Tim Eric Delsin

By Jayson James

TIM is being bullied. No one in high school wants to be known as a tattle-tale and to do so would only make things rougher for him. The repercussions would most likely make him an outcast, and without any friends.

ERIC is frustrated with life. His parents are overbearing and if they ever knew the person he really was, they would throw him out of their house. His friends are not much better, they only like him when he is who they expect him to be.

DELSIN is gay and ready to come out. Unfortunately, life at home is on the brink of falling apart with his parents constant fighting. Admitting the truth could bring his whole world crashing down around him.

Each of these three needs to decide whether the risks of being honest about who they are outweighs the importance of being true to themselves. This could mean ruining life as each of them knows it. Maybe it is better to remain miserable in order to play it safe. On the other hand, doing nothing doesn’t seem to working either.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jayson James
• Release date: Jun 25, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310754647

Jayson James

Jayson James graduated from Western Washington University with a bachelor's degree in education. He was born and raised in Washington State, where he currently lives and teaches. Jayson's interests beyond writing include reading a variety of books, watching movies and drawing.

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Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

More by Jayson James

"Remember that guy who gave up? Neither does anybody else."

-- Anonymous

To anyone who has ever felt ashamed for being themselves.

Chapter 1

Tim

Monday, January 31, 2011

So Mr. Abraham my counselor gave me this spiral notebook to write down my thoughts in. I have no idea what to write about. Still Mr. Abraham is nice and he had me promise to at least give it a try. So here I go. Part of me wonders if he just wants me to have a spot to bitch about how horrible my life is.

When I asked him what I should write, he told me to write about myself and whatever else comes to mind. He insisted that I keep it to myself and someday I might look back on it and write a book. If I did, no one would want to read it. I’d end up calling it Diary of Pathetic Loser or something.

It is spring and for Washington that means pouring down rain most days. Okay, talking about the weather… How lame! Spring break is less than a month away and I cannot wait for it to get here. Then I can sleep in every day and every day is like a Saturday, but only better. My parents are at work during the day and I get the house to myself. My dad will leave me a list of things he wants me to do each week, but it is not too bad. Or at least I hope not. This last summer I had to paint the back fence.

My name is Timothy Ivan Mason. I go by Tim, the abbreviated version of my name and my initials my parents sense of humor, I think. I live in Chandler, a small city about 45-minutes north of Seattle in Washington State. I am an only child. My mom calls me her miracle, being I was born premature and spent several months in the hospital. It wasn’t until I was in the second grade and the doctor once again assured my mom that I was going to grow up healthy that she quit keeping me in such close proximity. My parents tried to have other children, but after my mom miscarried four times they decided to stop trying for more. Two would have been boys, another would have been a girl and the other one was too soon to tell. It’s kind of depressing so I try not to think too much about it.

I am currently a sophomore at Chandler High School. My best friend is Delsin Walker, who lives across the street and is a year older than I am. We met in Ms. Carpenter’s 2nd/3rd grade split class and spent the entire day together, before walking home and discovering we lived across the street from one another. We’ve been the best of friends ever since. There are times when I feel like Delsin is the only friend I have in the world.

My parents are nice people. I just wish they would quit hounding me to get a hobby. They are under the impression that if I do not have something to occupy my time, I am going to get into trouble. For years now, any time I show an interest in anything they are right there willing and ready to buy anything needed to get the hobby started. Legos were my hobby for a few years, but I’ve outgrown them. They now sit in boxes in my mom’s sewing room.

Then my mom got all excited when I asked her about doing a garden and we dug up a large area to plant one. I only wanted a couple of plants, but we ended up with rows and rows of vegetables. Delsin was more into the garden than I was, thus keeping me into it through the season. Only the carrots and peas ended up growing. The next year I was glad when my mom let the grass grow back in. She caught me drawing one day and for months bought me various arts stuff. I would mess around with them but didn’t understand or care much for any of them. My dad is also a nice guy, but he wishes I would play sports. Each season would start with my dad signing me up and dragging me to practices. I hated every one of them and would cry until we left. Unfortunately this led to some of the kids calling me a pansy at school. We went through basketball, soccer, and football and I did not care for any of them. One year during baseball (or was it softball? I don’t know what it was, just that there was a bat and ball, my dad got angry and yelled at me for not even trying. He felt bad about it later, but it was the last time he tried to get me to play any sport. His face still lights up any time I go in to sit with him when he is watching a game.

