Rhymes of Our Tymes for Adults & Adultresses

By Fat Lloyd

Rhymes of Our Tymes for Adults and Adultresses is a collection of humorous stories and/thoughts that are presented in a 'rhyme' format.

Each 'rhyme' is designed to either make you laugh at yourself or your convictions or both. There is usually a lesson in each entry if enough tyme and energy is applied to find the under lying wisdom or lack of it.

Many of these 'rhymes' have a twist from conventional thought and most have a 'punch-line' that will breathe these thoughts into life.

This is not an educational project. Rather it is an entertainment effort that will certainly educate. Fortunately, many of these thoughts and ideas are
a bit naughty.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 12, 2011
• ISBN: 9781467027984

Fat Lloyd

Lloyd Williams, better known as Fat Lloyd, is from Rock Falls, Illinois but now lives in South Carolina. He joined the Navy ten days after high school graduation in 1959. Lloyd won an appointment to the U.S. Naval Academy at Annapolis, class of 1964, while he was an enlisted man. Lloyd held many different jobs after he got out of the Navy. Many of these positions were either sales or restaurant management. He had an unusual and dramatic conversion to Christianity and felt he was called to go to India to preach the gospel. Lloyd refused to join any denomination and traveled around the world twice without any worldly support and without ever asking anyone for anything or taking up a collection. He felt if he was really called, God would provide everything he needed, and He did. Lloyd became a business consultant when he returned to the business community. He spent the next thirty years recruiting and training sales people. Motivational speaking was a major part of his duties during this period. This position required him to travel away from home at least 300 days per year. Lloyd learned the power of humor to impact and motivate sales people to become successful. This lifelong collection of humor has been converted into Rhymes of Our Tymes for Adults and Adultresses

Book preview

RHYMES OF OUR TYMES

FOR

ADULTS & ADULTRESSES

SKU-000498690_TEXT.pdf

Fat Lloyd

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AuthorHouse™

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2011 by Fat Lloyd. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse   09/02/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4670-2799-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-2798-4 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011916144

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

A DUCK NAMED QUACKER

THE CURSE OF A WITCH

CASH MULE

DYING IN BED

BAR FIGHT

AVID GOLFER

COWBOY BOOTS

DENTIST

DRUGS

D.U.I.

THE FEARSOME FOURSOME

FELL OUT OF BED

FINAL ANSWER

FLIGHT PLAN

FLOWER OF LOVE

FUNERAL QUESTIONS

GHOSTS

GOOD NEWS & BAD NEWS

GOVERNOR

GRANDPAW CAME TO TOWN

GROWING PAINS

HIGH TECH HEARING AID

HICKORY DAIQUIRI

LESSON OF A MULE

LIVE LIFE IN

A MAN’S HEAD

MURPHY’S LAUNDRY

MY GIRLFRIEND

NARY A FLOWER

A WORD TO THE WISE

NEVER, NEVER, EVER GIVE UP

NIGHT OF THE FOURTH

A FAMOUS PIECE OF ART

RIDE’EM COWBOY

THE SAID DID KID

SANTA

SEEKING WISDOM

THE SEERSUCKER SUIT

SHARING

SHOELESS JOE

THE SKELETON

SWAMP WISDOM

SPLINTERS IN HER CROTCH

THE HEARING TEST

THE WILL

THREE OLD MEN

TRIALS

WHERE ARE YOU?

WOMAN DRIVER

ABOUT FACE

CAPTAIN KURT

DINING OUT

FATAL ATTRACTIONS

FRIED RICE

GLASSES

HIGH SEAS HYGIENE

RE: INFINITY

PILLS

PHYSICAL

PLASTIC SURGERY

THE POET

REMOTE EXERCISE

SENIOR BREAKFAST

REAL FATHER

THE INTERVIEW

THE SPECIMEN

THE WEDDING

TRUCK STOP, STOP

UPSIDE DOWN

INTEGRATION

YOUNG LOVE

A DUCK NAMED QUACKER

There once was a duck named Quacker

Who ate a lit firecracker

And when he soared way up aloft

That’s when that big ole bomb went off

Most ducks do not have any hair

But there were feathers everywhere

The farmer was wise but not smart

He thought it was a popcorn fart

THE CURSE OF A WITCH

A witch stopped by to see me one night

She was surprised at my lack of fright

In the corner she parked her broom

She looked at me and around the room

Have a seat is what I said to her

Then she sat down on a cockle-bur

Then when she jumped up it scared her cat

Her broom fell over and mashed her hat

I just wanted to hug and squeezer

But instead I tossed her a tweezer

That’s a good deed for a witch, she said

How about it boy. Let’s go to bed

Not been to bed with a witch before

What spell would she cast because I snore?

Didn’t matter I found out later

She sleeps like a dead alligator

That’s the story of how we first met

Ten years now and she hasn’t left yet

Her broom is still sitting by the door

The black cat is the neighborhood whore

Now my witch wife is ugly and fat

Can’t fit into her pointed black hat

She sits and cries almost all the time

Bitches how she has wasted