The Five Pivotal Points of Change: Achieving Change Through the Mindful Prism Change Process

By Rena B. Schochet

Change brings about emotions that are disparate yet similar, uncomfortable and comforting all at the
same time. This book guides the reader through the labyrinth of change that is often overwhelming.
The Mindful PRISM Change Process helps readers make their way through the darkest of tunnels
by using vignettes and the power of rational thinking. Using the metaphor of a PRISM, the author guides,
teaches and cajoles the reader along the path of achieving the mindful change and making it real and
accessible.
The Five Pivotal Points of Change is a must-read for anyone who seeks to embed change-
making as an enduring addition to the skills they already possess.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Mar 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9780998557816

Book preview

Introduction

Peeking Through the Curtain of Change

Change means many things to many people. To me, change means inventing myself to meet the criteria in new situations. In my experience, the major changes I have faced have arisen out of a series of moves, not just around the corner but also around the world. We made moves that were international, national, and local. My particular change revolved around adjusting myself to being a member in new communities and finding my role and my place in each.

Of course, there were numerous occasions where changes took place within the family. There were happy but stressful events, sad and heart-wrenching circumstances, busy periods, and slow, dull, and annoying times. Each situation called for a different manner of change, but transformation and adjustment were the name of the game.

Change has a way of sneaking up on us. We think our life is going well and then suddenly—at least, it seems suddenly—we find ourselves face-to-face with a situation that demands a different mindset and a distinctly diverse set of outlook and behavior.

"For the first time, I

experienced a black curtain that

lowered right in front of me."

As a young married woman, I knew that our first home together was destined to be temporary. My husband was completing a two-year stint in full-time study. It was time for us to venture into the deep, dark, unsheltered world. We began our married life in Israel; my husband pursued post-graduate study, and I put my education aside and found a job that would support us.

I distinctly remember the excitement and thrill of that first change. Although it was challenging, we chose to do it, together. My husband and I left our comfort zone in the United States to board a ship destined for Israel, where we spent the first two years of our married life. Our first two children were born there, an adventure in and of itself! Afterward, we left for parts unknown, leaving a life to which we had made many adjustments and people who had become fast friends. Those were the two initial years that heralded an exciting new life.

When the time came for us to consider our move from Israel, I felt bewildered, confused, and downright frightened. For the first time, I experienced a black curtain that lowered right in front of me. I felt powerless to penetrate that dark, foreboding, and opaque shutter. What would we do? Where would we go? Why could I not see beyond this impenetrable screen?

Over the years, as we have changed abodes rather frequently, I realized that same black curtain has a habit of reappearing as geographical changes loom before me. I counseled other people who expressed that they confronted similar apprehensions, premonitions, thoughts, and feelings. One young woman, who was preparing to move from the geographic region that she had called home nearly all her life and where she had felt most comfortable, was now at a loss for words to express her feelings.

When I described the opaque black curtain, she looked at me in amazement and asked, How did you know?

Because, I replied, that describes the way I have felt before each and every geographic move I have ever encountered.

How did you deal with it? What did you do to allay those fears? my friend asked.

I worked through them, confronting the fears themselves, allowing myself to feel and work through a gamut of emotions. Then, I took myself in hand, examining first my feelings and then my options, and I planned how to think differently so that my outlook and attitude would change. I drew scenes on the curtain, imagining what life would look like as I kept very busy.

My young friend became engrossed in her private thoughts. I did not want to interrupt right away; I wanted to give her time to conjure up the picture of her curtain. After a few moments, I asked softly, What does your curtain look like?

It is just this impermeable material that makes me feel frightened and excited at the same time. I don’t know what to do, where to look, and how to feel, said my young friend.

Allow yourself those feelings, I advised. Let yourself feel each of the emotions, and then lift your head up and get ready for an adventure.

When I look back on those days, I realize that I had mapped a plan out for myself. This process worked for me, and I realized it is what I can expect when I encounter change in the future. It dawned on me that I had mapped a plan of action out for myself that I could use repeatedly. If I can do this for myself, I thought, why not try to formalize it so that my clients can use the same method for their changes? What I could not and did not know then, and have just realized now, is that this was the beginning of what I call the Mindful PRISM Change Process™.

As a change coach, I have had the privilege of helping people make their changes both mindful and enduring. The changes they made might not have been quick or easy. We experienced many hours of tears and frustrations, and even more hours of joy and exultation. We were frustrated by the pitfalls and heartened by the successes. Now, looking back at many years of changes for my clients, family members, and myself, a pattern emerged. I recognized a variation of the process has worked for us. With that realization in mind, I decided to bottle my ideas and share them so that others might benefit from understanding change as I have.

Not all changes affect people in the same ways. As clients have made their way through lifestyle changes, their paths and reactions in the throes of those changes have been different. There are those clients who excitedly embraced change, while others became depressed by the very idea. Some wallowed in their misery, grieving the change they foresaw but not participating in the choices that opened up before their eyes. Yet other clients became very deliberate about their change, listening, deciding, and taking an active role in fitting the change to their lifestyle and their lifestyle to the change. Some people were measured and purposeful as they welcomed or rejected the change in a slow, methodical manner, while others rushed in and accepted the change, making adjustments randomly and spontaneously. For others, the reactions they had to change depended upon who was in charge of the change at any given time or moment. There are surely different kinds of change that evoke different responses.

Changes come in two types: planned and unplanned. Deliberate changes are those we embark upon consciously. We might see the need for the change and begin to map out a way that we tackle the change. In this sense, it might feel as if we are planning a vacation, except that the vacation becomes a new and different way of life. The other type of change is unplanned, and these changes may catch us unaware and unready, such as cutbacks at the office, sudden moves, financial emergencies, or changes in health and status.

Planned and unplanned changes need mindfulness. We handle changes we choose far more positively than we handle those changes that come upon us more suddenly. Often, the changes we choose are slow, considered, mindful lifestyle changes that allow for the luxury of time to put them into a daily routine. We engender a different attitude when we plunge into change. Those changes feel sharp, sudden, and extreme. Swift or impulsive planned change might be as enduring, but when it is unanticipated, it takes a greater, emotionally heavier toll than when we have had warning and have made a plan.

Sudden, unforeseen change can be challenging, while foreseen change might be easier to accept because of its organizational component. A slower lifestyle change allows us to adjust to a new mindset, while change that is thrust upon us might require a sudden, quick, and sometimes extreme approach. Both have their unique challenges, and both require diligent fine-tuning.

Where change is optional, the best scenario is for one to choose change; the reverse is where change is inevitable. There, the process is more involved because change is unavoidable. Instead of being the arbiter of change, that individual becomes the object of change. Change is no longer a choice and moves as a power on its own. This type of change becomes distressingly painful.

When my curtain showed itself for the first time, I was still under twenty-five, mother of two children, heading for a destination that was new and unknown to me. In fact, despite the fact that we were going to live in South Africa where my husband was born, our exact location, Johannesburg, was equally unfamiliar to both of us.

I could not imagine how the streets would look. Would homes resemble housing I knew in my country, the United States, or would they look different? How would I like this new place? Would it be exciting? What would be the culture and mores? How would I cope as a person? How would we cope as a family? Would the community be accepting of us? Would we be comfortable in this new community?

My mood swung between exhilaration and anticipation, between feeling it was providential and being panic-stricken, apprehensive, and confident. I later realized that these are the classic emotions one faces when change is about to become a part of one’s next stage of life.

THE IMPORTANCE OF COACHING

The object of my support as a change