Pure Emotion

By Susan H. Lawrence

Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect. (Romans 12:2)

Emotions saturate Scripture. God is an emotional Godnot in the same way we talk about an emotional person. But God is certainly aware of the runaway emotions were referring to when we put a negative spin on emotions. We cant escape Gods presence. That means he sees and hears alongside us, including our (often messy) emotions. And if we let him, God will replace those untruthful messages weve learned about emotions along the journey of life with the truthful messages reflecting his character, will, and commands.

God didnt mess up his design of you.

He created you in his image. He has a plan for your life. He even knew what mistakes youd make throughout your life, and he still loves you and wants nothing more than to be in an ever-deepening relationship with you. He will pursue youwhether youre not following him and need to make that decision or youre following him marginally or youre passionate about him. He designed you for more, and he will pursue you, tapping you on the shoulder, whispering in your ear, and knocking on the door of your heart so that your daily lifeincluding your decisions, attitudes, and yes, emotionsis impacted in the purity of who he created you to be and the everyday messiness of living on Earth.

If your emotions arent reflecting the character of God well, youre probably distorting something and need to get back on track. Thats what this journey is about: growing closer to God, getting to know him better, and committing to reflecting him more and more on a daily basis.

Pure Emotion will dig into, reflect upon, and live out Gods Word.

Chapters include:
Week One: The Emotional Experience
Week Two: Whats a Pure Emotion?
Week Three: Fear
Week Four: Jealousy
Week Five: Anger
Week Six: Anxiety and Peace
Week Seven: Frustration
Week Eight: Guilt and Shame
Week Nine: Joy
Week Ten: Living Emotionally Pure

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 25, 2011
• ISBN: 9781449717704

Susan H. Lawrence

Susan Lawrence is passionate about encouraging and equipping women. She has coordinated women’s ministries for many years and has worked as a consultant with several international women's ministries and denominations, creating resources, providing training, and encouraging leaders. She’s thrilled when she gets to connect with women at conferences, retreats, and other events, pouring into them in the myriad of their emotions. Susan began writing Pure Emotion while leading a group of women through Pure Purpose, her first Bible study. As she experienced the passion and intensity of women’s emotions, she was stirred to explore God’s emotions and then encourage and equip women to do the same. When she’s not writing and speaking, Susan enjoys life in central Illinois, taking long walks on country roads and baking dozens of chocolate-chip cookies. She and her husband have been married over twenty years and have raised two wonderful daughters. Be sure to connect with Susan personally. She’d love to hear your story! [INSERT FACEBOOK GRAPHIC] facebook.com/PurePurpose [INSERT TWITTER GRAPHIC] twitter.com/susanhlawrence [INSERT PURE PURPOSE COVER SHOT] purepurposebook.wordpress.com [INSERT BLOGTALK RADIO GRAPHIC] blogtalkradio.com/PurePurpose

Book preview

Pure Emotion

Susan H Lawrence

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Copyright © 2011 Susan H Lawrence

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Scripture taken from the New Century Version. Copyright © 2005 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Holman Christian Standard Bible ® Copyright © 2003, 2002, 2000, 1999 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified® Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-1769-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-1770-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011928960

Printed in the United States of America

WestBow Press rev. date: 5/13/2011

Table of Contents

Introduction

Tips for Group Facilitators

Week One: The Emotional Experience

WEEK ONE

Make It Personal #1: Everyday Emotions

WEEK ONE

Make It Personal #2: Emotional Assumptions

WEEK ONE

Make It Personal #3: Raw Emotions

WEEK ONE

Make It Personal #4: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK ONE

Make It Personal #5: Facing the (Not So) Easy Stuff

Week Two: What’s A Pure Emotion?

