Before I Loved Her, I Healed Myself: Memories and Discoveries of a Boy Evolved into a Man

By Stephen E. Hooks

Raised by a single mother and a product of the Rion Lane housing project in Cincinnati, Ohio, author Stephen E. Hooks narrates both his memories and his discoveries as he struggled throughout the course of his life to establish his identity as an African American man.

Before I Loved Her, I Healed Myself reveals Hookss challenging childhood growing up without a strong male role model, the compelling influence of the women in his life (including his mother and grandmother), his foray into drug trafficking, and his playboy lifestyle. It exposes the deepest wounds he acquired on his lifes journey and examines his quest to find the meaning of manhood.

This memoir presents one mans chronicle of self-discovery in the process of finding love and purpose in life; its story about pain, healing, restoration, and redemption. Via Hookss emotional story, Before I Loved Her, I Healed Myself shows that transformation and personal growth are possible.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Dec 22, 2011
• ISBN: 9781450299718

Stephen E. Hooks

Stephen E. Hooks is an artistic entrepreneur and is a licensed barber, licensed massage therapist, certified personal trainer, and certified nail technician. Hooks was born in Cincinnati, Ohio. This is his debut book.

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Copyright © 2011 by Stephen E. Hooks.

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ISBN: 978-1-4502-9973-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4502-9972-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4502-9971-8 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011962927

iUniverse rev. date: 06/29/2012

Dedication

This book is dedicated to the young woman who showed me love and affection in my days of darkness and the woman who became my W.O.D Woman of Desire in my days of light.

CONTENTS

Introduction

Inspiration and Revelation

Moment of Clarity

PART I

Memories

Chapter 1

The Beginning

Chapter 2

Childhood

Ma and Me

Chapter 3

Playboy

Young Adult

Boy played

Chapter 4

Relationships/Girlfriends

Danae and Me

Chapter 5

Mentors

Chapter 6

Hooks Reunion (History)

Hooks Revelations

PART II

DISCOVERIES

Chapter 7

Forgiveness

Therapy

Recovery/Reparation

Chapter 8

Passion

Sex, Lust, Love

Chapter 9

HEALING

Woman of Desire W.O.D

Chapter 10

Still Evolving

Now What!

Acknowledgements

Man’s Treasure

Thanks Ma!

FOR THE RECORD (4 W.O.D)

Introduction

Inspiration and Revelation

Before writing this book I held it in my mind for over a year. I procrastinated writing because it would require me to be vulnerable sharing intimate details of my soul. I was uncertain if raw honesty regarding my personal life would bring condemnation or praise.

One day, while cutting hair at my barbershop, I was inspired by Mr. Steve Harvey discussing his new book Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man on The Oprah Winfrey Show. The audience was full of women with several questions about men, and Mr. Steve Harvey responded by referring to his book.

Yes, Ms. Winfrey gets airtime in my Barbershop and I enjoyed watching that show. I laughed until my stomach hurt, hearing Steve Harvey’s responses to some of the questions. Weeks after viewing the show, I decided to start writing this book and share my experiences as an evolving man.

BEFORE I LOVED HER, I HEALED MYSELF reveals my soul as a man, evolving from a wounded boy into a healthy man by divine healing and self-discovery. I open my soul as a cardiologist does when repairing a human heart. The reader will witness, the process of my redemption, restoration and healing. The first miracle I experienced took place within my soul, now I have the capacity, to love HER.

I confess I am not a perfect man by any means, but I desire to be a wealthy man, spirit, soul, and body. Not perfect in regard that I do not make mistakes, but perfect in respect that I am working on my evolution. For this purpose, I have chosen to write this book, to offer myself as a living example, a man once bleeding with open wounds and dis-eased in the core of my soul, now I am restored and healthy in heart and soul.

The book consists of two parts: Memories and Discoveries. I use this format because to understand someone you must begin with their history. Memories give a personal record of childhood events and builds a bridge from past to present. Discoveries reveal what I learned and practically apply as an evolving MAN.

On my journey to enlightenment, I discovered many treasures that brought me overflowing wealth in context of a healthy soul. I found treasures of peace, healthy self-esteem, self-knowledge, and love. I have secured these jewels in my heart therefore liberating me from self-deception and falsehood. I reveal my knowledge and understanding, giving a glimpse of my miraculous grace filled evolution from a boy to man.

