Our Journey

By GERALD C MEARS

This is the true story of parents looking after a child with disabilities who often thought that they were on their own. It tells how they were let down by the very system that was there to help them and how they dealt with that over the years. The family have been through many other battles which have included Debt, Death of loved ones, Bullying and so much more. It speaks also of the faith they have had in God which has helped them to get through all these battles.

The main reason for telling this story which at times has been hard to write is so that others who are facing similar problems might know they are not on their own. I hope they will both be encouraged and helped as they read Our Journey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Aug 27, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477223031

GERALD C MEARS

He is a 56 year old man who lives in Caerphilly South Wales which is famous for its cheese and castle. He has three grown up daughters and two grandchildren. Along with his family has lived the Our Journey story which has enabled him to write this book from personal experience.

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© 2012 by Gerald C Mears. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 08/21/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4772-2304-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-2303-1 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

To my loving family.

Gaynor, Donna, Elizabeth, Katie, Nicole,

Alex, Jay whom I love very much.

Contents

Chapter One The Families Meet

Chapter Two The Wedding

Chapter Three Depression Returns And Our Third Child Is Born

Chapter Four Time To Move Home

Chapter Five Bullied At Work

Chapter Six 1993: The Year Of Big Changes

Chapter Seven Major Problems

Chapter Eight Our Other Girls

Chapter Nine Back To 1996

Chapter Ten 1998-2001: A Fight On Our Hands

Chapter Eleven I Lose My Dad

Chapter Twelve Debt Problems

Chapter Thirteen Angry With God

Chapter Fourteen What Next For Katie?

Chapter Fifteen 2006 To 2009

Chapter Sixteen 2009-2010

Chapter Seventeen Tragedy Hits The Family

Chapter Eighteen Conclusion And What Happens Next

CHAPTER ONE

THE FAMILIES MEET

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Our journey begins on the 18th April 1954 when a little girl was born in the valley town of Pontypridd; she was named Gaynor and lived with her mum, gran and granddad for several years in a two-up, two down house in Maes-y-Coed, Pontypridd. Her dad was in the Army doing national service at the time of her birth and did not get to see his daughter for about 18 months. Gaynor was the eldest of five children that were born to her mum and dad. In 1966, Gaynor and her family moved to a brand new housing estate called Lansbury Park, into a very modern house which had two toilets—one upstairs and one downstairs. This was a novelty for the family as they only had one toilet in the backyard in their old house. Gaynor’s younger sister was born there.

On the 5th February 1956 I was born in the village of Abertridwr, just outside Caerphilly. My name is Gerald, the third child of seven born to my mum and dad. My family also moved to the new estate of Lansbury Park in 1966—one week after the Joneses moved in (Gaynor’s maiden name). We lived three doors away from them, and it was where my youngest brother was born. Gaynor was 12 years old and I was 10 when we moved into Lansbury Park. The friendship between our families grew very rapidly as brothers and sisters from both families became firm friends and still remain so to this day. Our two mothers have been the closest of friends ever since the day they met. I personally became great friends with Gaynor’s brother, Robert, who then became my best friend—we have remained so all our lives. The families did a lot of activities together, such as walking up the local mountains for picnics, going to school together, and much more. In later life, the families were joined together by a special event. Life was not always easy for our families and there were many hard times as well as easier times for both families, but the great friendships formed in those early days have remained to this day.

GAYNOR’S EARLY YEARS

Gaynor never really bonded with her father and this might have been because he was doing national service for the first eighteen months of her life and she was always fearful of him, but she could never really tell us why. As a result of this, Gaynor developed a way of coping which resulted in her having to count everything in the bedroom before going to bed to ensure that everything was of even numbers as she was so afraid that if there were uneven numbers in the room, she would not be able to sleep. So she would always ensure that there was an even number of things at all times, combing her hair was another problem and she had to comb it in equal strokes otherwise she would not be able to sleep; therefore she would always make sure that she counted each stroke carefully. As long as everything was even Gaynor could sleep well. When Gaynor was about 13 years old, her father left the family for another woman and this situation caused her method of coping to increase in its intensity until eventually it led her into a teenage mental breakdown. In those days she was prescribed Valium tablets to help her with this illness. The medical help in the 1960s and 70s was not like it is today, and you just had to keep taking the tablets and sometimes were left on them for far too long—as was the case for Gaynor. Those became dark days for Gaynor and her recovery from them took a very long time. Her mum supported her and did everything she could to help Gaynor through those days; they were very difficult years for the whole family. Gaynor’s solace was always staying with her grandparents in Maes-y-Coed and she enjoyed many holidays there, her granddad giving her the fatherly love she so craved but was unable to get from her dad, but as Gaynor always said, she knew her father loved her but he had great difficulty showing her that love.

