Tears of the Father: Journey of Experiencing Grace

By Terri Meidinger

An ordinary Christian family suffers the loss of a loved one. Haunting demonic spirits torture the family in different ways in order to bring these vessels of clay to a state of brokenness and shame. Finding themselves in bondage with their different means of comfort, this family of four faces the ultimate challenge of testing God and his love for them.

Satan and his legions of fallen angels band together. Leviathan, the six headed beast, moves subtly in the hearts and minds. Using a unique man with the ability to heal within minutes without any medical attention, Satan enters powerfully into the home.

All these incidents are based on actual events. The battle is revealed in three dimensions; heaven, earth and Satans domain. Heaven, where King Jesus resides with his loved ones who have passed on already is seen laughing and crying with the father who is watching his family on the journey through faith. The tears of the Father are shared with the tears of the father. He teaches the great crowd of witnesses lessons of grace as life unfolds because of the choices each one of the family members make.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 12, 2011
• ISBN: 9781449709686

Terri Meidinger

Born in 1960, in Riverton, Wyoming, I was raised in the Midwest. I was raised in a God-fearing home, left an abusive home at eighteen, married a wonderful man at twenty-six. I experienced unconditional love in Alaska, Tennessee, and Maryland with the man for seventeen years.   I found the need to share and live unconditional love to the four kids, two stepchildren, and six grandchildren after the death of my husband, in order to rectify the family unit. The challenges of single parenting to three rebellious angry and depressed teenagers caused a prayer journal to be written. After marking checks besides answered prayers, a visualization of the battles and victories were seen.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

A Glance Back Across Jordan

AS JOHN LAY CRADLED IN THE arms of his bride of seventeen years, he felt the strength of their love. Weak from fighting Agent Orange in his physical body, the battle of love that had went through the fire and the winepress, had endured to the end. Knowing the time of his death was just around the corner, John savored each breathe. He cherished every moment with his loved ones. Instead of self-pity, he had been given a heart of thankfulness. Every day he would tell God thank you for his health, in spite of having the silent killer in the pleura of the lungs, the bones, and the brain. Somehow he had learned to trust the love of the heavenly Father had for him and his one day at a time life.

He was grateful for the ability to see and enjoy his family one more day. Daily God had shown him and his family an amazing portion of goodness and grace. John remembered how his mind had been restored. The tumor in his brain had caused him to lose the ability to live his life. The inability to remember his family and simply dress himself made him feel worthless and a burden to his family. John smiled, Terri had prayed for his restored memory. God heard and answered her prayers.

Now unable to move or talk, John found himself reminiscing and pondering his life. After spending hours thrashing, tossing and turning, he had no strength left to fight. John thought on the life that he had been blessed with. It had been a life that had been full of adventure. Like a paint splattered shirt, he realized his life had been splattered with sorrow and joy. When gazed upon he could see how the combination of the good and the bad had left a unique picture of a man that had changed because of the colors of divine grace. The memories flooding through his mind brought tears to his eyes.

With the color of blackness in his heart and soul because of divorce, God had shown a new and bright color when he brought Terri to him. The colors were now vibrant and bold, bringing contentment and joy to is life. Now after only seventeen blissful years, how could he say good-bye to his wife and his children? Who would be there for them when he was gone? As he lay there considering his thoughts, John looked around his surroundings. Once again he realized God had poured out his generosity and had given him what he had desired. John knew that the farm was a miracle.

Even though he knew nothing about farming he wanted to see things grow. Fascinated by the thought of a seed dying and then bringing forth life, caused a wonderment to emerge. He wanted to see the farmer sow the seed. He wanted to see the plants grow from the watering and the sun. He desired to see the bountiful harvest. Always amazed at the increase from a tiny seed left wonderment since childhood in John’s life, creating the desire to work and live on a farm. None of his chosen paths had led him to his desired farm until now.

John smiled a soft smile as he considered what his Daddy had given him. He now lived on seven acres of land. In the seven acre, there stood an old plantation house. The old sixteen room house stood magnificently in the sky. Ivy streaming down the dirty grayish white walls, it looked lonely all by itself, but with a grandeur that people could not deny. He had told Terri it looked like an old small castle. It was surrounded by fields of corn, that John didn’t have to work, but could see the life brought forth from a simple seed and a lot of hard work on the seed sewers’ part. The only thing he didn’t really enjoy, the stench of the fertilizer that was put on the soil to enhance the growth. He had been blessed to have lived long enough to see the crops grow and be harvested. John had a faint, soft smile as remembered the season of sowing and the season of harvesting.

