Thorns and Roses: A Self-Help Memoir for Women with Sexual Pain

By J. Cole

In this courageous self-help memoir, J. Cole shares her journey of hope and healing after a decade-long struggle with sexual pain. As she shares her journey of navigating not only through physical pain, but also through the emotional and spiritual pain that followed, Cole includes educational tools and tips to give her readers a better understanding of an issue that affects nearly 20 million American women at some point in their lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: J. Cole
• Release date: Feb 22, 2018
• ISBN: 9781947671164

J. Cole

www.thornsandroses.us A portion of the proceeds will benefit the National Vulvodynia Association

Book preview

Praise for Thorns & Roses

This book gripped me and never let me go until the last page. This is a story of perseverance, faith, hope and love, while enduring unbearable private and physical pain. Cole was able to bring me in and allow me to walk by her side on every page. She tells a story that will leave you in tears, awe, inspired and well informed. She gives the reader a wealth of resources to draw upon, and leaves you with a chapter on lessons learned–full of gems you can apply to daily life no matter what your story may be.

– Peggy Belles, author of Peace in Pieces

Cole very transparently shares her personal life experiences … the pain and sorrow, as well as, the pleasure and joy. She engages within the reader smiles, laughter, pain, tears, empathy, and so much more. I read her book from beginning to end quickly ... couldn’t stop ... simply riveted to her story. Whether one’s own challenges are similar to or far different than Cole’s, her gift of sharing her own story is refreshingly inspiring. Her story makes me want to be a better person: More loving, generous, empathetic, tenacious, giving, and so much more, as a friend, relative, mother, wife, and child of God.

– Betty Barnes

Thorns and Roses is full of the courage, candor, and hope that women fighting sexual pain and dysfunction need to hear from someone who has walked in their shoes. Cole does a masterful job relating the ups and downs of her inspiring journey, while giving women powerful tools and tips for their own journey to healing.

– Emma Strande, DPT

Cole is open and honest, not only about her physical issues, but also the emotional, spiritual, and relationship roller coaster she and her husband experienced. At first glance, her story offers hope and encouragement to those with sexual pain, but I believe Thorns and Roses will be helpful for anyone fighting for their health. Were it not for Cole’s tenacity and her willingness to educate herself, she would still be suffering. Healthcare professionals will be challenged to think outside the box and will learn of networks of professionals to which they may refer patients. Cole’s writing style is engaging and will hold your attention, even through the clinical portions of the story. Through Thorns and Roses, she has redeemed her story as she uses the information she learned to reach out and offer hope to those in pain. ‘Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.’ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (ESV).

– Mona Turrell, NC, D PSC

I could not put this book down. Cole writes with a raw passion that is both gripping and intimate–part diary, part thriller. In sharing her intimate journey with others, Cole draws back the curtain on a needlessly private struggle so that others may know they’re not alone. But more importantly, she shares how the endless confusion, disappointments and tireless search for answers were equally painful and isolating. And then, once she found her answers and thought life would finally be normal, she encountered a whole new set of struggles she never anticipated. This book is exhaustively resourceful for anyone suffering with sexual dysfunction, but it’s also a beautiful, eloquent tale of a woman’s quest for self-discovery and the love of a couple who refuse to give up and stop at nothing to heal their marriage.

– Katy Weber, author of Worth It

From the very beginning, I was gripped by Cole’s vulnerable recounting of her journey through tremendous pain and unmatched perseverance. I read the entire book in only two days, staying up late to read because I couldn’t put it down. By the end, I felt like I’d made a new friend and rejoiced with her as she at last overcame her battle with pain on so many levels.

– Jennifer Zimmer, author of 30 Days to Thriving

Cole holds nothing back in expressing the raw emotions and physical pain she confronted–describing each experience with vivid detail. As a woman who has struggled with sexual pain and chronic vulvar pain, I identified with the author–crying with her pain and rejoicing with her triumphs. Thorns and Roses is not just simply Cole’s story, she includes a wealth of educational material on the various treatments she tried for her chronic vulvar pain, relevant medical definitions, and resources for additional information. The chapter authored by Dr. Babb is particularly informative. As such, Thorns and Roses is a great read for women during all stages of diagnosis and treatment, including those who have not yet received a diagnosis. This book is the whole package rolled up into one and a must-read for anyone who is struggling with vular pain, or anyone who is a loved one of someone struggling with related pain.

