Meeting in the Space Between: A Story of Grief, Grace and Gratitude

By Kathari Findlen

Katharis astonishing communication with her deceased daughter is a bold and raw story, and it will open your eyes to existence beyond the physical plane. Compassionately written, readers will connect with the pain of losing a loved one, but quickly progress into healing as they embark on a fascinating journey to deeper truths about the mysteries of life and the infinite beyond.

Jean Slatter, author of Hiring the Heavens

This beautiful story of a mothers journey through the grief of losing her daughter is filled with wisdom from this world and the other and is relevant to all. It is a treasure to be read and reread.

Candance Kingley, psychotherapist

Katharis and Koris conversations and understanding of the spiritual veil gave me hope and the promise that I too will be able to connect with my beloved daughter. As I came close to the end of their conversations, I realized that I will miss them both. This book has been, and will continue to be, a true gift to me.

Mary Kay Wetzel, a mother familiar with Grief

Meeting Kori through Katharis pen has allowed my being to expand. Give yourself a spiritual gift and allow Koris communication to move you into a higher/greater understanding.

Dolores Ramsbottom, www.synchronizeyoursoul.com

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jun 15, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504330398

Kathari Findlen

Kathari Findlen has served as a guide to people in crisis as they discovered their strengths and learned to love life. She combines her background in social work with certifications in polarity therapy, holistic life coaching, and higher guidance life coaching in an eclectic approach to serving others. Kathari’s greatest “certification” has been what she has learned about herself, the universe, love, and life through a committed journaling practice that opened the veil for connection with her daughter now living on a higher plane. Sharing this journey of the “first years after Kori” is Kathari’s and Kori’s gift to the world. Kathari lives in Maine and shares her life with her husband, her twenty- five member family, and her precious canine companion Inu.

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Copyright © 2015 Kathari Findlen.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Editor: Mary Ellen Ryder, MDiv

Cover Photo and Author’s Photo: Carol Ayoob, MFA

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3037-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3038-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3039-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015904708

Balboa Press rev. date: 05/28/2015

Dedication:

To my daughter Kori for her constant sweet presence in my life and to my husband for always remembering that we are perfect for each other.

Gratitude:

In gratitude to my husband for his unwavering love and support; to Mary Ellen Ryder for editing this book and for believing in me when it was difficult for me to believe in myself; and to all Beings from this world and the other who have nurtured and supported me. And last but certainly not least, to my Daughter Kori for teaching me that separation does not exist, and that LOVE is the answer.

Foreword

Through the gift of global communication, I met Kathari in 2008 when she enrolled as a student of Holistic Life Coaching and I became one of her teachers. In January 2006 she had moved to Okinawa, Japan. She described her life there as living in a tropical paradise.

Always one to seek deeper connections, Kathari later emailed me when she was attracted to my email ID, yayasoulsista. As a mother and grandmother she intuitively felt that she had found a kindred spirit. She was right. Our relationship has evolved into a deep friendship as we nurture and support each other in our hope for each day and our dream for the future.

The unimaginable phone call came for Kathari at 1:00 am in Okinawa. Her precious daughter Kori had died in a fatal car accident. As soon as she was able to breathe enough to talk, she called me because she knew that I had experienced the loss of my oldest son in a hiking accident in 1998.

My gift to her was my complete presence and deep understanding of the shock and pain she was experiencing. We sobbed together until she did not need to cry -— for the moment. I have been privileged to be closely connected to her process of healing. As she heals I too continue to be healed.

As you read her day-to-day journal of a courageous walk from despair through the depths of grief that evolved into Grace, Kathari will so vulnerably share what happens within herself, with her relationships with loved ones and with the world around her. And then, as the process of connection with her daughter becomes the alchemist that transforms her, she will show you what might happen when you realize the bond between you and your loved one has not been broken. And you too, will eventually be able to say with Kathari:

I did not know that in the deep mystery of Spirit, my heart WOULD heal and my daughter WOULD be returned to me. I did not know that separation only existed in my mind. As I journeyed through the many gates of grief, I felt sustained by a Force that flew beneath me. If I fell too far, the talons of Grace gently pulled me to the surface for a brief respite from the pain. Today I feel softly centered. I am no longer waiting for the next best thing. Now is all there is and it is perfect.

