Mom in Daycareland: A Practical Guide for Parents and Providers

By Carlota Lindsay and Marshall Lindsay

Letter to the Reader

Mom in Daycareland is about children, but it is addressed both to parents and to providers of child care in the hope that these pages will help them understand each others needs and the stresses they experience in their respective childrearing and caregiving activities. For the childrens sake, they must see each other not as antagonists but as partners in this most important of all careers: molding the future of the human race.

Today the need for child care is more widely accepted by the general public than it was years ago. We used to think that children should be reared at home and that a mothers job was to take care of them. Now all this has changed. Early every morning millions of mothers and fathers drive their children to child care providers and leave them there, most often without feeling uneasy or guilty. What has happened to cause this shift in our attitudes? Why have we given up ideas that once seemed sacred and replaced them with a pragmatic way of doing things that would have made our grandmothers frown?

The authors remember a time when it was expected that Dad would go off to work every morning, leaving Mom and the kids at home. He had a job outside the home and brought back the paycheck; she did the housework and cooking, took care of the children. Only occasionally were the children entrusted to someone else, as when the parents went to a dinner party or a movie and had a local high school student over to sit or drove the kids to Grandmas for the night. There were exceptions, of course, but this was the accepted pattern.

Today that pattern, while still prevalent in some families, is rare. The social and economic realities of our country have changed radically, and the structure of family life has had to adapt. There are several reasons for the shift, and others will undoubtedly surface at a later date, but what seems to be the most important among them are the following. Firstly, to make ends meet, todays parents are obliged more and more to share the burden of earning the wages. Both Mom and Dad need full time work if the family is to survive financially or if it is to satisfy the standard of living they are used to. In the meantime, who takes care of the children while both are at work? Secondly, another reason that helps explain why Mom works, even when there is no pressing financial need for her to do so, is the realization that women have an equal right to achieve their potentialities in the world of the professions and of labor. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, an ever increasing number of households are managed by single parents. When Mom or Dad is the only provider in the family, no one is going to suggest that she or he stay home and watch the children. That single job is essential to the survival of a family in an already precarious financial bind. Even when the children are sick, the single parent has to report to work in order to keep that precious job.

For these and other reasons, the need for child care is a simple reality in our present society, and the trend is likely to continue. In most communities throughout the country groups of interested people argue that the availability of child care services is insufficient to meet current needs let alone the demands of a growing population.

We would like to talk about ourselves, briefly, as authors. Both of us have had life careers in higher education. In 1980 we devoted ourselves to child care and started a proprietary child care center in the Northwest. It began small and then in time grew to a size of 35 preschoolers. From the beginning, Carlota operated the center from 6:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. as director, teacher, public relations person, cook, and janitor; only recently has she begun coming home in the late afternoon. Marshall was frequently teacher, maintenance person, and accountant. It was difficult yet rewarding work, and it taught us many things. The purp

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 15, 2002
• ISBN: 9781477172810

Carlota Lindsay

Carlota and Marshall Lindsay obtained their Ph.D. degrees at the University of Minnesota and Columbia University, respectively. They both taught in higher education before they started a preschool and day-care center in Oregon, where they reside.

Book preview

PART I

GENERAL

CONSIDERATIONS

1.

WHY CHILD CARE?

The general public is more accepting today of the need for child care than it was years ago. We used to think that children should be reared at home and that a mother’s job was to take care of them. Now all this has changed. Early every morning millions of mothers and fathers drive their children to child care providers and leave them there, most often without feeling uneasy or guilty. What has happened to cause this shift in our attitudes? Why have we given up ideas that once seemed sacred and replaced them with a pragmatic way of doing things that would have made our grandmothers frown?

The authors remember a time when it was expected that Dad would go off to work every morning, leaving Mom and the kids at home. He had a job outside the home and brought back the paycheck; she did the housework and cooking, took care of the children. Only occasionally were the children entrusted to someone else, as when the parents went to a dinner party or a movie and had a local high school student over to sit, or drove the kids to Grandma’s for the night. There were exceptions, of course, but this was the accepted pattern.

