Albert dock 1. n. Famous Liverpool maritime location named in honour of the Victorian Prince Consort’s ironmongery-bedecked bellend, from where Richard and Judy used to do their show; now a lively shopping and food district. 2. n. Possibly made-up s*xual act whereby a chap’s pierced lid is tucked inside a pal’s fiveskin.
Alice Roberts’ nails, as dirty as euph. Descriptive of a lady who is mostly posh and well spoken but also a bit mucky. From the pulchritudinous BBC4 palaeopathologist.
attack of the vapours 1. n. Nervous state or hysterical fainting fit that might overcome a Victorian woman or Ann Widdecombe after inadvertently catching sight of a piano leg. 2. n. Being blindsided by a fart so vile it causes one to collapse on to a chaise longue like Valeria in Wilkie Collins’s The Law and the Lady.
Atticus Pund n. prop. Anagram of “a stupid c***” (cunt). From the cheekily named fictional detective character in Anthony Horowitz’s Magpie Murders.
beatlejuice n. Fanny batter brought about by the arrival of a boy band. Usually accompanied by deafening screaming and tears. ‘Half the seats in the theatre were ruined after the Rollers had been on. And we couldn’t even burn them because they were soaked through with beatlejuice.’
