Gone from Our Sight: The Raw, Unspoken Truth

By The Widows

When death knocked at their doors, their husbands departed, and they realized the true meaning of those words they all had uttered, Till death do us part. Gone from Our Sight offers a personal and engaging collection of reflections from widows who loved their husbands and now share their personal memories.

The stories, all anonymous, discuss the death of partners from a variety of walks of life and from an array of causes, via pneumonia, heart attacks, suicide, renal cell carcinoma with metastasis to the liver, hypertension, edema, congested heart failures, prostate cancer, diabetes, lung cancer, and acute myeloid leukemia with cellulitis. Honest and heartfelt, each widow shares her truth regarding diagnosis, family, funerals, emotions, and recovery. They provide a glimpse into their challenges.

The book not only provides personal accounts, but practical and spiritual lessons learned while experiencing the loss of a spouse. The authors invite others to take from their experiences, prepare, be encouraged, grieve without shame, and learn to be joyful.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Jan 29, 2018
• ISBN: 9781480856509

The Widows

Are you curious or wonder what you would encounter when your mate dies? What would you do? Young or old, widows known to us, did not discuss personal details of their husbands death. We decided to be different and publicly share personal details and our innermost thoughts. We decided to talk. Before we shared with one another, we believed our thoughts, dreams, and behaviors were abnormal or weird.

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Copyright © 2018 The Widows.

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ISBN: 978-1-4808-5649-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-5650-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018900092

Archway Publishing rev. date: 01/23/2018

CONTENTS

Preface

Suddenly Widowhood

Diagnosis

Family Interactions

Finances

Intimacy

Hospitalization

Hospice

Funeral

Emotions

Places Of Uncertainty

Recovery

Go On Through It

PREFACE

W e are widows who have decided to share deeply personal experiences, emotions, and "ah ha’ moments with women who are anticipating or who have recently experienced the death of a spouse. We share our individual experiences acknowledging each person experiences the loss differently. We share information which would have helped us on our journey. Our intent is to provide comfort, reality, and hope. We hope to provide assurance that you, too, have the strength to survive the journey. This is our attempt to inform and alert women that, after the loss, joy comes in the morning (eventually.)

Sharing these episodes required reliving a painful period and experiencing the emotional pain again. It had therapeutic benefits for some. We were not concerned with grammar, political correctness, religious dogma, or shame. We believe our honest and heart-felt sharing of experiences will help others navigate this uniquely unwelcomed journey. In other words, it is our heads up to widows.

Death knocked at our doors; our husbands departed, and we realized the true meaning of those words we all uttered, Till death do us part. Death came via pneumonia, heart attacks, renal cell carcinoma with metastasis to the liver, hypertension, edema congested heart failures, prostate cancer, diabetes, lung cancer, and acute myeloid leukemia with cellulitis. They were employed as fork-lift operator, store manager, industrial specialist, aviator, comedian, computer programmer, engineer, educator and USA soldier.

Our adjustments to changes, sleeplessness, fear, confusion, grief, anxiety, navigations, and finally acceptance of being left alone, enabled us to accept survival was a state of heart rather than an achievement of the mind.

These pages reflect our broken hearts and many previously unspoken truths. Uncertainty, fear of exposing secrets, political correctness, shame, family reputation and caution kept us bound in silence. We are anonymous to protect our families and deceased husbands. Dating and remarriage issues were omitted.

We greatly appreciated the support received from our families, friends, strangers and clergy. We remain thankful for a faithful God and his provisions. A special thanks to Angela for planting the seed for this book.

-The Widows

SUDDENLY WIDOWHOOD

I t was past midnight when I called the doctor at home. He had given me his home phone number for such a time as this. He called the coroner and then he called me back to explain the process so that I would be prepared. The police would also come. Whenever there is a death at home, the police also arrive. My brother, sister-in-law, rector and associate priest were with me when he passed from this life into eternity.

My beloved husband, the complete joy of my life, died of what we were told was a very rare form of renal cell carcinoma, metastasis to the liver. It was a very fast-growing cancer, somewhat like a fire raging out of control. My husband had completed a full physical about six months prior to the discovery of the cancer, at which time he received a clean bill of health. He began suffering from headaches and passing blood in his urine. At first, he didn’t admit to feeling ill, but I insisted that he be seen by the doctor. When the tumor on his right kidney – about the size of a melon was discovered, the oncologist immediately scheduled surgery. I remember the day of the surgery, which was scheduled very early in the morning, at 6 AM. The surgery waiting room was filled with family members waiting for word regarding their loved ones in surgery. I was there alone. I prayed with others as we waited, and silently prayed for my husband, children, and for myself. As surgeries were completed and as each family received the good news that all was well, they left. It was around 11 AM by the time the last family left. Suddenly I was left in the waiting room alone – with no one to talk to, no one to pray with, where I sat for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for my own good news. Finally, around 3 PM, the doctor came out, sat down beside me and said, We removed his right kidney, but unfortunately … BUT UNFORTUNATELY - two words that will remain with me for the rest of my life.

The tumor was cancerous; it had metastasized to both lungs, which were completely covered with cancer spots. The oncologist explained that with it being such a rare form of the disease - with only twenty-four patients in the world at that time who were known to have had it (all of which had died), there was no known cure or treatment for it. At best, all they could do was give him medication to relieve the pain he would suffer. The news hit like a tsunami, and the only thing I could think to ask was how long did he have to live. At first, the doctor was very hesitant to give me a time-frame, but I insisted on knowing what awaited me because we needed to plan ahead for our children. At the time of this news, my three young daughters were two, five, and nine years of age. He said that at the most, my husband had two years to live, but it would probably be much less. However, if he made it past the two-year mark, he had a chance for full survival. My greatest fear – besides losing the love of my life, was that my children were too young to remember the love my beloved lavished on them, and would grow up and forget knowing their father.

After much research, the doctor asked permission to use an experimental drug that had just hit the market. We agreed. The hope was that the drug would retard the further growth of spots on his lungs.

After about four months of very painful treatment every three to five days, we finally got the good news that not only had the drug retarded the growth of spots on the lungs, all the spots had disappeared. What great news this was for all of us! My husband continued to be seen by the doctor for treatments for about a year, but the treatments were now spaced out and not so close together. Eventually, he was dismissed from care because the doctors were sure they had healed him. However, he was told that if he ever started feeling bad again - no matter how minor he thought it to be, to please come back in for a checkup.

The wonderful thing about my dearly beloved was that he was always very faithful. He was a wonderful, devoted husband, a great father to the girls, and truly the best friend I’ve ever had the joy and privilege of knowing, loving, and being blessed with. I oftentimes thought that GOD brought him into my life specifically to bring me back to