Happy Is Not a Goal!

By Patricia Kett

Happy is not a Goal, describes how to bring happiness into your life despite the turmoil and sometimes even the boredom. It is a choice.
The information is based on my professional experience in assisting patients and their families through critical illness, pain, emotional distress and death. I originally learned these techniques in dealing with my own life crises of cancer and the loss of a son
I have not discovered anything new or magical. As you will find, Ive had many teachers. I chose those truths that made sense to me and seemed to work with myself and my patients. I had many moments of suffering with many more moments of happy, so now I pass it on.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 30, 2013
• ISBN: 9781491812112

Patricia Kett

Patricia Kett is a retired nurse, having practiced as staff and management in critical care and mental health. She has continued her holistic nursing practice through the teaching of stress and pain management to individuals and groups in both clinical and private industry settings.

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© 2013 by Patricia Kett, BSN. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 09/24/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4918-1210-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-1211-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013916094

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Resources for Mind/Body/Spirit Information

This book is dedicated to all those who chose to be in my life

and helped make it the adventure it turned out to be.

Thank You.

CHAPTER 1

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, happiness is not a goal, it’s a way of life. I heard this early in my life, yet it took me decades to finally realize its meaning. It’s about choice. How we choose to live, and how we choose to respond to those things life brings us.

When I was in my mid-fifties, I realized I was no longer enjoying my job. I was an RN and had been working in a detox unit for addicts. It was interesting work and I was happy to be part of a person’s decision to change their live.

It was at this time reimbursement for acute care for this health care issue was withdrawn or greatly decreased, meaning the hospital would not be paid by insurance. Consequently, the unit was closed and I had to go back to a medical-surgical unit. Most of my prior experience had been in critical care areas and I found med-surge unchallenging. Health care delivery was changing on many levels. I had major disagreements with the nursing standards developing in the 1990s to comply with the new standards influenced by regulatory agencies, insurance companies and the corporations who had begun to run hospitals.

I said a prayer and asked for something to come my way. That same day I ran into a nurse who was leading a project to build a clinical information system to be used in the hospital. She asked if I’d be interested in assisting her. By this time in my life I recognized the answer to a prayer when I heard it.

Yes!, I practically shouted, When can I start?

She explained it might take some time for the Nursing Department to let me go. Knowing my present attitude and non-compliance with the Nursing Department leading to a reputation as a trouble-maker, I thought they’d be happy to let me go.

They were, and said if I went into the Information Technology Department, there’d be no place for me in Nursing in that hospital. Fortunately, I knew there was no place in the present system in which I wanted to work.

We parted ways, both parties happy. (See how easy it is?)

One of the reasons I’m going through this explanation is to tell you where the title for this book originated, besides Mrs. Roosevelt. When Kathy, my new boss and I would develop an application or a training program, she would sometimes say, The staff is not going to be happy with this.

I would answer, Happy is not a goal here.

She’d laugh and soon it became our inside joke, a joke that was reality. Computers and their use in health care was a reality, and documentation was not going back to paper, any more than paper had disappeared and stone tablets returned. The other joke is there’s probably more paper usage than ever before, but that’s another story.

Having worked many years in the clinical areas, both Kathy and I knew, having your work process changed was not easy to accept for anyone. The only thing we could do is make the system as user-friendly as possible and train everyone to the best of our ability. Happy was their choice.

As in every job, some people were always happy and some were never happy. We couldn’t change that. That’s one of those things known as unrealistic expectations—a definite happiness buster.

That’s where the title originated. The book itself reflects what I’ve learned and how I’ve put it into practice. I have not discovered anything new or magical. As you will find in the bibliography and names mentioned. I’ve had many teachers. I chose those truths that made sense to me and seemed to work with my patients and later, clients. I always practiced on myself first. I had many moments of suffering with many more moments of happy. So now I pass it on. I hope something in this book helps. One thing I know for sure, there is no progress in body, mind or spirit without humility and work.

CHAPTER 2

Happy is a Choice

Over my thirty years in Nursing, I have met a lot of angry people. A common result of illness is anger, on the part of the patient and their families. A good health care provider knows this, recognizes the symptoms and does their best not to add to that energy with their own anger. However most providers are human and carry their own anger. It’s not easy to deal with angry patients or their families, yet deal we must in a compassionate manner.

I certainly had my own anger issues and was not always able to leave them at home. It took a terrible tragedy to get me to ask for the help I needed, to recognize my feelings, accept responsibility for them and make good choices.

I needed to learn to let happiness into my life along with pain. I was fearful and angry and it took a long time to let it go. When I did, I realized how easy it could have been all along. All it took was a decision.

This does not mean I stopped feeling anger or fear. It means there are times I make a conscious decision to feel the feeling and then let it go. I decided to live my life instead of life living me.

I still get angry. Getting angry is not the same as being angry. We get angry if someone hurts us. We can choose to deal with the situation immediately or store it away with all the other pains we’ve suffered. We may develop a ‘pain closet’ where we keep all this unresolved pain while we continue to add to it. Soon we become an angry person. We can become so angry it overtakes any other feelings we attempt to embrace. That’s being angry.

I’m sure we all know someone like that. I did. Me.

I was angry with my mother for not protecting me from her boyfriend. I was angry with my husband for his abusive behavior. I was angry with my son for dying in a motorcycle accident.

I had stored anger all my life, but the anger I had over my son’s death was one too many and did not fit into my pain closet. I finally acknowledged I needed help. I had a huge clean-up to do and realized I couldn’t do it all myself.

Finding the ‘right’ counselor or therapist can be very difficult. I believe people you need come into your life when you need them. When one of my co-workers was going through a difficult time, Nora was highly recommended to me as a good counselor.

My co-worker saw her once and decided against counseling. When I realized I needed help, Nora’s card was still in my wallet. I called and made an appointment. From the beginning, I felt at home and relaxed with this woman. I literally dumped everything in a stream of talk while she listened. She interrupted only to clarify, or have me reflect on what I said.

It took a year for me to answer one simple question. What did I feel when… ? My concept of feeling was "I felt I had to do (this or that)"

Finally, one day I answered, I was angry.

Those were magic words because it was the first time I had recognized a feeling and gave it a name. It took many hours of digging and dumping to recognize and accept all the feelings I had stored.

Nora started me on the