SALLY LEWRY DANCES WITH GRIEF
SUBJECT
Sally Lewry
OCCUPATION
Celebrant and artist
LOCATION
Melbourne, Australia
DATE
July, 2020
I met Sally Lewry on the eve of the coronavirus outbreak in Australia in early March – back when we were freely sitting in cafés and bumping into each other, when a day consisted of traffic and rushing about, and when the word “clusters” was most commonly used to refer to stars. I had been introduced to her by a friend, without much context other than, “She’s a celebrant, writer and poet” and, “I think you’ll enjoying working together.” The encounter was potent – filled with surprise, connection, tears and delight – and has stayed with me through my experience of lockdown.
I learned of the tragic death of Sally’s great love and husband Miklós to brain cancer four years ago, and how they became pregnant with their second son while he was very sick. I was torn apart as Sally told me of the incredible perspective that Miklós gave her as he was dying – the generosity and courage he showed, and what it was like for her to be witnessing death while she was growing life. It was the first time I had heard such piercing observations of birth and death – of how much these stages have in common. This was someone who had been proximate to the edges of life, and seen that death, too, is a becoming.
So much of our conversation spoke to rites of passage and the importance of ritual in processing the transitions that we go through. As this year unfolded, it became clear that what we are experiencing collectively is also a rite of passage, and that Sally’s story would have something to offer in this time of turbulence and change. I was delighted to re-connect with her for this edition, and to be reminded of the potential we have for expansion when we meet loss and pain in a particular way. Sally is at once strong and direct and soft and heartfelt. Her deepest grief is also her deepest love, and it’s this well she draws from to mother her two boys and keep the spirit of Miklós alive in their hearts and imaginations.
NATHAN SCOLARO: How are you going there with the second lockdown?
SALLY LEWRY: Yeah okay. I feel a bit more resistant to it I must say. The first time I was much more accepting and I surrendered pretty quickly. This one has been challenging.
I feel the same. I think gaining and then losing those freedoms and permission to see people again so quickly was a bit hard on the nervous system.
Yes. And being a sole parent, connection is crucial to the health of my family. I’m interested in that much bigger conversation around health. What does “health” mean in a wider holistic sense, in terms of wellbeing and what makes life meaningful? Our culture is so death-phobic, as we know. And a lot of fear comes up when death is just glimpsed. But what effect does fear have on health? How do we live well through this time? With the change in pace that was offered in that first lockdown, I spent a lot of it contemplating
