Whatever Happened to Mary?: God's Faithfulness in Hardship and Grief

By Sheryl Bower Douras

Mary was a parent just like you; a parent with worries, fears and deep admiration for the child which God had placed in her life. She nurtured him, taught him, laughed with him, and cried with him. When it was time for him to leave home, she would have had the same mixed emotions that all parents have. But she had the clear knowledge that Jesus was fulfilling his purpose. She would have wondered about how Gods plan would work out in his life.

Just as a modern parent may feel neglected or in second place to their childs ministry, Mary had to content herself with occasional glimpses of her son. She would have cherished the momentary conversations they could have, and the news that she received about him would have had to content her in place of family reunions.

Mary was a mother who tried to give advice and had to learn to keep her opinions to herself. She was a woman whose role as a mother would include the greatest sorrow a mother can know. But she also experienced firsthand the greatest hope that the world would ever know!

We often feel quite alone in our parenting, but God understands! As we struggle with our own personal frustrations and fears concerning our children we can be comforted with the certainty that God understands our frustrations and fears. God personally witnesses each stage of our lives and all the stress in our families. God knows what parental pain is because he willingly made the greatest sacrifice any parent could make.

Whatever you are going through, praying about, or suffering through you can be assured that God is at work on your behalf and of those whom you love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490851419

Sheryl Bower Douras

God has been faithful in my path of healing from grief and has provided me with many opportunities for ministry including: pastor’s wife, adjunct professor in early childhood education, directing and teaching parents of at risk children, and counseling at a Christian counseling center. My husband and I had only been in Russia as missionaries for five months when we received a call telling us that our son was hospitalized with cancer. The news was heartbreaking and confusing, and in twelve months the Lord took him home. In my grief I began to wonder about Mary and her own journey with loss. I wondered, “Whatever Happened to Mary?” I know my God has been faithful to me just as He was to Mary and to all who serve Him. We continue in ministry in Peoria, Illinois.

Book preview

Whatever

Happened to

Mary?

God’s faithfulness in hardship and grief

Sheryl Bower Douras

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Copyright © 2014 Sheryl Bower Douras.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of Biblica, Inc. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of Biblica US, Inc.

WestBow Press

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-5142-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-5143-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-5141-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014916163

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/14/2014Dedication

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 A Mother’s Treasure

Chapter 2 A Mother’s Adaptability

Chapter 3 A Mother’s Wonder

Chapter 4 A Mother’s Faith

Chapter 5 A Mother’s Concern

Chapter 6 A Mother’s Amazement

Chapter 7 A Mother’s Fear

Chapter 8 A Mother’s Waiting

Chapter 9 A Mother’s Pain

Chapter 10 A Mother’s Strength

Chapter 11 A Mother’s Healing

Chapter 12 A Mother’s Story—a Woman’s Victory

About the Author

This book is dedicated:

To my husband, Mark, my greatest encourager.

To our daughter, Elizabeth, who has bravely assumed the role of only child.

And to all mothers who have experienced the loss of a child.

Introduction

In September of 2003, Mark and I reached Russia to begin life as full-time missionaries. We were blessed with an abundance of opportunities and successful ministries. We were further blessed when both of our children, Jonathan and Elizabeth, were able to visit us during their college Christmas break. It was during this visit that Jonathan first complained of coldlike symptoms and tightness in his chest. They both returned to the States in January. Little did we know that we would see them just one and a half months later. When we received the difficult call that Jonathan had been hospitalized, we had only been in Russia for five months.

We quickly flew home, where we met with specialists and learned that the diagnosis was non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. This type of cancer is one of the most successfully treated, so the doctors were very positive and had hope for Jonathan’s complete healing. He began chemo treatments that lasted up to four days each session and continued for the next six months. He was unable to attend most of his college classes during this time.

By July the treatments were over, and Jonathan was improved and seemed back to normal, he was even able to take classes in the fall semester. In October he underwent tests, which confirmed that the cancer appeared to be in remission. A time for rejoicing! He began taking chemo pills as a preventative for one month.

Just after Christmas 2004, Jonathan began experiencing severe tightness in his chest. During his next doctor appointment, our worst fears were confirmed—the cancer was back, invading more areas than before. We later learned that when non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma comes out of remission, it decreases the probability of complete recovery, and the less time spent in remission the more serious it is when the cancer returns. Jonathan had only been in remission for three months.

The chemo treatments were much more aggressive this time and required a hospital stay, but the cancer didn’t seem to respond very well. For his second chemo treatment Jonathan was in the hospital for a discouraging nineteen days! But finally, on Friday, February 25, Jonathan was able to leave the hospital. We celebrated by going grocery shopping together and picking out all the food he had missed while he was in the hospital. He had to sit in a wheelchair/shopping cart because of being so weak, but we all enjoyed the time together. This was at the beginning of spring break, and Elizabeth had just left with the college choir for their spring tour, relieved that Jonathan was finally home.

Over the weekend Jonathan was tired but had a better appetite. He was happy to be able to sleep in his own bed and go out to visit his friends. On Saturday morning Mark was ill and Jonathan was still in bed, so I ran some errands. Jonathan called my cell phone and asked if he and I could go to lunch. As I look back, I have good memories of this special lunch. It was as if Jonathan knew how important it was to spend time with those he cared about.

