Thank Your X-A Journey from a Breakup to the Awakening

By Hashim Almadani

This book is based on my personal story that pushed me to a new level of confidence, mindset, life experience and relationships.

The book starts with the storytelling of my break-up and all the struggles I went through that became a turning point of my life journey. The chapters of the book were written one by one, exactly at those moments when I was going through all the experiences. I share with you my deepest insights, helping you to:

. work on your mental, physical, social and professional layers to overcome breakdown, emptiness, lack of self-esteem and depression

. take advantage of your break-up to become a better version of yourself

. develop confidence and move to a healthy, satisfying relationship.

After reading Thank Your X, you will deeply understand the symbolic meaning of the X, where the X is an anonymous value of our inner energy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley
• Release date: May 26, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463864562

Hashim Almadani

Hashim Almadani is an entrepreneur, a blogger, and YouTuber. Born and raised in Baghdad, Iraq, he moved to Europe in 2009 where he started a new chapter of his journey. He writes and shares personal stories and insights to help a modern man to overcome challenges. He is known as a controversial speaker on such topics as lifestyle, freethinking, secularism, self-improvement, and relationships. His first book, Emancipation, was published in Arabic in 2016 and successfully sold out in Iraq and other Middle Eastern countries.

Book preview

Introduction

Passion, learning, and a passion for learning—these are the main elements my attention has been focused on throughout my life.

Since I was a kid, born and raised in Baghdad, Iraq, my difficult daily life situation encouraged me to place maximum focus on my own passion in life, and the primary aspect of that passion was always learning. From an early age, I was always hungry to know more, to discover more about life, and, above all, to feed myself with detailed information toward fields and subjects that I was passionate about.

During my teenage years, I was an unusual character to be seen in Baghdad, as I sought to uncover the many truths about why conflict had always been part of my country—why Iraq had always been a war zone. I knew our situation wouldn’t be considered normal in other countries, and I wanted to understand why. I began to read and study about different points of view regarding the country, politics, religion, and society in general.

An appreciation for heavy metal music fed my later passion for becoming a concert organizer. Pursuing that line of work, I traveled to Europe to continue my eager discovery and enjoyment of the world.

Sports, in general, and football, in particular, will always be a favorite passion, one that goes with me wherever I go. I went from being a sports fan in childhood to, when I had grown, falling in love for the first time not with a woman but with a football team: FC Barcelona.

My enthusiasm extended beyond watching my team on TV on the weekends; it factored into my decision to travel to Europe and live in Barcelona. In fact, at the moment I am writing these words on a terrace overlooking my beloved monumental la sagrada familia.

Having started out in a war zone where my family lost everything, I formed a new life from nothing in Europe, learning a new language—Spanish—in the process. All of these transitions did not limit my vision. On the contrary, my goals and passions led me to cofound an association of members of a football club. I was empowered by the feeling that I had found my place with them. Armed with an eager sense of purpose, we made the historical move to be presented in the 2015 presidential election.

What about writing?

I began drawing at age four, and when I was six, I would recreate scenes from movies in my artwork. I enjoyed transcribing the conversation from these scenes into my comic-style drawings. The scene I would frequently depict came from a movie on the US-Vietnam war. My artistic recreation juxtapositioned sad content with a lighthearted style.

From that early period of transcribing scenes from film, I began writing blog posts concerning, on one hand, politics, religion, and social issues and, on the other hand, football. Then I achieved my dream: I published a book, in Arabic, on sociopolitical subjects that drew a comparison between Western society and the conflict Iraqi society. Its title was Emancipation: An Insurgent Thought that Broke its Shackles.

So, why a self-improvement/breakup book now?

The answer is that I have always dived deeply into subjects of interest, seeking the knowledge and wisdom that could help my find solutions, and the subject of breakups is no different. I would like to pass along to readers an account more substantive than simple tips and headlines. Through reflecting on breakups, I have become the best version of myself, and I would like to help others do the same.

