Throwing Stones: Parental Child Abduction Through the Eyes of a Child

By Ken Connelly

Recent stories of long-term abduction have flooded our current news. Everyone wants to know why children stay with their captor even when opportunity presents itself. The media scrambles to get expert and eye witness interviews. We place the child in front of a camera to get that smile of relief. We fail to look deeper and ask the real important questions. The young boy stands there confused and afraid. They have just been ripped from all they know, captivity.

That is all about to change. In reading the life story of a former abducted child and revisiting one of the first national cases of child stealing in America, Throwing Stones; Parental Child Abduction Through the Eyes of a Child gives a dark narrative look into the life of a seven year old boy ripped from all he knows, and later returned to a life of hell at the age of eleven.

His baby was brother raised to hate a woman he was too young to know. His older sister consumed with her own inner turmoil turns violently on him. Left alone to find his own way he befriends anyone who will give him a sense of self worth. A peaceful and quiet child at the beginning; little Kenny learns to lie, steal and attack anyone who he thinks is a threat. Scared to trust anyone, Kenny goes inward to protect himself. Infected with an internal struggle to hold on to dying memories of a loving mother ripped from him, he gives in. After many lies, little Kenny starts to protect the man he fears most, his Father. Regardless of his outward environment, he finds hope and strength from within.

Clear and sobering, this is long overdue. No other book has been written from the childs perspective concerning Child Theft. This case takes place before there was the National Center for the Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC). His abduction was the first to involve a multi-state-manhunt and the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jan 29, 2009
• ISBN: 9781440104428

Ken Connelly

Ken Connelly is an author, national speaker, and child advocate. He has testified and lobbied for child human rights issues in different state legislatures and the United States House of Representatives. Ken and his brother were one of the first interstate parental child abduction cases to result in a successful recovery and felony conviction. Ken has spoken before the Texas and Florida State Legislatures, law enforcement agencies, and child protective services. He has lobbied at the state and federal level on issues close to his heart and childhood experience. Ken is also an expert witness on parental child abduction, parental alimentation and abuse. Ken volunteers his time writing press releases, commentaries and articles for organizations that represent left-behind parents and abducted children. Ken is a member of the Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ), Texas District and County Attorney Association (TDCAA), American Society of Public Administrators, Pi Sigma Alpha (the National Political Science Honor Society), and Delta Alpha Pi (honor society for students with disabilities). Ken is also a fraternal member of Pi Kappa Phi, where he served as a Iota Xi chapter advisor at the University of Texas at Dallas. Ken is proud of PKP’s nonprofit charity, PUSH America, which helps provide assistance to the disabled. Ken served as a student board member for his university’s John Marshall Pre-Law Society. While at the University of Texas, Ken interned as a paralegal with the Collin County prosecutor’s office and worked as a Research Assistant in graduate school. Ken returned back to school through the Veterans Affairs Vocational Rehabilitation program for disabled veterans. In four years, Ken completed an Associate of Art’s from Richland College; a Bachelor’s of Art, and fast-tracked a Master’s of Art from the University of Texas at Dallas. While in college, Ken often traveled across the country to assist organizations and agencies in understanding the effects of parental child abduction and parental alienation. Ken often competes as a challenged athlete and in 2012, was awarded a certification as a personal trainer from NESTA. Ken lives with his family in beautiful Montana. Ken plans to complete his doctorate in social & public policy in the near future. Ken spends his free time hiking, cross-country skiing and kayaking with his dog, String.

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Copyright © 2009 by Ken Connelly. All rights reserved.

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ISBN: 978-1-4401-0441-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4401-0442-8 (ebook)

Printed in the United States of America

iUniverse rev. date: 1/19/09

Dedication  

I have dedicated this book to every child who has ever experienced Parental Child Abduction or a traumatic event leading to the loss of trust. So many of us hide a dark and dirty secret; unable to put into words. We do not know why we live in survival mode. This book is for you. Learn from those around you. Take what is good and make it your own. Take what is bad, flip it and learn from that as well. You have the divine gift inside you. Evolve, adapt, and learn from life’s curveballs. Finally, grow in love.

