Learning to Cope

By Camil Flores

Learning to Cope has been a work in progress over the years. Dreaming of being an author and seeing my name in print on a book cover has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. I had to overcome the death of my mom, verbal and emotional abuse, and abandonment, as well as sexual abuse all at a very young age. But there's more to the story than you may think. In a moving effort to finally put my painful memories and past behind, I wanted to share my troubled yet painful story and, for the first time ever, reveal the dark secrets I have closely concealed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 14, 2020
• ISBN: 9781645842460

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Learning to Cope

Camil Flores

Copyright © 2019 Camil Flores

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2019

ISBN 978-1-64584-245-3 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-64584-246-0 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Frozen with Fear

Living with the Chaos

The Jolly Postman

December 21,1993

A New Beginning

The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

Just a Relative

Benny Hinn

Figuring It Out Along the Way

Summer Trauma

Mean Girls

Miss Tulare Teen

The Cat’s Out of the Bag

New School, First Fight

First Boyfriend

Summer of Changes

Foster Home

Home

Letting Go

To the individuals who gave me the courage to write my truth and believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself.

It’s taken me a long time to write my story and heal from the past. I felt it was time to let go of my childhood traumas, mental abuse, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse, as well as abandonment.

It’s finally time to talk about these events in my own words and let my voice be heard.

Preface

Before diving into the first part of my life there are a few things I want my readers to know. This was by far not an easy book to write. I have always been somewhat of a private person and have years of scars that I buried for so long. Having to reopen old wounds and relive my traumatic childhood memories has been a struggle. But I felt that it was time to stop letting people and events have power over me and to start to let things go once and for all.

It’s taken me a long time to write my story and heal from the past. It’s time to let go of my childhood traumas, mental & emotional abuse, sexual abuse as well as abandonment.

It’s finally time to break the silence and talk about these events in my own words and let my voice be heard.

Writing this first book is part of my healing process and living a healthy life, not just for myself but for my children as well.

Acknowledgments

Above all, I’d like to first thank the five little human beings who have given me the title Mom . You’ve given me the strength to get through any struggles that have come my way. Matthew, Xavier, Josiyah, Bubba, & Jasmyn, I love you five with all my heart.

I would also like to thank those individuals who believed in me and for encouraging me to achieve my dream of becoming an author and who also told me to be true to myself. I am extremely grateful for each one of you.

Chapter 1

Frozen with Fear

It was the late eighties I was about five years old and as kids we were sheltered from a lot of the harms that lived in the world. Molestation, rape, abduction or abuse of any kind wasn’t something that was talked about in our home. It wasn’t until I was a lot older did, I learn to know about these topics. So, when I was touched inappropriately for the first time, I wasn’t sure what or how to feel or even what to do. Here’s how it happened….

As kids we would play outside and ride bikes, play with the neighborhood kids in our front yard until the street lights came on or play in our clubhouse outback without worrying that predators existed. My dad had a friend who only spoke Spanish and he used to come over all the time and he would hang out with my parents but mostly my dad and he always rode a bicycle. This one day he came over and we were outside playing tag, and he asked my dad if he could give my brother Steven and I ride on his bike to the corner and back. My dad said that he could, and we didn’t think anything about it. My brother took a turn first and I watched from the sidewalk and couldn’t wait to have fun too. The moment I noticed they turned back I couldn’t wait to be flying down the street and no sooner that my brother jumped off I jumped on and I sat on the middle bar and this man sat on the seat as soon as we picked up speed he suddenly reached down between my legs over my shorts and said Si or No? I didn’t know a lick of Spanish but those are the two common first words most people know, and I was frozen with fear the moment his hand reached down and touched me. My heart sank to my stomach and I wasn’t sure what just happened or why. We pulled up to my house and I jumped off the bike before he could make a complete stop and I ran as fast as I could inside to my parents. I barged through the front door to my parents’ room and with tears in my eyes I told my parents that that guy touched me down there. My mom’s eyes got the size of softballs and my dad bolted out the door but when he got to the front yard he was nowhere to be found. The next thing I know we were in our car driving to my dad’ mom’s house and sure enough my dad found the man and we weren’t parked all the way in the driveway to see what was happening. All we could hear was yelling in Spanish and the next thing I see through the corner window of the backseat was that man’s hat fly off him. My dad punched him across the face. I have never seen an altercation before especially from my dad, so I didn’t know what to think. My dad got into the car and we drove back home, and that day was never spoken about again. I really wish I was talked to about what happened to me so that I would feel safe or if I had questions, I could ask them. I am not sure why that day was meant to feel like it was just supposed to be forgotten about, but I never did. But that was the first but not the last time that I would be frightened by a male or have patterns of this behavior occur. As I look back on that day it’s almost as if I got this extra sense of "creepy men sensor’ if you will. That was the start of being afraid as a kid, having anxiety and not wanting to be out of my mom’s sight.

This is just the beginning. Come along for the ride to get a better understanding of getting to know me. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Chapter 2

Living with the Chaos

Ijust received my birthday package in the mail from the book club that I was enrolled in. The package read Happy Birthday from Highlights! I would receive Highlights magazines every month and loved seeing my name printed on the label. Getting the book wrapped in plastic with the words Highlights spelled out in white letters across the top always brought me joy. I would spread out all my books on my bed from the past months and spend hours finding the hidden pictures, reading the articles cover to cover, and making the fun activities.

I just turned nine, and birthdays were a big deal at home. A present was always waiting for us on our birthdays when we woke up, and it was a new outfit sitting on the couch ready to wear to school. After school we would have a birthday dinner, followed by family, cake, and gifts. My cake always consisted of a white background with huge pink roses made from frosting. I had the best memories of birthdays at home with my parents and siblings. No matter what, my mom always made sure we always had a birthday celebration. That year was my favorite birthday. I remember getting a Barbie storage trunk for my collection, a Shee-ra castle that came with her unicorn which was my absolute favorite. I was on cloud nine that night. Little did I know things would never be the same after that birthday.

There were five of us at home—my brothers, Steven and Dominick; my little brother, Robert; my older sister, Theresa; and myself—three of which my parents had together. My oldest brother, Dominick, was from my mom’s previous relationship, along with my sister, Theresa. My dad and Dominick had a good relationship, and they got along. I never once heard them argue. My sister was only at home a short amount of time, and she didn’t like my dad at all and was always angry around the house. They never spoke to each other. They would always stay on opposite sides of the house and steer clear from each other.

Theresa and my mom didn’t have a good relationship either. There was always a lot of arguing coming from them. My sister had a boyfriend who she wanted to always be with, and my mom didn’t care for him much