By pursuing insight into this topic with a true passion for learning, you and I will come to know more about ourselves and will, in turn, be able to live more fulfilling lives.

Hashim Almadani

***

My relationship

The dealer shuffled the deck of cards and then passed two to each player in a worldwide poker match.

No one knew which player had the highest cards; we players could not see one another’s hand—we could only focus on our own moves. In accordance with the rules of the game, three upturned cards were placed on the table by the dealer after we all finished placing bets.

I was the most motivated player at the table; I had the highest cards: double aces, the ace of hearts and the ace of spades, like the famous Motorhead song, one beside the other.

While all the players were thinking about folding, checking, or raising the bet with the minimum risk, I remained confident. This hand would be mine for sure; I had the perfect couple on the cards, and they gave me the strength to raise my bet, which made every other player think twice before calling On the inside, I was listening to the sound of the triumph before I even thought about what was yet to come on the table. Should I raise ? Or should I play it safe? These were the questions I was asking myself, Then the answer came, and it was: listen, it’s the perfect match, you believe in this couple of cards more than anything; believe in what is in your hand, and play it all. Yes, I shifted all the chips I had reserved during many years of playing safe while waiting for this moment, which I could give it all on one doubtless bet. I called all in and held my couple of cards firmly, knowing they were the strongest cards and that they would allow me to win the game.

At the table were six players. Player 1—his name was Doubts—folded his cards.

Player 2, Fear, folded immediately when he beheld the spark in my eyes and knew that I meant my bet.

Player 3, Reticence, looked in my eyes sharply, paused for a second, and then folded his cards.

Player 4, Distance, answered my call with a smile, took off his glasses, looked at his big mountain of chips, and played with his chips on the table. Smiling at me, he asked if I was sure I wanted to play like this.

I answered him with the highest belief and confidence: Are you seeing something that doesn’t seem to be serious about my call?

He smiled, put his sunglasses again, took a cigarette from his pocket, lit the cigarette, blew the smoke and told me: We will see my friend! For now, FOLD! And with that, he threw his cards on the table. But I will remember you in future games. Be patient.

To be honest, although I was still confident in my cards, I had been scared that Distance would call. He had played the greatest role in past card games; and I was aware of how he could change everything with a single call, with a lucky card on top.

Player 5, named Reality, was last. He really had to think about his choice—all in or fold. He was the type of player who wouldn’t call on a bet if he wasn’t sure of the odds that he would win.

He looked to his cards and then to me, his expression asking, Are you sure about your bet? One of his eyes focused on me, then the other. Then he took a deep breath before looking at his cards a final time.

An old player with a lot of experience, he looked at me deeply and then said, Son, I call you! All in!

Reality’s call made me take a step back, take a deep breath, and wait for the dealer’s pot.

Before he showed his cards—a King of clubs and a 2 of hearts—I showed my strong couple of cards, my aces. This game was mine for sure, I thought.

During that time, the noise of other players stormed the small room we were in.

While the dealer flipped five cards, one after another, my heart pumped hard inside my body, its anxious beat resonating deeper into my soul. My inner voice was telling me, You made your move. Now, it’s all about luck and the cards. You’ll win or you’ll lose. This game is now a duel between you and Reality.

The cards continued flipping.

A 7 of hearts, a 9 of clubs, a Queen of hearts . . . and then the river, a King of hearts, and the King of piston.

Reality won. Reality won the all in; Reality took everything with three kings in the river, triumphing over the pair of aces I’d held from the beginning of the match.

With nothing left, I was out of the game, but before I departed, I shook hands with the rest of the players and wished them luck, as the dealer shot me his bad luck look. Reality turned around and said, Good game, son! But be careful, and patient, next time with calling an ‘all in’ with the blind fold. Poker is like real life: things can change in an instance when you see what the cards can bring you. They can bring you joy, or they can bring misery. Winning is all about believing in the probabilities, and about how to play this game and respect the odds.

I went out as a broken, bankrupt, having lost everything in one shot.

