Ministering in the Mirror

By Atrez Flemings

It is inescapablethe issues of life affect everyone. Ways we choose to accept those issues and deal with them vastly differ. When these issues arise, we can go through the stages of depression, self-doubt, and even the doubt of our God. In the midst of it all, we must remember that God will never put more on us than we can bear. He has already placed within us what we need to survive these issues.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 28, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449759919

Atrez Flemings

About the author: The book began as I was going through a personal tribulation. I believe that being honest and willing to relate that which the Bible has to say about things makes that which I write something others would need and want to read. I live in South Carolina with my wife and my two daughters. I serve as a deacon, which I was ordained at the age of twenty-one, in my church. I am employed as a teacher of Special Education. I hold a Bachelor of Science degree ,a Master of Arts in Teaching in Special Education and an Educational Specialist degree.

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Copyright © 2012 Atrez Flemings

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-5990-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-5991-9 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-5992-6 (hc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012912678

WestBow Press rev. date: 7/26/2012

Contents

Nobody Knows

Just Tired

My Release

Healing from the Pain

Time to Forgive

It’s about the Testimony

One on One

The Crossroads

Unnecessary Perfection

Seasons of Life

New Life

Who I Am

Appendix A: Purpose of Ministering in the Mirror

Appendix B: Letters to and from God

Appendix C: Thoughts and Poems

In this book, the mirror serves as something that is used to look deeper than the flesh that we see. Rather, in the mirror of which I speak, one is able to see how disappointment, heartache, and lack of forgiveness have taken a toll on our spirits. In this mirror one is able to see that a change is necessary. By looking in the mirror, one is able to find the strength already granted by God to make this change and to continue to thrive in an ever closer walk with Christ.

Nobody Knows

Growing up, I only had a single request before God—to send me a wife and allow us to grow old together without divorce. This was very important to me, as my siblings and I had to witness what divorce did to our mother and how she struggled to maintain finances and her sanity. I did not want my own wife and children to ever have to endure anything like the hardship we witnessed day in and day out as we wondered what we would eat for our next meal.

When I was reunited with a woman I had known for over ten years and fell in love, it was like a dream come true. We soon married and started our life together. Within six months of the marriage, I found myself in the midst of my worst nightmare: my wife left me. This alienated me from my beliefs and those around me who loved me and wanted to comfort me. This was by far the most intensive test that I had ever gone through.

In the midst of trials and tribulations, it seemed that no one could ever understand the full extent of my suffering. No one could even begin to fathom the pain I felt. It seemed that even the people who had endured the same types of situations I was going through did not fully understand how I was feeling.

It was during this trial that I felt as if I was alone in this world and there was no one I could confide in—not even God. I felt that He could have prevented what was happening if He had wanted to. I looked at His refusal to stop this tragedy as a betrayal of His relationship with me, and I gave Him the silent treatment.

I attempted to totally isolate myself from everyone else during the time of this storm because I thought that no one understood what I felt and no one could tell me how to fix what was wrong. My emotions became so mixed up that I flip-flopped between seeking God and running from anything that had to do with Him.

I desired to seek Him because I knew that only He could answer the questions I had. Yet running in the other direction seemed to be the perfect response to the disloyalty I felt God had shown to me.

I tried to justify these actions by telling myself—and God—that I was just trying to figure things out. But the thing I came to understand was that some things are not for us to figure out. There may not be a tangible core at the center of the matter. If it is God’s will, He will unfold the mystery to me when He feels that the time is right and I can accept it without losing focus on who He is within me.

While people seem to deal with stress in their own individual ways, for me the answer was to go to sleep. This was because, as I slept, I felt no pain. While I was asleep, I did not have to think about what was going on in my life. I would just go to sleep, praying that when I awakened, everything would have returned to the way it had been. It was as if I prayed from within a living dream, waiting for the alarm clock to go off and wake me so that I could escape the horrible nightmare.

Even when I finally awoke from slumber, something as simple as listening to music proved to be a true test. A particular lyric or song would cause me to remember a special moment with my wife. Common fragrances triggered my mind into going back to a particular time. As difficult as it was to move on and go forward, I had to do so in order to take back my life and sense of being.

When I decided to read the Bible to find answers to my situation, the Enemy made me think that my situation sounded similar to what I was reading but was different for one reason or another—that my situation was much worse than what the Bible said about it. Satan’s whole objective in this was to have me turn from God and blame Him for all of the negative things that had happened to me. The plan was to have me believe that God has gone easy on everyone else and that He had a vendetta against me.

The Enemy wanted me to believe that God was being harder on me because He did not care for me. Satan wanted me to believe that things were especially bad because God had no purpose for my life; therefore, there was no protection for me from the hand of the Enemy. This was nothing but another trick to try to get me to turn against God.

When I got to the point of isolating myself, sleeping all the time, and listening to the Enemy, I began to tell God that I wanted no part of Him. When I felt that my trial had become too much for me, I was ready to just give up. I told God, Just let go. Since I knew His Word, I knew that His hand of protection would not allow any destruction to come to me. I also knew that as long as I was covered under the blood of Christ, no evil could overtake me. I also knew that His grace and mercy blocked death from me on a regular basis. So I asked Him to just release me from His will and power.

I told Him to let whatever might happen to me happen, because I was tired and felt that I could not take any more heartache or disappointment. If He would just lift His hand off me, then I would just let nature take its course, and death could come and take me away to any place other than where I was. That way, I would not