide me and give me training for fasting prayers.VhoTakalani, You are the ideal example for selfless in your care and time for others, especially the sick and dying, you were always available for people of God. Your prayers came straight from your heart and you were a person who wanted to convert the whole world. Thank you Father, for everything.

Vho Takalani was a man of prayer, a man after God’s heart with passion for the lost souls. In chapter 5:57 of 1st edition my first book Nothing Lasts Forever Strategies to cope with pressures of life. It was in the prayer group that he was the facilitator when a prophecy was pronounced in 1980 by a young man (by then) Mr Mmboneni Rambani declaring that I am going to have a baby. That is how my barrenness came to pass and on 13 June 1981 we were blessed with a baby boy whom we named Hangwani. The reason why we gave our son this name is found in chapter 4:42. In the 2nd edition published in 2010 of Nothing Lasts Forever. This information is on chapter 6:69 and about the name is on chapter 5:58-59 vhotakalani

In 1982 Vho Takalani started a prayer group at his Vuwa u Shume Nursery, which later relocated to Makwarela Primary school where saints were trained and encouraged on issues of faith and prayers. I ministered several times at this prayer centre. All those who know him, when the going is tough, he would say to me, Mrs Ravhudzulo, a huna tshithu hafho, meaning "there is nothing impossible". A lot of pastors were established from these prayer meetings. The prayer group has built houses for the needy, assisted students with tuition fees and also distributed clothes among the needy. He was amongst the founders of ECO. He relentlessly served his saviour for 46 years. His works will continue to bear fruits in generations to come.

The day we received the news that Vho Takalani has been called to rest, Mrs. Todani Nodoba and her husband Mr.Gaontebale Nodoba sent out a tribute to Lawrence Masia Takalan to our daily emailing group which I am part of and it reads as follows:

"Yours was a death we least expected. You were so full of life, full of vigour, yes you were. You have gone where all of us will go one day. You heeded the call of death, for you knew that, for you death is a bridge to cross over.

Mukololo wa ha Tshivhase, when news of your departure swept across the country, we were left speechless. We asked ourselves endless questions about your sudden departure. Yes, that was so quick and sudden. You have gone to be with your Master, the Lord Jesus Christ whom you served with strength and might, Oh yes you did.

Within a short space of time, you impacted the World. Your prayers have bombarded heaven day and night. They have been a sweet smelling perfume to the Lord Almighty, the Great I am. Many were healed because of your prayers. Many were revived because of your faith. Many saw reason to go on with life due to your counsel. You learned to wrestle with God and succeeded. What a life to celebrate! A giant of faith, a wrestler, a fighter, and a prayer warrior.

Vho-Takalani, in perseverance, you raised a host of powerful Christians. In soul winning you walked to and fro in the scorching sun, tirelessly. Tata, we will remember you for your hardwork, indeed.

The fruits of your labour are evident. There are your children—as many as they are, educated, prominent, rich and powerful. In your love for humanity you obeyed God. The Makwarela Prayer Group is where many of us emerged. As a mentor you groomed us to be people of prayer.

Tata, what can we say, you have worked as if you knew. As if you knew that your biological clock was ticking. As if you knew that your death was on the doorstep. You have left a legacy, Baba. Miluwani knows you, Gammbani knows you, Ha-Tshivhasa knows you, Limpopo, Gauteng-those were your battlefields. We appreciate your efforts, for they are not in vain. You have sowed the seed and it will bear fruit until Jesus comes".

For they normally say, a big tree is well measured when it is lying down. Today we have witnessed how great your call was. The multitudes are here to celebrate your life. A life well lived.

Mukololo, a ri athu u tenda fhedzi zwo itea. A ri athu u kholwa fhedzi ndi zwone. Murena ha khakhi, u ita zwo fanelaho nga tshifhinga tshawe. You have thrown the gauntlet; we will pick it up and run the race, the race of prayer, the race of intercession, the race of perseverance.

We will miss your voice in prayer and intercession, we will miss your love and warmth. We may not understand now, but some day we will understand. God knows it all.

Dear Lord, thank you for this giant of faith. Thank you for his life. He has been a role model and source of inspiration. The world today needs men and women of his calibre. The country is in need of your kind of breed. We appreciate your life, we celebrate your life, and we will always remember you, Tata.

Thank you, for being you. As you join other soldiers of the cross, the likes of the late Dr Khorommbi, Tshifhiwa Muofhe, Pastor Bhengu, Pastor Elisa Magadani, and many more, we will also follow you.

"Vho Takalani, the Ravhudzulo Family Will Always Remember You!

May Your Soul Rest In Peace!

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all committed young and old married couples who are ready to ride the wave of the sting of infidelity in their marriage. What would I do without you? Let me honestly say the following words to encourage you in your marriage:

Be aware that marital infidelity is a common occurrence in society these days. We all have been touched by the pain that happens to those who are involved and to their friends and loved ones. Some think that it is completely a personal and private matter. Let me tell you, the reality is that it is not!

Remember, after you discover that your spouse betrayed you, you will find it very difficult to cope. You will go into shock, sometimes anger, you can’t even think straight. The affair will change your family and marriage relationship. It can change everything for good or for worse. Which way it goes from here depends on what you decide to do.

Be careful with your reactions. Don’t do and say things in your anger that you can’t take back, which can cause deep wounds, drive your spouse away, and further damage your marriage. Don’t lose your dignity by lowering yourself, or embarrassing yourself.