This book is an opportunity for those who grieve and those who want to be deeply present for others who are experiencing their own grieving process. Sixteen years after my son transitioned to his new home, I find comfort and healing in her ability to take me with her into the often raw and messy journey of Grief to a life of Grace-filled possibility.

Mary Ellen Ryder, MDiv

Creative editor

Higher Guidance Life Coach

Introduction

In the blink of an eye, in a heartbeat, in an early morning phone call, in the time it takes for a car to slip on black ice, leave the road and hit a tree, life as I knew it changed.

In the pages of this book you will experience a story of a mother’s grief, a daughter’s legacy and our journey to reconnect through the power of love and grace.

My experience with Grief has not been a linear process. It has been a roller coaster ride of long climbs out of the dark places only to be ambushed again and again by a swift and surprising fall into the fullness of Grief once more.

Grieving is a process, not an event. It is being willing to live fully awake in raw, messy vulnerability as Grief calls your name and insists on being fully experienced.

For the first six months I lived in stunned denial and moved through my days trying to put my own grieving aside to help care for my granddaughters. I did not have the time or the energy to think or write about the loss of my daughter or the feelings that I could not allow myself to experience and process.

I am the writer of this story, but it has been experienced and co-authored by my daughter who lived her life on earth ALL IN in service to the world. She came to live among us on October 5, 1966 and she left, having lived fully, on November 24, 2009.

I miss her physical presence with us, her deep caring, her love for children, her brilliant smile, her dry and often caustic sense of humor, the deep belly laughs that we shared and her devotion to her husband and three daughters, ages 2, 9 and 11.

Our relationship has evolved into a friendship that is different as we meet through the veil of illusion that we are separate. It is my experience that the Soul, Spirit and Presence of my daughter are living in, around and through me now. Grief has given me the opportunity to connect with my daughter through a commitment to write to her on a daily basis. She began to respond and our story is recorded in the pages of this book. Living fully awake and engaged in a field of infinite possibility is a choice. We urge you to choose wisely and experience a life of deep lessons and exceeding joy.

May the long time sun shine upon you

All love surround you

And the pure light within you

Guide your way home

Snatam Kaur

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MAY 11, 2010

Dear Kori,

It’s 5:30 AM and I have been awake since around 4 AM. I’m waking up in the night with my upper arms aching and Tylenol is becoming a nighttime friend. I wonder if the ache in my arms is from the loss of you – the need to hold you the cause of this physical pain.

If you are an angel now, as you were on earth, please be mine. I need help to connect to you, to God, to the spiritual forces that can help me move through and eventually up over the top of this grief. I feel like all my creative juices have dried up and linger somewhere in the abyss out of my reach.

Please come to visit me in my dreams, in some very tangible way. I need you.

Much love,

Mom

MAY 13, 2010

Dear Kori,

At Circle of Learning, the school you created, the teachers say what would Kori do? when faced with a child that they are not reaching. Did you know what a profound impact you had on people? Do you see it all now? You operated from such a place of love – ego didn’t really stand a chance against your spiritual connection.

I wish you were here, wish you were here, wish you were here. You are still my baby and my best friend. Sorry it’s taken me so long to really talk to you. The tears I shed as I write are not so filled with pain now. They flow freely.

Love you,

Mom

PS: Tell God I’m still mad!

MAY 14, 2010

I feel very sad and angry this morning. Where do I go with those feelings? Store them up and have them come out side-ways on the general public? The anger sometimes feels like one of the dragons in your baby daughter’s books or like Sophie in SOPHIE’S VERY, VERY ANGRY. Who am I mad at? You for leaving me or God for allowing it to happen?

Love you,

Mom

MAY 15, 6:20 AM

Dear Kori,

It’s Saturday morning and all is quiet in the house. I’m feeling very sad and quite fragile. I’m thinking scary thoughts about an inability to ride this wave of grief, and if I can’t, what will happen? We so need you to smooth out all the rough edges.

Am I doing what your girls need? I’m so unsure of myself in this whole experience. Relationships are so much more difficult without you here and that creates an even greater sense of all we have lost.

I hope you don’t think I’m being a whiner. Can you be my angel and please petition God and The Universe to help me? I’m falling apart on the inside and I can’t find the glue or the duct tape.

Sweet girl, I wish I could be more like you when you were here in your home. I wish I could help everyone be comfortable and together. But I cannot find the missing piece – the piece that is you.