Today that pattern, while still prevalent in some families, is rare. The social and economic realities of our country have changed radically, and the structure of family life has had to adapt. There are several reasons for the shift, and others will undoubtedly surface at a later date, but what seems to be the most important among them are the following:

1. To make ends meet, today’s parents are obliged more and more to share the burden of earning the wages. Both Mom and Dad need full-time work if the family is to survive financially or if it is to satisfy the standard of living they are used to. In the meantime, who takes care of the children while both are at work? 2. Another reason that helps explain why Mom works, even when there is no pressing financial need for her to do so, is the realization that women have an equal right to achieve their potentialities in the world of the professions and of labor. 3. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, an ever increasing number of households are managed by single parents. When Mom or Dad is the only provider in the family, no one is going to suggest that she or he stay home and watch the children. That single job is essential to the survival of a family in an already precarious financial bind. Even when the children are sick, the single parent has to report to work in order to keep that precious job.

For these and other reasons, the need for child care is a simple reality in our present society, and the trend is likely to continue. In most communities throughout the country groups of interested people argue that the availability of child care services is insufficient to meet current needs let alone the demands of a growing population.

It is the purpose of this book to address the issues of child care at a time when realistic thinking and constructive action on all issues are essential to the health and maintenance of our society. We are approaching the subject from a practical angle, trying to communicate to readers what we have learned over a period of many years of hard work creating, expanding, and managing a successful child care facility. We are writing so as to reach a double audience with a common interest: parents seeking quality child care for their children, and people, parents or otherwise, who contemplate starting their own family child care homes or child care centers. If, in addition, the seasoned child care professional or the general reader finds useful suggestions in these pages, we will be grateful indeed.

2.

QUALITY CHILD CARE—WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

Parents seeking child care for their children and future providers must answer this same basic question. It is important to note at the outset that child care and baby-sitting are two different services, both having advantages and drawbacks. The common image we have of baby-sitting tends to be fairly exact: parents take their children to a baby-sitter’s home where they are expected to spend a specified amount of time in relative safety. Anything beyond this minimum requirement can be negotiated by the interested parties. A variation is the situation in which parents hire a baby-sitter to come to their own home to watch the children, and sometimes the sitter performs other tasks such as washing dishes or cleaning.

Child care, on the other hand, always involves a particular location, either in the provider’s home or at a designated facility, which is expressly arranged and equipped for the safety and well-being of the children. Child care further implies minimum requirements such as food, socialization, play activities, and learning experiences for the children. Finally, in child care, it is expected that care of children is the provider’s primary activity while the facility, home or center, is operating.

These are important distinctions, and their implementation in child care will be discussed in detail later in this chapter. For the present, it is necessary to note that in a baby-sitting situation, the sitter’s activities are not limited to the care of children. She may, while the children are in her care, watch television (which the children may be watching as well), talk on the phone, take in other work, sleep, or perform any number of activities that are not excluded in her contract with parents. The quality of baby-sitting depends, then, on the personality and responsibility of the sitter and on the relative safety of the site. Another important distinction is that a registered or licensed child care facility, whether it is located in a home or at a center, is under the supervision of a state licensing agency; baby-sitters are not. This means that parents of children who are enrolled in one can be fairly certain that minimum standards of sanitation and safety are maintained. It also provides parents with a channel for registering complaints or addressing inquiries.

Basically there are three kinds of child care, all referred to under the general term child care facility. In the following discussion, we will call them: 1. family child care home, 2. group child care home, and 3. child care centers. Everybody used to refer to child care as day-care, and some people, including experts, still do. We prefer the generic term child care because it describes more specifically the activity that is our concern. The three classes of child care are usually defined as follows; the exact name and the number of children each can service may vary from state to state:

Family Child Care Home provides care in the operator’s home for up to six children; it is often referred to as home child care.

Child Care Group Home offers care in the operator’s home for between six to twelve children.

Child Care Centers are larger facilities licensed to handle children in a location outside the operator’s home. The number of children permitted to attend usually depends on the size in square feet of the building and yard and the number of teachers and aides present.

The quality of any child care depends primarily on the professionalism of the provider. If she is dedicated, well trained, responsible, and caring, you can rest assured that she will take good care of your children. In the next chapters we will make clear what this means for the person who wishes to offer child care and indicate how parents can recognize the signs of professionalism in a given child care service.

3.

FOR PARENTS: WHO SHOULD

TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN?

