Twins & More: How Parents Manage & Survive the First Years

By JAN MURRAY

Take an inside look into the real life of parents raising twins and more. Learn what to do with sleep and settling, feeding and wake times. Discover how parents with twins and more manage and survive the early years with babies and toddlers.

What you will find inside:

Real stories plus professional advice for parents caring for twins & more

Expectations for the hospital stay & going home

Feeding twins & more from birth to toddlers

Handling & dealing with baby & toddler twins & more

Settling & sleep advice for twins & more at different ages

Baby & toddler routines

Learn what growth & development to expect

Jan Murray, child health consultant, international published author, mother and wife.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Feb 21, 2013
• ISBN: 9781479758159

JAN MURRAY

Jan Murray has lived long enough to have had several professional occupations but the one she is most proud to proclaim from on high is that of mother, having raised five amazing children to adulthood. At fourteen, frustrated by her lack of education, Jan left school, taking it upon herself when her fifth child was born to matriculate and then undertake a Bachelor of Arts degree in English and Political Science. Juggling motherhood with study, she graduated from Macquarie University with Honours, working as a researcher, speech writer and press officer for several federal politicians before starting up a PR consultancy in the early eighties. Jan Murray & Associates (JMA) became a successful boutique consultancy with many high profile accounts to its credit. Eventually, after a decade of serious corporate fun launching entertainment, tourism and property projects, managing the media profiles of the rich and famous and heading up some useful (and mostly altruistic) fund-raising projects, Jan decided it was time to leave the spin business to others, opting to follow a dream and take up the solitary life of a writer, setting her sights on writing and producing the Great Australian Screenplay. Although credible actors such as Kiefer Sutherland and Claudia Karvan were attached, Sweet Surrender is still languishing in a bottom drawer waiting for several millions of dollars to attach themselves to it before the cameras can roll. Meanwhile, Jan was invited to appear as a guest on an episode of the legendary Beauty & the Beast agony aunt show produced by Foxtel and screened on Channel Ten five days a week. Somebody upstairs must have liked her confrontational, leftie style because she was still there a decade later, going head-to-head with the late, great Stan Zemanek. More than once, Jan was thrown off the show but, thanks to popular demand, was brought back again each time. It seems the viewers saw her as their champion and enjoyed seeing her sock it to the Beast on their behalf! Presently Jan is a full-time, fulfilled writer and, because she is in favour of the widest possible spread for her books, she values her association with Harlequin.

Book preview

Twins

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How Parents Manage 47733.jpg Survive

The First Years

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Jan Murray

Copyright © 2013 by Jan Murray.

National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication

Title: twins & more—how parents manage & survive the first years

Subjects: Parenting and childcare, practical advice for parenting twins, self-help

Notes: Includes index

Series: Mother to mother

Book 1: taste it

Book 2: mum, baby & toddler

Book 3: grief & life

Book 4: twins & more

All rights reserved. Apart from any fair dealing for the purpose of private study, research, or review as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part of this publication may be reproduced, sorted in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission from the author.

Disclaimer: While every care has been taken in the preparation of this book, readers are advised to seek individual professional advice if in doubt about any aspect of their own health or that of their child. Jan Murray or Settle Petal may not be held liable for any action or claim resulting from use of this book or any information contained herein.

Rev. date: 02/15/2013

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-800-618-969

www.Xlibris.com.au

[e-mail]

502025

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 The idea of twins and more grows and becomes real

Finding out it’s twins or more

Healthy eating during pregnancy

Preparation for birth

Preparations at home

Organising where and what to feed

Means of transportation

Hospital stay in special neonatal care units

Postnatal recovery

Coping with newborn twins and a toddler

Chapter 2 The ins and outs of feeding twins and more

Feeding in the special care unit

Milk

Infant weight gain

Infant formula—options

Milk choices after twelve months

Bottle feeding

Reflux or gastro-oesophageal reflux disease (GORD)

Starting solids

Diet tips for toddlers

Allergy or intolerance

Weaning

Choking and gagging

Some of what goes in comes out Baby wee and poo

Toilet training tips

Burping

Vomiting and positing

Chapter 3 What to do with them when they’re awake

Physical care of a newborn

Physical development

Odd head shapes

Growth spurts

Child health visits

Communication

Teeth and teething

Toys and games—from six weeks to six months

Toys and games—six to twelve months

Toys and games for toddlers

Language development—first sounds

Personality mix

Building family

Sick baby—how will I know?