The joyful, fun part of me feels dark and covered, hiding in some corner trying to find her way back. The sharp edges manifesting as words said and not said reinforce her exile. Where will I find the comfort to move from this place, to bring her out of hiding, to keep her safe? The part that you so loved, the part that found joy in simple things, the part that had deep belly laughs with you as we told each other stories of our lives. She is in hiding. I cannot find her.

Love you,

Mom

MAY 18, 2010

Dear Kori,

The rawness of my grief often affects my relationships. I ride the wave of grief and sometimes I feel that my survival as the woman that I was before you left is really not possible.

I still feel the loss of you this morning, but there is a certain distance from it. Like me and my feelings are separate entities. I need a nice, fuzzy blanket to curl up in this week and use this time to just rest. I wish my apartment was settled into as a home so I could move into it and nurture myself with warm tea, soft music, and good books.

Love and blessings, sweet girl,

Mom

JUNE 3, 2010

Dear Kori,

Today it’s raining again. Everything is very green. Maybe the rain will make the grass grow on the spot where we put your body. Your life now without the body wrapped around it must be interesting and full. Here, not so much. I am missing you more every day. I thought it would lessen.

There is so much of you to miss. I miss your incredible smile, your imagination, your creativity. I miss the way a room lit up when you entered. I miss all the stories you told me about your girls, other children, your staff, and others in that great web of relationships that you created.

I remember one of the last times you called. I was watching the end of a two-part TV show. I missed the end – so glad I didn’t miss you. The last time you called, it was early morning for you and evening for me. You said, Hi Mom – haven’t talked to you in a couple of days, on my way to a meeting, but wanted to say Hi. We talked a few minutes then it was bye, I love you. Talk to you soon. But soon never came.

Soon came with a much different phone call. A call that a parent never wants to receive. In an instant, you were gone from our physical world. As much as I want to feel you close to me – mostly I just feel my heart breaking over and over.

Love you forever,

Mom

JUNE 4, 2010

Dear Kori,

Listening to music this morning and heard, Wishing that the Good Old Days were back again. My heart broke. I’m not sure how it continues to beat and move in rhythm to my body, fractured as it is now. My stomach hurts a lot of the time and I wake up every night with my shoulders and upper arms in pain. I need a good belly laugh with my baby and best friend. Where are you, sweet girl? Are you here with me now?

Love you forever,

Mom

JUNE 5, 2010

Good Morning, Sweet Girl,

I wish I had started these letters to you in the first few months after you left. All that I learned about spirit, connection, the universe, oneness, seems vague and abstract now.

There is not a spot on earth where I feel fully relaxed and at home. I remember when I was back from Japan for your niece’s wedding, you said, I’m having a harder time with you leaving this time than I did when you first left, just so you know. If I had known how soon I would lose you, I would have stayed.

I’m even uncomfortable now quite often with my husband. I feel anxiety in my body. It’s like there are unspoken expectations and I don’t know what they are or how to meet them.

It’s thundering and lightning here today – raining hard. Did I tell you that I broke dishes one night this week? Somehow it feels like the same energy that is in thunder sometimes – violent but cleansing. Talk to you later.

Love you,

Mom

JUNE 27, 2010

Dear Kori,

Life took me over and I haven’t written to you for three weeks. Your niece and her husband have made a decision to come and live with your family and help care for your girls. I am no longer one of their primary care-givers. My husband and I are back living in Southern Maine.

My mood is sad and dark. I saw you in a dream last week. You were resting in someone’s bed and you were very thin. I’m beginning to worry about how I am feeling – from hopeless to really pissed off. I don’t feel at home anywhere. I am not liking myself much. I feel tired and rather useless. Will this darkness pass? Now it feels like it’s here to stay – that there is no rest or respite in the future – that this is my life and I really don’t want it. What is the alternative?

Love,

Mom

JUNE 28, 2010

Dear Kori,

Today is our 24th wedding anniversary. Somehow my sense of self, self-esteem, knowledge of who I am has all evaporated into the cosmos somewhere.

My body hurts, especially my upper arms – aching to hold you once again. I’m drinking a glass of wine hoping to dull the pain. I’m using this week to put the house in order and to rest. I’m very tired.