On Sunday we took the opportunity to rest at home with Jonathan. (It had been a tiring three weeks.) But late that afternoon, he began to run a low-grade fever. We kept the doctor’s office informed and went to bed that night in prayer.

On Monday morning we awoke at dawn to check on Jonathan and found that he had slurred, confused speech and his body temperature was so low our thermometer didn’t seem to want to give a reading. We called an ambulance. At the hospital we learned how serious his condition was. The cancer had spread to all his major organs, causing shutdown as well as pneumonia. The doctor had never seen this type of cancer be so invasive, and sorrowfully, he gave us mere hours for Jonathan to live.

Jonathan didn’t seem surprised or worried at all. We called family and friends with the news and arranged for Elizabeth and a close friend to be rushed back to South Bend. Throughout the day on Monday, Jonathan had many visitors and enjoyed every moment he was able to spend with each person. At one point Jonathan was asked by a friend what they could pray for, and he said, Pray that my parents will be happy. That was just like Jonathan to think of others even when faced with death.

Jonathan began to be unresponsive early in the morning on March 1, and surrounded by friends and family, he breathed his last and became a resident of heaven at 11:40 a.m. Mark tearfully said, Good-bye, Jonathan, You’ve been a good son.

A very dear friend of ours said he could picture God saying a similar thing to Jonathan at the same instant as He welcomed him into heaven: You’ve been a good son. Well done.

People have faithfully prayed for us as we as we headed for Russia, as we learned of Jonathan’s illness, and now as we deal with our loss. I miss him more than I can express. There are precious moments of laughter as we think of his joy in heaven with all the new experiences Christ has prepared for him. We cry because we don’t get to share the time with him yet.

One week before Jonathan died (while he was in the hospital for that long nineteen days), we had a visitor who came and prayed with us and shared some Scripture with us. Psalm 40:1–3 seemed to apply well to our situation.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.

I was assured that God was hearing our prayers. It seemed that the pit of destruction was the cancer that was consuming Jonathan’s body. But now I read those verses differently. He hears my cry, but the pit I am in is daily dealing with my son’s absence. There is a firm, very real rock available for me— although I do tend to slip off occasionally—and the Lord puts me back up on it repeatedly so I can continue to follow Him and can do the task that is before me each day. Verse 3 is especially real to me because I am a singer, and the first portion says: He has given me a new song to sing. Without Christ in my life, my song would be over, but God is creating a whole new song for me to sing. I trust Him every day to use my experiences to affect the lives of others. I can praise my God! Jonathan doesn’t have cancer anymore—no more pain, no more treatments, no more hospitals, no more hospital food. Just imagine what he is experiencing right now!

Jonathan died shortly before Easter, and it was during that first Easter service that I began to identify with Mary, the mother of Jesus, who had lost her own Son. An idea was born for this book as I wondered whatever happened to Mary.

God has been with our family through so much and has provided everything we need. He has blessed us even amid our pain. He provided Mark with pastoral positions at crucial times of change and relocation for us.

Elizabeth completed college, and God provided a good-paying job for her in an economy that was and is far from stable. She is also very involved in her church with music and in helping to aid in the leadership of the young adult and teen small group ministry. God allowed us to live close to her for two years, but currently we are living in a different state than she is. As always, He prepared us for this separation and provides for each of us.

I have had opportunities to work in areas I had never dreamed of being involved in. I was able to work at Bethel College teaching early childhood education classes as an adjunct professor for two years and later had an opportunity to direct a preschool program designed for at-risk children and to teach parenting classes for the parents of these children. I am currently a counselor at a Christian counseling center, where my experiences with early childhood education, parenting classes, and grief have been key life experiences that God has used to prepare me to minister to others.

We aren’t sure what is in store for us or what is in our future. We dream about the possibility of running a retreat center some day that focuses on ministering to those who have experienced great loss. We don’t know if this is part of God’s will for us or not, but we are certain that where ever we go, God will be there with us and we will do our best to listen to and obey Him.

Lamentations 3:20–23 have become my life verses.

I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.

Chapter 1

A Mother’s Treasure

The girl sat alone in the workroom at the rear of the house sewing a new robe. The well-woven fabric felt soft in her hands as she skillfully attached the last sleeve. Her name was Mary.

Mary’s parents were gone for the day to purchase wool. She knew the schedule for next few days promised to be busy with carding the wool and spinning it into yarn and fine thread.

Father always selected high-quality wool to be dyed into vibrant colors. Mary laughed out loud when she pictured the colorful apron he wore to protect his clothing from the dyes.

She glanced at the great loom in the corner and thought of her mother, who was a talented weaver, creating beautiful fabrics and rugs. Bolts of fabric filled shelves against the far wall as proof of her diligence

Mary’s own responsibility of sewing the fabrics into comfortable and attractive garments that people enjoyed wearing kept her very busy. She had perfected many intricate stitches. It was satisfying to her that the family’s work was so highly sought after in the different markets.

The sun’s slanting rays moved slowly across the floor as the morning progressed. It was so quiet that Mary could hear flies buzzing across the room. As time dragged on, she finally finished off all the edges of the garment and held it up to inspect. Satisfied, she carefully folded the robe and placed it aside. She reached for the next project in the basket, which was a beautiful linen garment that she was embroidering for her own wedding. She held it before her and examined the beautiful fabric with the delicate stitching. Her heart fluttered with excitement to think of its meaning. She smiled with satisfaction. She was truly blessed.

Mary worked for an hour to complete the intricate stitching. She