WEEK TWO

Make It Personal #1: Our Emotional God

WEEK TWO

Make It Personal #2: Faith in a Faithful God

WEEK TWO

Make It Personal #3: Relating to God

WEEK TWO

Make It Personal #4: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK TWO

Make It Personal #5: Emotions of Faith

Week Three: Fear

WEEK THREE

Make It Personal #1: Godly Fear

WEEK THREE

Make It Personal #2: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK THREE

Make It Personal #3: Fear of Sacrifice

WEEK THREE

Make It Personal #4: Emotional Check-Up

WEEK THREE

Make It Personal #5: Fear and Faith

Week Four: Jealousy

WEEK FOUR

Make It Personal #1: Envy

WEEK FOUR

Make It Personal #2: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK FOUR

Make It Personal #3: Zealousy

WEEK FOUR

Make It Personal #4: Emotional Check-Up

WEEK FOUR

Make It Personal #5: Pursuing Purpose

Week Five: Anger

WEEK FIVE

Make It Personal #1: Let’s Define It

WEEK FIVE

Make It Personal #2: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK FIVE

Make It Personal #3: Slow to Anger

WEEK FIVE

Make It Personal #4: Emotional Check-Up

WEEK FIVE

Make It Personal #5: Effects of Anger

Week Six: Anxiety and Peace

WEEK SIX

Make It Personal #1: Peace and Quiet

WEEK SIX

Make It Personal #2: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK SIX

Make It Personal #3: Powerful Peace

WEEK SIX

Make It Personal #4: Emotional Check-Up

WEEK SIX

Make It Personal #5: Shalom

Week Seven: Frustration

WEEK SEVEN

Make It Personal #1: Biblical Frustration

WEEK SEVEN

Make It Personal #2: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK SEVEN

Make It Personal #3: Hope

WEEK SEVEN

Make It Personal #4: Emotional Check-Up

WEEK SEVEN

Make It Personal #5: God Space

Week Eight: Guilt and Shame

WEEK EIGHT

Make It Personal #1: The Invitation of Grace

WEEK EIGHT

Make It Personal #2: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK EIGHT

Make It Personal #3: Humility

WEEK EIGHT

Make It Personal #4: Emotional Check-Up

WEEK EIGHT

Make It Personal #5: Freedom in Obedience

Week Nine: Joy

WEEK NINE

Make It Personal #1: Joy in Grace

WEEK NINE

Make It Personal #2: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK NINE

Make It Personal #3: Joy of Parables

WEEK NINE

Make It Personal #4: Emotional Check-Up

WEEK NINE

Make It Personal #5: Life’s Not Fair

Week Ten: Emotionally Pure

WEEK TEN

Make It Personal #1: Emotional Monuments

WEEK TEN

Make It Personal #2: Emotional Check-Up

WEEK TEN

Make It Personal #3: Perseverance

WEEK TEN

Make It Personal #4: Planting Seeds of Truth

WEEK TEN

Make It Personal #5: God’s Goodness

"Women were created with a wide array of emotions. It’s what we do with those emotions that affects every single aspect of our Christian walk. Pure Emotion dives deeply into the heart of our emotions, biblically addressing emotions like fear, jealousy, anger, anxiety, frustration, joy and guilt. This is a study for ALL women, in ALL circumstances, at ANY stage of life. It encourages women to honestly look at the effects of emotions in their lives so they can live an emotionally pure life in Christ!"

Lori Macmath, Owner, Internet Cafe Devotions

"Studying Pure Emotion was much like an in-depth conversation with a good friend whose godly counsel spurs me toward spiritual growth. Pure Emotion helped me examine personal beliefs, identify ungodly thought patterns and habits, and move toward emotional health. The study both encouraged and equipped me to further commit to Christ and reassured me from the beginning to end that my God is committed to me. It is a must have for any women!"

Tracie Johnson, Author and Founder, Response to Grace Ministries

"I was blessed and encouraged after working through Pure Emotion. It is a wonderful study for women who want to dig deep into the Word to discover who they are in Christ. Over the years, I can’t tell you how many times I have heard these words: ‘a woman is just too emotional to make a good decision.’ This statement frustrates me for good reason! I can make good decisions and so can you. As you work through the Pure Emotion, you’ll find that our God is an emotional God. As we can cling to him and seek his guidance, we can work through any issue facing us. Pure Emotion will encourage and strengthen you."

Major Mariam Rudd, The Salvation Army

"I have done many Bible studies, and God has taught me so much through each one. For that I’m grateful, but this study was altogether different for me. It was like for the first time, so much made sense to me. Pure Emotion engaged me from the first page. You see, as a little girl, I was a sexually abused by my father. By the time I was 12, he was in prison and later moved back into our house. I remember begging God to make it all go away. By the time I was sixteen, I was pregnant, getting married, and had the title wife and mother. My emotions were all over the place. Anger, jealousy, envy – I had them all!