Your sister says I have to focus on all the good in my life. But the loss of you is bigger than all the good – it has covered it – it’s hidden like the woman I was. Will I always be defined as, before Kori’s death and after Kori’s death? I know that the woman I understood myself to be before you left is no longer living in my body. Only Sadness and Grief live there. My new names.

Sweetheart, do you see me surviving this? I want to see you, touch you and hear your stories again. Why did you leave? Why did God allow it to happen?

Love you,

Mom

SEPT. 2, 2010

Dear Kori,

I haven’t written to you for weeks but, as you know, I talk to you often. Today has been a good day. I got some new meds for sleep and did get a full night’s sleep last night. My body, mind and spirit feel better as a result. Avoiding pain seems to be a human condition.

Today I’m listening to music and enjoying it. That’s new. I haven’t really been touched by music for a long time. I’m going shopping now to look for a couple of new outfits. My clothes are all too tight from months of grief and little exercise. I am moving forward into self-care. Exercising and cleansing.

Love you forever,

Mom

OCT. 22, 2010

Dear Kori,

I’m all sixes and nines ... whatever that means. Fragments of me are loosely hanging together. Some of them, I think, are dangling precariously on a dangerous edge.

Writing is not coming easy this morning but at least I am sitting, I am writing. We are looking for a home but nothing says come live in me yet. I am ambivalent about moving. Somehow this move even feels temporary. Maybe I just don’t feel at home in my body so I can’t feel at home anywhere.

I have come to a place where I have asked Spirit to help me – now I wait. I cannot survive this loss of you here with me without miraculous, supernatural help and grace.

What am I to learn? I thought I knew, and was comfortable with who I had become after years of search and work. But no – now it has evaporated into the cosmos. I am trampled so far into the earth that I cannot see – literally and figuratively.

It’s close to the anniversary of the day you left us and then Thanksgiving. Another rite of passage, another resurgence of immeasurable grief.

I love you,

Mom

DEC 10, 2010

Where are you Sweet Girl? Why are you not here tucking your girls in at night, listening to their secrets, reveling in their stories, helping them grow?

As you know, since I think you see and know all that’s happening here, I am struggling. I am practicing none of what I have learned over the years to help me through this dark year of the soul. Dark night just doesn’t cut it. My missing you fills my days and the grief is overwhelming. I don’t seem to be able to move, literally. My body, mind and spirit seized up the day you died and now I am stuck in a motionless place.

I PROMISE YOU ... I WILL WRITE EVERYDAY ... no matter how trivial I judge the content and I will wait (maybe patiently) for you to appear on the page.

What is my new normal without you? I think this grieving is a necessary part of my evolution and I am kicking and screaming (not literally) and attempting to push away the experience. I dull the pain by eating, TV, and other mindless activities. In the past I never thought of myself as old but recently I feel old – or what I think of as old. Slowed down body, mind and spirit. I cannot be in a room or any place with darkness around me. Lights on all the time. Perhaps the outer darkness reflects the darkness I feel inside.

This season of Christmas, that you loved so much, is upon us. How can it be Christmas without you? I don’t know how to do that. You so thrived on all the activity – you loved spreading your joy – living on M & M’s and diet Coke for a month. How can anyone live up to or make Christmas so joyful without you here?

Love you forever,

Mom

AND THEN SHE APPEARED

Hi Mom,

Normal ... you, Mom? When did you ever seek normal? You have thought and lived on the edge of what some call reality for a very long time. Don’t give up your place in the center of the family. They need you there. Show them your vulnerability. Let them help you – it’s your turn. You don’t need to fall through the cracks of what is called saneness to get their attention.

With each breath you take, each touch and smile you give, each time you feel joy at the stories and actions of children – you are creating the Spirit of Christmas in the hearts of others. Let your bigness shine. Don’t shrink into your grief and think that you are small and unimportant in this lifetime. You have been given an opportunity to evolve beyond this 3D reality and move between there and here with ease and grace.

Call on us every day – we all want to help – to show you the way into the grand scheme.

Love you,

Kori

DEC 12, 2010

Dear Kori,

Very sad this morning. Saw you in a dream. You told me I needed to sleep all day. Woke up with tears flowing. My heart is in fragments. My husband is so good to me – we cry together from missing you and join our breaking hearts. It’s hard to live not knowing what life will look like in our future. Somehow I feel on the fringe of your girls’ lives now. I’m struggling with how my place has changed, and yet I know that I do not have it in me to be there and be responsible for them on a day-to-day basis.

