Imperfect Beautiful Love

By Nicolenya Caltman

New California Artist, Indie Author, Poet, Turns Lyme into LymeAide

Woman weaves magic, out of a sour spell of Neurological Lyme Disease. Nicolenya Caltman once had an IQ of 186. After Lyme Disease hit, she lost a lot of cognitive function: her ability to do math past fractions, some spelling issues, reading, memory, as well as impulse control, speech, and motor functions. However, the brain being the amazing thing it is made up for it with the right side of her brain.

Not writing much before, or doing art, such as drawing, painting, and clay; her brain began to write and art almost to the point of madness. She however found a part of herself she didn't know existed.

All because of falling in love during one of the most terrible seasons of her life.

This book was originally for one man. 

It however, has grabbed quite a bit of attention including but not limited to apply for "The Pulitzer".

Her writing is raw, fresh, yet seasoned and sensual. Filled with poems, that sing out; the taste of soul, the food of unconditional love, zest for life, and her battle of Lyme Disease.

It is easy to read, no wondering what the meaning of them are, and is very romance worthy. Perfect for curling up next to a fire, with wine, chocolates, or even in bed.

10% of all sales she is donating to Lyme related venue to help others that are also suffering.
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nicolenya Caltman
• Release date: Sep 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9781386570523

Book preview

Imperfect Beautiful Love

From One Darling to Another

By

Nicolenya Caltman

Dedication

For my darling, no amount of poetry or art will be able to express all the love and adoration I have in myself; for you. Thank you for helping me find another voice for myself.

For your daughter, thank you for sharing your fathers amazing, beautiful, heart with me.

To my children Micaiah, Jacqueline, Mason, Julianne, Ivan; my grandchildren, Lilly, Elsie, Zahneiah, Leila, Tobyas.  To Rosie for being like a mother to me. To my mom, I love you deeply in my soul.; though you knew not how to love me. You all have shaped me and taught me how to love unconditionally; though I knew not how to. We have all learned from one another, and you all have been my greatest teachers. You’ve accepted my imperfectness and loved me anyway, unconditionally; like love is supposed to be.

You all paved the road for my heart so I could love this adorable, amazing, beautiful man.

For Linda E. and Sonya for supporting me with this book, and my dear friend Linda M., rest in peace darling 9/5/2017.

Thank you.

And M

Introduction

Love isn’t perfect. Love is quite imperfect; wild, raw, filled with ups and downs. There is so much beauty though, in the imperfectness. Love, is certainly not for the faint of heart. It takes a very courageous heart to love and love with complete abandon; with a childlike innocence, unconditionally, with no promise of return. It is scary enough for one who knows how to love and receive it. However, for the heart that has been scorned, burned, and trampled on...it can almost be debilitating when shot with the torrid arrow.

This book of poetry, there was a lot of art too LOL…that is for my beautiful man; is also for everybody.  Some of the poetry and art isn’t perfect in method, but always is perfect in the imperfectness of it because it is all raw, unadulterated, love.

Those of you afraid to love; LOVE! Do it! Let yourself go, free your heart, liberate your soul, and with complete abandon; LOVE! It is complete deliciousness, raw-ecstasy, and heaven on earth. Love without condition...in its purest form, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others.

Love is the most powerful energy in the universe. It grows you even when it seemingly fails. It has the power to lift up in times of woe, heal the sick, and turn anger to light. It is the only energy that burns constantly and never dies out.

My dearest darling, I love you with a fever that won’t go away. It just grows and burns hotter. You have caused my soul to combust. You have both imprisoned me and freed me. I am yours forever my dearest, darling. Eu te adoro.

Imperfect Beautiful Love

You have turned me upside down; like a timbered tree...

You’ve left me lying on the ground; sweet pure ecstasy...

Through many seasons passed; my love’s grown leaps and bounds...

It is the sweetest, deepest, death; my souls completely drowned...

So, as I hold my breath; sinking deeper in your sea...

My darling, please don’t pluck me up; for in drowning in you, I am free.

Force of Nature

Who knows how long the locusts have been eating away at me?

turned me from a mighty, little tree, to a weak stem; a sucker...

To have so much of myself stripped away; so, painful...

Yet; I am expected to carry on, even though I am nothing but a weed, a burden…

Diseased...

My grandest tree, with the greatest roots, and sunflower heart...

My greatest, sweetest dream; seems lost somewhere in the forest...

All it would have taken was the slightest of care; at a most delicate time...

from anyone; to help me grow into a beautiful redwood...