Eric

Out of my way cocksucker, Eric Fletcher said as he slammed Tim Mason against the wall. Tim was not sure which hurt worse, Eric’s words or smacking my head. As others around stared at Tim, he tried his hardest to take a deep breath and not to cry. He felt relieved this was all that happened.

Eric smirked as his buddies patted him on the back and congratulated him on his actions. He was feeling quite proud of himself when Sheila Banks stepped out in front of him shoving her finger into his chest, Such a big man! Picking on someone smaller than yourself. Eric didn’t say a word as Sheila continued to poke her finger at him, You are nothing but a bully. How would you like it if somebody did that to you? This was not the first time Sheila had jumped to Tim’s defense.

Eric’s heart sank and although he was feeling bad for his behavior, his friends and peers were observing the scene she was making and he knew had to protect himself. I’d kick their ass.

Sheila looked him up and down, which in itself was enough to intimidate Eric. Her eyes stopped at his crotch, It is obvious you are trying to overcompensate for what you are lacking.

Eric could feel his own face redden, The hell I am.

She smiled as the crowd around them began giggling, I was reading just the other day that boys who pick on other boys often do so to cover up for their own inefficiencies. Everyone started busting up with laughter.

Whatever! Eric tried his hardest to be macho when he stalked away. He was thankful his buddies walked along with him in spite of the stares and laughter. Eric was confident that he wasn’t lacking as far as his dick was concerned. Anyone who had PE with him could attest to that. By the end of the day Sheila’s slight triumph would be forgotten by most everyone but Eric knew he wouldn’t forget.

He, Conrad and Keifer had first period English together. They walked into class and took their seats at the back of the room. Conrad commented, Man, Sheila sure made an ass out of you.

Eric shrugged, It’s so like those bitches to stick up for each other.

You should let up on him, Keifer suggested. You know how this school is on bullying. One of these days Tim or someone else is going to tell on you.

Again, Eric shrugged, without saying a word. Chandler High School had adopted a strong stance against bullying, as many other schools had. Being caught would result in suspension and maybe even expulsion. It was well known that narcing out anyone in high school was social suicide. He knew someone like Tim would not be able to handle the scrutiny, so he wasn’t likely to tell. As Mrs. Niemeyer started class promptly after the bell, Eric contemplated the idea of laying off Tim for a bit. He had established his reputation and he was safe for now. By the end of class, Eric had resolved not to pick on Tim for a while.

This plan lasted until the end of PE, the first class they had together and the last class before lunch. The teacher had them run throughout most of class; something Eric hated to do. He had been hungry before class and all of the physical activity made him starving and cranky.

Making the choice to walk the last lap along with Conrad and Keifer meant they were the last into the locker room. They walked in to their classmates in various states of undress. Eric noted that guys will still stand around and BS when it comes to getting changed even with lunch around the corner.

Tim was standing only in his boxers appeared happy with a smile on his face. Eric stood for a moment watching him, still in his sweaty gym clothes. Without realizing it, Eric licked his lips. As he sat and was putting on his socks he noticed Eric and frowned, uncomfortable with the way he was looking at him.

Eric quickly stripped down to his own boxers and went in for the verbal kill. Conrad was beside him, close enough that there was no way he needed to speak as loudly as he chose to do. Check it out! Tim is sporting wood! He’s getting off on all these naked guys in the locker room. Conrad jumped right on in, as he’d known he would, Fag alert! This was followed by other guys looking at Tim and in turn shouting their own taunting remarks as they quickly covered up.

As Tim’s eyes filled with tears he pulled on his clothes as fast as he could while Eric stood, smiling at what he started. Delsin Walker, Tim’s friend who was also a year older than him and a junior, attempted to console Tim, who shrugged him off and tore out of the locker room.

Delsin walked up to him and got right in his face, Why do you have to be such a dick to him?

Eric smirked as he flexed without his shirt on. Because I can.

Delsin took notice of his build and tried to avert his eyes. You used to be friends. What the hell happened to you?

Delsin

Perhaps Sheila Banks had it right when she suggested someone needed to kick Eric Fletcher’s ass Delsin thought standing face-to-face with the prick. If it wasn’t for the fact he wanted to go to lunch and make sure Tim was alright, he would have socked Eric in the face.