I pray that you and Spirit hold me through this day and help me to bring joy to those around me.

Love you forever,

Mom

Hi Mom,

Mom – I promise you it will get better. Remember every day to find those things and people in your life that make you feel grateful.

Love you too,

Kori

DEC. 13, 2010

Dear Kori,

I don’t really wish that I didn’t miss you so much, but I wish it didn’t hurt so much. It really feels like I might stay in this place of emotional agony forever. I’m trying to think positive thoughts. I know that thought leads to feelings and then creates the energy we put out. Then of course, it returns to us.

What am I to do? I really wish you were here. I can’t seem to find myself without you. I don’t feel God’s spirit around me.

I take comfort in a deep knowing that you are enfolded in love, fun and joy. I also think that even though you can see the big picture, it’s hard for you to see our pain. How does that really work?

I look outside and I see a powerful wind blowing the trees. The energy outside feels wild but somehow not free. Moving, but not flowing energy. Wild, cold energy pushing through, not asking if it’s welcome. The energy in me feels hot and searing, burning away any sense of who I am today.

Perhaps my new name is The Woman Who Was. I go from feeling dead inside to unimaginable pain. The Woman Who Was – I know her. I wonder how to describe The Woman Who IS, and will I ever know her?

Love you forever,

Mom

Hi Mom,

Our feelings are not left behind when we transition to this realm. You know how you always hated God being presented as the Great Father, Pie In The Sky, everything is wonderful now?

When I got here, I still had my stuff to work though. The difference is being totally enfolded in love in the process.

I’ve always thought that my faith was simple and God was awesomely mysterious. I love the mystery of this place – remember that I loved making surprises. There’s a wonderful surprise around every corner here.

As hard as it is to imagine, there is a beautifully designed plan in the Universe. Returning to the full knowledge that we are one with each other wrapped up in the immensity of Spirit is our job as human beings. Separation is impossible except in our minds. Even now we, you and I, are not separated. I am in and all around you. My zest and pleasure during my life on earth is still available to you. I am able now to bring, or help bring into your life all that is needed for you to move through this journey with more ease and peace.

You are surrounded by spiritual beings. Your heart is broken but the Ultimate Healer is at work. Be watchful for beings, human and spirit, to show up for you in wonderful ways. You don’t have to work for this to happen. You are being gifted with powerful helpers. What you have given is being RETURNED.

Love you,

Kori

DEC. 15, 2010

Dear Kori,

It’s early morning. I have been floating around in a peaceful trance looking for you.

I wonder who writes the script for our life? Who creates the theme, builds the characters and tells the story? We are the actors, but who creates the plots, understands the character’s strengths and weaknesses, decides on drama or comedy? Do we help design the life that will enrich the soul and lead us out of human frailty?

I hear over and over, GOD LOVES US. But is God IN LOVE with us – with me? Is God the Father/Mother/ Spirit passionate about my happiness, my path back to the feeling and realization that I AM NOT ALONE?

I have so many conflicting emotions during this season of the year and this season of my life. Will my missing you hover over and create distance in my relationships with others? I wonder what you are seeing in all that is happening here. Somehow I feel outside the cozy of family.

Going inside, being alone seems to be my path right now. What is it that this Grief wants to teach me? What face does SHE wear?

It’s snowing lightly outside and inside I feel the softness and the deep cold of nature. I notice that the trees do not argue when it is time to drop the adornment of fall leaves and become bare and vulnerable. Nature lives her cycles without the need to resist change. There is order in nature even when it seems destructive. There is a return to order and peaceful surrender to what IS.

I want to find that place inside my BEING that accepts your leaving with a heart that aches but is still open to LIFE. A willingness to stand firm in the knowledge of ULTIMATE GOOD while the storm rages around and inside me.

In this age of instant communication, I want to find the key to Instant Message with you, my sweet girl. My heartfelt request to you, God, angels, guides, teachers, nature and all spirit beings here for me is one word, HELP. Show me how to explore this part of my life script with all my senses and my heart in the lead. Show me how I can benefit and pass it on.

Love you forever,

Mom

Hi Mom,

Notice how nature was warm and expansive yesterday and cold and contracted today. The emotional life is God-given and you are invited in A REALLY BIG WAY to explore its deep depths and come back with a deeper understanding of LIFE, and your part in life’s universal design.

