Coach Yourself: A 7-Step Guide to Personal Happiness

By Muffy Churches

Do you have a sense of urgency for change?Are you finally at that stage where you are ready to positively affect your relationships, career, lifestyle, confidence and wellbeing?This book will give you the framework and skill to Coach Yourself '.Imagine learning a simple 7-step process and becoming the person you want to be. It's easy, it's fun and immensely fulfilling.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Love and Write Publishing
• Release date: Nov 8, 2016
• ISBN: 9781925564051

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Introduction

My Game-Changing Moment

Do you sense the possibilities for change in your life but lack the clarity, confidence or direction to get started? Maybe you feel stuck and are wondering to yourself ‘Where do I begin and how do I make it happen?’

You are certainly not alone. The answer for all of us is right within our reach, but sometimes it’s difficult to see. Start by asking yourself the question: ‘What would I do if I weren’t confused, uncertain or worried?’

I remember the first time I asked myself that question. What a game changer! It was 15 years ago, but is still crystal-clear in my memory. I was married, with two wonderful teenage boys and an exciting job; my external world was great, and yet, I was distracted with the nagging sense that something within ME needed to change.

Huddled in bed, poring over one of Neale Donald Walsch’s inspiring books, I focused on his claim that at their very core all human thoughts have their source in either love or fear.

The concept amazed me with its simplicity and the possibility of its truth. I replayed the events of the day in my head, looking for memorable interactions. Which of my thoughts had come from which bucket?

The uncomfortable moments from my day jumped out first, and when I peeled back the layers, most of them were small and embarrassingly petty. In truth, I had to admit that each one of my edgy situations had actually stemmed from the ‘fear’ bucket — from feeling threatened, insecure, or lacking in some way:

‘I’m not sure they’ll like this idea. I’ll stay quiet.’

‘I know what would make me happy, but too many people will be affected.’

‘It’s the right thing to do, but it’ll just create more work.’

‘I hate being disagreeable. I’ll go with the flow.’

There were so many of these whispers at the back of my head! Over the next few weeks I became obsessed with observing and self-evaluating, being a witness on my own shoulder. I was surprised at just how much of my energy was caught up in negative, self-limiting thinking, and I started to imagine what a life without it would look and feel like — a life without frequent, invalidating discomfort and angst.

I began to experiment with an exercise that I now call ‘Experience, Assess and Shift’. I would note a negative feeling, ask myself what the source of the fear was, and then shift my perception of the situation to something positive and empowering instead.

My two best friends became ‘self-awareness’ and ‘perspective’. The more often I became conscious of a limiting thought and chose to change my perspective from negative to positive, the happier, lighter and freer I became.

Over time I identified patterns and common threads in my thinking that were predictably ineffective and restricting. I’d pick one at a time and focus on eradicating it. One or two old and deeply engrained patterns are still a work in progress for me today, but much improved from where they were years ago, leaving more space for healthy decisions, laughter, love and enhanced acceptance of myself and others.

At the time of this ah-ha moment, I was working for a global training company as a corporate program facilitator and coach, and I felt as if I’d struck gold. Not only had I fallen across a new concept that could help drive me forward in my quest to improve my own personal life, but I now had an additional tool to use with clients. From that moment on, I was energized and inspired in both areas.

From a coaching perspective, I became my own project. ‘Experience, Assess and Shift’ grew into a mental game and a habit that brought tangible rewards. Over time, moving through that thought process brought me a growing sense of confidence, personal comfort and empowerment. Professionally, I was thirsty to learn more in order to augment the experience for my clients as well. In addition to my masters degree in performing arts, I attained a counseling diploma, university certification in executive coaching, and accreditation in various validated psychological instruments.

I fell in love with the magic of managing my mindset and with helping clients to do the same. Coach Yourself is the culmination of years of service to the cause and a way to share this powerful tool with you. I hope my experience resonates with you, and that you too are attracted to the idea of freeing yourself from ineffective and self-limiting thought patterns so you can lead the exact life that you want.

In this book you’ll discover how to acquire the essential skills and mindset required for effective self-coaching. The personal workbook on p41 is there to guide you through the process, which you can complete at your own speed.

Coach Yourself has been written for you — for those of you ready and willing to look yourself directly in the eyes and ask: ‘What would I do, say or feel instead, were I not so concerned, worried or afraid?’

The Power of Your

Mindset

As a coach, each day I’m thrilled by the privilege of sharing someone’s inner world. Whether I’m working with a senior executive, a manager, screenwriter, restaurant owner, actor, couple, university student, mother, engineer or lawyer, there has never been a self-limiting emotion, insecurity or petty fear shared with me that I haven’t been able to relate to myself. I’ve found that no matter what our current role in life, we’re all very similar at our cores. The conversations in coaching sessions almost always revolve around self-limiting thought patterns and the nature of our ineffective mindsets.

We generally think of coaching as being a practice focused on doing things differently to get improved outcomes. The premise upon which I’ve based this book, however, is that coaching is about learning to think differently first, then act according to the new thinking in order to achieve results.

Mindset has such a powerful effect on our everyday experience. It is literally responsible for tipping the balance between making or breaking a business deal, a powerful or a weak performance, a comfortable or edgy interaction, a confident or anxious meeting with our manager. It will dictate whether we’ll enjoy the party or not.

My fascination with mindset began at UCLA, when