Secrets Revealed... The Beginning

By Casandra Charles

This new JR was nothing like her old self as she slowly regretted stepping outside of her comfort zone to let her guard down with Toni, and quickly understood why she had it up in the first place.

JR was once a strong, independent woman, but now she couldn’t even look herself in the mirror without falling apart. After years of lies and now emotional abuse from Toni, who refused to let her go, she just couldn’t hold it all in, and finally her emotions started to get the best of her. JR tried to drink her problems away, which only made things worse, as she truly lost her direction.

JR didn’t have many friends and was so embarrassed at her life’s direction she tried to pretend she was okay, but her true friends knew better. This included David, her past lover, but things just weren’t the same between them. Then her life unexpectedly came crashing down after her friendship with Terry took a turn for the worse. One by one JR not only lost her old friends, but she also lost her way, which led JR to seek help.

Jenny was JR’s saving grace, and after diving deep into her past, she finally began to uncover the hidden secrets of the real JR. Secrets even JR hid from herself. As Jenny encouraged JR to let her guard down yet again and explore dating, she met Mike, a twenty-five-year-old young professional who was nothing like Toni or David. He was educated, had a thriving career, and truly supported JR even after watching the drama unfold between Toni and her, but he never ran, and JR appreciated his strength.

Lust and Lies was just the beginning as The Jamie Reynolds Chronicles continues and JR is faced with the newest chapter in her life, a life full of questionable memories into her past, present and future self.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Casandra Charles
• Release date: Jul 18, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463431528

Casandra Charles

Originally from Brooklyn, New York, with parents from Trinidad and Tobago, Casandra graduated college with a BA degree in Mass Media Arts at Morris Brown College in Atlanta, GA, where she resided for many years and now has her master’s degree in Adult Education.Casandra is an avid reader and always wanted to write a book but hesitated for many years, as she suffers from adult dyslexia. She never allowed her disability to hold her back on anything, and she finally completed her first book, Jamie Reynolds Chronicles: Lust and Lies, in 2015, Secrets Revealed in 2016, Pillow Talk and Too Good To Be True in 2018, Tinder, Love and Care in 2020, Thank You, Next in 2021 and Joy Ride in 2022.​Casandra loves to travel and explore and has a bucket list of places to visit a mile long as she slowly begins to check off a new destination every few months. She lives by many mottos, but her favorite one is “Live Laugh Love,” which is also tattooed on her left arm to remind her every day to Live today, Laugh often and Love always.

Book preview

5 Hours and 15 Minutes…

I’d been on the road for almost an hour now, and I had all kinds of thoughts running through my mind. I felt like I was doing the right thing, but something deep down inside had me believing this was not right. I was a wife, so what happened to ’til death do us part, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health? Did I give up too soon on everything? I felt like my life was flashing before my eyes as I drove down ninety-five south. There was no turning back, as the damage was already done. I sent Toni my email and pretty much packed up what could fit in my car and started to drive. Not to mention I made a bunch of calls to old clients and friends in the industry, trying to find work in Atlanta. At that point I only had twenty-two hundred dollars to my name, so I needed to find work fast. Also, I always needed to stay busy, as I would go crazy if I didn’t. My whole life my grandmother always told my mother, I am too busy. Who knows, maybe this was why she wasn’t a fan of me.

Just as my mind started to go back to my childhood days of feeling unloved by my grandmother, Angela called to see how my drive was going.

Hey, girl, how’s it going?

Hey, it’s good. I’ve only been on the road for an hour or so, but my plan is to be at your place by four p.m.

Oh, okay, that works. I don’t have to go to work until six, so I get to see how you’re doing and whatnot.

Thanks for allowing me to crash at your place until I get the town house ready. When was the last time you seen the place? What was the condition?

I did maybe about a month ago, and it’s pretty clean to the naked eye, but you know she has, like, two dogs, so once you get the carpet cleaned and, of course, paint and furnish the place, it will be just like the way it was and you’ll be just fine.

I knew my tenant had two dogs, so I wanted to do more than just the carpet. I was a germophobe, so I needed to clean that house from top to bottom to make sure I could have a restful night’s sleep. Besides, I missed Angela, so I was cool with crashing on her couch for a few weeks until my place was ready. Money was tight, and my tenant had a little over a month left on the lease, which gave me enough time to live on the low and save. I could also begin furniture hunting in the meantime. Thank God for Craigslist, I needed furniture and I was on a budget; however, this was temporary, as I didn’t want to get too much until I knew where Toni and I stood.