Toddler tantrums

Separation anxiety

Shoes

Chapter 4 All about sleep and settling

How much sleep is enough? Birth to twelve months

Mimic the womb environment

Do multiples sleep together or separately?

Dummy, fingers, or thumb

Settling babies’ birth to three months

Why sleep is important

How much sleep is enough? Twelve months to three years

Early risers

Chapter 5 How parents of twins and more survive

The first few months home from hospital

How to manage the essential basic—a shower

Dads and partners

Anxiety and stress

When it’s all too hard

Trusting your instincts

Advice of professionals or others

Adult feed play sleep balance

Household management tips

Tips on how to stay sane with twins…

Chapter 6 Why use a routine

Routines

Can I help you further?

Further reading & resource material

Index

Dedication

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To all parents everywhere finding their own

way raising twins and more

Acknowledgements

I would like to express my sincere thank you to the wonderful parents of twins and triplets who have willingly given their valuable knowledge and limited time. They have made my vision and idea of encouraging and normalising life for parents of twins and more come to life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart—

Alicia, Ashlee, Candice, Clare, Joanne, Katrine, Kelly, Lara, Lisa, Mareece, Marie, Meg, Narelle, Robyn, Selina, and Rochelle. To my husband Michael, who encourages and loves me unconditionally—you are the best. To my children Ben (deceased as a toddler but who has never left my heart or memory) and Jack, Dan, Tolly, and Gus, who are now all amazing young adults. It has been a pleasure learning from you—how to parent through the tough times and the great times. I now love watching you grow and contribute to this world in your own individual ways. To Tanis Dickson, a caring mothercraft nurse who has worked with families with infant twins for many, many years. You have been an invaluable source of confirmation and information.

How to read this book

Many people learn from real life experiences that relate to their own. For this reason, this book is written with the help of parents who are raising twins and more. It includes professional information and advice on baby and toddler eating, sleeping, and growth and development in addition to parents’ input on how it really happens when you have twins and more.

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This icon indicates professional information and advice which is indexed for easy reference. The information is factual and often written in point form or charts, offering strategies, ideas, and suggestions. Use the comprehensive index at the back of the book to find specific information.

PARENTS’ NAME: This section represents a true account that relates to the topic discussed before it. It is written by parents who are raising or have raised twins or more through the baby and toddler years.

Inspirational quotes are dotted throughout the book to encourage you to find your inner strength to keep going.

Introduction

Learning how to cope with a singleton pregnancy and caring for a new baby is challenging enough but nurturing twins or more often comes with increased anxiety and concerns. If you are expecting twins or more, be encouraged—parents of multiples can and have risen to the challenge and are more than willing to share some helpful tips and ideas to help. Happy, contented growing babies and toddlers don’t just happen. They are the outcome of parents being able to hold on through the turbulence of parenthood long enough to nurture and provide for the developmental and physical needs of a new human being. This is nerve-racking enough with one baby at a time, but when parents have to learn to do this with twins or more, it poses greater challenges, questions and more exhilarating experiences. How on earth do they do it and how do these parents survive the inconceivable exhaustion? Read on to find out.