"It was through Pure Emotion that I realized how much of an impact my emotions had on my life. I felt the emotions, but when my life was distant from God, these emotions were so unproductive, nothing good came from them. Just self-pity. Even now, 20 years later, I can easily forget that regardless of what I may be going through, God has something amazing to teach me if I go through it alongside him.

"I often get asked ‘why are you so happy?’ My problems aren’t any less now, but I don’t respond to them with unproductive emotions. I more readily crawl onto Jesus’ lap. I’ve done this study with him and often found myself quietly smiling and thinking, ‘Wow! God, you are something else.’ My focus isn’t on my emotions; God is my focus.

"Week Nine was the turning point for me: ‘The thing is….whether or not life is fair is irrelevant. God doesn’t want us to get stuck in this life. He wants to correct our eyesight so we see into eternity.’ Praise God! I found myself in tears as I worked through the week’s studies. I thanked Jesus for this study as he once again helped me to see into eternity. As I surrender to him, my emotions become Godly emotions, and it doesn’t get any better than that.

Speak it.

Personalize it.

Live it.

These words now hold such meaning for me."

Kimberly

Introduction

Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect. Romans 12:2

While leading a Pure Purpose women’s group, I was captivated by the emotions women experience. Emotions are certainly not always positive, but the passion behind them convicted me to explore the emotions of God. After all, we’re created in his image. Yet so many of the emotions we experience entangle us. We feel like puppets responding to and making decisions based on our emotions. We excuse erratic behavior because of our emotions. We also enjoy life because of emotions. We passionately serve out of emotions.

As I consult with women in ministry around the world, I hear the emotions pouring through their words. I see emotions dancing and weeping in their eyes as I speak at conferences. I sit across the table in a coffee shop and listen to pain, joy, fear, and anxiety.

Women feel, and we feel with passion.

Pure Emotion is a journey. In the pages that follow, I trust you will meet God wherever you are. He’ll encourage you, and he’ll challenge you to question some assumptions you make about your own and his emotions. He’ll reveal himself to you so you can declare the truth of his character, his emotions, and his purpose for you.

I’m thrilled to take these next steps by your side. Each week, we’ll begin with a Starter Session. If you’re meeting with other women for this study, you’ll experience the Starter Session together. If you’re studying on your own, you’ll find it to be an enriching personal experience. For study groups, questions and experiences marked with an asterisk (*) can be discussed in small groups. Additional tips are included in Tips for Group Facilitators.

Following each Starter Session are five Make It Personal sessions for you to work through on your own. While each week is not identical, all weeks have at least three personal study sessions and two additional sessions, including Planting Seeds of Truth and, beginning Week Three, Emotional Check-Up. We’ll dig into, reflect upon, and live out God’s Word.

All Scriptures are included within the study guide so everyone can easily explore. Verses are from the New Century Version unless otherwise noted. I encourage you to dig into additional translations to enrich your study experience.

Pure Emotion has been a roller-coaster journey for me. As God will so often do, he’s blessed me with firsthand experiences as I’ve studied and written. It hasn’t been a comfortable journey, but it’s been beyond worthwhile. I’m closing the last page closer to him. I’m more familiar and vulnerable with God, and my life is richer and faith is deeper because of the journey.

I may not know your name or your specific life circumstance, but I’ve prayed for you every step of the way, and I continue to trust God will bless you as you open up your heart, soul and mind to him along the journey of Pure Emotion.

Seeking Pure Emotion,

Susan

purepurposebook.wordpress.com

facebook.com/PurePurpose

Tips for Group Facilitators

Whether you’re facilitating a group for the first time, or you’ve had decades of experience, I want to encourage you as you begin Pure Emotion. Facilitating a group can be overwhelming, but I hope the tips I’ve provided will support you…like a personal assistant!

There are two main lessons I’ve learned when facilitating small group studies through the years. First, you’ll learn and grow through the process. As you spend time in preparation, God will challenge you and reveal himself to you in ways that spur you to trust him and grow closer to him. He’ll prepare you beyond the time you’re spending on this particular study. As you’re sensitive to God’s leading, you’ll hear him speak to you through other teachers, books, relationships, and situations, which will nourish you as a facilitator.