Delsin went to Mr. Fenwick, their gym teacher . Mr. Fenwick griped about it but when he heard Delsin was going to check on Tim after what went down, he gave it to him. Mr. Fenwick was the type of guy who went with the path of least resistance. If Delsin was going to deal with the situation he would not have to, so he scribbled out a pass and handed it over, instructing Delsin to use the door students were not supposed to use to exit the locker room.

Practically running, Delsin went into the cafeteria, grabbed two sack lunches and two bottled waters before heading out to the stadium. It was an overcast day and although cool outside, the bleachers were dry. He made his way up the steps, stopping at the top and sitting down below the announcer’s booth. He sat down, putting the two sack lunches and waters on the bench and waited.

Like a hungry stray animal, Tim walked out of the booth and sat down, using his coat to wipe off his tear stained face. Delsin pointed at each of the bags, This one is ham and the other is roast beef.

Beef, Tim said so softly that if he wouldn’t have grabbed the correct bag Delsin wouldn’t have known what he said.

Delsin took the other bag, You okay? He pulled out his sandwich and took a bite.

Tim fiddled around with bag, I’m so embarrassed.

His mouth was full, You need to not let that asshole get to you.

Tim started to cry, I was getting a boner, but there was no way he could have seen it. My boxers are so loose. Delsin glanced over waiting for him to explain. Sheila put her hand on my arm after we finished laps and told me I had a good build. It is the first time she’s ever touched me. You know how much I like her.

Delsin knew all too well. They all had a math class together last year and Tim had been talking about her ever since. Tim had wanted to be near her so badly, that when he found out she was failing math and had to do after school tutoring, he failed quizzes and quit turning in homework until he had to go to tutoring as well. Not that this meant getting to spend any real time with her but for Tim, getting to gaze at her across the room was enough. Sheila had not given Tim any notice until this school year, when Eric took to picking on him.

Tim went on to explain that he hadn’t meant to get aroused but he was thinking about how great it was that not only had Shelia noticed him, but also that she’d touched him. Delsin told him not to worry about it because no one could see he was aroused. He admitted that he knew this because he checked for himself. This put Tim at ease enough to open his lunch bag and begin to eat.

As they ate Delsin kept bringing up various things, such as going to see the new scary movie that was coming out that Tim had mentioned wanting to go see. Tim started to cheer up and talk about how they would have to go see it this weekend. Delsin hoped that by the end of lunch the incident in the locker room would be forgotten. He wished that they had the same class together after lunch so he could protect his friend if anyone tried to mess with him. He wished that he would have gotten to school earlier this morning, knowing Eric would not have pulled the stunt that he had before school if he’d been there. Eric was the typical bully who would cower away from the confrontation. This was why he wished Tim would just stand up to Eric and dish shit back at him. Delsin decided he was going to do everything he could to be sure Tim and him went to school together in the future.

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch and Delsin and Tim walked back towards the school. Delsin stuck with Tim as long as he could before heading off to his own class. He gave serious thought to going to the office and reporting Eric for bullying but Tim had begged him not to.

He could remember a time when he thought Eric and Tim were going to be best friends and he would be the one booted out of their circle. He wondered if things would have turned out differently if it had been him and not Tim that showed up at Eric’s house that summer afternoon. He’d found Tim in the park by their house, sitting under a tree with his shirt off and scrunched up under a bloody nose. Tim was crying and all he would say was that Eric punched him and told him he didn’t want to ever be friends again. That was all he would tell him. He was worried about going home and having his mom see the blood.

Delsin had persuaded Tim to come home with him, where he’d cleaned him up, gave him a new shirt and put an ice pack on his nose. Tim never did say what had happened nor did Eric when he called asking if Delsin had seen Tim because he so badly wanted to apologize. Tim didn’t want to talk to him and they did not see Eric the rest of the summer. When they went back to school, Tim was still in middle school and Eric pretty much kept his distance from Delsin.

Chapter 2

Tim

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Today started out bad and got worse from there. I was minding my own business this morning when that asshole Eric started picking on me. As I’ve had time to think about it, I am unable to take comfort in the fact he and his friends did not hit or kick me. Why the hell should I? They shouldn’t be doing anything to harm me. I think if they were given the chance they would do worse. This should be enough for me to go and report them, but I am simply scared of the repercussions. I just don’t know what to do.

The good thing was that Sheila Banks jumped in and made him look like a fool. She touched my arm and told me she was sorry Eric did that to me. I could smell her perfume on me all through first period and could not get her out of my mind so I daydreamed about her instead of paying attention in class. I know she is a year older than I am, but so is Delsin and he doesn’t care. I wondered if she would go out with me if I asked? My hands are sweaty just thinking about it.