– Michelle Living, Director of Support Service National Vulvodynia Association

Copyright © 2017 by J. Cole

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher or author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, email the author at [e-mail].

To contact the publisher/author visit www.thornsandroses.us.

ISBN: 978-1-947671-16-4

Scriptures quoted from the English Standard Version of the Bible.

This is a work of nonfiction. The stories in this book are true accounts drawn from the author’s life experiences and have been reconstructed as the author remembered them. Most names and details have been changed to protect identities.

The content of this book is for general education only. Each person’s physical, emotional, and spiritual condition is unique. The instruction in this book is not intended to replace or interrupt the reader’s relationship with a physician or other professional. This book is not designed to diagnose, treat, or prescribe any disease or ailment. Neither the author nor contributors accept responsibility for such use. Please consult a doctor for matters pertaining to your own health.

Every effort was made to provide accurate phone numbers, URL’s, and contact information at the time of publication. The author does not assume any responsibility for errors or changes that occur after publication, or for third-party websites or their content.

Published by DustJacket Press at Smashwords

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

To the 20 million American women who will suffer the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual effects of sexual pain. May our story give you the strength and courage to persevere. There is hope. There are people who want to help. Please do not give up.

And to the healthcare providers who understand and dedicate their careers to treating an issue that has been pushed under the rug for far too long–there are not words adequate enough to describe my appreciation for you. So, I simply say, THANK YOU.

Disclaimer:

This is my personal story. I am not a medical professional. Each person’s journey is unique and it is not my intent to diagnose or treat anyone. If you are struggling, please reach out to your primary healthcare provider. Be advised that neither I nor any of the contributing writers can be held responsible for medical decisions made after reading this book.

Cover

Praise

Title

Foreword

Preface

Abbreviations

Section One: to Inform

Chapter 1: Introduction

Chapter 2: Our Fairytale Begins

Chapter 3: It Glitters, but Is It Gold?

Chapter 4: Sending out an S.O.S

Section Two: to Educate

Chapter 5: To the West We Go

Chapter 6: Provoked Vestibulodynia

Chapter 7: My Vestibulectomy

Chapter 8: The Storm after the Calm

Chapter 9: Mind over Matter

Section Three: to Empower

Chapter 10: Paying it Forward

Chapter 11: Lessons Learned

Conclusion

Appendix A – Nutritional Notes

Appendix B – Choosing Practitioners

Resources

End Notes

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Foreword

Women around the world suffer from painful intercourse, but surprisingly few are public about their pain, their attempts at getting treatment, their frustration with lack of proper care, or their joy in becoming pain free. It is a private condition for many, with women often shielding the situation from their loved ones. In Thorns and Roses J. Cole liter- ally bares all. As a religious woman married to a good man, she shares her story not seeking the reader’s pity nor advice, but hoping to expand the horizons of the reader.

Cole experiences a roller coaster of emotions and physical pain in this recollection of her medical history regarding her sexual function. At times she feels at a loss with herself, with her relationship with her husband, and in her relationship with God. Throughout this book she is open with her thoughts, with her heart, and with her body in order to share her path through the thorns gathering what roses she could find. Now having traversed her path, she hopes her experiences will provide a guide and an inspiration for others–women living with pain, their partners, and their providers.

Thorns and Roses is not only an inspiration, but a resource. It is important that women with sexual pain can re- late to others, but it is even more important that they have hope. In this case the hope is provided by Cole in the form of resources.

While sexual pain is devastating, not finding the right support and care is just as devastating. Education is of prime import. The first step to proper treatment is having a diagnosis. Vulvodynia means pain in the vulva … but what is causing the pain? In Cole’s case she had multiple issues that occurred after her initial surgery which she recounts in her book—not common, but also not uncommon.

Whether or not you are a woman with pain or her partner, whether or not you are a prescriber or a therapist, whether or not you are religious, whether or