Although I had felt I had the equivalent of a guarantee in my hand, my eagerness and passion were trumped by the winning card played by the number-one expert in the game, Reality.

While I was walking outside the room, and thinking about the way I lost, hissing because I had to go out and never look back, a funny idea occurred to me: if the three kings were the witnesses on the birth of Christ, Reality’s three kings were the witnesses on the most powerful slap that I had in my life until now, and the reason why I gave it all, and this was the main error.

People call the romantic relationship a roller coaster in which feelings and emotions go up and down, and this makes sense; people’s moods and life’s general rhythm are also comprised of ups and downs.

In my relationship with my ex, though, the roller coaster example didn’t apply.

I spent spend more than five years living by myself, trying to achieve my dreams, and in the rapid pace of my day-in, day-out journey, I was focusing on my goals all the time. Maybe this was the reason I didn’t have any trouble meeting, dealing with, and having a good vibe with the opposite sex, whether in terms of friendship or dating. A relationship wasn’t at all in my mind, as I didn’t think I would find someone who could rock my world, as they describe it in novels and drama.

She was gorgeous and tall with curly hair, hazel eyes, and a big smile. She was funny, full of energy and life. It was purely coincidental that she was on her vacation in the city where I lived.

It was the first in my life that I literally fell in love at first sight. Our deep eye contact left me speechless. We met, we clicked, we talked. As we fulfilled our eagerness to know more about each other, a kiss on an unforgettable summer night turned into passionate sex and then love and finally a very deep love.

A long-distant relationship feels much different than a normal one; our connection was mental more than physical, our souls living together when our souls could not, as we counted the days to meet face to face and empower our physical engagement. We engaged in activities I never would have thought about doing it in my life.

It was special—everything was special. During our wine and work Skype calls, we would get very little work done but would talk until she, drunk, would fall asleep with the camera still on. We also tried reading the same book at the same time, but we didn’t end up doing it.

I helped her learn and become strong in Arabic, as she is originally from my country but didn’t know how to speak the language.

She would send me photos of paper cuts with love words written by her, and though the level of writing was that of a six-year-old, it was my joy and my happiness during that time.

When we did see each other, I planned our dates to be very active and healthy. We tried and visited everything during the short visits, from fancy restaurants to the cheapest heavy metal bars in the town. No matter where we visited, we took our joy, laughter, and good vibe with us.

We can’t go further without mentioning sex, can we? Well, there were no romantic candles nor fifty shades of gray.

The feeling that had been transmitted to me through her was immensely positive. This woman had come along and erupted the calm volcano I’d harbored in my body and soul for so long.

The only obstacle in our game was the fourth poker player: Distance.

People say that love is blind, but I don’t believe that. My attitude was not no obstacle can stop us, but more in line with how the Swedenborg Foundation describes it in their YouTube video concerning soul mates:

Distance can make us connect in a different way, in a way that’s more mental, more like a spiritual connection.

Our bond seemed to become stronger day after day, healthiness the only word that could describe our time whether we were physically together or separated by the seas.

Day after day I was convinced that this relationship with this woman was the one I had been looking for a long time. I’ve never told myself, I want a girlfriend. Instead, I held the point of view that to develop a healthy relationship, I needed to meet the right girl and follow cues and triggers from her that pointed to a relationship being the right path for us.

Everything during that time was like a sweet dream, from phone calls to our hours-long Skype sessions in which we supported each other in achieving our goals in our professional and social lives.

Until the distance thing began affecting us, I considered myself a person who could directly face and overcome any difficulties on the way to reaching his goals. I had been trying to transform my life in a way that would fit us as a couple physically separated from one another.

I had never learned or read anything about human behavior or psychology, and I considered everything related to that as total smoking crap.

Since I had these ideas in my mind, the relationship turned upside down.

I did everything I could think of to close the distance gap as it grew and grew, to gain more knowledge to better understand our situation. On a subconscious level, we reached a point where I was the man putting his woman as the center of his life, while she was growing ever more distance, until