For my children, you are the reason I get up and speak with those willing to listen and make change. May the world you inherit be all you desire. Let your childhood be full of innocence and imagination. Most importantly, I love you with all my heart and soul. You have taught me how to be a child. Through your eyes I have experienced truth, innocence and laughter.

For my wife, Lin what can a man say, thank you. You pushed me when I wanted to run and forget. You have shown me trust. I have learned what a real family is and can be like. Your family has taken me in as one of their own and been there for me when no one else would. I have learned that love is patient, slow to anger, unbiased and forgiving. You dealt with my mood swings and depression writing gave me. You even put up with my choice of music, repeatedly. I cannot imagine my life without you. When strength failed, you gave yours. I could not ask for a more perfect partner to spend my life with.

For the social worker, lawyer, school counselor, police officer, lawmaker, advocate, spiritual leader and student of human behavior, may this be a tool, an inner window into a world rarely observed; the mind of a kidnapped child.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Preface

Introduction

One

Midnight Run

Two

Three

Four

Five

White Wash

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Night Terrors

Eleven

Twelve

Subtle Differences

Thirteen

Fourteen

David and Goliath

Fifteen

Peter and the Wolf

Sixteen

Self Destruction

Seventeen

Eighteen

Nineteen

Bobby

Twenty

Twenty-One

Self-Punishment and Catfish Lake

Twenty-Two

Twenty-Three

Not Again

Twenty-Four

Transitions

Twenty-Five

Twenty-Six

A Reel, a Hook and a Worm

Twenty-Seven

Twenty-Eight

Welcome to Texas

Twenty-Nine

Thirty

Rebellion

Thirty-One

Thirty-Two

Thirty-Three

Stupid Dog and Strangers In My Home

Thirty-Four

Thirty-Five

Thirty-Six

Kenny Womack

Thirty-Seven

Thirty-Eight

Something Terrible

Thirty-Nine

A Forgotten Scent and the Turning Point

Forty

Forty-One

Stoned

Forty-Two

Forty-Three

Summer Camp and John’s Apocalypse

Forty-Four

The Connelly Bunch

Forty-Five

Forty-Six

The Glue that Binds a Family

Forty-Seven

Forty-Eight

Farm, Home and Cemetery

Forty-Nine

Fifty

Jumping Pond Fish

Fifty-One

Chiggers and the Setup

Fifty-Two

Fifty-Three

Thanksgiving Anticipation

Fifty-Four

Fifty-Five

Vanishing Sister and Terrified of the Dark

Fifty-Six

Dad’s Dirty White Shirt and the Great Chase

Fifty-Seven

Fifty-Eight

Fifty-Nine

Sixty

Crochet Promise and a

Familiar Scent

Sixty-One

Sixty-Two

Lights, Camera, Pretend

Sixty-Three

Sixty-Four

Homecoming

Acknowledgments 

Beth Alberts, thanks for keeping me involved and sticking my face out there any time you were able to give me a platform. You taught me how to navigate in this new world I have entered. You are a real friend and a fellow warrior. Keep up the fight. I am always a phone call away.

Josef Cannon, at first you really got under my skin. My eyes were so narrow. I held on to this little project like a lost child. They say it is often better to step out and view things from another perspective. You are that perspective. You allowed me to see this crime from a point of view I could never understand. Your invaluable insight and experience helped me rethink many aspects for this book. Thanks for dealing with my stubbornness I am forever indebted. You are a tireless parent that deserves everything you have worked so hard for. The world is a better place because of you. You have my respect and admiration.

My Brother Sam, I am proud to know you as my brother. You are an example of what it takes to be a great father. You have my upmost respect.

I also want to thank my parents. I have learned both good and bad things from them. What was good I have tried to make my own. What was bad, I have endeavored to learn from and in that, make better. We as parents make our decisions based upon what we were taught as children.

Many organizations have shaped my involvement in Child abduction. I want to thank them for the opportunity to learn and be allowed to speak.