J, J, Angela repeated, snapping me out of my daze.

Sorry, girl, what was you saying?

Man, I know you’re going through some stuff, so we can talk face-to-face. If you get in early enough, we can grab dinner.

Thanks, Ang, maybe. If I stay on track and catch no traffic, I hope to be in earlier.

Beep.

Hey, that’s my other line; let me go. I’ll hit you up as I get closer.

Alright, drive safe.

Thanks, I said right before I clicked over to the unrecognized phone number.

Hello, this is JR.

Hey, JR, this is Candace.

Hey, Candace, how is everything? I said, still not knowing who this was.

I heard from Johnny you’re coming back to Atlanta?

Wow, news traveled fast, but I welcomed the call. Yup, I am, I said in an upbeat tone.

Great, I was really impressed by how you handled crazy Johnny J. You’ve been gone for a while, and I was glad to hear you’re coming back.

It just hit me who this was: Candace was the manager of the Atlanta Civic Center. Man, it would be great if I could team up with the Civic Center for work.

Anyway, it sounds like you’re driving, so let’s plan to meet sometime next week to talk.

Perfect, let’s do that. Thanks for calling, Candace. Have a good day.

I was a very spiritual person and believed in signs, and if this wasn’t a sign from God, I didn’t know what was. It felt good to feel like I had options now, so this must be a sign, since I might potentially have work already lined up for me in Atlanta. Which was good news because Angela and Blue had me nervous when they both said freelance work was pretty sketchy now.

My mind kept on thinking as I continued to drive. I felt like I was making up time, but then I got caught up in traffic. Crap, I said as I looked up at the road sign and noticed I still have like five hours and fifteen minutes before I got to Atlanta. I guessed I’d be missing dinner with Angela, but the time in the car by myself was much needed.

I really needed time to get my thoughts together. I was about to potentially start a new chapter in my life, a life without my husband. Just the thought alone had me in tears. I just couldn’t believe my life ended up this way. I did love Toni, but I had to be honest with myself. Toni and I were just on too different pages in life. He was still trying to find his way and was so confused, yet nothing made him happy. He complained about his job all the time, yet he picked the Navy and the job he was doing. No one forced him to join or pick that job. He complained about not having money and living paycheck to paycheck, yet he was very irresponsible with money and would spend every last dollar he had just to be flashy.

Going out was a nightmare sometimes. Norfolk was truly a military city, so it wasn’t uncommon to go out and see his coworkers. I hated going out because every time he saw his coworkers, he would feel the need to buy the next round. I noticed people were drinking beer on tap, and as soon as Hall came around, they would upgrade their drink to Jack Daniel’s, Hennessy or some other kind of top-shelf drink. Not one time did anyone pick up our drinks or offer to help us, and every time I spoke to Toni about spending money we didn’t have or putting things on credit, he would get mad because he was the one working to make the money, so he felt he could spend it how he wanted. I remember once he went out with the guys and spent so much money we didn’t even have enough left to cover basic bills. I was pissed. I watched my parents struggle when I was growing up, and I’d be damned if I’d struggle as an adult. We made good money, considering the facts that we had no kids and Toni wasn’t even on top of his rank, especially not after the reckless driving incident. However, if Toni just relaxed, we could have still made a decent living on his salary. I learned to cut shopping and overspending and to live within my means. At first I hated it, but it wasn’t so bad with the commissary and military discounts. I was totally going to miss Natalie; she was my shopping buddy.

As I started to think about the friends I was leaving behind in Virginia, I realized how real everything was. I was so thankful for the little things I still had—my health, my figure, my townhome and, of course, my friends in the A, who would always have my back no matter what.

So What Now?

After that long drive filled with emotional regrets, I finally made it safely to Atlanta. Angela was still on Northside Drive, and by this point I was totally used to the area. It wasn’t in the best part of town, but being from Brooklyn, I was no stranger to the hood. I kept to myself, they kept to themselves, and no one had any problems.

Hey, girl, glad I caught you before you made it to work.