If you work and need child care, there are several options open to you. You may have a relative in town who can watch your children for several hours a day. You can take them to a sitter or invite the sitter to your home or apartment, where she can do some cleaning or ironing for extra cash, thus relieving you of the drudgery you haven’t enough time for. You can also form a group with other working parents to establish a cooperative child care system. This would take some organizational work, and at least one parent would have to be home when the children are being cared for. Another option is to quit your job, stay home with the children, and take in some of your friends’ or neighbors’ children to help defray the expenses. If you choose this alternative, skip to chapter 4.

If, however, you want to keep your job and be relatively sure of receiving quality care for your children, then a family child care home, a child care group home, or a child care center can be the answer to your dilemma.

Before you decide there are some questions to ask yourself. Your answers to these questions will make it easier for you to decide what kind of care is best for your children.

Do you want your children to be at your home while you are gone? If your answer is yes, you will want to bring in a sitter. This will give you a certain sense of security, since you will know exactly where they are and probably what they will be doing. You may also have confidence in a particular sitter. This is a good time to think again about how safe your own home is for children, especially when someone else is in charge; for a discussion of possible hazards, see chapter 13. But your children will not be receiving any new learning, will not be given directed activities to increase their capabilities, and, perhaps most important, they will not be learning, on a day by day basis, how to socialize with other children at an age when this is accomplished naturally and easily. And finally, how well do you know that sitter you plan to invite into your home to take care of your children? We have heard too many stories of baby sitters who suddenly decide to quit and go to another town, leaving your children alone in your house or apartment for several hours until you return home to find out what has happened. This is just the most benign of the disaster stories one can tell about invited sitters; the others aren’t fit to print.

Do you want your children to be in a sitter’s home? This gives them some variety, and your sitter may live an a convenient location for you to drop them off and pick them up. Or maybe your sitter will come to get them herself, saving you the trip. She probably has flexible hours, too, so that on some days you can leave them for an hour while you shop, and on other days for a whole day. Perhaps she won’t charge very much, because she feels she doesn’t do much for your children other than watch them and see to it they are safe. These are conveniences that you should certainly consider. But you should also consider the disadvantages. What actually will your children be doing all day? Watching steamy soap operas on TV? Breathing a lot of cigarette smoke? Playing with the wasp nest in the back yard, which may not be fenced; and there may be other children across the street who want someone else to play with and who beckon your children to cross… all the while your sitter is inside, on the phone? Perhaps the sitter has to go shopping; how careful a driver is she? Does she insist on seat belts? Who else is in the sitter’s household? Sometimes there is a boyfriend or husband, out of work, with nothing to do; or an uncle or grandfather; we will return to the threat of sexual molestation later, for it is real. For the present, these are just some of the potential dangers in sending your children to a babysitter; you will want to check out these and other dangers before deciding on a particular babysitter.

Do you want your children to spend the days of the week in a controlled environment that has been certified by a state agency? The advantages of home, group, or center child care will become obvious as you read further. A few of them include, as opposed to the alternatives just listed, professional supervision for your children, learning activities, socialization, regular nutrition, exercise, rest, and safe settings. This is not to say that there are no dangers in state-certified facilities. We read too often in newspapers of a center or home that has been closed for reasons of suspected abuse or neglect. There may be safety hazards in some facilities where the supervision is lax or the management slow to implement recommendations or orders from the certifying agency. Clever children can run away from even the most diligent caregivers. But these cases are rare when one considers the great numbers of families currently being helped by child care providers. It is because there are still instances where the child care offered is not quality child care that we urge parents to check out any home or center carefully.

If you have decided to enter your children in a child care setting, there are still decisions to be made. For the parents who opt for family or group child care sites, the first thing to find out is if the facility is certified. Most states provide licensing for family and group child care providers. Many homes or groups, however, do not bother to obtain a license. Even if they are duly licensed, you will want to use your right to look around and ask questions before signing your children in, because in some states the licensing agencies provide only routine inspections, if any, and that, sometimes by mail! The best family and group homes have warm, loving environments, which is especially suitable for infants and toddlers; for them, it is like spending the day in a home like their own. Often the age groups are mixed, which provides a family like atmosphere. Disadvantages can include operators who are not professionally trained, limited availability of learning experiences for the children, and paucity of equipment and materials. All these matters can and should be checked out carefully by prospective parents.