Embrace your humanity. God is passionately in love with you. This is a love that is inclusive, leaving no parts or pieces that are unlovely and unworthy of love’s attention. It is personal and universal in ONE GOD breath after another. It is creating and restoring order with love at the center. The answers are all inside waiting for your loving exploration. This adventure is not without challenges and pain. It’s amazingly miraculous.

Hold on, sweet mother, our hearts are connected and ready for flight. It may be unknown territory for you – but you are with me, and I know the way. Be patient, dear mother, the answer awaits. Don’t worry about Christmas – or the family. ALL IS WELL.

Love you forever,

Kori

DEC. 16, 2010

Dear Kori,

My life is a puzzle and you know how my main forte is not the Puzzle Master. I’m still here in Northern Maine. I feel fragile. I wish I could be different: In charge, perhaps less emotional, less sensitive to the energy of others. And yet, that is not who I am.

What is this pain in my stomach and head? What do your girls need? My heart breaks for them. I’ll wait and watch for your guidance.

I wish I could hug you,

Mom

Hi Mom,

Please just let go and let us carry you for a while. Let your amazing self relax and rest. Later you will dance again and your heart will feel the joy and energy of the Universe.

The pain you are experiencing is Grief calling for your attention. She wants you to slow down, move into the eye of her storm. Let the waves of her essence carry you through the deep undercurrents and you will ride the rapids enveloped in love. Mama – your joy will return, that is my promise to you. My God is Bigger than the waves of Grief that seem threatening and overwhelming. Remember your dream – relax and let the waves carry you.

Mom, focus on yourself, build up your own strength. Your love and wisdom are needed and your energetic self is depleted. Please put yourself first and the pieces of your puzzle will find their own way to completeness/wholeness.

I love you, Mom, and need you to be a presence in my girls’ lives for a very long time. Trust yourself – stay in each present moment. The doorway to all time is open and love awaits. I know this all sounds a bit woo-woo for me but I am learning a lot about the world of woo-woo being just another reality. TRUST AND RELAX.

Love you forever,

Kori

DEC. 18, 2010

Dear Kori,

A lot of the time I find myself functioning by trying to figure out what everyone else wants from me. I wonder what would happen if I just decided to do what I felt like, wanted to do for me?

I hope you are happy, creating and directing positive forces as you did here with us. Sometimes I really feel sad that I was away from you the last four years of your life. So very glad though, that we always stayed connected.

Today we are going to your home to help decorate the tree and have dinner and some presents. Show us your presence as we gather to celebrate the birth of CHRIST ENERGY, the birth of you, and as we grieve the loss of your beautiful physical self in our midst.

Blessings, Sweet Girl,

Mom

Hi Mom,

I STILL AM AN IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR LIFE. Listen up, Mom, I’m there in every breath and heartbeat. As you sit and write, our intuitive process will become as real as us sitting together (yeah, probably in a car on the run) having coffee and bagels. Be aware of the luxury of your sensitivity to feeling an intuition. That will bridge any gap that you feel between us. I will arrange connections that will help you in your journey to meet me between realities.

Life, every second of it, is priceless. Be completely in each precious moment. Presence is the healing force.

Don’t worry. God has not abandoned you and neither have I. Trust your gut wisdom. Step back when you need to take a few deep breaths – and let go. I know it’s difficult since you are feeling everyone’s stuff and your own. Pray every minute – just take a breath and say HELP. There are lots of helpers waiting for you to call on them.

No worries about your health or your body – it will all return as you focus on your own well-being. Helping others will be a natural outpouring of the energy you gather through self-love and exploration. Like in the book I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER, I will always be there to carry you when you need me.

I love you beyond words and forever,

Kori

DEC. 21, 2010

Dear Kori,

It’s the solstice today. The light is returning. Last night was a full eclipse of the moon. My social connections are limited even on line. I told you I would write no matter how trivial the content. Not much to say this morning. Maybe more later.

Love you forever,

Mom

Hi Mom,

YOU might not have much to say but guess you can write for ME.

I wish you could have seen the eclipse from my vantage point early your AM. It was amazingly awesome. I see so much that I missed in busyness there. Time is non-existent here. It takes a while to adjust to no time (in a new way). Gatherings just happen – it’s instant manifestation. It’s the same there but your realization and awareness are limited. Know that you can think and feel things into reality (your reality).