This old house was what his precious wife had wanted from the Lord. She wanted an old house but never dreamed living in a plantation house that was built in the 1800’s. John shivered as he remembered the mystical spirit chasers showing up at a historical society gala in honor of Terri and him moving in to the grand old mansion. The house held many mysteries and in the mediums opinion many spirits. Many people believed the house was haunted. People would say they saw the ghosts of people of old running across the grounds. The mediums said they could sense the presence of many wandering spirits.

The house was built by John Boone. He served in the parliament in Annapolis, Maryland. Originally He had thirty slaves of his own, living in the slave quarters, right off the main house. What a display of bondage! John grimaced at the thought of bondage. There were chains still in the walls when the house was brought back to life in the 21st century. The heavy object of bondage to punish the slave for all to see the disobedience to the master would instill the fear of his wrath. Fear of the master’s punishment and wrath made it so no one would challenge his authority.

One of the ghost stories told to the family was that John Boone was good to his slaves until his wedding night. No one knows what happened but his bride hung herself on the tree in front of the house. After that he went insane tortured his slaves and then ended up killing some of them. People say there is often heard a single musket shot, which was the shot he had saved for himself because, one day he voted against slavery. He had been humiliated and chased out of Annapolis, with men shooting pistols at him. All the stories have him dying somewhere on the property.

John smiled at the thought of freedom. Freedom the one thing mankind had been fighting for since the beginning of time. John winced at the thought of the two wars he had fought in, the Vietnam War and the fight for a life of freedom. John thought more on the war that John Boone had fought; the fight for the black people to have life in abundance and to be free. With a deep sigh, John realized he too was dying because of freedom. He had been a man of valor fighting for the Vietnamese people. Wanting freedom for total strangers, yet doing it at the time because it was his duty. It was his job. John pondered the question his wife had asked, Knowing you would die from Agent Orange, would you still have volunteered to do two tours in Vietnam? Without hesitancy he had answered, Yes. Shaking the thoughts out of his head, his body responded jerking. He felt his wife’s hand rubbing his head. He fell asleep.

When John woke up his mind began wandering again. He thought about the ghosts of the past. If the walls could talk what kind of stories would be told? Not believing in haunting spirits, yet remembering one night in particular. Not knowing any of the details when the family moved in, a real fear was instilled in a little girls’ heart. Kaylie was looking out her window one night. With terrified screaming, fear poured forth out of this young girl. She saw a lady walking down the driveway in a soggy dirty torn wedding gown. She had a noose around her neck, as she walked down the long drive way headed to the tree. On foggy nights people said there was a little girl seen running across the road. What past events had happened in this place to leave such a haunting throughout history, John wondered?

Then John remembered the marks on the fireplace in his bedroom. John had a ghost story of his own. The fireplace had been redone like the rest of the house yet, when he found out the Agent Orange cancer was back, the first spot showed. Doctors were sure they had gotten all the cancer when they took out his kidney, yet a speck showed up on the fireplace the day the news is told, cancer in the pleura of the lungs. Terri had tried over and over to wash the mark off the wall, but to no avail.

John remembered watching the line grow. John thrashed his leg as he felt each excruciating breath. John cringed as he remembered seeing two new lines when he had almost died twice. Was that not what he did when he was in Vietnam when he would score a kill? He would make a mark on the gun butt. John recalled turning ash white, realizing the ghost of his past had come back to haunt him. He was being sent out the way he had sent others. Death was gloating; another was to bite the dust.

John had a shiver run down his spine when he remembered the interesting marks on the fireplace mantle. The landlord took a sample of the mark off the wall to have it analyzed. To John and Terri’s horror it was dried blood. John was curious to know, was it his blood? He was mortified to see each time he almost died, which was twice, a new line would appear on the mantle? The three mysterious haunting dried blood lines held an unusual grasp of fear, bringing the fact of his death to a climax in reality.

Why the torment of impending death? The battle to beat death and live to tell of God’s bringing back to life is what John so desired to tell. He realized he was tired of fighting and just wanted to be totally healed. Not wanting any more battles, he chased the thoughts out of his mind.

John gazed around the room as if he was trying to memorize every detail. Thinking on his humble castle he had been blessed with, was easier to think on. The main house had been redone. They had put central air and heat in the house. The place was massive and with fireplaces even in the bedrooms everyone felt like they lived in a mansion. That is until black snakes would get in the house. Mice would crawl in the second floor and get trapped under the floor boards, and then they would die. Leaving the stench of death in Kaylie’s bedroom, no one wanted to stay in her room. Tears rolled down John’s face as he thought about his precious princess.