Second, it’s not about you as the teacher. God is entrusting a group of women to you for a season, but they are God’s, not yours. As you’re obedient to him, you’ll receive exactly what you need. When we’re consumed about messing up as leaders, we’re distorting our trust in God’s guidance. When it becomes about our abilities, issues, concerns, and shortcomings, the study becomes about us. The study is about God and helping individual women grow in their relationships with him. It’s not about teaching. It’s about learning. Facilitate women’s learning. God will do the rest.

I may not know your name or location, but I know God does, and I trust him to guide and care for you. I hope you’ll connect with me through my website (purepurposebook.wordpress.com) or Facebook (facebook.com/PurePurpose). I’d love to hear your story of Pure Emotion!

Before your first session…

Pray. Ask a group of women to commit to regularly pray for the Pure Emotion study group. Let them know specific prayers as your group proceeds. Start with praying for guidance as you’re making decisions about the study…when to meet, where to meet, how to promote, etc. Pray for women who will be in your study group, even if you don’t know their names. God does! As the study continues, let your prayer supporters know what topics you’re studying each week. If someone is struggling or shares personal concerns, keep specifics confidential, but you can ask your prayer supporters to continue to pray for all the people and situations brought up during sessions. Again, God knows the details, and that’s enough.

Promote. Use your typical promotional avenues such as bulletins, church newsletters, website, and fliers. Then consider other creative ways to promote your study. Not every woman will respond to the same style of invitation. The most effective way to invite women is personal. Create a buzz. Encourage women currently in studies to reach out to others. Consider where women gather in your community, and create invitations that target specific groups of women. Provide small invitation cards or postcards, making it easy for women in your church to pick up a stack to invite their family, friends, neighbors and coworkers. (Deliver with a piece of good chocolate!)

Anticipate and answer women’s questions on promotional materials. Time, day, starting date, cost (if applicable). Will childcare be provided? If so, is there a cost? Are reservations necessary? Always let women know they can invite their friends. Women are usually more comfortable when they can grab a friend to tag along.

Prepare. Personal preparation is essential. What’s your personal spiritual condition? Do you feel insecure and inadequate? God will provide! You’re not chosen to facilitate a study because you’re perfect. At the same time, if you’re in a time of personal crisis, assuming a leadership role might not be the best choice for this season of your life – yet God will meet you right where you are and use anything you’re going through. Trust God’s guidance. If he’s prompting you to lead, and you’re hesitant and find yourself making excuses, you need to listen, be obedient, and trust. If you’re assuming leadership because no one else will or because you’ve always led this study, take a step back and confirm God is prompting to lead. Your obedience is essential. If you say yes when God intends someone else to say yes, you’re not allowing someone else to choose obedience.

Spend time in prayer. Ask others to pray. Be prepared. I recommend working ahead of the group’s pace. When discussing with the group, focus on what they’ve experienced that particular week instead of sharing everything you’ve experienced but they haven’t. However, it’s important you know what’s coming. When someone brings up a question or concern, and you know it’s later addressed, you can inform women they’ll study that topic soon and stay on task for the particular session.

During your first session…

Get to know each other. Spend a few minutes at the beginning of the first session getting to know each other. Check out resources for icebreakers or ask women to introduce themselves with their names and an answer to a question such as

• If money was no object, where would you vacation and why?

• What is your favorite room in your house and why?

• If you had a magic wand to organize something in your life, what would you choose and why?

Avoid questions or information that might divide women or cause them to feel uncomfortable because they would have nothing to share or have answers that don’t match everyone else. When you ask something that is opinion or dream-based instead of information-based, even women who feel self-conscious will be put at ease.

During the first session and throughout all sessions, avoid statements such as We’re so glad you could join us. We have a visitor today. Let’s have our guests introduce themselves. Concentrate on helping everyone feel welcome. Terms such as we and us can feel divisive when you’re not part of the we and us. Structure the first session as if no one knows each other. You’ll be surprised what you’ll learn about each other even if you’ve been meeting for years.