Most importantly, without God I would never have made it to this phase in my life. I would not be here today if it was not for God’s protection.

"Throwing Stones presents an important and sobering perspective on the issue of child abduction, offering unique insights into the terrible physical, emotional and psychological toll abduction inflicts on the innocent. Ken Connelly’s book is a must read for anyone wanting to learn about overcoming victimization, ultimately realizing the personal strength to triumph over adversity and help others heal from tragedy."

– New York State Assemblyman James N. Tedisco, co-author of Missing Children: A psychological approach to understanding the causes and consequences of stranger and non-stranger abduction of children.

Ken has written an important book discussing our ‘dirty little secret’ - that children are more often abducted by a parent, not a stranger. A parent who abducts a child in violation of a custody order does so out of revenge. The issue is power and control, with little concern for the child's best interests. The issue of parental abduction has received very little attention in our country and it's time to bring this discussion out of the courtroom and into the public forum. ~Beth Alberts CEO, Texas Center for the Missing (formerly Gabriel's Gifts Missing Children's Organization

Preface 

I must first start out by saying it is not my intention to demonize or anglicize individuals in this story. The fact is this is the story I never wanted to write. Only after spending time speaking and trying to educate others about this hidden and often overlooked crime did I decide to put it into print. I have overcome many things in my life. Still this one issue, the one thing I have refused to deal completely in my life with was Throwing Stones.

In 2006 My Brother found an organization that dealt with the true victims of this type of crime, the child. Soon I found myself on the phone with Take Root. I talked with the voice on the other end for two hours. Our stories were the same but different. Suddenly a black thick blanket lifted from me. A dirty secret I harbored shed from me and at thirty-three, I felt somewhat complete for the first time. Sadly, a sense of guilt came over me, for I have been raised to bury and not think or talk about my childhood.

I talked with my brother about my phone conversation. Sam wanted nothing to do with this thing I found myself on. I respected that. Who really wants to rip up old scars? I researched the subject as best I could. My wife and I talked. My wife is my best friend. I told her I wanted to get involved. Not just wave a flag but really make a change. What was missing? The answer, a twenty-eight year old case study on Parental Child Abduction. To do this I would have to hang my dirty laundry out the window.

I changed some of the names in this story. I spent two years putting this book together. I researched court documents, pictures, and news clippings. Under the Freedom of Information Act and Public Records, these documents were not difficult to locate. The process was long and tiresome. I asked those willing to talk about their involvement during those years. Painstakingly I put it all down into a basic format. There were many short stories I could have kept, but did not bring back memories for me. They belonged to others and did not flow from the first person point of view I desired. I cannot speak for others since this is about my experience. After careful drafting and redrafting, this is the final manuscript. The story occurs between 1980 and 1983

In order to provide the most accurate story part of it came from conversations with both of my parents, relatives and other individuals at different periods in time. I spoke with past schoolteachers, neighbors and co-workers. It is my memory and the memory of others who lived it with me. I have tried very hard to keep the story as accurate as possible. When in doubt, I made additional phone calls to verify

Armed with all night writing sessions, Pink Floyd and a nice quiet room I committed to paper this story. This is not the only story, just mine. If you asked my brother, he may have a different view. After all, we are two individuals and Sam is five years my junior. Point of view is a large partner in any story. Dad had his reasons and Mom had a different one. Both parents prayed to God. Both believed in what they were doing. Both believed God to be on their side and to vindicate them. In the middle were two little boys kidnapped and lost in a very large world. With them was an older sister neither stolen nor missing. She was just there sharing in their abyss of confusion and broken trust.

Although I no longer have a relationship with my Father or other family members there is no malice. I have learned to forgive and love those that would cause injury or pain. I truly believe if you want to understand people who victimize, kidnap or hurt others you need to ask the right questions. We need to examine their past and present life experiences. What made them think, feel and act the way they do. How did their own childhood environment affect their decisions? It is in this spirit I write this book.