It was in these early teenage years and before her father left the family that he was working with a gentleman named Arthur Bowring who invited him and his family along to the Elim church in Caerphilly. The family went along and it was not long afterwards that Gaynor gave her heart to the Lord and became a Christian. She was in Aunty Joan Warrington’s class in the Sunday school and it was Joan that led Gaynor to the Lord. Gaynor always talked about Joan with great affection and always looked upon her as her mother in Christ. Gaynor’s newfound faith in the Lord helped her in those dark days and throughout her life and she loved her Him with a passion and knew how to show that passion in many simple ways and always behind the scenes to so many people.

Gaynor did not enjoy school much as she always felt the odd one out but she went on to Pontypridd College and qualified as a hairdresser in 1971. She started her employment but things did not go well for Gay in the hairdressing field as the chemicals they used had an adverse reaction on her hands. She would come home from work and would have to wrap her hands in bandages filled with Vaseline. Gay then had to give up hairdressing as she could not cope continually with the reaction on her hands, so she managed to get a job in a moulding factory in Bedwas where she stayed for a while but found that this did not suit her either. Much to her relief, the Peacocks store opened in St. Fagan’s Street, Caerphilly, and Gay obtained employment there, settling into the job really well and enjoyed working there very much. She stayed with Peacocks for quite a long time until things changed in her life.

GERALD’S EARLY YEARS

I came to know the Lord in a Billy Graham crusade in Sophia Gardens in Cardiff when I was 11 years old. The church had put a coach on to take people to the crusade and I was so glad I went on that day as I found a faith in God that would sustain me through many hardships and heartaches from that day to the present time. I will retain this faith until God calls me or returns for his people.

My family life was difficult due to the fact that I could never seem to get a relationship with my father and I never really knew if he loved me or not. I always loved him but could never feel his love for me. My mother always did her best for us seven children and we were always clothed and well fed, no matter what. I know that this was very hard for my mum as things were so different in the 1950s and 60s and my dad never earned very much. In about 1968 our family moved to Cwmbran as my father had obtained a job in the Lucas Girlings factory, and at last he would be earning quite a bit more than he used to get driving the council buses. We had to leave our new friends and that was hard for us, especially for my mother as her friendship with Mair (Gay’s mother) was so strong and they were so close. We never lost touch with them all as we would come over to Caerphilly to visit them on occasions. This move was a new start for our family and I thought that I would now feel my father’s love but that never happened for me and although I knew that my dad loved me, I just could not feel that love.

The couple of years we spent in Cwmbran were some of the best years of my childhood. I joined the local scout troop which was called the Fairhill troop. I had to work on a paper round each day, and with that money I was able to pay for the scout camping trips twice a year. The scouts were a great help to me and I had many friends in the troop. We had many an adventure together on six-mile hikes, camps, troop nights, doing outdoor cooking and many more things. I really enjoyed this period of my young life. I also attended the local Assemblies of God church in Cwmbran and it was here that I was baptised in water, an experience I will never forget and my young Christian mind was taught much in this church; having the church and the scouts meant a great deal to me. Sadly however, it was during this time that my father collapsed and was taken to hospital and never worked again for the rest of his life. As a result of my father’s collapse, we could no longer stay in Cwmbran and had to move back to Caerphilly as soon as possible. Before we moved back I will always remember how Pastor John Cooper from Caerphilly Elim church would drive over to Cwmbran on a Sunday afternoon and pick us up to go to Caerphilly church and then bring us back again after the meeting had ended. I also remember that just before we moved back to Caerphilly I had entered a road safety campaign for cycling and had come third, which meant that I could have gone on to the regional finals which meant I had a chance of winning a brand new ten-speed bike which was all the rage in the 1970s. However, we moved before the finals were held so I will never know if I could have won that bike.

We moved back to Caerphilly in 1970 but my sister Rosella never returned with us as she had a boyfriend and was going to make a life on her own in Cwmbran. I was a little sad that she did not return with us as she was instrumental in taking me to the Billy Graham crusade a few years earlier and as a result of that I had become a Christian. We moved back to the Lansbury Park estate and I went back to the Pontygwyndy secondary modern school that I had started a few years earlier. I was never brilliant at school but did manage to get into Ystrad Mynach College and did a pre-nursing course. I left college at the end of the course with three O’ levels and a CSE. I didn’t go into nursing but got a job in an office in Cardiff. I worked for W & T Avery who were weighing scale manufacturers and repairers. I will never forget my first day there when I was sent to the stores to get a bucket of elbow grease—as a 17-year old I fell for it and went to the stores to get it, only to realise when I got there that it was a wind up for the new boy. I did have a good laugh at myself while the others were having a good laugh at me.