The information in this book focuses on feeding, sleeping, physical care, and developmental issues that parents with twins face; however, much of it can be applied to parents with triplets or more. Twins & more — how parents manage & survive the first years is a book to help parents who are anxiously awaiting the arrival of twins or have birthed their babies and are wondering what to do next. It holds answers to the many questions parents of twins or more undeniably have. It covers how to feed more than one baby at the same time, how to care for them, what to do with them when they are awake to enhance their development, how to get them to sleep well, and how parents can survive and thrive through the haze of fatigue. Twins & more is not a book of rules to adhere to but a wealth of suggestions and invaluable advice from both a professional and realistic point of view. To help you understand the unique details of how to manage multiples, I sought the help of experienced and willing parents who are raising twins and more. Some are first-time parents, and some have other children to look after as well. The parents I approached were only too willing to supply me with information that will add to mine and benefit others. They said they would have liked this type of detailed information themselves.

LISA: I want to contribute, as when I was pregnant I could not find enough up-to-date books on twins and pregnancy!

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Most of the parents surveyed found out they were pregnant with twins or triplets early in the pregnancy and could plan ahead, but one lucky couple had a huge surprise at the birth. The stories and experiences span thirty years, from 1981 to 2011. Each set of twins and triplets were born at different stages of gestational maturity and of a different gender and by different birthing methods. Whether twins are the first or fourth pregnancy, birthing multiples is a new experience for most parents. Working as a family and child health consultant, I understand babies and their needs and can help parents with feeding and sleeping issues; however, I often felt I didn’t truly understand how to help parents manage with more than one baby or toddler at the same time. My five babies were born close together (five in eight years), but I knew it was different from caring for twins, as does Rochelle.

ROCHELLE: Never compare yourself to mothers of singletons, even if their children are very close in age. It is not the same! Even though they will tell you it’s just like having twins or triplets.

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It definitely seems to be an advantage to put twins on the same regular feeding and sleeping schedule, but sometimes, in the early days, this isn’t possible due to family situations and different weight or health concerns.

MAREECE: During the early months, I would let the twins dictate their own day as it was much too hard to put them on the same routine whilst on my own at home.

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The early months with newborn twins, who are often born premature, can be tough on everyone involved, and gaining some practical information from experienced parents who have traversed the exhausting path of parenting twins or more can be invaluable. Even just to know that you are not alone helps.

LARA: I think all ages have their challenges, but for complete bone-sapping tiredness, you can’t beat three months and under.

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There is no doubt babies make a significant difference to an individual or a couple’s life. Parenting is a matter of making appropriate adjustments and learning how to have each family member function well and live in harmony with each other. Generally, if babies and toddlers are fed well, they play well and sleep well and the family unit functions well. Each of these three physiological needs influences the other, and when one area is inadequate, it will impact on the former. As you read the parent contributions in this book, you will discover there is no one way to do things. Everyone is an individual, and you do what works best for you and your family at the time. Compiling this book has been an absolute inspiration and pleasure. As the contributing parents have different stories, I felt it was important for readers to get familiar with them. The sixteen wonderful Mums who have given up their extremely limited and valuable time to contribute their parenting experiences of twins and triplets are introduced below. Their surnames and their babies’ names are withheld for privacy reasons. Mums are listed in alphabetical order below, but throughout the book, their comments are placed under topics of relevance. The gorgeous pictures randomly dotted throughout the book have also been willingly contributed by these parents.

Alicia lives in Texas, USA.

The twins were her first pregnancy.

Her twin girls were born in 2010 at thirty-six weeks by Caesarean.

The girls spent four days in a form of special neonatal care.

Alicia’s biggest fear: Losing one or both.