His little girl had already experienced more sorrow in her little life than most kids do in a lifetime. Born with a genetic disorder caused from Agent Orange, Kaylie was born handicapped. Oh his poor baby, having to work so hard just to walk. Kaylie had already fought many battles to fight for freedom from deformity. A disease called nail-patella syndrome. How can this be fair losing her father at eleven? John cried as he agonized from his heart with sorrow for his daughter. What kind of life would she have now? He knew she was strong in some ways and yet so frail in others. As John cried, he felt his own pain. As he wreathed the pain, once again he passed out.

Only hours away from going home to Glory, John woke up again. Realizing he was still in physical torment, John was facing death in an old mansion that held the stench of death. John felt the cold. John tried getting his blanket. He found he couldn’t move a muscle. There were drafts all over this old house. Not only were the critters of the world able to come into the house, the cold wind gust could be felt through the windows and the doors. It seemed to John as if the bricks had become blocks of ice. If only I had fixed this up for my family. Lord, I can’t go home yet. There is still too much to be done. Too many things left undone. With all these things, the fear of leaving his family behind caused more anguish in John’s soul. He wasn’t afraid to die. He was afraid for those he was leaving behind.

He knew the anguish of death. He had lost his mother when he was thirteen. He understood the agony and suffering they would go through. Tears rolled down John’s face as he considered the battles his three children would face. Had he taught them what they needed to know in order to help them fight the good fight? Had his children learned more of his good qualities or his bad? Would they value what he had become or would they treasure his old lifestyle? This lifestyle had become an answer for deep seeded pain and sorrow.

After his mother had died at the age of thirteen, John was passed from relative to relative because John had become hard to work with. He felt rejected and unloved. No one could understand this boy who had become an uncontrollable angry lonely child. Running away and joining the military at the age of sixteen with his father’s signed consent, John felt like he had found his calling, killing the enemy. Through battles of two tour in Vietnam and facing his health issues, would Terri be able to stand faithful to the Lord? Would she keep the children together through the battles? He ached to think his children could be separated because of the battles they would face. Was Terri going to be able to deal with three teenagers? Would they stand strong or would they crumble in the day of adversity?

John had fought for life. Would his children? Would his beautiful bride? She had taught him the faith, but would her faith be shaken? Would his death be a stumbling block or a stepping stone of courage in the faith? Then the Father spoke softly, John, come home son. I want to answer all your questions, but I also want you to be able to see my goodness and grace poured out on your family. Come sit right here by me. You’ll be able to see a lot clearer. Do you remember the vision I gave you years ago? John answered, Which one Lord? Where souls would be saved like screen doors on a submarine. answered Jesus. The time is now. I will take you home, so you can see your family be used powerfully in spreading the message of grace".

Oh please Jesus, please let me say good-bye to my children and my wife. I haven’t been able to talk to them for four days. My speech has been taken from me. Loosen my tongue and let me speak once more. I didn’t get to say good-bye to my mother. It hurt so bad Daddy. I don’t want them to hurt like I did. I want to let them know one more time, I love them, John pleaded.

The hour came when no longer was there the fight. Surrounded by his children and his wife, John opened his mouth and spoke, I love you, Kaylie. I love you, Terrance and Jeremy. Take care of your mother. She is going to need you. Terri, I love you. Let me go. As he lay gasping for his last good-byes, the gurgling from drowning in his own fluid that had built up in his lungs, a strange peace came over his face. He crossed over the river Jordon and rose up out of the river of the water of life in the heavens. As John came up, he noticed it was crystal clear flowing from the throne of God. There was a sunny hue of radiance surrounding him, as this father was taken home to his Father.

He arrived at his new mansion, which was especially built for him. There were no ghosts or haunted scary secrets. There were only secrets of the kingdom that Jesus had wanted to share with John. Secrets that would bring joy to his heart, some he had received on earth. He was going to receive the rest for eternity, starting in his today. The first day of seeing and hearing at the literal feet of Jesus.

There would be no cold drafts and no sliding serpents to cause fear and anxiety. The stench of death would no longer be able to permeate into his senses. Amazingly, he felt no pain. There was a strange and interesting peace like he had never felt. He looked around. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Everything was bright and beautiful. He was finally in the presence of the Holiest of Holies. Wanting to fall to his knees in reverence, instead he ran to his Father and hugged him. Tears of joy rolling down his face, John exclaimed, I love you, Abba Father! Thank you for choosing me to be your son.