In between first and second period, Eric walked by me. Usually he would knock my notebook out of my hands or punch me in the arm. Today he walked by and didn’t do anything and I know he saw me. I thought that maybe Sheila put an end to him picking on me once and for all. Then in gym he didn’t bug me in the locker room or out on the track. I passed him twice when we were running laps.

Sheila and I finished laps at the same time today. She actually finished before me, but waited for me. Then she told me she thought I was strong and felt my arm. I got all excited and know my face turned red. I felt dizzy. I think she was flirting with me. I know I was flirting with her but trying to be subtle with it. We stopped talking after Delsin came up and went in to change out of our stinky, sweaty clothes. I hoped I did not reek of BO.

Then when I was changing, I was daydreaming about Sheila again. I was sitting in my boxers and I got excited. They are so baggy that I didn’t think anyone could see. Then that asshole Eric shouted I had a boner and everyone started saying all sorts of mean stuff to me. Delsin said that no one could see and Eric was just being a jerk. He said everyone would forget about it and not to worry about it so I was going to try.

In my English class, someone taped a note to my seat that said, Reserved for the fag. People called me boner boy and other mean names. I thought that no one was going to make fun of me in my art class but when I went to sharpen my pencil and came straight back to my drawing, someone had scribbled a penis on my paper. Even after erasing it you could still see the penis next to the face I was working on. This girl Carly, who is very good with art came over and offered to draw in a background and shade it to cover it up. The teacher butted in and said, Everyone needs to work on their own drawing. I will not give credit for people doing work for others.

Carly told the teacher what happened, but the teacher did not care. She just said the same thing again. Carly called this girl sitting a couple of spots down from me a cunt and got thrown out of class. When I asked the cunt if she did it, she just smiled. I was so angry that I called her a cunt too. The teacher turned a deaf ear to my using that word. I was relieved because my mom would be furious if she knew I said cunt let alone called a girl one, even if she was one. I hope Carly does not get into too much trouble. She is the only person I like in that class.

Eric

Sheila had been partially correct that he was hiding something. There was no way in hell Eric was going to ever let anyone know what that was though, especially not his two best buddies. Conrad was the meanest person he’d ever met and would no doubt kick his ass, and without much effort. Keifer would be more subtle, slowly not hanging out with him or returning his calls.

Definitely not his family either. Eric’s parent s made no qualms about expecting their youngest son to provide them with at least one grandchild. He could remember a long time ago when his older brother Ethan lived at home. He missed Ethan and wished that he could see him again.

Eric was thirteen years younger than Ethan. When he was six, he remembered waking up to shouting. Ethan was standing in the living room, with his parents. His mom was holding the door open and his father was face-to-face with Ethan. They all looked angry. Eric’s dad bellowed, There is no way any son of mine is going to be into this shit. If you want to get involved with those kinds of people, than you can get the hell out of my house.

Ethan looked to their mom, Are you going to let him just throw me out?

She didn’t even hesitate, Your decision is why we are asking you to leave. If you decide to make the right choices, you can come back. Until then I’m afraid you are basically dead to us.

It is not a choice! Ethan shouted. He kept on repeating that as their dad shoved him out the door and their mom closed and locked it.

Eric was crying, not wanting to see his brother go, Where’s Ethan going?

His father walked past him, He doesn’t live here anymore.

His mother picked him up, holding him and looking him in the eyes, Ethan is doing something very, very bad. It is something that if he doesn’t stop doing, he will eventually die from. I know this is hard for you to understand, but Ethan is no longer a part of our family.

Eric cried and cried, wanting his brother back. Ethan was the only person Eric ever felt a family bond with. His father put his arms around his mom and him, You’ll understand when you get older.

Nearly nine years later, Eric still ached to see his brother. His parents told him that Ethan had a bad drug problem and they feared for his safety and the wellbeing of the family. They sent him to a counselor who explained things like tough love and coping with the loss of a family member. This guy pretended to care about Eric and get him to tell him things that were supposed to be kept private between the two of them. Once Eric learned the counselor was telling his parents everything they talked about and how mad his parents got, he started saying the things he thought he needed to say, which worked and a couple of months later he did not have to go anymore.

Years later Eric would overhear his mother on the phone with her sister, "I’ve been hoping Ethan would get over his homosexual tendencies for years. I know now that he never will. It’s been so long I often