Birth story: I was performing another twenty-four-hour urine test for protein, and I was in the bathroom, peeing. When I used the handicap bar to stand up, I accidentally pulled the call nurse cord. They came in. ‘Yes, are you all right?’ I said, ‘Yes, I accidentally pulled the cord.’ Then I peed all over my legs and the floor, looked down, and saw it was kind of red and alot of pee! Lol! And so I said, ‘But I think my water might have just broken.’ This was at 5.30 p.m. Next it was hustle and bustle, and nurses coming in and out of my room, hooking this up to me and taking this off me. I got an epidural and then next thing I know it is 8.30 p.m., and I am being rolled into the operating room. There was my mom, husband, and mother-in-law − all waiting for me. I don’t remember much of what went on as I was pretty well drugged with what and for why I am not sure. My husband stood at my head and took pictures, so that helps me remember. I got to hold each baby for a second while I was on the table.

Alicia’s word of encouragement: Schedule them (in Australia that means admit to a psychiatric unit, but I know Alicia meant put them in a routine). Luckily, mine were fine with it and have been on a schedule since day one.

Ashlee lives in New South Wales, Australia.

The twins were her first pregnancy.

Her twin girls were born in 2011 at thirty weeks by Caesarean.

The twins spent eight weeks in a form of special neonatal care.

Ashlee’s biggest fear: I wouldn’t be the parent I wanted to be. I feared that the ‘easy way out’ would become prevalent over our ‘preferred’ way of doing things. We had such a rocky start with the girls being in special care for so long that I adjusted to a strange form of parenting that felt more like ‘interested parties’ for a long time.

Birth story: My Caesarean birth was a whirlwind experience. I was open to either a natural or Caesarean birth but was prepared for the high probability of a Caesarean—I didn’t have a choice in the end. At thirty-weeks gestation and after eight hours of labour pains, I was 8 cm dilated with one of the babies’ feet pushing on the membranes; no drugs were stopping these two! I went straight into theatre for an emergency Caesarean. My waters never broke, but if they had, it was highly likely we’d have lost our babies. I honestly don’t think it kicked in for a few days that I’d had the girls—I was hazy and sore and trying to come to terms with the fact that they had arrived. My husband and I thought we had another five to six weeks before we were faced with the reality of being parents but that reality now stared us in the face. My husband really struggled. He had no idea that I’d gone into labour, but by midmorning, he knew that I was at the hospital and that the girls’ arrival was imminent. He had to come to terms with the reality of the situation in a remote way—I was in it and coming to terms with the reality very quickly.

Ashlee’s word of encouragement: There will be times when you think it’s horrible and all too much. Believe me when I say that you’ll look back on those times in a few months and not be able to recall the stress and heartache! All you will remember is the positive, and you’ll see how far you’ve come and how much easier it’s become along the way—seeing two little people looking up at you when they are playing, or having double cuddles, makes it all worthwhile!

Candice lives in Queensland, Australia.

The twins were her first pregnancy after a heartbreaking unviable singleton pregnancy.

Her twin boy and girl were born in 2010 at thirty-two weeks and six days by Caesarean.

The twins spent about thirty-two days in a form of special neonatal care.

Candice’s biggest fear: Losing the pregnancy. Each scan was a nervous occasion, just waiting for the heartbeats.

Birth story: I was really hoping for a natural birth; however, because the twins were so early and because they had not totally dropped and the second twin was breech, the doctors on call that day told me that they would recommend a Caesarean. I was totally overwhelmed and very upset although wanted to make sure the babies came first. I did not enjoy the Caesarean experience; the epidural was fine, but the whole sensation of being cut open and feeling all the pressure but no pain was really strange. I then did not get to hold the twins or even see the second twin which was really hard.

Candice’s word of encouragement: Try to enjoy every minute of time in the beginning and get lots of photos because you forget so much when you are constantly tired. Remember to take time out for yourself. Take people up on their offers to help.

Clare lives in Queensland, Australia.

The twins were her fourth pregnancy after a miscarriage, and she already had two girls five and three years old.

Her twin boy and girl were born in 2010 at thirty-five weeks and four days by Caesarean.

The twins spent fourteen nights in a form of special neonatal care.