If someone joins your group after the first week and is the only new person in attendance, spend the first few minutes going around the room answering a basic, fun question like the ones above. Let your guests know that it’s just as important that she gets to know everyone in the room than it is for you to get to know her. As a guest leaves, instead of saying, We hope you’ll come back and see us next week, speak for yourself: I’m so glad I got to meet you, and I hope I’ll see you again next week. Let me know if you have any questions as you study this week. And then connect by phone, email, or a handwritten note within a couple days.

Gather contact information. Pass out index cards and ask everyone to share her name, mailing address, email address, and phone number, so you can keep in touch. Assure everyone you won’t sell contact information to a marketing agency; you simply want to help everyone stay connected. As the facilitator, you’ll try to connect with everyone occasionally, but it is important women are able to connect with each other as well. Women will often make a comment that resonates or concerns someone else. Instead of having to contact you and explain the concern, she can follow up directly. Help women connect and build relationships. You’re the facilitator, not the gatekeeper. Create a contact list to share with everyone the following week. Be sure to leave room to add women who start the group the following weeks.

Talk about accountability. Let women know they can talk as little or as much as they want (although you might make a joke about leaving the option of gently curbing extremely lengthy discourses to conserve time!). As women share, we’re to hold one another accountable…in love. That means someone who says she feels she should confront someone or verbally forgive them, let her know you’ll be checking in with her. Then do it. If someone is trying to break a habit, encourage her.

As women connect and develop relationships, they’ll want to help one another. They’ll invest in each other’s lives. Ask women to let someone know if they can’t attend a session, so you’ll know why women are missing. As the facilitator, you need to be held accountable, too. Respect your women’s time by starting and ending each session on time.

Agree to confidentiality. Confidentiality is critical to individual and group health. Women can easily mask gossip as prayer requests. We want to support each other and our loved ones in prayer. In order for all women to feel safe within the group, it’s essential to create a community in which what’s said in the group stays in the group. Encourage women to be careful when and where they check in with group members outside the group. Asking someone, Did your test results come back okay this week? in a crowded store or worship center is likely going to generate hearsay and gossip among others.

Determine your default setting in small group to keeping what’s shared in the group confidential unless (1) it involves a serious threat to someone’s safety, or (2) the person sharing requests others to share (applicable specifically with prayer requests). Apply the same principle when sharing outside prayer requests. If you have a person’s permission to share the prayer request, it’s fine. If not, simply say, I have an unspoken prayer request. We don’t need names and details. God knows, and that’s good enough.

During each session…

Start and end on time. Each Starter Session is designed for an hour and a half, but time can vary based on the length and depth of discussions. Keep on track. If you want to extend the time, two hours will work with Pure Emotion, but be sure to set the length of time before the study begins. Two hours might be too long for young moms or for women in an evening study who like to be home by a certain time. It’s not about appeasing everyone, but you need to weigh the pros and cons of your dates and times before beginning with your small group. Set and communicate the guidelines and expectations – in a welcoming way.

Share needs with each other.

Model the responses, habits, and attitudes you know God expects.

Allow time for women to share. As noted in the Introduction, experiences and questions marked with an asterisk (*) can be shared in small groups of 3-4 women. It’s tempting for some facilitators to plow through these experiences, sharing their own answers or allowing only a small number of women to respond. However, everyone will not have time to respond in a large group, nor will everyone be comfortable sharing in a large group. Plus, learning is significantly more impactful if women experience and debrief together. You might feel like you’re giving up control. You are. You’re giving control to God.

You’ll also want to allow time for women to share their at-home study with each other. You won’t have time to completely go through each day’s study, and you won’t want to, because many of the questions are too personal or sensitive to share with a group. However, many women will want to ask questions to clarify something or share an a-ha moment experienced through the week. Let women’s needs guide the discussion as you place enough structure to provide stability and time constraints.

For example, during the first session, you can encourage women to mark their at-home study pages in a way that makes it easy to discuss when you gather together. They can create their own marking systems, but here are a few simple approaches I use:

• Exclamation marks in the margins indicate an a-ha thought, moment, or experience.

• Question marks in the margins indicate a question I need to ask (or dig into on my own later).

• Underlining text helps me mark the main points God is highlighting to me.

When you get together for group sessions, before