Making Men: Giving Boys a Clear Definition of Masculinity

By Ben Jacobs

Making Men, by Ben Jacobs, the author of Overtime, gives boys the tools they will need to become men of substance. A touching and honest story, Making Men addresses the dysfunction in the father-son relationship.

Making Men, set in the ultra-competitive world of Texas high school football, is a true story about a code of conduct that Jacobs and the boys that he coaches try to live by. A love story, a journey from wounded child to becoming a man, Making Men embraces the fragility of the human spirit.

Jacobs, who is a high school football coach, shares his deepest emotions. He is obsessed with the dream of creating men built for others. Jacobs dream encounters many fascinating people:

Justin Warren, a college football player with a heart of gold, who survives one of the most terrifying experiences any young man could have
Yuriel Wallenstein, a survivor of the Holocaust
Olivia Williams, a successful business executive, whose faith draws her out of extreme wealth into being a teacher

Every high school across the nation should have Making Men. Ben saves lives.
NEIL STRATTON, INSIDE THE LEAGUE PRESIDENT

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 21, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449763411

Book preview

MAKING

MEN

GIVING BOYS A

CLEAR DEFINITION OF MASCULINITY

BEN JACOBS

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Copyright © 2012 by Ben Jacobs.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6340-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6341-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012917055

WestBow Press rev. date: 09/19/2012.

Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Acknowledgments

Bibliography

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they’re here to stay

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be,

There’s a shadow hanging over me.

The Beatles, 1965

Prologue

Most of my life I’ve been on a quest, a quest to be loved, period. I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to be the cool guy. I craved acceptance, trying to acquire love by being a man’s man. I wanted to be liked. I needed to be liked.

I definitely aimed to please. Athletics, and to a lesser extent, partying, was a way that I measured my own self-worth. Others seemed to really like me when I scored touchdowns or for my uncanny ability to chug a beer as a college student. When you get right down to it, that is when people seemed to like me the most. I wanted that feeling of being wanted, even if it was false.

Writing this book has been cathartic and somewhat therapeutic for me. In many ways, it has allowed me to embrace a code of conduct that I now try to live my life by.

In writing this book I have had to address who I was, the journey I have been on, and most importantly, who I hope to become- a man built for others.

Chapter 1

I often look at myself in the mirror. I suppose others might find that to be weird or that I might be terribly vain. It’s a hard thing when you really look at yourself in the mirror. You see things that you may not want to see. The mirror doesn’t lie. That man in the glass stares right back at you. You can’t run from him, he knows you may have done a lot of bad things. I know when I look at myself I see flaws. I guess I have lots of flaws, and lots of wounds. A stranger may not see my wounds, but they are there. My wounds have definitely scarred me. A friend of mine once told me that you bruise on the inside and that others can’t necessarily see it. I suppose he’s right.

I guess when you get straight to it, I’m scared.

When I look at myself I am filled with doubt.

I have lots of questions: What kind of a man am I? Does my life make any difference? What is my purpose? Do I even have one?

My questions really frighten me.

Who am I?

Well, I know that I’m a football coach, I’m pretty proud about that.

But, then I think some more. I am also only a part time husband and father, and often not very good at either one when I am around.

The truth hurts. It stings.

I have won seventy-four games as a varsity football coach. I guess that’s pretty good. I’ve certainly won a lot more games than I’ve lost. But does winning mean that you are successful? I ask myself that a lot. I don’t think the answer is yes.

Besides winning football games what have I ever really achieved?

Nothing. Heck, I don’t know?

I know that change is coming, I can feel it. I welcome it.

I want to be a man of substance. I want this world to be better because I am in it.

Chapter 2

I am a product of not only divorce, but of turmoil.

My mother and father legally divorced when I was five years old. The bitterness and ugliness between them never stopped. They have not spoken to each other in over thirty years.

For me, their divorce was the first of many to be life changing events.

I was basically raised by my father. He had full custody of me. My father was a good parent, and he provided a safe home for me.

We simply did not talk about feelings. Emotions were definitely a subject that was off limits.

He did the best that he could. He had his own set of problems that I think ate at him.

My father would remarry, not once, but twice. The third time around my father seemed genuinely happy. He had found love. I was happy for him, but I was often sad. I often felt isolated and alone. I wanted to be loved.

I guess I thought that love could save me… it seemed to have saved him.

I was right, then wrong, then right again.

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The University of Texas had just defeated Alabama in the College World Series. The Longhorns were National Champions. This joyous occasion should have been one of the best days of my life. But for me it marked the beginning of knowing that somehow I lacked whatever it is that makes a man a man.

I was in a good mood as my father knocked on my mother’s apartment door. It was Sunday night and our visitation hours were up. It was time to live with my father for the next two weeks.

I sensed that he was in a great mood since Texas had just won the National Championship. I was too. But both of our moods were about to drastically change.

How was your visit? my father asked.

Good, I said. But the tears began to swell in my eyes as I spoke to him.

I tried to suck the sobs up, but it was no use. I was crying now.

What’s wrong? my father asked. I sensed the irritation in his voice.

I miss my mother, I said. My crying became louder.

I don’t understand, he said. You just saw her.

I miss her. I said. I miss my mommy.

My father scowled at me.

I could tell that he did not like my answers.

Under his breath I heard him say, ‘Jesus, what is a matter with you?’

I could not stop crying.

My father was angry by this point.

"Stop, stop