Yeah, when I realized you wasn’t getting in until later, I decided to call in today so we can catch up. I haven’t really spoken to you since you gave me an earful about you and Toni, hell, even David.

I know, it’s been a little crazy. Sorry.

Man, you don’t have to apologize, I’m just happy to have you back. I missed you, and you’re better off without Toni. Angela slipped that statement in as if she were reading my mind and thoughts on my drive down.

So you hungry? Angela quickly said as she noticed me thinking and reflecting on her last statement.

You know I can eat.

Glad you didn’t lose your appetite.

You got jokes, I see.

Angela helped me off-load the car because Lord knew I couldn’t really leave a backseat full of clothes and things in that neighborhood. Angela and I talked as if we never skipped a beat for the rest of the night. She ended up cooking dinner, and we just talked like old times. Which I greatly missed.

So now what? Angela finally asked. I figured this would be coming since I’d danced around my plan of action making this move.

Well, I just plan on getting settled and then finding work. I don’t really want to do freelance because of what you and Blue said.

What did Blue say?

Man, you know Blue, he pretty much said the same thing you said. He said it’s pretty grimey out here.

Yeah, freelance ain’t no fun anymore because people are so hungry to work they’re working for pennies, and no client will consider hiring someone with experience especially since it’s costing them almost double since these newbies straight out of college are cutting the standard rate in half just to get work.

Blue said the same thing. It’s crazy.

Blue, Angela and I went way back. We all went to Clark and graduated with a degree in mass media art. Angela was a year behind us, but Blue and I had all of the same classes. I usually didn’t call people by their nickname and felt bad calling him Blue because he was really dark, almost blue in color, like black blue, but once he told me even his family called him Blue, I started feeling comfortable with it. Even the professors at CAU called him Blue. Sometimes I missed my college days; life was so carefree and easy. You only had to worry about rent, which was cheap; gas for your car, which was even cheaper; hanging out for the low; and food—and we all lived off the dollar menu at the Burger King around the corner. I never really cared much about what I ate until after college, but college life was fun.

I was super tired and happy Angela and I had a chance to get caught up. Naturally, she sided with me about my and Toni’s relationship. I guess when you spent an hour talking about all the bad memories I had of him, one would pick my side as well.

I could always put up a good front, but deep down inside I was hurting and scared.

As I made my way into the shower, I didn’t know what came over me as my heart started to pound uncontrollably. Maybe it was a sign of relief, or maybe the pain of my thoughts finally getting the best of me, but I cried for almost fifteen minutes while I stood in the shower and allowed the water to hit my skin. The pain I felt was overwhelming, and I didn’t feel in control. I hated not feeling in control. I gave myself a strong talking to and tried to pull myself together as I got out of the shower and made my way to bed. Maybe a good night’s sleep would help me, I thought to myself as I closed my eyes in peace.

The next day I woke up feeling pretty refreshed. Naturally I had my cell phone ringer off, and I noticed I had a flashing light. Great, who could this be? I thought to myself, since it was only 7:30 a.m. and I didn’t go to bed until almost midnight. Another reason why I turned my cell phone ringer off. Who in the world was calling me between those hours? To my surprise, it was Toni and he left me a message. Wow, I didn’t expect a call, and I patiently listen to his fifty-nine-second message.

Hey, J, I got your email, Toni said, sounding pretty down. I don’t blame you for doing what you did. Hell, I would have done the same thing if I was you, so now what?

For a brief second I had a sick feeling in my stomach, as I knew I was wrong for quitting on Toni when he needed me the most.

I was trying to be on my best behavior while here—wait, what did he mean best behavior?—but shit is real, and you will never know how this all feels. And there he went with the nonsense. I wish you was stronger, but I see you are not. Why did you move back has been dancing around in my head for almost a week now.

I couldn’t believe it had been a week already since I sent that email. I was so focused on tying up loose ends I didn’t realize it had been so long already.

So we docked and I have been toying with the idea of calling you or just emailing you back. Everything I wrote via email was not right. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I am scared and don’t want you to leave me. Despite what you think, you are my world, and I truly love you. I know I haven’t been the best me, but neither have you. Now what? Anyway, I got to go. I will call you back when I get a chance because I think it’s like four a.m. in Norfolk, wait, I guess in Atlanta. I can’t believe you went back. I guess you can’t escape what made you. Anyway, have a good time in Atlanta, and I will talk to you later.

