Pary Barry & John- The Honeymoon (#17) & Designer Family (#18): PB & J

By Kamaryn Kelsey

In THE HONEYMOON, Pary and John are off as soon as they decide where to go. Pary manages to attract trouble and the law, no matter where she goes and this time John's right by her side... except when she needs him the most.

In DESIGNER FAMILY, a few simple misunderstandings snowball into an out of control monster when John and Pary try to help each other. They are both walking on eggshells- who will be the first to crack?

There are no mysteries for John and Pary... yet. For now they have their hands full learning to adjust to married life. But just because they tied the knot doesn't mean they're tongue tied. The sparks still fly and the battles of wit and will rage on. As always, count on Pary for more entertaining childhood memories.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kamaryn Kelsey
• Release date: Jun 20, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386555704

Book preview

The Honeymoon- Book 17

Chapter 1

Pary, wake up. John Smith shook the lump under the covers. It moved slightly and groaned. I have toaster pastries, he continued in an effort to bribe his wife out of bed.

Pary thrashed beneath the covers and tunneled her way to the foot of the bed. She stuck her head out the end and said, I know that trick. It's not going to work.

Then she pulled her head back like a turtle.

I have something important to discuss with you, he said, prodding the lump.

Pary's bedhead appeared again. The last time you said that I ended up getting my hair cut.

And don't you feel better, now that it's not all butchered... I mean uneven? he asked.

No. She retreated again.

Well, you look good, John said.

The blankets flew off and Pary sat up with a huff. John, you just interrupted one of my best ever dreams!

She flopped back onto the bed, but no longer burrowed into the blankets. She stared at the ceiling.

He sat down near her. Oh, really? Was it about me?

She glared. No. I was dreaming that I was asleep!

And that's one of your best ever dreams? he teased. I have to say I'm disappointed.

She sat up. "You're disappointed? It was my dream! I was getting double the sleep by dreaming about it."

I just thought your dreams would be more interesting, he replied, knowing it would provoke a response. That sounds pretty boring.

John watched Pary go through her usual thought process. Then her eyes opened, and she admitted, I've got nothing! I can't even think without my coffee. You know this, so why did you wake me up so early?

He leaned over to give her a hug, his eyes drifting to the clock. Only Pary would consider 9:30 to be early. So I could give you a cup of coffee and talk about something important.

Her eyes widened when she saw the mug of coffee. Pary twitched in delight at the first spine tingling sip, then she moved over and patted the bed. John propped pillows against the headboard and sat so Pary could lean back against him while she sipped her coffee and woke up.

"Why do I have to use a travel mug?' she asked as though it was the first time she'd seen it.

It holds more coffee, he told her seriously. Plus, I'm not in danger of you scalding my manhood or having to buy a plastic bed sheet.

Okay. She smiled and bought the story. Then she tilted her head so she could look up at him. Did you really get me toaster pastries? At the look on his face, she sighed. Why do you get my hopes up and crash them like this? Pretty soon I'll be a pile of broken dreams sitting on a mound of dashed hopes.

Are you done being dramatic? he asked. Her response made him realize the travel mug also meant not having the carpet cleaned so often.

Pary threw her arms open. I live for drama. If I was pretty, I'd be a top paid actress.

I'd say you're doing alright for yourself, he replied.

Pary's eyes flipped to his. You're not going to send me to another spa, are you? I don't think my last visit was a success. No one told me I was supposed to sit in the mud for a half hour. Who does that? She ignored his mumbled Obviously, not you, and continued. When I was little, sitting in mud was considered a bad thing. And if the spa doesn't want mud people walking around, they should provide robes or a sheet. I looked and the only thing in that room was more mud baths! Even the hospital has gowns and an emergency button. The spa needs those in case a person falls in. And I think they went a little far when they accused me of indecent exposure. I was covered in mud. If it was indecent, doesn't that make it their fault? They should provide better mud, right?

Bear, I don't think you need to worry about spa treatments for a while. I'm fairly certain your photo is posted there now. Kind of like what happened at the Rainbow Car Wash.

She scowled. Again, not my fault. If you only woke me up to depress me, then you should have let me sleep. And I don't like the rule that the last one out of bed in the morning has to make it. That's depressing enough. Besides, leaving the bed unmade is a good thing, she told him in her most convincing voice.

How's that?

Because it needs fresh air. I'm surprised you don't already know that. If you cover it up all the time, how is it supposed to breathe?

Pary, I think the bed gets aired on a regular basis, he reminded her. It's been airing the past two days, remember?

She exhaled deeply. Is our important talk about making the bed? Because you could have left me a note instead.

The last one is still hanging on the bathroom mirror.

Oh. She handed him her coffee mug and gnawed on a fingernail while she thought. I probably didn't see it because the mirror was steamy after my shower.

Really? You're going with that, are you?

She gave him a bashful smile. Okay, it was steamy after our shower. Besides, I don't read well in the morning.

Then I guess you don't want to look at these, he told her, waving an envelope just out of her reach.

Pary's eyes grew round, and she lunged for the envelope. John, I can't read after my shower. Didn't I just say that? I haven't had my shower so there's nothing wrong with my eyes. Gimme! She wiggled her fingers and sprawled across him to get the envelope.

John sighed in imitation of Pary at her most distressed. So all I'm good for is coffee and mail? he asked.

Stop fishing for compliments. You're good for more than that and you know it. Pary's eyes turned mischievous. You load the dishwasher like a pro, and I've never seen a man vacuum like you.

Really? How about this? John dropped the envelope and grabbed Pary for a kiss.

