My Journey: A Military Wife’S Story of Faith, Hope, and Courage

By Nancy Hale M.Ed

My Journey is a true story of a young widow suddenly faced with the challenges of being alone in Cuba with forty-eight hours to leave the island with her two young sons and her husbands casket.

What began as an adventure in the US Navy turned into a life changing event, opening new doors that proved there are no chance happenings. The power of her childhood faith foundation allowed her to find comfort by visualizing the images of the stained glass windows from her hometown church.

Her faith in God transformed her into being the little lost lamb in the arms of the Good Shepherd, where she found strength and courage on her journey. The silence and pain of being alone enabled her to connect to the Christ in Gethsemane.

The journey changed the twenty-seven-year-old country girl into a stronger and more loving woman without breaking her spirit.

Cry, laugh, celebrate, and become inspired! My Journey is not all gloom and doom; however, it is an honest glimpse into the events that lead this family into a new life.

This is inspiration for anyone who has loved and lost. It offers hope and joy for all those brave enough to stand up and praise God and thank him for the challenges in life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 1, 2013
• ISBN: 9781490811345

Nancy Hale M.Ed

Nancy L. Hale has her master’s in education and has worked as a licensed mental health counselor for over twenty years. Her specialty is grief and trauma. She resides with her husband and two wheaten terriers, Maggie and Molly, in Wilbraham, Massachusetts. She enjoys getting in touch with nature and conversing with God while working in her gardens and watching wild birds in the yard.

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Copyright © 2013 Nancy Hale.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Cover art by Ron Hale

ISBN: 978-1-4908-1135-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-1136-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-1134-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013918401

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/30/2013

Contents

Chapter 1       Till Death Do Us Part

Chapter 2       Facing, Facts, Fears, and Funerals

Chapter 3       To Release Is to Rebuild

Chapter 4       Now You Have Lots of Money, Don’t You?

Chapter 5       Tears, Talk, and Time

Chapter 6       Listen to the Silence of Loneliness

Chapter 7       Widows Are Human Too

Chapter 8       Mommy, Who Will Be Our Daddy?

Chapter 9       About the Three Final Chapters

Chapter 10       Our Mom and Dad Are Getting Married

Chapter 11       Navy Wife: Toughest Job in the Navy

Chapter 12       You Almost Broke My Number-One Rule

This book is dedicated in loving memory of

CM2 Chester Emery Clark Jr.

United States Naval Seabees

November 28, 1946–March 22, 1974

My Love, My Loss, My Courage

I have invested my whole being in loving you.

You and I shared everything.

Now that you are gone, I am lost.

Where will I find the joy that you gave to me?

I search for answers to these questions in my silent darkness.

I am alone.

I feel lost and empty.

I turn to the only One who knows every part of my being.

I turn to our heavenly Father in prayer.

How will I raise our young sons alone?

How do I guide them into manhood?

How do I protect them from the pain I feel?

How will I comfort them the way you did?

How can I let them grow without anger or fear?

I find answers to these questions in my silent prayers.

I will become strong.

I will be brave for them.

I will rise above and beyond this pain.

I will love them the way our heavenly Father has loved me.

Preface

This book has taken thirty-plus years to become a reality. It first began as a journal to help me make it through the difficult hours that followed the death of my twenty-seven-year-old husband, and it evolved into this book. As time went along, the journaling began to turn into an idea for a book. This book is not just for widows. It is for anyone who loves and lives and loses someone through death, or perhaps even a divorce.

I began writing in April 1974. The earlier part of my writing came across as one widow’s plight, which left the reader feeling flat. I had recounted only the facts, not the feelings or the faith that led me through the journey. I have since realized that I’ve put off publishing this book long enough. I have been guided by the Holy Spirit to get this out so that others may find strength and comfort in it. I am presently in the right personal space to take the time given to me to make this happen. The Holy Spirit is nudging—if not pushing me—to write this and share it with others.

When I was very young, I was introduced to the loving heavenly Father. From a very young age, I remember my mother teaching me to say my prayers at bedtime, and she often read Bible stories as bedtime stories. I attended the Starrett Memorial Methodist Church on Island Street in Athol, Massachusetts. We went to Sunday school weekly and also to Sunday services on a very regular basis. We sat in the side pews right under the huge stained-glass window of the Good Shepherd holding the lost lamb. When I was very young and bored with the sermon, I would entertain myself by daydreaming about being the little lamb in Jesus’ arms or playing with the other lambs in the pasture.