And just like that the phone went dead. You would think he was talking to a total stranger and not his wife. I guess I should have seen this coming, but really and truly I guess one never saw any of this coming. I truly believed all the lies he fed me and how he’d changed and wouldn’t hurt me again. I felt like we were just on two different pages. Some of the lies he told me weren’t even that serious, so clearly if he could lie about something little and small, then he could lie about something big.

***

Hey, babe, I said as I walked into the house, throwing my purse down on the glass dining room table. As I walked over to give Toni a kiss, I noticed he was on a laptop but not my Mac like he usually was. Hey, is this new?

Yes, was all Toni said.

I hated it when he gave me short answers. Yes, I asked him a yes or no question, but I expected an answer plus an explanation. I’d learned after two years of being with Toni that I needed to ask very detailed questions so he could be honest with me since I had already caught him in so many unnecessary lies. Okay, where did it come from?

I got it off the ship, he replied, yet again with a short answer.

I was trying to stay calm, so I said, Oh, okay, I didn’t know the ship sells laptops. I knew the ship didn’t sell laptops and he caught me in my lie.

Now you know the ship don’t sell laptops. I got this from the ship for the low. While on deployment I got in pretty good with Collins, who manages the shipping and receiving, and he told me about undeliverables.

What’s undeliverables? I interrupted.

It’s items people ordered and have shipped to the ship, but since the ship moves and stuff, the items often get lost, and it’s not until the ship docks or months have passed do we finally get it. At that point the company already took the loss and it’s like free stuff.

How’s it free?

Well, look at it this way, say someone orders a laptop, he said while picking up the laptop. That said laptop was supposed to be delivered to my ship. It was supposed to be delivered in fourteen days. It’s been over a month and the item never made it to the ship, so the person who ordered it contacts the store, say Walmart, to say they never got it. Walmart will track it and notice it was undeliverable, so when it finally gets to the ship, it’s no longer the property of Walmart, so it’s like up for grabs on the ship. Since I got in good with Collins, he sold it to me on the low.

Wow, really? Why am I now hearing about this? What else do they have?

Toni started to laugh because he knew I loved a good deal no matter how shady this sounded. Man, you relax, it’s not something that many people know about.

Oh, okay, well, I need a new Macbook. If Collins ever comes across one, tell him to let you know. Wait, how much did you give Collins for it?

Like a hundred bucks.

That should have been a red flag. Like a hundred bucks—you either gave him a hundred or not. But naturally he was my husband, so I let it go.

A few months later when Toni was on his first deployment, I got a call from Rent-A-Center asking about payment. Since Toni was on deployment, he’d put me down as an emergency contact on his purchase. Needless to say the whole laptop purchase was a lie. He had bought it at Rent-A-Center and was supposed to pay weekly or monthly. Because he was military, they gave him grace, but he was now two months past due, naturally, because of the deployment. I was so pissed I didn’t even know what to do or say. I confronted Toni when he called me.

Hey, babe, man, I miss you, Toni said, not knowing what was about to come his way.

Hey.

What’s wrong?

I just got a call the other day from Rent-A-Center. I just paused and allowed it all to sink in.

And? was his only reply.

And what? You tell me? I guess I just needed to hear him come clean to me, but naturally this wasn’t the case.

What do you want to know? I hated it when he did stuff like this. You were busted so just come clean.

Man, look, you lied to me a few times now. Why didn’t you just come clean about where you got the laptop? I don’t get it. Please help me understand the reason for all of this?

Man, what do you want me to say? You know now how I got the laptop, and I am on a deployment, so this isn’t something I want to talk about.

And just like that, we never spoke about the laptop again. I did call back Rent-A-Center to get more information about this laptop. I figured since he owed money, they should be forthcoming about everything. Which they were. I knew he paid forty-eight dollars every two weeks, and I knew he agreed to a two-year agreement, which brought a roughly nine-hundred-dollar laptop to over two thousand dollars, which was the dumbest thing I ever heard. I even said this to the Rent-A-Center guy, and he laughed and said, People do it all the time.

Robert Was Standing Behind Me…

I’d been in Atlanta for