Crackedtoids An Eyes Wide Romp Through a Minefield of Mirth

By Sean Patrick O'Blarney

An anarchist french cook and his Bonbon Bomb, Louis XIV's Bear Ballets, The Tragedy of Wino Whales and more.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sean Patrick O'Blarney
• Release date: Dec 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370022823

Book preview

Crackedtoids

Sean Patrick O’Blarney

Copyright © 2014 O’Blarney Publications

All rights reserved.

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Contents

French Cooking and Bomb Making, the Early Years

Don’t Go Ballistic- Just Remember The Three R’s

The Bombastic Bear Ballets

The Mystery of the Talking Trees and Exploding Bog People

Chunky Blood Blasting: The Ultra X Sports Cruise

Incendiary Insects and Thier Killer Bites and Stings

The Explosive New Epidemic: Alcoholic Whales

About The Author

French Cooking and Bomb Making, the Early Years

In 1883, Henre Fatteur, a not so talented young Parisian pastry/confection chef and bomb maker, was intrigued by the cover story on The Spring Issue of the quarterly, LE BOOM! *(The magazine For Young, Upwardly Mobile, Parisian Anarchists). It was entitled, Les Meilleures Nouvelles Revolutions de 1883, et Comment en Faire Partit (The Best New Revolutions of 1883, and How to Join Them).

He was particularly drawn to a Ukrainian Independence Movement. Fatteur had graduated last in his class at the very secret, though highly regarded, Paris anarchist’s L’ Academie Internationale De Cuisine et de Fabrication de Bombes (The International Academy of French Cooking and Bomb Making). Now, he wanted to make a name for himself, in the world of organized anarchy, but felt that it would take much too long in Paris, where there were so many bomb-making cooks to compete with. Thus, he cut out the application, included with the article, and sent it off to The, Super, Secret Committee for The Independence of The Ukraine. He was overjoyed when he received a letter telling him that his application had been accepted and he could join the revolution. The committee also ordered him to prepare several french pastries for their coffee breaks at the next super-secret meeting of The Committee on the 25th , of the following month.

After getting rave reviews, from The Committee, and with their help, Fatteur opened a pastry/confection shop in Kiev, and awaited further orders. A courier from the committee arrived one day and began to nonchalantly Cossack Tap Dance, in Morse Code, about the shop, while simultaneously giving a phony pastry order. (To understand the wild, crudely elegant, roughhewn power of Cossack Tap Dancing, one needs to imagine Michael Jackson performing Thriller, with a