I have provided adequate space in each chapter for taking personal notes. You can read this book as a simple story or you can compare chapters. I have tried to refrain from a biased storyline. A child does not have the maturity to examine with adult eyes his/her environment. Children by nature are selfish. Their instinct to survive outweighs all other needs. By living in such an environment, their basic social, moral and family value can become twisted or completely lost. There is a saying: You can forgive the bank robber but you do not let him work in the bank. To my knowledge, this book is accurate and true.

Just like many other cases, the defense team uses the victim to help their side. I took them to protect them. The fact is it is a crime, a felony. We use children as pawns. We hurt other parents by hurting the child. No one really stops and asks, What did the child experience? As a parent I am guilty myself of looking over my child’s feelings. It is my error. I believe the best way to make change it to listen to those still crying. Children who can still here the stones that were thrown into their lives.

***

What is water? Scientifically it is the elements of two hydrogen’s and one oxygen; molecular agreements between these elements living in harmony. Electrical charges pass through water making it conductive to change. Water can be a solid, a gas and a liquid. Interestingly only in the liquid state can it support general life in an environmental setting.

Water is the great chameleon. You can pour it in a glass and it takes the shape of the glass. Pour it on the ground and it will spread and cover that surface. Pour it into a porous vessel then freeze it. It will expand until it destroys that vessel. Open your palms and wave your arm under water and it will give resistance. Fill a valley or earthen impression with water and it will become a lake or pond. Now take that pond or lake and add fish, amphibians, mammals and plant life and you have an environment.

This basic elemental compound now has become a self-contained ecosystem. The roots of trees spread out to be touched by it. Beavers build earthen homes around it. Birds and mammals drink from it. Plants grow in it and reach up to the sun for substance. Simply, water has the ability to contain life.

Family is like a small body of water. Everything you learn, experience and feel happens in that water. You are clothed and nurtured in this metaphorical body of water. For a child, it is a very safe and secure pool of cool calm water. That security comes from the tight bonds developed through family and friends. As the child grows they complete the circle and start anew.

When someone takes a large rock and throws it in, you get a splash. That splash disturbs the water. It creates wakes and ripples. It destroys the harmony that comes from its natural state. That splash disturbs the basic system of life in the water. Just like that, what once was is forever changed in a single act. Something new is added to the recipe that molds the child for the rest of his/her life.

This is my pool of water. Here is the rock thrown in my childhood pond. It was not thrown by a stranger or by a passing acquaintance. It was thrown by someone who shared the highest level of security, trust and love for the child; the parent. This story is about being ripped from all a child knows. It shows how throwing stones leaves a child without the basic foundation of trust, security and peace.

A stone is more than a rock or pebble. It is calling the other parent vicious names, telling lies about them and attempting to erase that parent from the child’s mind. It is physically steeling the child in an attempt to hurt the other parent and covet the child as property or chattel. It is actively attempting change the course of that child’s life by placing stones in the body of water to alter its natural course of life.

In 2007, my wife and I made a small trip to Orange, California. There at Mile Square Park I fell to my knees and cried. I played here. This was once my old stomping ground. Everything was the same. I knew it, I felt it, and I came home. After twenty-seven years I was home.

Introduction 

Over the years I have often thought about the events that lead up to my father’s decision to kidnap his children. His actions came out of what many would call ‘left field’. Just a few weeks before his decision Dad often rambled on about how God told him we would all be a family again. After the end of many weekend visits with him, He managed to sit next to my mother on the couch. Little things like a kiss from my mother gave him the fire to believe his dream of a future reunion. A man who once let ‘life’ roll off his shoulders now was consumed with a dead passion.

Mom, nine years Dad’s junior reached a point in her life the previous year where she needed a life change. While Dad worked as a supervisor for his father-in-law in a construction company, His wife worked as the choir director for a local church. Her choir consisted of one hundred and twenty members. The two seemed to have reached a positive level in both their careers. They appeared externally to be a textbook marriage. Mom’s heart and eyes wandered. Was this really, what she wanted in her life? Was this the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with? In early 1980 she