Love, Tea and Advice from a Dying Mother

By Benetta Price

Though I don't have legal clearance to give juicy details, through much incredible family dysfunction, both of my girls spent a significant amount of years in the custody of their grandmother.

This precarious situation led me to, though court-appointed, at first, psychotherapy. Several years later of therapy led me to explore and process my own ambiguous childhood that was riddled with sexual abuse. This exploration spawned another realm of self-discovery that led to an extreme appreciation for radical forgiveness (see next section), for which I am eternally grateful, for the maturation of my own emotional health.

The realm of emotional-processing and self-discovery, along with the deisre to leave a by-product of said disocvery to my kids (& others) re: the value in character/value building and steering one's own moral compass, that they may have missed out on, is the largest inspiration, for writing this book.

The contents of these pages represent the conversations, experiences and the transference of knowledge of your mothers morals, standards and values via tough and expressed love that we have had up until your 18th birthday(s) respectively.

I also want to selfishly, prepare and/or reserve my inevitable place in heaven, by fulfilling my charge as a mom.

It is my fervent hope and prayer that every person, who has experienced a fragmented relationship with his/her parent/guardian, can gain enough practical and spiritual advice offered here, to build their own moral compass to live their lives fully and completely in love. Take the necessary steps to heal your relationship(s); it is possible and worth it.

When I make the transition/die, dont cry (much) because Im gone; smile in gratitude for having had me in your life for whatever time we had together. I maintain a posture of gratitude for everything and everybody--whether positive or negative.

The positive people and events, have created an enormous and expansive sense of gratitude (including, but certainly not limited to, my readers); the negative people and events, have spawned an enormous and expansive perplexity of forgiveness and love.

I hope Ive completed my plight as Gods charge as a mother to my own children and many others as well.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 5, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456742430

Benetta Price

About the author: The neurodegenerative/fatal disease from which she suffers, forced Benetta to retire (3 different times) from a rewarding career in the massage therapy industry: MT/MT instructor/certified alternative health care consultant/(Doula) birthing assistant. After her diagnosis, she got busy about fulfilling her “bucket” list: number one on the list was completing a bachelor’s degree, begun 20 years earlier. Thus, she graduated with a BA in Sociology, through much medical and pain intervention. Several years earlier, through monumental familial dysfunction and manipulation(s), the plight of raising successful, emotionally healthy, well-adjusted, contributing members of society, to adulthood was unfortunately lost. However, she accepted the “charge” of motherhood by God very seriously. Affectionately called by several nicknames: Mamaben, Big Mama, Miss Ben, and Claire (as in Huxtable!), through this book, Ben hopes to fulfill her promise and plight as a mother figure/model to many. Throughout the book, she also shares her knowledge of some alternative health care remedies, that is not to be substituted for medical advice or care.

Book preview

Dedication

To my beautiful daughters, Margaret Nykohl, & Kinzey Lauren and to all the children who have experienced a fragmented and disjointed relationship from their parent(s).

Acknowledgements

Though I don’t have legal clearance to give juicy details, through much incredible family dysfunction, both of my girls spent a significant amount of years in the custody of their grandmother.

This precarious situation led me to, though court-appointed, at first, psychotherapy. Several years later of therapy led me to explore and process my own ambiguous childhood that was riddled with sexual abuse. This exploration spawned another realm of self-discovery that led to an extreme appreciation for radical forgiveness (see next section), for which I am eternally grateful, for the maturation of my own emotional health.

The realm of emotional-processing and self-discovery, along with the desire to leave a by-product of said discovery to my kids (& others) re: the value in character/value building and steering one’s own moral compass, that they may have missed out on, is the largest inspiration, for writing this book.

If we want our children to do right, we have to do right by them, quote from Judge Glenda Hatchett.

Thank you, Judge Hatchett!

*My beloved, long-time friend & caregiver: Eprendii Wawh, whose contributions have been invaluable: the love, support, gourmet meals, computer expertise, etc. Thank you.

*The ultimate inspiration is from my girls and their patience with me—thank you!

Part 1

A. Introduction and Disclousure

I sincerely don’t blame anyone else for my shortcomings. I am an adult, and therefore responsible for myself and my own actions. Some people believe that we have no control over our lives. I disagree. I believe that God is certainly in the thick of the mix, but HE allows us free will, and some of us don’t take advantage of that. My free will, had I paid attention, would have led me to professional therapy to heal my painful past. It is in this way, I would have been a whole, happy and emotionally well-adjusted Mom. Instead, I wasn’t.

A message to my children

What happened? After the death of your father, (see Life Really Does Go On, a young woman’s journey through widowhood and back to herself, published, 2000) we were hit by a figurative tornado, fueled by a monumental familial dysfunction! A monumental web of deception spun out of control, with only a few key players, chugging with different motivations; I was not healthy enough to fight it.

You were ripped from your mother’s love, bosom and guidance before you both hit puberty! When you read the next section on childhood development, you will understand how detrimental that was for your emotional growth and health. However, there is always hope for a brighter day. Prayerfully, this book will be your ray of ‘Mom’ sunshine and love.

A message to the reader;

This book is designed, not to air dirty laundry, but to help those who may have lacked the tools to build their own moral compass, due to a fragmented relationship with their parent(s). The second part of this book is my sharing where my extensive compass has led me, in my effort to help others. This book in not about drudging up the past, exposing events, and people involved in spinning the web of deception, for they know who they are; rather, it is more about forgiveness, my love for all and paying it forward. If you are in need of specific advice, flip to the back of the book and perhaps find it there! I have had an extensive ‘Dr. Phil’ type of therapy over a period of ten + years! Hence, my verbiage and banter will reflect this awareness and education.

I urge everyone to seek professional therapy, simply to process, and then heal if necessary, your childhood/past, preferable before you marry! If you don’t, you will most likely carry the baggage of your past into the relationship with you. If he/she also has baggage, that’s a lot of baggage in a relationship, making it difficult for you to deal with yourself, others and each other in the world. I did not fulfill my charge as a Mom, due to much time missed. In this book, is my fervent hope and prayer that each reader will feel all of my motherly love, drink and enjoy the medicinal teas, and diligently heed the advice.

Child Development and Separation

(the experts weigh in)

"Of all the problems the social worker encounters in casework, with parents and children, none is more significant than separation. But is it not true that separation is certral to all life’s experiences? Separation is characteristic of the human condition, it is often the rule of the world…. It is the essence of things all who love