Finally, I want to remind you that denial will not change the reality. I encourage you to feel your pain, to realize that every one of the emotions that surged through you in the first moments and every moment since then is a normal sensation. In fact, it would be abnormal not to feel those emotions, but it shall come to pass.

Acknowledgements

I am grateful for the patience and support of my beloved husband Dr. Aaron, who understands the challenges facing his wife who is an academic by profession juggling around the roles of a pastor, an author, motivational speaker, counsellor, mother, and grandmother. In addition to my husband, Aaron, I want to thank my four sons, my daughter-in-love and two granddaughters; Muanza-Zwivhuya and Mulondi-Anniekie, whose efforts and support in the ministry have provided further practical applications to the project. Where else can I go from God’s presence without you…? You are my closest, relatives and my everything who will cry from the bottom of your hearts when I have been called to rest by the All Mighty! Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death… Psalm 23:4. I have realized that the valley is not a resting place. The valley of the shadows is a place where scripture calls us to keep on walking because suffering is not only something we will go through, it is also something that we have to get through; it is the passageway to obedience and the race that takes perseverance to glory.

My special thanks go to my sister, a friend and a colleague Mrs. Liz Van Der Westhuizen for inspiring me to write a book such as this! We always share what life holds for us as a nation and the power of the blood of Jesus that was shared for us on the cross.

Finally, to all the participants in the infidelity in marriage research project whose keen interest has been an inspiration; thank you for sharing your lives with me both in and out of marriage workshops and seminars. I wish you every success in your diligent efforts to ride the wave of the sting of infidelity in marriages.

Preface

Dear Reader,

Whether you receive this book as a gift, borrowed it, or purchased it for yourself, I am glad that you are reading it. It is just one of the many helpful, insightful, and encouraging resources produced by my ministry "Nothing Lasts Forever Ministries of Hope". The ministry that gives hope to the hopeless, courage to the discouraged, empowerment to families, youths, singles, couples, mothers and fathers-in-law in Workshops and Seminars Enrichment. In fact, that’s all what my ministry is all about, providing counselling, inspiration, information, and biblically based advice to people in all stages and walks of life. For more information about the ministry, or if I can be of help to your life, marriage and family, simply write or call. I would love to hear from you.

I don’t know what you are going through right now as you are reading this book. Perhaps you have tried everything you can to fix things collapsing in your marriage but your spouse just doesn’t seem to notice or care… things are falling apart. I want to say to you right now, whatever situation your troubled relationship is in, don’t worry, because you are about to discover the proven system for reviving any relationship no matter what the condition of your marriage is…

I think it’s a fair assumption to make that you came across this life changing book because you are going through a challenging time right now, in a relationship or marriage that is not what you dreamed of! Most of the people have been there in a marriage or relationship, where at first they felt like their relationship was so incredible that it seemed like they were born for each other and arguments and conflict were things that happened to Other Couples, but NOT you.

That is until you have your first fight, and then the second and third then The marriage feels like a terrible nightmare that you are trapped in and it feels like there is no way to get things back to how they used to be! Listen to me, pick up all the broken pieces of your marriage and present them to God, He will put them together.

It’s time to put a full stop to brokenness in your life, in your marriage, in your children’s success, in your finances. In this book, I want to take you step by step, walk you through riding the wave of the sting of infidelity in your marriage. The Word of God will reveal to you the covenant promises made available to you through Jesus’ cross! Discover your life of wholeness, grace through redemption, and salvation—all through the blood of Jesus! Begin your life of wholeness and TAKE BACK what the devil has stolen from you! It’s time to move beyond a life filled with broken emotions and broken dreams.

Finally, Real Solutions For Riding the Wave of the Sting of Infidelity and Rescuing Your Marriage or Relationship from destroyed… Are you feeling confused and hopeless in a marriage that has lost its Joy and Hope which makes you Feel like You are Far Away from What it Used to Be?

Will You Join Me Riding The Wave of The Sting Of Infidelity in a Marriage?

I hope you will.

By: Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo

PART I

CRITICAL ISSUES

OF INFIDELITY IN

A MARRIAGE

Managing Your Marriage Life

Chapter One

INFIDELITY THE BIGGEST AND

HARDEST PROBLEM!

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. May her breasts satisfy you at all times; may you be intoxicated always by her love

(Proverbs 5:15,18-19)

1.1   Introduction

I was to direct these two Bible quotation verses to the institute of marriage. They say it all. No one has the power to re-define the parameters of marriage because God is the author and finisher of our marriages. I want to remind you that it doesn’t help to lower the standards of the institution of marriage providing others with the misleading carnal pleasures of self-indulgence. I love God’s word because it is very clear; from the book of Mark (10:9) we read What God has put together, let no man put asunder. I want to remind you that anything challenging the institute of marriage cannot be condoned.

When you read the word of God from Proverbs (5:15, 18, 19) we are told that we should drink water from our own cistern, running water from your own well. Our God is the God of order. When you want to honour God, you must honour what God honours. Listen to this one, Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. I want to remind you that I am using this Bible quotation because it is all about the physical relationship of a husband and wife. There is nothing to hide and I know that I am talking to matured adults who registered their marriages with the Institution of Marriage. These couples understand fully and they are aware that they share life challenges with somebody who has a different personality from theirs.

God Himself is talking about spiritual connection, physical passions, physical love, physical interaction and material things. He is addressing married people about those desires. He’s saying, You must focus your passions on one person. Don’t let your desire wander around to anyone else except your spouse. I love the King James Version