Feelings are powerful manifest-ers. If you dream it and you feel it, it will arrive. Each thought has life at some place in the universe. Think life-giving thoughts and feel them – they will manifest. The opposite, unfortunately is also true. If we truly understood on earth as it is in heaven, we would watch over our thought life and be purposeful in guarding our negativity.

This all may seem woo-woo, but it’s really very practical. Try seeing your move completed and feeling the relief of being settled. You will be surprised at the results.

Love you forever,

Kori

DEC 22, 2010

Dear Kori,

It’s early morning and I am sitting up in bed, music on, coffee at my left hand, writing with my right and feeling just right in this moment. I look around me and everything in this house is undone and it’s really OK because it’s chaos on the way to some closure on this nomadic way of life.

Next year, on my birthday, I will be 70 years old. Seven decades of living. Amazing. Raising four exceptional children is certainly an accomplishment. And yet, I do not feel responsible for all that you each bring to our world. You came into this life with potential and I was given the awesome and often magical opportunity to watch your unfolding.

Sometimes I was able to nurture your growth and sometimes I am sure I was a challenge and unable with my own stuff to be there for each of you. I do remember the closeness we experienced when you all slept in my tiny bedroom for a time. Not enough room in the full-sized bed for a mom and four children – so some in the bed and some in sleeping bags on the floor. I was so frightened about raising you as a single mom.

You all helped me walk through the fear and into more of the me that had been so stifled by wants, needs and beliefs of others. I don’t think of the people you each have become as my achievement but as my blessing. I will admit to sometimes not feeling blessed by your growth spurts and all the thrashing about it took to develop your unique personalities.

I have been here, in this spot on this bed long enough for the coffee at my left hand to grow cold. Still, this is the only place I want to be right now. Here, in this room and on this bed, with this music, pen and paper, and you, sweet girl.

When I feel the hint of happiness, it’s followed by a sense of that’s not right. How can I feel happy with you gone? In each of these moments, when I feel you so close, I begin to feel hope and a renewing of my energy. I feel you very close in this moment and I am filled with gratitude for your presence in my life. The page is before you Darlin’ – what do you have to say for your Angel Self today?

Love you forever,

Mom

Hi Mom,

You could almost always make me smile. We often engaged in dark humor but we got each other’s jokes. No matter how far out. Do you remember when your husband first came into our lives, how amazed he was when we finished each other’s sentences and knew meanings that were only slightly expressed? That ability, God-given talent, is still very alive between us. If you listen carefully with your heart and your senses, you can feel the energetic currents between us, our spirits joining in play.

There is so much laughter here. It is a beautiful healing force. When I meet with Jesus, we have so much to talk about but laughter is such a beautiful part of our friendship. I have a fabulous kitchen and I’m teaching a cooking class. He loves eating the results of my endless obsession and creativity with the care and feeding of others.

He has a few words for you as well. He said to tell you he has your back. All that stuff about do not despair for I am with you always is true but not the way he communicates with us. He’s like a regular guy but in perfect form. He loves chick flicks, too. You just bought Lady Hawk because that was my favorite movie. Well, sometimes we watch it together.

Wait until you see the BIG SCREEN we have here. The sound is amazing. It feels like I AM the sound – feeling it in every cell. Oh yes, we do have cells here, but the new and perfected models. Energetically charged cells that are not affected by environmental toxins. Oh, that’s right, this environment has no toxins. It’s a toxin free society.

Let me help you organize and make a list this morning. I have endless time and energy to share with you. Thanks for spending time with me every day.

Love you forever,

Kori

DEC. 23, 2010

Dear Kori,

Feeling a bit misplaced this morning but I am remembering to breathe. I took one deep breath and entered trance state. I feel spirit energy all around me. I’m sort of floating in that space between worlds. After writing yesterday, you kept saying you met Buddha. And you reminded me about that throughout the day, usually while I was laughing. So here’s your chance, sweet girl. What about Buddha?

Love you,

Mom

Hi Mom,

I met Buddha. His spirit body is like images of him – round and happy. Love pours out and envelops whomever he is with at any moment. I feel embraced in his energy without actually being touched.

I’m sorry to say that spiritually while on earth, we have narrow vision. Like a horse with blinders, we only see what is in front of us. We become uncomfortable if our vision doesn’t fit everyone. So – Buddha says there are many doors to God but