In 1973, the Caerphilly church youth went to Llanmadoc camp on the Gower coast. For anyone who went there it was very primitive with wooden huts that were freezing cold at night, outside toilets and was very basic. Even though the camp was primitive, the time we spent there was excellent. We had great fun at sports and a great time as young people together. The food was always first class and the church meetings that were held were youth orientated and so relevant to our lives. Youngsters were filled with the Holy Spirit and some gave their hearts to the Lord and became Christians. Anyone who went to these camps never forgot their time there. Anyway, it was at this camp that Gay and I looked out for one another and spent a lot of time chatting together. Gay was quite a shy person and always self-conscious and needed someone to lean on at that time and I was available for her. It was really from this camp that our future together started to grow. Aunty Mo and Uncle Roy Brock were at this camp as leaders and their house in Caerphilly had a part to play with Gay and I finally getting together. It was in these years that a very special person called Hugh befriended Gaynor’s family and did so much with them. He is a true friend, a very caring, understanding and special person. In 1973, Gaynor had to have several teeth out all in one go (I think it was about 11), and for this she had to have a general anaesthetic at the dental hospital at the University Hospital of Wales in Cardiff. She did really well having them out and again I helped her by chatting to her and keeping her company.

As young people in the Elim church at Caerphilly, it was traditional to go over to Aunty Mo and Uncle Roy’s house in Van Road on a Sunday night after the meeting for drinks and eats and to have some great fellowship. Those nights are still talked about now in 2011 with great fondness. Gaynor and I always went as well. There came a point in the evening when Gaynor would have to go home as she had work in the morning, and I being a gallant young gentleman, would always offer to walk her home. Gaynor always accepted this offer of a dashing young escort! I always saw her home safely. This happened every week for many weeks and the young people used to watch the clock I think because at the same time every Sunday night, Gaynor would need to go home and, of course, I would always take her. In January 1974 we officially became a courting couple. This wasn’t a shock to people, especially our friends in the young people, and a certain Aunty Mo and Uncle Roy who had seen it coming for a while. We still laugh at that even now in 2011—how everyone saw it coming except us. We fell in love very quickly and were great friends as well.

On the 6th February 1974, Gaynor’s grandfather who she loved so much, and had played such a part in her life, sadly died. Gaynor was very upset at this time and so was her mum who had lost her father. Gaynor never forgot her grandfather and talked about him many times over the years, she never forgot that he was there for her when she was growing up not feeling the love of her father. We courted for a few more weeks and then I asked Gaynor to marry me and she agreed, provided that I asked her mother first. This was one of the hardest things I had ever done and I was not very confident in myself at that time. I did ask Gay’s mum but I was so scared that I can’t remember what she said, but I guess at some stage she must have said yes, because in April 1974 Gay and I got engaged. We didn’t have much money but I bought her a nice solitaire ring which she loved so much. Our parents put on an engagement party at my house. We had our friends from church and family at the party which was quite nice. Plans were then put in place for our wedding which was to take place on the 26th October 1974.

As mentioned earlier, Gay had been put on Valium tablets in her early teens and had been left on them far too long and her GP decided to get her off them as he realised that she should have withdrawn from them years earlier as they should have only been used short-term. So between the ages of 18 and 19 she was slowly weaned off them and found that she could function without them. Gay made a recovery from those dark days that she had experienced. We gave God the glory for this as it was her faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and what He had done for her by dying on the cross and rising the third day that had helped her through to this point and had protected her because she had been on those tablets far too long.

CHAPTER TWO

THE WEDDING

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We didn’t have much money even with both our wages, I was only earning £9.50 a week and Gay was on about £8.50. Gay’s mum was a single mum as she was divorced and bringing up five children, my mum was bringing up six of us and my dad was out of work because of his illness so there was not much money about in either family. Times were hard then but at the time it was quite normal—we knew no better and we were always brought up to make the most of what we had. Gay and I knew that we had to save between April and October so that we would have enough money for a few days away on a honeymoon. We both worked hard and did our best to get some money together but we didn’t have enough for both a honeymoon and wedding rings. It was here that the Lord gave help as someone gave us £100, which was a lot of money in 1974 and very good friends of ours arranged for us to stay a few nights in a London hotel at a price of about £8.50 a night. This hotel was where Gay had gone for a few weeks to work when between jobs and because she was in one of her anxiety periods and a change of scenery was felt appropriate. The Lord was with us before our marriage started and was with us all throughout our married lives, no matter if they were good times or bad.

So the weeks went by and preparations went on for the wedding but there was one main thing to sort out and that was who would give her away on her wedding day. As we heard earlier, Gay’s dad had left when Gay was 13 years old and it did not seem appropriate for him to give her away. As you know, with families, one wants this and another wants that and by the time you have listened to everyone your head is spinning. Gay always knew what she wanted and that was for her brother Robert to give her away and that is exactly what was going to happen.

Gay and Robert were both born in Pontypridd, Robert being born in August 1956 and both lived at their Nan’s in Maes-y-Coed for quite a while. (How they ever managed there I do not know as there was Nan, Grampy, Gay’s mam and dad as well as Gay and Rob and all this in a two-up and two-down house). Gay and Rob were always very close siblings and had a bond that was very unique and Rob was also