Hmm. Can I think about it? she teased before hugging him and confessing, You make my world go round.

I thought it was those afghans and crazy clothes... No? He returned her smile and pulled her upright. Then he reached for the envelope and handed it to her.

Pary ripped it apart and tossed the unwanted pieces aside. John expected he'd find a few shreds in the sheets that night. The brochures flipped through the air and landed all over the bed. Then she picked up what was left of the envelope and shook it, turning to John. That's it?

His eyes roamed the bed, now littered with travel brochures. I think I've covered all the bases, he assured her.

Pary shook her head. I'm sorry to point this out, but you just blew it! she told him bluntly.

His brows shot up. She didn't sound sorry, but it was Pary and he knew she had an absurd reason for that statement. The woman at the travel agency assured him the brochures covered all the best honeymoon locations. So he waited patiently for her to explain how he blew it.

Her eyes were earnest when she examined the brochures. She picked one up and then handed it to him. This island is a notorious tourist trap. It's also known for taking advantage of unwary travelers. You don't want to end up at the end of the island facing the cab driver who is pointing a gun at you as you hand over your wallet and he demands you climb into the trunk of his 1950s cab, do you?

Do you think I'd take you somewhere dangerous for our honeymoon? he asked.

Our honeymoon? Pary wiggled in excitement. John, why didn't you say so?

I thought maybe you'd realize when you saw the locations like Hawaii, Cancun...

We've been married for five weeks. I didn't think we were having a real honeymoon. Her voice had a reproving tone, and he rubbed his cheek to hide his smile.

We've been married six weeks, Pary, and you know it.

Not officially, she corrected, and he cut her off before they trenched another row in the field of that conversation.

Let's look through the brochures, okay? he suggested, ruffling her hair. She hugged him ecstatically even though she'd already turned down the locations in her mind. But she gave him a happy smile and put them all into a neat pile.

Okay, now I'm ready, she announced.

Had John realized she was ready with ammunition to shoot down every choice in the batch, he'd have spiked his morning coffee with a dose from the liquor cabinet.

Pary turned to him with expressive gray eyes and hissed, Cancun? John, do you know where that is?

Yes, I do, he sighed. What's wrong with it?

It's Mexico! Need I say more?

He nodded and thought maybe he should have spiked Pary's coffee as well.

I think you realize by now that I'm unfairly targeted by law enforcement agencies on a regular basis. What if the police here have told the police in Mexico to illegally profile me? I can't go to jail in Mexico! All those people crammed together in one tiny cell and no one in the village speaks English? I bet the nearest lawyer lives over a mountain or a desert or something and who knows what language he even speaks? He's probably the only lawyer within a thousand miles, so his schedule is booked until he's dead. I could be there for months, if not years. Do you know what I will look like by the time I get out? She shook her head. It won't be pretty, I can promise you that. I'll look like the wrapper of a contraband candy bar that got smuggled into a fat farm. You don't want me to end up like that, do you?

He chuckled and tossed the Cancun brochure.

Hey, wait a minute! Pary lunged over him to retrieve the brochure from the floor. She stretched to reach it and nearly slipped off the bed, so she waved one arm desperately for John to pull her back.

He did so and asked, Did you change your mind?

Huh? No, I just had another thought, but I lost it when you took the brochure from me and I needed to see it again to remember.

To remember what you forgot?

Uh, huh. Her tongue appeared briefly at the side of her mouth as she stared at the brightly colored pictures. Then she snapped her fingers. I have it. Another reason traveling south of the border isn't wise. Remember the revenge of Montezuma.

Is that like the Alamo?

Worse, because the Alamo can't hurt you. But Montezuma? You don't want to be around when he strikes that overcrowded old school bus, packed with tourists who drank water at the filthy little restaurant buzzing with flies. But it was the only one in the tiny town so everyone foolishly assumed it must be safe if the bus driver stopped there, never mind the restaurant is owned by his family and he went home to eat! Do you know how it gets worse?

No, but I bet you do.

Pary snorted. There are no public restrooms in the town and you get forced onto that old school bus with three people in every tiny seat, plus the ones who have to stand up and lean over you. That bus has worn out seats and no air conditioning. The windows are stuck, so it's either hot where you sit or all the dust from the road comes through your window. It's a losing situation all the way around. No, that's not for us!

Is it okay if I toss the brochure now?

Pary nodded and handed him a couple more from south of the border resorts and he dumped them on the floor. They were pretty much through the lot, so he held up one of the remaining few.

How about Hawaii, babe? You don't have to worry about being in a foreign country.

Her eyes shifted sideways. Does it require flying?

I'm fairly certain the answer is yes unless you can walk on water.

Her eyes lit up. Hey, I've been reading about these new water shoes! Did you know they can do that now? Well, not for very long if the waves are big, but it's like wearing big spoons on your feet.

He dropped the rest of the brochures on the floor. Pary, where do you want to go for our honey...

Disney World, she yelled before he finished.

John turned his laugh into a cough. Disney World?

She nodded. I've never been there. Did you know that?

John just smiled. Why am I not surprised? Out loud he asked, "It's a little touristy, isn't it? Are you sure you want that many adults and children around on our honeymoon?"

Pary thought it over seriously and then put her hand on his arm. John, I didn't think about that, she admitted with a sigh. Then her eyes sparkled, and she clapped her hands. I know the perfect place, she squeaked.

John didn't hold his breath because he knew Pary would squeeze it out of him when she made her announcement. He was right. She clasped him and yelled in his ear, "Disneyland. How can I thank you? It's such an unexpected surprise."

John raised his eyes and thought she couldn't have been more right.