Right when my roots were finally taking hold; when I was a new sapling...

A trunk all my own...

A treat of nature; full of pleasantness, sweet scent and musky aroma...

Just getting her first rings...

Beautiful buds...

The Greens disguised as a beautiful meadow; in the forest of your heart...

Latched themselves onto me...

Diseased me...

The soil all around me turned into a vast ocean; no nourishment; only when convenient from the seasons...

Your heart; the most beautiful forest...

Floated further and further away; from the elements...

Distanced, seemingly by continents; yet were right next to me...

I kept sending out the signals from my very best buds...

Again, a sucker, to weak stem, to diseased seed...

To the larvae of the locusts; eating away at me...

Yet, inside me the pith; it lives...

It remembers when we met and I began to grow backwards...

I saw you and grew buds...

I grew branches and roots...

My outer bark became dead to what was before...

My inner bark; it lived for you...

My cambium; it grew for you...

My ray; it felt for you...

My sapwood; it lovingly fed you when I myself was dry...

In my feeding you; extractives were formed...

My heartwood; it became strong and rich!

but my pith; even when you weren't looking...

Kept its original eye on you...

and is still sprouting...

My heartwood is still intact...

The extractives are still formed...

I am still feeding you; in feeding you it feeds me...

I still feel for you...

I still dare to grow for you...

I still live for you...

Which protects the heartwood; rich and strong...

My branches are still there reaching for you...

My buds and blossoms; still send their signal to you...

I remember when we began to grow...

and the seed was planted...

Suddenly; I am no longer diseased...

Again, without even knowing...

A force of nature...

You planted me; and I am again...

Alive; and...

I am strong; in you...

My beautiful force of nature.

Love is an expressive language ...

It must have an output, or the hearts soul; it will suffocate...

The soul unable to withhold love any longer explodes; into transitive’s…

It expresses through words, art, song; to something that at times; seems intransitive...

However, the heart never forgets what brings such a gift of beauty...

So, it continues to express its soul to that one subject; of beauty...

Where all rules of that expressive language are broken...

Poetic license takes charge and forces out the deepest, most secretive; unexpressed...

Where words are woven into song about moons on the earth; water in the sky...

About worlds colliding and going into themselves; a massive collapse of what was before...

About earth quakes; hearts turning inside out...

It turns the yearning into verb tense and once again, beauty is birthed and the writer, the lover; falls in love all over again.

Charismata

I desire to love you with all parts of my person; for you have consumed me whole...

With my body; I desire to kiss your lips and get drunk off your passion…

With my mind; I desire to learn of your deepest of passions…

With my heart; I desire to love you with all of my passion, but with my soul...

With all my soul; my most fervent desire is to burrow into the innermost part of you…

The part that is the most decayed...

Embrace you, and allow all your pain to burn me...

Kiss you, and allow all your hurt to suffocate me...

Receive you, and allow all your suffering to drown me...

and deliver all of my love to you; there.

Crazy Sexy Love

One fateful day you appeared; off comes the film from the eclipsed moon...

The heart it glows once again; with waves of unbridled love...

My Kamadeva, my everything; in body, spirit, and mind...

You made the serpent rise; and Rati was born in me...

Against All Reason

All rules have been broken…

There is no logic…

No reason to this love…

There is no time…

No space…

Sometimes I feel there is no me, just the love I have for you…

I’ll keep it, this love I have for you; it creates a reaction in me, that

transcends everything…

I see logic where one sees none…

The reasoning has become relative…

Time is now quantitative…

The empty space that was before, reels with life…

Beast to Beauty

My heart is filled with so much gratitude for the little time we've shared in person;

and the great deal of time we've shared on another plane...

You've awakened me to the many flavors of life and sensations to my soul, I never thought possible...

I have become a new being and coming to realize I am an extraordinary, accomplished woman; full of grace and beauty...

A woman worth keeping; all now in a special space within myself where once only an abandoned beast resided...

Never before had I felt worthy of being loved;

or worthy having my love received...

Thank you for being so instrumental in my coming home to myself.

Conversation Hearts

Yearning to see the tiny sweets again…

Sometimes you relax into me and send me the sweets I so pine for

<3xoxo…

It warms me like the sun is hot.

Such a tiny act of kindness and love, but so powerful it transforms

me in that moment…

Words are barely spoken now…

Yet the tiny symbols are forever ingrained in my soul…

I will always treasure the tiny sweets, the conversation hearts.

Do You Feel My Love?

Through the distance and the gaps of time...

Through the darkness and people turning on a dime...

When the world makes you