Creative Rationalization

By Abné M. Eisenberg Ph.D.

This book is a must read for anyone who is a procrastinator or who lives with someone who procrastinates. Especially interesting topics addressed include lying, sublimation, ego trips, excuses, mountains out of molehills, and hypocrisy.
Anyone who denies being a procrastinator is a liar. From birth, we are all born with this inherent ability. It afflicts stock clerks as well as world leaders. Its most recommendable asset is convenience and accessibility.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Dec 18, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466971684

Abné M. Eisenberg Ph.D.

Professor Eisenberg was born in New York City and served in the US Marine Corps in World War II. His career consisted of teaching interpersonal/intercultural communication, public speaking, organizational communication, nonverbal communication, group dynamics, and persuasion at four major universities. His publications include fifteen textbooks on various aspects of communication. He has a relentless reputation of asking his students, and often perfect strangers, thought-provoking questions. One of his earlier books was titled Questions That Challenge the Curious Mind. It consisted of seventy-nine choice questions. After each question, he would briefly describe how various people answered it. His favorite question is, “What one word best describes your entire life?” He presently resides with his beautiful and multitalented wife, Marianna, a former operatic star with the New York City Opera at Lincoln Center. His zodiac sign is Scorpio, and his favorite hobby is asking questions.

Book preview

Chapter One

WHO

THE INTRAPERSONAL SELF

If you were asked, Who are you? ten times, how would you answer it each time? Whenever possible, try not to simply repeat your last response. Interestingly, your replies will often reveal more about your inner self than you realize. Terms like self-image, self-worth, self-esteem, and self-evaluation are all designed to probe the concept you have of yourself. The perception and conception you have of who you are dictates how you behave. If you think the earth is flat, you stay away from the edge. Psychologists suggest that many people are not comfortable with the way they are mentally and physically. They would like to be taller, slimmer, better looking, healthier, more popular, or more intelligent. Few are completely satisfied with the way they were born.

MASKS YOUR SELF WEARS

We all wear masks. We present ourselves differently to our parents, friends, superiors, authorities, and lovers. Our facial expressions, posture, and gestures are subject to major and minor changes. These behavioral changes are dynamic, not static.

The following anecdote illustrates the use of a mask. There was an eighteen year old girl who lived in the French Quarter in New Orleans. She was not physically attractive and had extremely low self-esteem. As a result, when the yearly Mardi Gras came around, she refused to participate in the celebration. Her father, saddened by his daughter’s dilemma, decided to have a beautiful mask designed for her so that she could go to the Mardi Gras without feeling embarrassed. Off she went wearing that beautiful mask. As fate would have it, she met a handsome young man and fell madly in love. However, when the time came to remove their masks, she experienced unbearable fear. She was convinced that once he saw how she actually looked, he would be frightened away. The critical moment came and the young man took off his mask. He was very handsome. After tenderly removing her mask, he said, You are so beautiful. The moral of this story is that when you are loved, you are always beautiful.

When we look at ourselves in a mirror, what we see often differs from what others see. There are beautiful people who think they are ugly and ugly people who think they are beautiful. The mind is a clever trickster. While plastic surgery can change an individual’s external appearance, the inner self is less amenable. Despite this disparity, people continue to wear masks. The cosmetic industry is a conspirator when it comes to altering how people look. Make-up is a form of make-believe, of pretense and deception. Shakespeare’s words, To thine own self be true should be a constant reminder that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Facial expressions are able to reflect emotions such as anger, sadness, surprise, happiness, fear, and disgust. Although some expressions are universal, many are shared. One facial mask is the smile. It seems to fill the human penchant for bonding.

Smiles are unique. Research indicates that the preference for pretty faces is innate. Children born blind make the same facial expressions as sighted children. One hundred sighted infants revealed something interesting in terms of attractiveness. They were presented with two sets of images. One set of attractive faces and one set of unattractive faces. Infants spent 80% of their time looking at the attractive faces.

Masks are clever ploys. They enable disinterested people to look interested and insincere people to look sincere. Sociologist, Erving Goffman, described this mask as, civil inattention.

There is more to people than their outer appearance. Perhaps, you have had the experience of meeting someone at a social function who was physically unattractive. After a lively and stimulating conversation, you perceived the person to be more attractive. Physical appearances can be mediated by one’s intelligence, knowledge, grooming, experience, status, affiliation, and style. No determination of who you are should ever be made solely on how you look.

YOUR EVOLVING SELF

Who you are is not static. As you age, your persona changes. These changes include your pre-natal self, your post-natal self, and your post-mortem self. While there is always a readily identifiable core of who you are, the changes you undergo in a lifetime determine your character and personality.

Believing that people can change produces a safety net, a security blanket. People make minor changes in their life that could be regarded as window dressing. It could be a career change, a mode of dress, or relocating a domicile.

Some changes are easier to make than others. Paraphrasing Vladimir Lenin, Give me a child for the first five years of its life and he’ll be mine. It is those first years that shape the basic SELF people display for their entire life.

Change involves some risk. People tend to avoid change and comfortably recline into the way things are, not the way they would like them to be. Why? Because sameness is predictable, differences are not.

According to Ken Blanchard, a well-known management consultant, there are several dynamics of change. Whenever you ask people to either think, feel, or do something different, you disrupt their habitual ways of doing things. They find it difficult and somewhat uncomfortable having to eliminate old responses and adopt new ones. For instance, having to learn a new computer program and surrender an old one is difficult. People thirst for things that guarantee a predictable outcome.

Those forced to undergo an unwanted change may become dysfunctional or emotionally unsettled. Those with a damaged self-image or who have low self esteem are most inclined to resist change. Those with high self-esteem see change as a challenge.

Change does not occur in a vacuum, but in a given context. There has to be a readiness and a willingness to accept change. Change has been associated with praise, blame, guilt, shame, or embarrassment. These unpredictable outcomes cause people to resist change.

A final aspect of change involves will-power. Millions make desperate efforts to stop smoking, lose weight, stop gambling, or become more tolerant. Each of these aspirations require a change in perspective. Only will-power and committed motivation can effect a change. To administer these forces, you must