Clare’s biggest fear: Early premature birth and having to be transferred to Brisbane and spend weeks away from the family. I was also concerned with the possibility of long-term problems due to early delivery. All my research suggested twins regularly arrived around the thirty-five-week mark, and I was mentally prepared for delivery to happen any time after thirty-five weeks, although we were aiming for thirty-seven weeks.

Birth story: I watched the procedure (at my request) and had my obstetrician talk me through it. It was a calm, happy, and controlled environment in a lovely hospital. I knew the paediatrician who was in the room and had gotten to know the midwives due to my earlier hospitalisation. We were all excited. When twin one came out, she had a little oxygen and screamed, and after the paediatrician checked her, she was brought to me. Twin two followed two minutes later, and he was also checked, wrapped and brought over for a photo and cuddle. The bubs were then taken up to special care, whilst I was stitched up and headed to recovery. After an hour or so, I was wheeled up to special care on my bed and immediately saw my parents and our other two girls waiting at the door. They came in to the nursery and were there when the midwives brought the two babies to me and placed them on my chest. It was the defining moment for me, when I realised I was now the mother of two helpless infants, and I was going to need help! The cuddle lasted a few minutes, and they were put back in their cribs until being brought into my room individually for a cuddle early the next morning.

Clare’s word of encouragement: You’ll be right. It’s not the plan, but it’s a new plan. Enjoy having double the love and cuddles. Soak up the cuteness of it all! Slow down, and play with your babies. The greatest thing about having two babies is that it makes you stop, and sit down and be with them.

Joanne lives in Queensland, Australia.

The twins were her first pregnancy after four years of trying to conceive.

Her twin boy and girl were born in 2010 at thirty-six weeks and six days by Caesarean.

The twins spent ten days in a form of special neonatal care.

Jo’s biggest fear: The health of both babies and the babies coming before thirty-two weeks. We wanted to have our babies on the Sunshine Coast and did not want to be in Brisbane away from family for an extended period.

Birth story: I found the entire process very emotional. We had hoped for a natural birth, but Caesarean was necessity from our appointment at thirty-six weeks. The room was filled with so many people, four doctors, two midwives, nurses, anaesthetist, and lots of chatter. I closed my eyes from the moment we entered the theatre until just before the twins were born—it helped me get in the zone and block out all the voices and medical side of the events. Twin one was born—cried—checked as perfect and then Twin two joined one minute later, also checked as perfect but small. Both were bundled on my chest for first cuddles − the most amazing experience of my life so far.

Jo’s word of encouragement: You may have extra work in the early days—you will be tired and cranky, but you are doubly blessed cause you get to hear ‘Mumma’ twice, you get twice as many cuddles, you get twice as many kisses, and as they start to play, you get to sit back and watch your two amazing little people learn and entertain themselves; they always have a play mate and a best friend for life.

Katrine lives in Queensland, Australia.

The twins were her third pregnancy, and she already had two boys two and four years old.

Her twin boys were born at thirty-eight-weeks gestation in 2010 vaginally.

The twins spent three days in a form of special neonatal care.

Katrine’s biggest fear: Caring for two babies at the same time while also providing enough love to my two existing children—having one baby was hard enough but how were we going to cope with two at the same time.

Birth story: I had a natural birth. Arrived in hospital and had my waters broken by the doctor which started my labour—laboured for five hours in room, then moved to delivery suite when things started progressing very quickly. I had an epidural and then after about thirty minutes and a few strong pushes, twin one arrived. My waters for twin two broke as soon as twin one arrived, and because twin two was in breech position, my legs went up in stirrups, and after a few pushes, twin two seemed stuck and his heart rate plummeted. So the doctors had to try to manipulate him out, but his arm was twisted around his neck, and he was stuck—as his heart rate was dropping so much the doctor had no choice but to pull him out and break his arm! Nurses and paediatricians rushed into room, and after what felt like an eternity, twin two started breathing and crying and was placed on me beside his brother.

Katrine’s word of encouragement: To just get