As I grew more mature in my spirituality, I began to count on the Good Shepherd to comfort me and guide me back to him when I felt lost. When our wedding pictures were taken, we stood under the Good Shepherd window. When our son was baptized, we stood under the window. When I buried my husband, I crumbled and sought the comfort of the Good Shepherd.

Another window portrayed Christ in Gethsemane, praying prior to his crucifixion. I was able to relate to his pain, his fear, and the sense of abandonment. I called out to God, just as Christ had done. Throughout the years of my journey, I have held these two stained-glass windows in my memory and have visualized them for comfort and strength, even when I was several miles away.

I went back to school to get my degree in counseling when my third son was in grade school. I became a mental health counselor. I have been in the field for twenty-five years and have been specializing in grief and trauma. My personal experiences have allowed me to be more compassionate than the average therapist just out of school. Many of the psychiatrists and fellow social workers and therapists that I have worked with have all encouraged me to share this story with others.

On this journey, I have learned a great deal about life, love, and myself. My steps have been slow yet swift, unsteady yet strong. This is about my personal journey that began on March 22, 1974. It is about how my journey took place. Although it is by no means a blueprint for other young widows, I am sharing it with others to give them courage and hope on their own journeys. Good luck to you, and may God bless each step of your journey.

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank all those who have been encouraging me to get this project completed. I know that if I had not received your encouragement and patience, this book would still be nothing more than pages in my journal. It has been a long process, and through this process I have grieved, grown, and learned. I have met many widows and widowers along my journey and have shared parts of my journey with them, and I have learned about their journey experiences as well. I am grateful to be able to share this with all who read it. It has been in the works far too long. I realize now, as I prepare to wrap it up, that the one factor that was holding me back was my shyness about expressing my faith. I know that my faith is what kept me strong, even in the most difficult times, but I did not speak about that faith until I went back to finish this writing.

Although I began to write about a month after the funeral, I have not been writing consistently since then. Life took me along many side journeys and paths that often sidetracked me from even thinking about finishing this book. I have traveled over many bumpy roads, and at times I thought I would never get to where I am now, but here I am. This journey gave me several lessons that I am glad to have learned.

It is my intention to help widows have the courage to keep going, to know that they are not alone. There are several ways to grieve, and each of us has to grieve in our own way and at our own pace. There were several areas in my journey where I was forced to break the rules of healthy grieving. I am thankful that I was blessed with a healthy outcome.

I was strongly urged to publish my personal account when I was attending Bridgewater State College. However, my life was too hectic, or I was too undisciplined. After getting my master’s degree in education and counseling, I began to work with many people who were experiencing various stages of their own grief. The more stories I heard, the more I realized that various chapters in my book could help others. Currently, I belong to a group of seven couples that have joined together for the enrichment of our marriages and spiritual lives. We are known as Teams of Our Lady (TOOL). Being a member of this group has allowed me to feel confident in speaking more freely about my faith. The faith that led me through this journey has been growing with each step.

I have been realizing that my spiritual journey is not separate from my life’s journey. I want to thank all my team members and the Women’s Spiritual Enrichment group at St. Cecelia’s Church in Wilbraham, Massachusetts, for having faith in my ability to complete this. I also want to thank my coworker Donna and friend Paula for pushing me to get it done!

The most important four people who have cheered me on and allowed me the space to complete this book are my three sons and loving husband, Ron. My husband has invested many hours in helping me with the technical aspects of preparing this manuscript to send to the publisher. His love and encouragement have kept me going on many parts of my journey. Without my family supporting me, I would never have been able to make this journey. Thank you all, and God bless you.

Introduction

When marriage vows are spoken, they usually focus on life. Rarely is death part of that focus. This was true of me on my first wedding day. I was looking forward to living a long and happy life. My husband and I were planning on getting old together. The events that led to the writing of this book will unfold before you, and perhaps you will laugh or cry with me. My hope is that you will learn how faith can bring you through the good times and the bad times.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady. Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (Romans 5:5-11 LB)

01.tiff

September 17, 1966, Starrett Memorial Methodist Church, Athol, Massachusetts: the wedding of CMH 2 Chester Emery Clark Jr. to Nancy Louise Cameron.

CHAPTER 1

Till Death Do Us Part

The words till death do us part in our marriage vows—taken on our wedding day, September 17, 1966—did not stand out then the way they do today. The church was filled with our friends and family, all sharing the excitement of our joining together in holy matrimony. Our life was just beginning together, and all in attendance were sharing in our happiness. Everyone there was focused on a lifetime of happiness.

My husband, Chet, and I met on January 8, 1965, at a basketball game because of a dare.