Child care centers come in all shapes and sizes. We need to distinguish first between for-profit and nonprofit centers. The two basic types of for-profit child care are the proprietary centers and the chain centers. The differences are the ones you find between small businesses and large corporations. Proprietary centers are operated by the owners, which means that the same person is likely to be responsible for the entire operation and to provide a consistent management over the years. Other advantages include the likelihood of an organized (and possibly educational) program, adequate equipment, a more interesting social environment for the children, and more rigorous supervision. Some parents appreciate the homemade furniture and personal touches one often finds in these centers. The main disadvantage seems to be higher tuition fees in many localities, especially large cities, necessary to keep the centers financially viable, although in less populated areas the fees can be equal to those of a home facility.

Chain centers look very impressive and are often well equipped, their standards of care are based on large company policies. Tuition fees can be competitive, and chain center services are well marketed. Some parents feel reassured if a center belongs to a larger corporate organization. Other parents, however, will do well to look carefully behind the façade: they may find underpaid and undertrained help, unimaginative programs, and, in general, penny-pinching policies instead of child-centered caregiving. It is worthy of note that local center managers are hired help, and consequently personnel changes can be frequent, which is desirable neither for children nor for parents.

Of the nonprofit type of child care centers, we will mention the community centers, parent co-ops, church based centers, university-based centers, and company-sponsored child care. The advantages of these centers include sliding fees for families unable to pay regular tuition, religious instruction for parents who desire it for their children in church-based centers, parent involvement (sometimes in the form of required maintenance work or fund raising), expert advice and supervision at university and college centers, child-centered policies and goals. Often the directors of these centers are dedicated professionals and are helped by eager students and aides. Disadvantages include long waiting lists, large enrollments, institutional settings, and the regular tuition may be no lower than in private for-profit centers.

Company-sponsored centers are a relatively new phenomenon, so it is difficult to evaluate them at this point. They certainly should be considered by families that can take advantage of their services. But, as it is with all the nonprofit type centers discussed here, the sponsoring organization, whether it be a community, school, church, or company, is not a true guarantee of child care center quality. It is the center itself, the management, the staff, the grounds, the building, and the happiness of the children in attendance that parents should check, whatever the sponsoring organization might be.

4.

AM I CUT OUT TO BE A CHILD CARE PROVIDER?

One of the options mentioned in the last chapter was for you to open your own family or group child care facility in your home. There are any number of reasons for preferring this alternative. You may not want to work any more, you would rather be home than in some office, hospital, or factory, or you would like to play a more active role in the care and education of your own children and make some extra cash. All of these reasons make good sense; most of your acquaintances and friends will applaud them. And of course there is one even more admirable motive for opening your home up to receive others’ children: the nation and the economy have a crying need for more child care, and even one more family or group child care facility would constitute a positive step toward filling that need.

You have probably observed how the operators at the centers your own children have attended received them in the morning and sent them off in the evening with a smile and a hug. Seems easy doesn’t it? But wait; it is better to think twice, or maybe three or four times before taking what will turn out to be a very big step. Once again, there are a number of questions you will want to ask yourself, seriously, before it is time to begin making definitive plans and buying equipment. The first question, the most important one, and the one that you have to answer affirmatively before proceeding any farther, is whether or not you are the right kind of person to provide child care. This won’t be easy to answer, perhaps, and it will take some soul searching and a good deal of honesty with yourself for you to arrive at an answer you can depend on; but it can also be rewarding and sometimes fun to review your own abilities, likes, and tendencies. To help you come to a realistic and objective estimate of the personality traits that are necessary for a successful and reasonably happy child care provider to have, we will describe what experience shows to be some of the common requirements. In the next chapter you will find a test you can correct yourself which will make it easier to arrive at a valid decision.

First and foremost: do you like children? Of course, you might answer, all women, all mothers like children, it is a foregone conclusion. But let us not be swayed by stereotypes. You must have some acquaintances who are too busy to give their children quality time; some others may impress you as angry parents because they are always yelling at theirs; still other mothers never hug their offspring, at least when you are around, and they seem emotionally uninvolved