Moment of Clarity

I do not consider myself the ‘Chosen One’ as it relates to uncovering the mystery of Manhood. My past lifestyle reflects immature decisions and misconduct. I repeat I am not a saint; I am a male who has evolved over time in space into Manhood through redemption and grace. Why did this information come through me? It is because I have the gift of communicating with words and the courage to use self-expression to help heal others. I am cognizant of my spirit nature, which has allowed me to become a liberated Soul fashioned as Man. I wrote this book as one man’s example to help women understand the intricate nature of men. I am one of many men, who have the capacity to be vulnerable and conscious. I created this story to share my life’s journey as an evolving masculine soul. Before I Loved HER, I Healed MYSELF, is a testimony of transformation and offered to show others that personal growth is possible.

Author’s Commentary

Here are a few questions I asked myself

What do I want people to know?

- I want to introduce myself to my audience

- I want single mothers raising boys that there is hope

- I want women to know that men have the capacity of vulnerability

- I want women to know that the maturation into manhood is a process, and some males never mature into manhood

- I want men to know manhood is a development process not a declaration

What do I want people to do?

- Buy the Book and Read the Book and send copies to friends and family

- Discuss the Book

- Create dialogue

- Men to investigate ourselves individually

- Women to be enlightened

What do I want people to feel?

Hope

What is the Intent of the book?

Tell a story of my Healing and Maturation

What Impact do you want the book to have?

Inspire boys and young men to aspire to mature into and through Manhood with understanding

PART I

Memories

To understand a Man you must remember the Boy he used to be.

Stephen E. Hooks

Man is explicable by nothing less than all his HISTORY.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Chapter 1

The Beginning

Through DESIRE a man, having discerned himself (spirit and soul) seeks and experiments with all wisdom. Holy Bible Proverbs 18:1

The Hooks Family Tree is where I discovered my beginning. I’m the great-great-great grandson of Unknown Hooks Moses’s father, great-great grandson of Moses Hooks, great grandson of Edmund Hooks, grandson of James Edward Hooks, son of Steven James Hooks. My name is Stephen Elijah Hooks. I changed my name after an epiphany. Previously, I carried the last name of my mother’s father a man I never met.

I discovered my ancestry inheritance through my father’s lineage. It is extremely important to reconnect with the Hooks name because my root system originates with them. I am connected to them genetically, I inherited good and bad traits from my male ancestors. Through revelation, I discovered a mishap as it relates to my African American history. I have researched various cultures and discovered the sons (man-child) usually inherited the last name of their fathers and ancestors. The name given to the child was honor or disgrace and blessing or curse.

Because of the epidemic, whereas some African American males behave only as sperm donors, unfortunately leaving the parenting responsibility to single mothers a master link (paternal fellowship) has been broken. In some households, the parents never married, those mothers usually gave the child her surname. After diligently searching for answers and understanding, I became more enlightened. The lack of knowledge concerning my paternal Grandfather has bothered me, ignorance creating dis-eases of anger, rebellion, low self-esteem, confusion, and poverty, ignorantly I suffered with identity crisis in my soul. The dis-eases caused me to be lame in my maturation as a man, yet destined to evolve from boyhood to manhood.

My earlier stages of development were challenging without the consistent image of a healthy man to imitate. My dad Steven J. Hooks is a man of great potential, but dealt a discouraging hand of cards in his life. Steve (Dad) chose to sit by the dock of the bay, getting high while wasting precious time. He has spent more time in prison than in civil population. Knowing his history I understand his fate of circumstances better, I am able to love him unconditionally and forgive him for his absence. I believe had Steve (Dad) been a healthy man and played the best game of cards with what he was given, his life would have been more prosperous and my development as a boy-adolescent would have progressed with balanced nutrients. I have no excuses for Steve (Dad) or myself; we are our parent’s choices and self-choices the product of our fortunate and unfortunate circumstances.

The chapters of this book are an amalgamation of scenes from the movie of my life thus far. To the credit of my mother who raised me as a single-mother. I give Thanksgiving to God who has placed many amazing women in my life, especially my Grandmothers. My Aunts have been a significant influence in my development as a male; they nurtured me as a community of divinely appointed women. I am forever grateful to you all. The greatest gift of God for a man is a woman. I have a diverse company of saintly women touch my soul. Let your LIFE speak for you. These are eternal words of my Grandmother Sara.

My evolution into manhood could not have occurred without the presence of a few saintly men. I am favored to stand in their shadow during times of intense heat from the sun of affliction and soul pain.

The book evolved out of passion and inspiration; from two beautiful females, I am thankful to share space and time. One ignited the spark that birthed Desire; the other set me on fire to Love with passion. These experiences helped me grow into Manhood. I desire a heavenly paradise on earth with a woman made uniquely to assist in my continual evolution and revolution. After an experience with Danae, I discovered my wounds from multiple dis-eases within my soul. Years later, an experience