Now seated in the mighty crowd of witnesses John was about to see his children from a different vantage point. He was going to see from the heart and mind of God. He was going to watch seeds that were planted, good and bad, grow. John had shown unconditional love, which caused the seeds of love and compassion to be planted in good soil. He taught his children the faith in Christ Jesus. John would see God’s promise be fulfilled, raise up a child in the way he should go and when he grows old he will not depart from it. He would watch the unfailing love of the Father be poured out on his family. The rain of righteousness was going to be showered upon the Fathers’ loved ones. The tears John shed for his children on the earth was nothing he was about to shed in the heavens. In the END, the Father would wipe away all tears. There would be rivers of tears shed for these precious children that John adored. The tears the Father had already cried in the Garden of Gethsemane. The tears of the father were going to be shared with the Father.

CHAPTER 2

Righteous Seed Grows Through the Filth

JOHN SAT IN AWE AS HE sat at the feet of Jesus. Jesus’ eyes shown with kindness as he taught the great crowd of witnesses. With tenderness and compassion, he taught the message of the heavens above, to all those who had chosen Him through the generations. He shared with them, how most of them never found real peace and victory over battles because they did not comprehend the mercy seat. The message so very different, than the messages John was used to hearing. Looking around the crowd, Jesus could see the bewilderment on His children’s faces.

Jesus told the crowd, how John had desired to see life grow from a seed. He told the crowd, he was that seed. He had to die in order to bring forth new life. One must die to self in order to give power for the pure seed the ability to grow. The new seed of faith is of a pure seed of Christ’s righteousness. A seed that cannot be mutated or changed will produce a virtuous fruit; the seed that is incorruptible. The holy seed sewer had planted a pure seed therefore the fruit would be righteous through right faith. The rotten smelling manure was needed for the seed to grow stronger and healthier. The rotten waste in the spiritual realm is the things we allow in our lives that brings rottenness to the soul. The attitudes and deep seeded condemnation, causes people to look for answers in the wrong places.

Then Jesus reminded his loved ones, " I allowed you all to choose what you wanted to follow, but what you didn’t see was I wooed each one you to me. The deeper the filth, the more you saw the redemption. You all came to a place; you wanted me. The physical eye sees the filth a person is living in and the stench of living in sin. Even religion can be a waste if one is looking at his own good works. The stench turns people away from helping the one in need, yet the seed of righteousness goes deeper and stronger. The pure seed grows through the filth. I continued to churn the manure with my grace till the soil was right for the seed of faith to take hold. As the plant began to grow, some of you continued to throw scoops of your good works on my pure seed contaminating the fruit.

Jesus taught about the rain of righteousness. The lesson could be found in the Bible out of Isaiah 45:8, but somehow hearing the message from the one who showed ultimate grace, John’s heart melted. Jesus said to the crowd," let the clouds shower righteousness down. Let the earth open wide. May salvation spring up and my righteousness grow with it; I the LORD, have created it. The rain of grace showered down on a seed eventually brings forth a plant that brings forth fruit of royal virtues.

The Father is the vinedresser; the vine is me working in and through the manure to produce a new fruit. The grace being sometimes showered other times sprinkled on man. It is a moment when moisture is sent down from the atmosphere from the heavens above to the fresh cut fields. I am constantly cutting the field, which I will explain another time."

John began to understand the message of grace. It was nothing of man and his good works. It is all about Jesus and what he is doing now. All he wanted from man was a believing heart in a loving God who fulfilled all the requirements of the law and now wants to pour out his unfailing love on his children. The rain of undeserved kindness may be a gentle rain while other times the rain may be surrounded by storm clouds that are heavy and dark, and the rain of grace is stronger during the storm. Listening with divided attention, John heard, So often my loved ones only see the terrible things going on around them, but do not see my many loving kindnesses that I give through the storm. John realized he was only looking at the storm brewing because of his death instead of looking at the gifts of love that the Father was giving to his loved ones.

John knew his family was going through a dark heavy storm, filled with hail and lightening. John understood Jesus was telling them his grace was greater than the storm. The moments of weakness and discouragement were already with droplets of grace to help his loved ones through. John also realized each one of his loved ones were going to shovel manure on the dirt, but the righteous plants would grow through it all and make them strong and healthy, for they all had seeds sown in faith.

John began to weep at the loving kind words. Jesus took his hand and reminded John, "I love them too. I will carry them through till they are able to stand up and start walking again. They belong to me even if they fall down for a period time. I will